Topsy Turvy
Robin had a busy day. It wasn't that such days were uncommon. His schedule was packed with items necessary for his and the Shepherds survival. Items included attending war meetings with Chrom and the Khans, running through strategy after strategy, and maintaining the army's equipment.
The Valmese War literally sapped all of his strength, time, and energy. Despite his best efforts there just wasn't enough time in his day to accomplish and catch up on all of his duties. No matter how much sleep he missed there seemed to be no feasible way for any spare time, reprieve, or breaks in his schedule. Every moment; from before dawn, and far after dusk, was occupied by the tactician responsible for leading the Ylissean continent to victory. The sheer amount of duties and meetings he had to attend ran him ragged. Incessant problem and conundrum after the next left his mind exhausted every day.
It didn't help that he had to be a frontline soldier.
In addition to his mental faculties needing to be used every second of his waking life, he had to train and keep his combat prowess up to par. Often, he needed to think through strategies while training, just to have time for both activities. The mental strain and physical wear and tear did nothing to help him from feeling overloaded.
Every day he went to bed feeling completely exhausted. His muscles and magical stamina was completely worn out consistently when it came time to turn in.
No one envied Robin's life.
And still every moment of spare time he did manage to acquire once every blue moon, was devoted to helping his fellow Shepherds and their various problems. Somehow the swamped tactician had managed to squeeze in time for Cherche and Minerva.
It had to be admitted that he was thorough. No detail was overlooked. Every oil painting was completely and accurately drawn, every detail on the dossier was accomplished to such a point that even Miriel was impressed. There were far more dimensions and numbers than actual physical descriptions. To make this even more impressive the measurements were taken from the wyverns live, with thrashing uncooperative dragons.
Even when the gender was wrong he didn't lose hope or complain about completely wasting several hours of his time, he simply reapplied himself to the task.
His dedication was commendable. Even the relentless Frederick admitted that Robin was performing his duties over the acceptable level. Robin even earned the wary knight's unconditional trust through his zealous efforts.
And that would have been the extent of his problem... before the time travelers started to join the army.
He barely had time to eat, sleep, or breathe as such.
Cynthia was perfectly content leading half of the military's forces into a mire for the sake of heroics. He didn't even have the time to give one of his infamous lectures, or have the authority to lecture Chrom's Pega-Pony-Princess, or the will, or heart, in general.
Now it wasn't often that a kind heart could be interpreted as a negative trait. But Robin was kind and caring to a fault.
It had to do with having no family of his own. And as such he adopted all of the Shepherds as his own surrogate family. And as such, he couldn't, and wouldn't, stand for discomfort or discontent among the Shepherds.
Each of the children posed a unique problem. And Robin felt obligated to solve each of their respective problems.
At the peak of his problems included Lucina. Starting with their first talk, Lucina had taken the time to describe her bleak, dark, and desolate future. And had confided in him her hopes and beliefs to save the future... starting with Valm... Now he simply had no choice. By coming to confide in him, and illustrating what the world could become, he felt obligated to give even more to the war effort.
His responsibilities became ridiculous. Robin would have preferred to grow up in Lucina's doomed future than be the tactician of the army. She was tired, hungry, and had nothing to look forward to. Robin was mentally and physically on the verge of breaking, couldn't remember the last time he ate because of such, and had the same schedule and sorry state to look forward to for the remainder of the war. Somehow the princess had it better. It was completely unthinkable to the other Shepherds. They had to train and do chores, but they still had the time to devote to their children.
Secretly Robin revelled at the thought of having his own family. But he didn't even have the spare time to fantasize of such. Occasionally that itch was scratched by the rare dream after he collapsed after days without sleep.
Robin detested collapsing. It wasn't painful when he woke up. On the contrary he woke up entirely refreshed, until he realized that his brief nap had left him several hours behind his schedule.
And such was Robin's sorry state when he lifted his head of his books and maps. He was woken up by someone rapping softly on his tent.
"Come in," Robin yawned. He rubbed the sleep off of his eyes and smoothed out his disheveled hair.
