A/N: Contains spoilers of season one, two and three, then everything changes.
This story was inspired by this post ( / post / 17419938269 / morethancoffee-kentuckydreamer) on tumblr.
Sorry that it's the link to the post on my own tumblr, but I couldn't find the original one back.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything you recognize.
BLESSING IN DISGUISE
CHAPTER ONE
…
He was shaking.
He was so goddamn nervous.
He was scared of what would be waiting for him on the other side of this door; afraid to see Beckett lying there broken, bruised and scarred. He didn't want to see her like that; didn't want to see her in pain.
On the other hand, he was so happy and relieved that she was stable enough to have visitors, and that she was alive; most of all that he was able to see her.
The two muscular guards that stood in front of the door of the room nodded at him in recognition; a sign that he had their permission to enter the room.
Slightly bouncing on his feet he checked his appearance in the mirror that hung beside the door. There were dark bags under his eyes from not sleeping; he'd laid awake all night worrying about her. He ran his hands through his hair to make it look presentable. He didn't do it to look good for Beckett, he didn't.
Oh, who was he kidding. Of course he did. He might as well give in to the feelings, now that he'd confessed them.
Not that he was sure she remembered his words, or that she had even heard him in the first place.
He pushed the thoughts away and reached out for the doorknob; not surprised to see his hand trembling a bit.
His heart skipped a beat and he inwardly beat himself up for being such a girl. Just open the door Rick. He told himself.
Quickly he pushed the door open.
He'd expected almost everything, everything other than this. He'd expected to find her looking terrible and bruised, scarred, broken, pale, limbs in casts, attached to monitors or holding her boyfriend's hand.
Everything. Everything but this.
She looked pale. She wore her brown hair in a messy French braid and she was wearing a dotted hospital gown. She looked exhausted but somehow she was radiating happiness.
She was sitting up straight, supported by thick cushions in her back.
Holding a baby.
A real, living baby, dressed a light blue baby hospital romper suit and a small white hat on his head.
His jaw almost dropped.
That, he did not expect.
''Uh…Wh-'' he stuttered.
She smiled widely and adjusted the baby on her lap; carefully stroking it's tiny little hand. He was sound asleep.
''Hey.'' She said, her smile brightening, although her voice sounded low and weak. For a moment they stared into each other's eyes, forgetting were they were or that one of them was holding a newborn; just two people overly happy to see each other again.
Then her gaze flicked back to the baby and she adjusted the small white hat it was wearing.
She looked tired and pale, but her smile made up for all of that. She looked so… peaceful, it looked so natural; seeing her with a newborn baby in her arms.
The realization that he wasn't the lucky man to kiss her and hold their baby stung a bit. Okay, maybe it stung hard. Really hard.
But then again, he didn't know what the hell was going on yet, maybe it wasn't even her baby. Maybe a friend had come to visit her and let her hold her baby.
But he couldn't imagine the mother a baby this young to come and visit a friend in the hospital.
It was hard, deciding what to say first. ''Hey, how are you?'' like she wasn't holding a baby, or ''why are you holding a baby?'' as if she wasn't just shot in the chest.
''Hi.'' He decided to go with, but he immediately cursed at himself.
He walked up to her and put the flowers on the nightstand next to her bed.
''I heard you were opening up a flower shop, so I thought I'd pitch in.'' He tried to joke, but his voice was hoarse and his heart still hadn't picked up its normal speed again.
She chuckled lightly.
''You're not going to ask?'' She said, nodding at the baby.
He grabbed a chair and sat down next to her.
''I would, but I don't know what to ask first: 'Why are you holding a baby?' Or 'How are you?' He answered honestly.
''Well, I could've been better but I would've imagined getting shot would hurt more. And…'' She blushed. ''This is Liam.'' She said with a shy smile, her voice brightening a little bit.
''Is… is he… yours?'' he almost whispered that last word and she nodded, not meeting his eye.
''I… They had to do a C-section, he… he would've died if they didn't.'' She said, obviously still uncomfortable. She fumbled with the baby's shirt.
''How the hell… you were pregnant?'' He said incredulously, maybe a little hurt.
She nodded.
''I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but… I only realized it a month ago and..'' She sighed. ''It's uncommon, but some pregnant woman don't get really big while they're pregnant. It's weird but… I mean, I just thought I'd gained a few pounds; tried to exercise it off. It wasn't much, so I just blamed it on the lack of exercise I'd had the last couple of months. And I hadn't been feeling so well but I just thought it was a cold; that it'd be over soon.''
