The Kevedd Problem
Chapter 1
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Somewhere in the United States, in some random apartment, a girl is typing away at a keyboard, working on her 3,345th yaoi fic. She paused, trying to think of what to do about a particular plot element.
"Let's see…" she mumbled. "How can I get Kevin and Double D to have hot sex this time?"
Kevin stripped down as he gave Edd a sensual massage…
"Yeah, right, I've already done that specific plotline before."
The front door to the apartment opened and greetings were exchanged.
Kevin looked down at Edd, whom he had just saved from the tyranny of Ed and Eddy.
"Nah, he'd already saved him from his evil friends seventy times this week," the girl remarked, obviously bored.
Steps could be heard coming down the hall.
Edd had just rescued Kevin from his evil, bimbo girlfriend Nazz when…
"NO, Kevin has to do the rescuing. Double D can't be a seme, unless he's Rev!Double D. Maybe I should turn this into that kind of fic. I can't have it be mindless porn, even though 2,323 of my fics are already that way."
The doorknob turned.
Kevin and Edd got ready to have HOT STEAMY SEX! Why? Because I'm the author! Mwahaha!
All this out of the way, the girl began to type up a scene of glorious IKEA erotica.
And the door slammed open, coming off its hinges and revealing…
A gorgeous, blond heartthrob of a man, in a white shirt that showed off his chiseled torso and black pants whose teeth glistened as he smiled.
And then he stopped smiling when he realized that the girl in his room was a teenager.
"Seriously, that's your description?" the girl asked. "It isn't even accurate. You're not that much of hearthrob with that terrible posture, those outdated, scratched up glasses or that five o'clock shadow. And that's not to mention how you're so short at 5'8" and have the beginning of a belly."
"Hey! I just wanted to throw in a self-indulgent description of my author avatar!" the man exclaimed. "Besides, who let you in?"
"Oh, your roommate," the girl said. "I simply said I was your girlfriend."
"Oh crap, he's probably calling the cops on us right as we speak. I'm leaving the door open so he doesn't think anything of us being in here. You do realize I'm a bit older than you, right?"
"What?" she asked.
"Yeah, I'm definitely out of my teens. So, what are you doing here, anyway?" he asked, looking at the girl in annoyance at her getting in the way of a decent afternoon.
"Aklaino89, or whatever screenname you have this week, I represent-"
"Don't tell me. A group with a really offensive abbreviation?"
"Yeah, how'd you know?" she asked.
"Oh, I've heard about you in another, better fic. She wanted the author to join the mass of yaoi authors for stories based on a slapstick comedy. Somehow, I get the feeling you want the same thing she does."
"Yeah, you are going to join us," the girl responded.
"Yeah? But KevEdd doesn't remotely interest me," the man informed her. "That's not even mentioning how overdone it is."
"Overdone? Come on, how could they possibly be overdone?" the fangirl asked angrily.
"Well… let's see what's on the first page of the Ed, Edd n Eddy fanfiction section," the author said, pulling out his cellphone, opening the internet browser and going to the page he mentioned. "Let's see, 15 out of 20 are KevEdd stories. That's three-quarters of the first page alone."
"Yeah, well maybe it's so popular because it's so good," the girl suggested.
"Yeah, right. Looking at one of them, a shorter one, there are numerous grammatical and spelling errors. The person is writing in the present tense, if they remember to even conjugate verbs at all and it suddenly shows Kevin and Edd having feelings for each other along with a number of cliches that have plagued the fandom for years. It's also the same old Edd returning to the cul-de-sac after a few years plotline that we've already seen before."
"Wow, that is pretty bad," the girl agreed.
"Should I mention that none of the reviews are there to help the person get better at writing?" the author asked. "In fact, they're all along the lines of 'Aw, so cute! The feels! Bless you for shipping them like everyone else!'" The latter part was done in a surprisingly convincing falsetto. "I mean, you can enjoy KevEdd. It's a free country, but a good part of being on this site is becoming better as a writer. That's what I've at least tried to do over the years. If you compare, say, 'Digimon Scammer: Empire' with 'Those Left Behind' or, especially, 'Digimon Futures', you'll see how much I've improved and that wouldn't have happened without constructive criticism along with a decent beta reader who whipped me into shape instead of blindly praising my work."
"Hmm… That's something to think about. So, I can't write KevEdd because it's overdone, huh?"
"I'm not saying you can't, but it's something to keep in consideration," the author told her. "Heck, I'm sure it's used for some excellent plotlines. Just because 90% is terrible doesn't mean there isn't 10% that's good. As it is, there's one thing I have to say to you."
The girl expected a heavy-handed lecture about terrible yaoi.
"Sit down and let's go over what you've written."
She opened her eyes wide. "Wait, what?"
"Come on! I want to see what you've written and help you get better," the author told her with a smile. "As it is, nothing I can do will make yaoi, much less KevEdd, go away, so I figured I'd show you how to get better at it."
The girl complied, sitting down at the computer in front of her. What am I getting into this time… she mused, getting ready to type at the keyboard.
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A/N: So, thoughts? I thought I wasn't getting the point across, so I decided to blatantly rip-off the Kingdom Hearts fanfic classic "The Yaoi Problem". And don't take too much offense: I have nothing against yaoi or KevEdd, other than that the site has far more cliched stories of bad romance and terrible sex than good stories with original plots that actually do the show justice. In fact, it wouldn't be so bad if there wasn't so much of it. Let me know what you think in a review.