And Chrom walked into his tent. Robin stood up lazily and saluted.
"Stop that."
"As my exalt commands."
Chrom sighed. He saw there was no way to reason with Robin. Ever.
He eyed the sorry tactician. He had slightly disheveled hair, creases across his forehead and face that made him look several years older, bags underneath his eyes large enough to fit entire novels. And somehow his complete emasculate coat. Chrom never could understand how the coat never smelled bad, never got dirty or bloody, and constantly maintained its sheen and luster.
In short the coat looked odd on the wiped, overwhelmed, and overworked tactician.
"You officially have the day off."
Robin's jaw detached from its hinge. Debated on whether or not to remain attached to his face, and promptly hit the floor. He never expected to hear such angelic words through the whole campaign.
His mouth moved despite his joy. "I'm afraid I can't Chrom. There's simply too much to do. I need to make sure everyone makes it through the war alive."
Chrom rolled his eyes. "You're still my friend before my tactician. I highly doubt anyone will die for you taking a day off. Actually they might do better once you get some rest."
Robin sighed. "There's no arguing with you when you get like this. I guess I could use a day off."
And he slowly stood up from the chair he planned his strategies in, dragged his feet across his tent, and collapsed face first into his cot and passed out.
"You really need to take better care of yourself Robin. Not many people can fall on their face like that and still be asleep." And with that Chrom left Robin's tent still laughing softly.
(Line Break)
"A one man army is doomed to fail. A spine on its own is not a singular object. It is composed of many vertebrae. The backbone of the army cannot be completed by a singular person. One vertebrae on its own cannot hold up an entire body, one person cannot run an entire army."
"This concludes today's lecture," Nowi spoke in an all business tone. "I want you to review pages 128-232 in a sleepy tactician's guide to victory."
Nowi looked absurd in mage's robes and and tall pointy hat.
But the dream started to fade...
And Robin slowly woke up peacefully.
"I'm gonna... *yawn* tease Nowi about that dream. That was funny."
He blinked in realization. And sat up in his cot dumbfounded. Somehow in his dream Nowi had given halfway decent advice. That was a new concept for Robin. Usually his dreams were absurd or funny, but nothing could beat Nowi giving decent advice.
But how to solve the problem. Robin was the only person in the army with the mind in the army to plan strategies, anticipate troop movements, and keep the army moving.
The mind-
"Robin? Are you inside?"
He swings his legs off his cot and got up to sit in his chair. "Of course. Come in."
"S-sorry for bothering you..."
"It's not a problem at all Noire. Now what brings you here?"
She fidgeted where she stood uncomfortably. "A-am I a liability on the battlefield? I-I mean that I just don't have the endurance to keep fighting for long, or take a hit, and I-I'm just weak."
Robin frowned. Of course that was a problem. But one that was extremely common. The poor girl must've got the physical weakness, lack of stamina, and a general fragile frame from Henry. The only reason Henry didn't collapse on the battlefield from expending too much mana, was the excessive amount of blood that rained. Somehow all of the corpses and crimson colored battlefield stimulated and entertained him enough that he willed himself awake.
"That's true. But that's also true for most of our mages and archers, and I've planned accordingly. In addition you have skill that I've seen only from Virion."
"S-so you have to plan around my weakness?"
Robin shook his head. "It's not your weakness. It's a weakness shared by every archer and mage."
"I-I..."
"What brought on this insecurity?"
"G-Gerome. B-But it's not his fault! ... he just watches me off the battlefield and on it, b-because I collapse after any fight."
"He stalks you?"
"T-to make sure I'm safe!"
The stalker's daughter gets stalked. These invisible ties have a wry sense of humor.
"And by doing this he offended you, makes you feel uncomfortable, and insecure?"
"N... Yes..." Noire whispered.
"Your... constitution doesn't affect your battlefield performance according to these reports," Robin noted as he shifted through several papers. "And your archery skills are first-class. But more importantly, would you like for me to... talk to Gerome?"