He grabbed her hand, and to his surprise she let him.
Now that he was thinking about it, something had been a little off with her lately, especially the last month.
She'd wore looser clothes and she might have thrown up in the ladies room and refused his coffee.
He'd blamed it on her mom's case. He'd blamed it on Montgomery's death.
How could he have not noticed this?
''It shouldn't have happened. I was on the pill but I must've forgotten to take it, and I only realized that something was wrong when I didn't get my period last month.'' She bit her lip and a nervous smile appeared. ''then there was nothing I could do.''
She sighed but it was neither a happy or unhappy sigh.
''I only told Josh and my dad. I was going to tell you, honestly, but then… everything happened, Montgomery died and… I just couldn't find the right time.''
He squeezed her hand and decided not to comment on that anymore. There was nothing they could do about it anymore and this wasn't the time for discussions about her safety.
''He's beautiful.'' He said, looking at the baby adoringly. ''Liam Beckett.'' He nodded smiling.
She tensed up and slowly shook her head.
''No. Liam Rick Davidson.'' She said, bowing her head down. He didn't know if it was because of his middle or last name. ''Josh is the father.'' She explained.
That hurt. But he'd known, and maybe it was better that it was Josh; a smart, handsome, caring cardiac surgeon. A good guy, Better him than gross, some random guy in bar.
He nodded. Right.
Then the middle name struck him.
''Rick?'' He asked surprised and he couldn't help but gloat with pride. ''You named him after me?''
''Yeah, well, I mean if you're okay with that...'' she said, half teasing, half seriously nervous about it.
''Sure, of course! More than okay! But… why?'' he asked.
''Well, without you we both wouldn't be here right now.'' She said, lifting her baby up to lie against her chest as she stroked his back lovingly.
He didn't know what to say to that.
''Can… can I hold him?'' He asked nervously after a while of silence.
She smiled.
''Of course. Can you maybe lift him yourself? I'm still a bit sore everywhere.'' She explained.
He rose from his chair and lifted the little boy. Extremely careful, as if he was made out of glass.
''Well hello there big boy.'' He said softly as he sat down and held the baby to his chest. ''You must be really proud of your mommy.''
Kate smiled at the writer who was mumbling soft words to the little boy in his arms; he looked at her baby like he was golden, like he was perfection itself.
He even looked at him more adoringly than Josh did.
Josh hadn't been happy when he found out she was pregnant, but she couldn't blame him; neither was she. She wasn't ready to be a mom, and Josh wasn't either. They were both busy with work, and totally not ready to be parents.
He'd been supportive though, and nothing but sweet. He'd looked so happy when he first saw Liam, but-
-Rick looked even happier.
''He's truly beautiful.'' He said.
''Yeah… he is.'' She said proudly.
He had so many questions to ask but he let all of them fade, he wasn't going to ask them right now.
''So, you're gonna move in with Josh?'' He tried to ask casually.
Everything was odd and surreal. He knew that now that she and Josh had a baby it was highly likely she would move in with him and marry him.
All of his hope would be gone.
Which was a bad thing. Devastating. Terrible. Horrible.
But then again; how could he be angry or mad while holding such a beautiful baby? How could he be upset when Beckett was happy?
She bit her lip and looked down once again.
''No.'' She said shortly and softly.
He frowned.
''Why not?'' He asked, sincerely confused.
''We um… we broke up actually.'' She answered.
''Wow…I'm sorry.'' He said. And he was truly sorry; he didn't want her to be sad about a breakup, hurting from being shot in the chest, grieving the loss of her Captain, recovering from a C-section and having to adjust to being a parent. He couldn't imagine how hard that would be.
Although he wouldn't lie; it relieved him a little; knowing not all hope was gone, knowing maybe, maybe one day there would still be a chance for him to be with her.
''But… then why is his last name Davidson?'' He asked, carefully and a little scared to overstep.
''Two reasons actually. One is that Josh be around for him. I don't want him to grow up without his father. I don't want to keep him away from him. And the second is that I want to keep him safe. I mean, you never know… the guys that are chasing me I…'' she sighed and buried her face in her hands.
He gave her a reassuring smile. He knew what she was talking about and he knew how hard this must be for her. He wished he could do something, anything for her.