"FOOLISH MORTAL! I DON'T WANT YOU TO SPEAK WITH HIM! I WANT TO EXTIRPATE THE GNAT, AND WILL USE HIS BONES TO BUILD MY THRONE!"
"What did we decide to name your... other half?" Robin asked clearly unphased.
"E-eep. I-I'm sorry. I-It's name is Blanc. I-I think I can talk to Gerome."
Robin smiled. Despite her outburst, she still managed to work up the courage to fight her own battles.
"That's good. Before you go I have one last question."
"I-If I can answer it..."
"Your father has perfected body swap hexes right?"
"I-I think so. He swapped with Sumia recently just to ride a pegasus."
Robin shook his head. Henry's antics would never cease to amaze him.
"Thank you Noire. I'll have to talk to him later."
"I-If you don't mind... umm. What are you planning to do with such a hex?"
"I need sleep. But I still need to work."
"You're planning on switching with someone who is well rested, and have them sleep in your body, while you work? T-that's actually pretty smart..."
"You got the gist of it."
"Thank you for helping me."
Noire left the tent, and without thought Robin responded. "Anytime."
He cursed himself. He didn't have the time for anytime. Most likely he didn't have time for sometime. His schedule was just so busy.
Robin really needed to talk with Henry.
And luckily he had the day off.
(Line Break)
"Heya Robin! You look good today. Yesterday I couldn't tell if you were our tactician or a risen. Nyahaha."
"Apparently I looked so bad, that I got the day off."
"Nyaha. Does that mean you're not here for official tactician business?"
Robin nodded. "I'm here for... unofficial tactician business."
"Awww. And here I thought you had another risen hand or reeking box for me."
Robin had given Henry one of those items exactly once. Somehow he reanimated just the hand of a Risen, and it nearly strangled him. Then Henry set off the reeking box on the battlefield, and nearly killed several Shepherds. He planned on giving those gifts... exactly once.
"I do have an odd request though."
"Please be a murder request. Please, please, please, please, please."
"Sorry, but no. But you do have a body swap hex, right?"
"Yeppers. What do you need it for? Capturing and torturing your enemies. Making their blood splatter all over their allies. Blood... choking their allies. Blood showering their allies. Nyeheheh. The possibilities are endless..."
"Uh, no. I would use it to make me not look like a risen."
"That's boring. Maybe if you made things bleed I would use it for free..."
"And what exactly are you going to charge me?" Robin questioned cautiously.
"I'm glad you asked! It makes me sound less demanding and needy. But I want another Reeking Box. I already used all of the boxes that I had. And so I need more... to see if I can make Risen bleed..." Robin shook his head. He really wasn't surprised at his request.
Robin usually kept a healthy supply of the Shepherd's favorite items to return favors. He had new books that Sumia 'magically' could never find. He had an extra stash of food to cook for Stahl. He had portraits of wyverns for Minerva. He could magically restock the camps practice equipment and get Chrom exempt from meetings. He had a world renown brownie recipe, kept under strict lock and key, for Gaius.
And he had reeking boxes for Henry. They were difficult to come by, but he would gladly exchange a reeking box, which Henry used for Naga knows what, for a full night of sleep.
"Done. I have a reeking box for you. Do you want it now?"
"Mmmmhm. Nope. Because you know if I can't make Risen bleed, I make people bleed. And I wanna know: who and why do you plan on swapping?"
"I Haven't figured out the who. And it's so my body can get properly rested, and I won't get fatigued so I can complete my work faster."
"That's boring. But I can see it being important. And I really don't care as long as I get my reeking box. Nyahaha! But still... what silly person likes sleeping so much that they'd swap bodies with you just to sleep?"
"... Tiki?" Robin really hadn't thought that far ahead. And somehow Henry had. He decided that he needed sleep more than ever if Henry could outwit him.
"Nyahahaahaaa! I really wanna see Naga's daughter doing tactical stuff. That'd be funny."
Oh shit. She is Naga's daughter, and the oracle of Naga, and a religious figurehead here. Not good. Not good. Say'ri would gut me. And then revive me. Then peel me. Then poor salt and lemon juice on my exposed skin. Not good.
"That's... not the best idea I've ever had..."
"You think. Nyehe."
"But that still begs the question of who?"
Robin thought hard. And he ran through a mental list of all the Shepherds. Chrom would pay him to detain Frederick like that, but still. Robin had to admit that it would work, but Frederick performed an important job of protecting Chrom. As much as the tactician would joke about Frederick's obsessive behavior, he still admitted that Chrom's safety was really important.
Tiki was the obvious choice, she loved sleeping, and had manakete senses and endurance. But it ultimately was an awful idea. She was related directly to Naga, and his questionable Plegian heritage made it nearly impossible. And Say'ri would attempt to kill him for taking control of her friend and country's religious figure.
Chrom, had his own set of duties and responsibilities, and also many of the Shepherds.
And Robin had narrowed down the list to Sumia, Stahl, Miriel, Cherche, and... that was it.
"What about my little Noire? She always gets all mopey about not being useful enough."
Robin frowned. He completely forgot to add the future children into his mental list. But... Noire still was the only one among them.
And her desire to be useful nearly guaranteed her compliance. And all he would be doing was writing, and would also exempt her from physically strenuous camp chores. It solved nearly every problem.
"That... would actually work surprisingly well."
"Cool. Just grovel before my tent with a reeking box whenever you're ready. I really need that reeking box."
Robin just laughed. "That's perfectly fine Henry. Don't explode too much while I'm not watching you."
"You know... when most people say no promises, they're just an eensy bit sarcastic. When I say no promises, it means I really, really, reeaallly wanna make things go 'kaboom!'"
"You really haven't changed Henry. Just don't kill any Shepherds."
"Pinky Promise! Nyaha!"
It was impossible not to smile at Henry's antics. He was so completely honest and straightforward with everything that it was like a breath of fresh air. But usually the air would turn sour when it was filled with his crazy experiments.
But one short nap wasn't enough to make Robin feel rested. Going weeks without sleep did that to people.
(Line Break)
Robin opened his eyes slowly, and let out a long, satisfied yawn.
"There are better times to sleep than when we're at war you know."
"That joke is getting old Chrom. But seriously what time is it?"
"When Tiki told me you overslept, I nearly died laughing."
"No really Chrom, this isn't funny anymore. What time is it?"
"Dawn." The response was flat and emotionless.
"I slept for... Twenty hours?"
"That you did."
"And now I have to work on more strategies, read reports, and logistics," Robin moaned. "And I slept through the rest of my day off rather than do something fun or productive."
"I really think we need another tactician. This is clearly too much for you."
"Would you like me to go pick up a pretty village girl?"
"I really don't think this war will last long enough for you to raise a child to help you."
Robin stood up and stretched. "What? Why are my clothes wet? Ah, it doesn't matter. I managed to get information from Lucina, that I didn't have a child in the future. I can't even hope for that..."
"That's depressing. Wait? You managed to get information from the future out of Lucina?"
"Well... not directly. It's really easy to pick up on body language."
"Where did you even pick that up?"
"I learned a little bit from Panne. And my tactician training probably included it, so I could get any extra information."
"Huh. I thought you learned it during the few years of peace."
"No. I learned massage therapy and acupuncture instead."
"You've been holding out on me..."
"No. I just don't have time to put it to use."
"But why did you choose to learn that? It seems pretty random."
"Actually it's beneficial in war. It'll raise moral and combat capacity in soldiers."
"It's always back to war with you."
"And on that note, I need to plan strategies. But first... Why the Hell am I wet?"
"Lissa tried to wake you up."
"And I slept through that... That's... shocking."
"And then Lissa convinced Tiki to tell everyone that you overslept."
"I would be angry, but it seems that she did an excellent job raising moral."
"That she does. I'll leave you to your work then."
And there were heaps of paper and reports to sort through. Robin quickly sifted through the papers. A good fifty were on a mysterious ghost, Robin really needed to know why Kellam could manage to remain unnoticed. But on a brighter note, there were fifty less papers to read.