''It was a mutual choice. When I told him I was pregnant we'd already been growing apart. I didn't want our baby to have a unhappy family, I didn't want him to grow up while his parents fought and Josh understood that. So we decided to break up before things got out of hand, so he could be part of Liam's life.''
''That's… a good thing, I guess?'' He said, a little unsure of himself.
She hummed.
''How… how are you?'' He asked.
''Could've been better, but I'll live.'' She briefly closed her eyes. When she opened them she smiled slightly, but she suppressed it immediately. ''So I heard that you tried to save me.''
He shrugged and felt a tiny bit of hope growing.
''Yeah, well…. You… heard?'' He stumbled. ''You don't remember- the gunshot?'' his heart dropped; stupid hope, stupid expectations. He should've known.
''No, I don't remember much of anything. I remember being on the podium, and then everything just gone black.'' She said, her voice changing to the lower, weaker kind again.
He could see she was getting tired.
''It all seems so surreal, Castle. I just.. everything is just reeling in my mind and I can't get it to stop. It's like I will wake up in a minute and this is all just some stupid nightmare.'' She ran her hand through her hair and winced when the needle that was attached to it moved. Then once again when she stretched too far and a wound was pulled –she didn't know which, the bullet wound, the incision or the C-section.
''I'm so sorry Kate. If there's anything I can do for you, anything, please tell me, okay?'' He pleaded, although he knew she wouldn't ask for help.
''Okay.'' She said.
Then the door swung open and Josh walked in.
Castle held his breath and made an attempt to stand up and leave, but he had to hand Liam back to Kate first, and she stopped him.
''Stay.'' She simply said, not loud enough for Josh to hear.
He gave her a meaningful look and then sat back down in the plastic chair.
''Hey Kate. Castle.'' He nodded stiffly and uncomfortable. Neither of them had forgotten about the incident in the hallway the day she was shot.
'''Josh.'' He nodded back with the same level of unfriendliness in his voice and posture.
''Hey Josh.'' She said softly, not nice nor unfriendly.
''How are you feeling?''
''Same as before I guess.'' She replied as she played with the hospital bracelet around her right wrist.
They talked about the surgery and everything related for a while before Kate changed the subject.
''You wanna hold him?'' She asked, almost politely.
Things were obviously uncomfortable between the two of them, but Castle couldn't blame them. It wasn't weird that things would be awkward when you go from lovers to friends while you've just had a baby together.
He nodded and Castle handed Liam to him with extreme care.
Josh had already grabbed another chair and sat down with the baby in his lap; still asleep.
''Hey Liam.'' He said softly and no one could say he was being un-fatherly; he looked happy and proud of his newborn son.
If only Castle didn't feel such a strong dislike towards him he would even say they looked cute together.
They just sat there for a while, all watching the little boy until he woke up and started crying; loudly. The sound was heartbreaking.
They all looked shocked; well, especially Josh and Kate.
Josh stood up and started pacing back and forth, softly rocking the baby in his arms.
It didn't help; he only started crying louder and louder.
After a while Kate shot Castle a helpless look. He shrugged.
''Hand him to Castle.'' She said.
Josh did as he was told and Castle started to immediately walk up and down the hospital room with the baby in his arms, mumbling soothing words and stroking his little head.
Within minutes he was sleeping again.
''Thanks.'' Kate mumbled and Josh looked at him with an somewhat admiring yet envious expression.
He handed Liam back to Kate, who kissed him on his temple before putting his blanket back over his tiny body.
Then she looked up.
''You know. I'm kinda tired right now. Could you please take him back to his crib?'' She pleaded after briefly shutting her eyes.
Both of them hummed and nodded, then looked at each other almost surprised that the other was also still here.
Josh walked up to her and lifted the baby from her lap, careful not to wake him again.
Castle stayed behind after Josh closed the door behind himself.
''Hey, Rick?'' She said.
He didn't miss the use of his first name, felt his heart skip a beat.
''I… I'm not really ready to deal with everything right now, but we'll talk, okay?'' She said while looking at the sheets that covered her lower body and fumbling with her nails.
''Uh- yes, of course.'' He said, his heart beating frantically in his chest. He didn't know if they were on the same page, but if she wanted to talk about what he thought she did he was a very happy man.
Well, I'll stop this here for today (:
First of all; I have absolutely no idea why I am writing this since I usually avoid fics about babies and everything, but I just couldn't resist after seeing that post on tumblr and I'm really, really excited about writing this story, especially since this is more fluffy than my other on-going stories which are a bit darker.
Let me know what you think!