Papers for everything and anything found there way on Robin's desk. Damage reports from Chrom's training sessions, expense reports from Nowi and Nah lighting tents and forests on fire, casualty reports from Sully's cooking. And he had to sort through all of it. The actual assessments and positions of Valm's forces remained the largest piece of paperwork. And he needed to rework and make new strategies based off of the new information.
The life of a tactician was rough.
(Line Break)
Seconds passed into minutes, which melted into hours; Robin spent every moment plowing through reports, calculating and predicting troop movements, and preparing for on the fly strategies which seemed to be needed at the moment. And after nearly twelve hours of nonstop work, he still hadn't made any real progress. Taking off a full twenty-four hours had made the ever growing pile of papers on his desk to insane heights.
But he still had to trudge through the ridiculous amount of work that he needed to complete.
More hours of planning, more reports which he waded through. Robin's only real motivation was never having to see the reports he completed again.
He had now been working from dawn to... whatever ungodly hour it was. And he decided it was time to grab a reeking box, and pay a visit to Henry.
And Robin was surprised to see someone else awake at this hour. Frederick was already awake, and Robin already knew that he woke up an hour before dawn every day. He honestly didn't think that he had been working for that long.
"How long have you been awake Frederick?"
"Nearly an hour." Robin nearly choked. He had been working far longer than he had thought. And sure enough sunlight was just starting to creep over the plains. Luckily Frederick woke up everybody at dawn.
But it was time to test out his new plan. It was an optimal time, early enough that Noire would have just woken up, and he had an entire stack of strategies to work through. And felt extremely exhausted after working for nearly twenty-four hours.
People slowly started to trickle out. Many of them stared at Robin in disbelief before shaking their head and muttered it's too early. He felt a lot like Kellam, but it made him sad that people never saw him, and he was usually, 'stuck doing tactician-y things that no one else understands.'
It's not that he wanted to work on tactics. Robin had to do tactics so that no one died. And for the most part, the Shepherds were appreciative. But other times they would tease him that he never gets enough sunlight.
And among those who trickled out, was Henry.
Robin put his hand on Henry's shoulder. "You want a reeking box?"
And Henry instantly perked up. All remnants of sleepiness and being drowsy in the morning fled. "Yes! Oh boy oh boy oh boy... You're ready! Let's go get little Noire. Nyeheeheehahaaaahaaaa!"
It's way too early for me to deal with this. Luckily Chrom has to deal with whatever Risen Henry summons.
"Noire! Hey, hey, hey, Noire! Are you up?! I have a favor to ask you!" Clearly Henry was more than excited to get his hands on a reeking box.
"Hello daddy... What are you so excited about? I'm still tired." That much was obvious. She was still rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.
"Well that's awesome! Because you're gonna get to sleep more! And I'll get a reeking box! Nyahahaahahaaaa!" Somehow Henry had come up with an appealing and vague way to put the operation.
Robin gave Noire a timid wave. "W-wait... me? O-oh. I guess..."
She's smarter than she looks. To figure all of that out right after waking up, with limited information and time. I'll have to keep a closer eye on her.
"It sounds like you already know, that's awesome! Let's go, let's go, let's go!" Robin shook his head. Henry acted like Lissa when he got excited. Of course the things that entertained them were entirely different.
But Henry still took both of them by the hand, and ran to Robin's tent skipping the entire way. With the level of excitement he output, you would think that Robin was going to give him a Goetia tome.
Robin nearly shuddered at the thought of Henry getting his hands on the tome of unholy. He could probably use the grimoire to slaughter an entire nation. His tactical mind immediately thought that would end the war, with far too many enemy casualties and carnage to be reasonable.
But with Henry's excitement fueling his speed, they had arrived at Robin's tent. And the sadist nearly shoved both of them inside.
"Alright! I need both of you to sit down." Despite popular belief, Henry had an all business side. It only manifested itself rarely, but when he was hexing a close friend, and his daughter, Henry got serious.
Robin and Noire instantly complied, and sat criss-cross on the ground.
"Good... Now let me get ready..."
Henry's eyes turned from a normal white, to a pitch black. They crackled fiercely with gray lightning, and black smoke poured from them flooding the tent with a black haze.
As far as thaumaturgy was concerned, dispelling and countering hexes was a matter of willpower and skill. And Henry had enormous amounts of both. But casting hexes was entirely different. Any amateur could conjure up a death hex, but it took a master to conjure a hex that would do things other than cause pain and suffering. In a sense, there was an indefinite hexes floating through the air, ready to be attached to something living. The more mana poured into casting it, the bigger and more deadly the hex. But a master thaumaturge could use an enormous amount of mana, and pinpoint the specific hex that was required.
Once Henry located the hex he was searching for, he let the gray lightning shoot from his fingertips, overtaking both Robin and Noire in gray smoke.
When the haze cleared, both Robin and Noire were knocked into their backs panting.
"Well! It worked! Now I'm gonna take that reeking box!" And he dug through Robin's coat before he found the box. And his eyes glazed over with pleasure, before shuddering, and running away.
"I'm really tired..."
"That's what happens when you work for a whole day..."
"I'm just," Noire yawned. And stood up and walked to his cot. "Gonna... fall asleep."
This is certainly... strange.
But there was work to do. Robin could feel weird later.
But the heaps of work looked even bigger and more daunting in a shorter body. But it was still the same amount of work. And he vigorously attacked it.
This certainly beats working until I've collapsed.
But while Robin worked, it was a little distracting to see his body sleeping peacefully. It was a tad bizarre to work for several hours, only to look back and see lines and bags suddenly disappear.
And his plan was a success! Robin had finally caught up with all of his work. He had nothing to do. So he stretched the arms he had been using and growing accustomed to.
It was a little weird using a body with such drastic differences in size, weight, and gender. But he had accomplished all of his work. And finally could relax... or wait to leave his tent because it would be weird using someone else's body for talking with people.
The gender definitely started to freak Robin out. The differences were profound, and made Robin feel like a narcissist for being attracted to the figure he was in. And Noire was quite lovely. She was more than better endowed, completely shaming her mother if they stood side by side. A gorgeous hourglass figure, and another inherited trait, the largest hips possible. It was a little creepy to lust after the figure you were in.
Or even more bizarre, after spending so many hours in a female body, some of the hormones started adding his mind. Robin developed an attraction to his own body. The muscled figure, the broad shoulders, and-
And it really shouldn't be necessary to tell himself not to sexually assault his body. Robin suspected that the lust was extra sensitivity to brand new hormones. Or Tharja's obsession with him would be genetically passed down. He really hoped that wasn't the case.
But Noire started to wake up. And not used to the additional strength, smacked herself in the head while trying to rub her eyes. But it didn't even affect her. She just calmly rubbed them the next second.
"Hello Robin. Did you finish your work?"
"I did. Thank you for your help. It's been forever since I caught up with my work."
"Y-you're welcome."
Robin smiled. Noire was still Noire. She still had her stutter, and was so shy it hurt. But that was contrasted by-
Where did Blanc go?
"Uh... Noire? Do you know where Blanc went?"
"I had my talisman confiscated, so inside of my head... Do you mean you don't feel it?"
"Feel what?"
Something trying to claw its way through your mind to take control of your mind. Because... I can't feel it. And if you can't..."
(Line Break)
Meanwhile in Robin's imagination...
"Gah... Frederick. Teach doesn't think he can take more of your training."
"YOU WILL TAKE WHATEVER I FORCE YOU TO! 20,000 MORE REPS!"
"I think something is wrong with you Frederick..."
"AS LONG AS I CAN PROTECT CHROM EVERYTHING IS PERFECT! YOU ARE A LIABILITY AND A DANGER TO CHROM BY EXTENSION! YOU WILL TRAIN UNTIL I GIVE YOU REPRIEVE!
"You're freaking me out Frederick! I can't take this!"
IF YOU CAN SPEAK, YOU HAVE NOT WORKED YOUR CORE ENOUGH! 19,990 MORE REPETITIONS!
(Line Break)
If they were lucky, Blanc would have gone back to another unattached hex.
"Hopefully it disappeared?"
"But we've tried everything... and it didn't leave. I couldn't believe the answer is so simple..."
"Well... There's always a chance?"
"Well... I guess you're right. Do you know what time it is?"
"No..."
"Robin? Can I come in?"
"Of course Chrom." Robin found himself picturing Chrom's face when he saw every strategy perfected, and all the paperwork completed. And the method which he completed it.
"Alright- huh? Noire?"
"Good guess, but try again."
"Wait? Robin? You're back there? And you've been sleeping... and all the work is done. Which means... Noire is a tactician?"
"Try again."
"I don't know. You've beat me."
"Have you heard of body swap hexes?" Robin asked with a coy smile spreading.
"But- That explains everything... Does it wear off?
"Not unless you grab Henry."
"And I'm your errand boy, why?"
"Because you're my best friend, and it's better than a Shepherd running into us," Robin dead panned.
"Fine. You owe me."
And Chrom left in search of a crazed dark mage.
Robin spent the time writing Chrom out of all the planning meetings. It was a good and easy way to repay the prince.
Until Henry came inside. "Heya guys! I heard you needed me? Nyaha!"
"Do you think you can remove the hex?"
"Sure thing. Wheeeeeee!" And with a flick of Henry's wrist a pop was heard, and Robin's vision became foggy before clearing.
"Huh... It didn't work. Oh well! Nyaha!"
"Father... what do you mean it didn't work?" Noire asked with a worried expression.
"Well I snagged an extra powerful curse, and I can't send it away."
"Oh... This is... going to be very difficult to explain," Noire managed to squeeze out.
"Hmmm... I wonder if I know how to use a bow, or keep my same magical capabilities..." Robin mused out loud.
"Nyaha! It's always straight to war with you Robin."
"That's what Chrom always says."
"I wonder how he'll react to this... Nyahaha!"
"He'll have a panic attack... and get used to it someday."
"You better hope. I'll see what Tharja can come up with! See you around! Nyahahaha!"
If I'm going to be stuck in a female body, at least I'm sexy as fuck... My priorities are completely skewed.
"Uh, I hear there was an issue, Robin?" Chrom asked.
"Come in Chrom..."
"Judging by the voice I already know what went wrong..."
"Well, it's as you expect..."
A voice shrieked in the distance. "Noire! Get over here!"
"I... have to go. Goodbye Lord Chrom." And Noire sprinted toward her mother's tent.
"... I'll have to wonder what she's going to do to my body."
"I don't want to think about the mental imagery." Chrom shuddered.
"Well... what am I going to do?"
"Enjoy the fact that you got all of your work done. And drink way too much alcohol?"
"I think I qualify as a lightweight."
"You could watch the Shepherds reactions as you tell them?"
"I think I would have to do that anyway. I could see how good I am at magic..."
"Noire doesn't use magic," Chrom pointed out.
"She's the daughter of Tharja and Henry. I'll bet my balls that she can use magic better than me.
Chrom laughed. "You're probably right. But I don't think you're in any position to bet your balls."
"You miss your balls a lot less when you're the sexiest thing on the planet."
"Sumia would fillet me if I agreed with that."
"I would fillet myself if I tried to seduce you. Sumia doesn't need to worry about anything."
"Fine. You're a raging sex machine. Happy?"
"I'm delighted," Robin said in a flat voice. "I really don't know what to do... How am I going to tell the other Shepherds?"
"Talking to them is a good start."
"Very helpful Chrom."
"I really don't know how to help you. You're going to have to see how this plays out, Robin."
A/N: Well. It's done. It's a one-shot and will not be updated, but if anyone wants to adopt this and take it further can feel free to.
Thank you for reading. Please leave a favorite or review.