Falling (falling falling)
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There is a stirring in his chest whenever he looks at Merlin, and Arthur think this is what falling must feel like. This is what it must feel like to lose yourself completely to another, to give over your heart and happiness to someone else, and it is such a frightening realization, that Merlin has such a hold on him, that Merlin's well-being and happiness mean so much to him. He would give anything for his people, for the kingdom he will someday rule, but he would give so much more for Merlin. He doesn't know what else he has to give, but he would still give it in a moment for Merlin, for him to be safe and happy and well.
And he isn't supposed to. He is supposed to give everything that he has for his kingdom, isn't supposed to hold anything back, is supposed to be willing to give everything he has to keep Camelot safe and well, but he would hold back. God help him, he would hold something back just to make sure he still has something to give for Merlin. Merlin isn't meant to be more important, he is just supposed to be his servant, not even his friend, let alone someone who means more than his entire kingdom.
It is then that he knows he's too far gone. But it is then that he still refuses to acknowledge it. He calls it falling because he is still waiting for the impact, is still waiting for some special sort of moment when he knows without a doubt that there is nothing between his heart and Merlin's.
In the dark of night, he calls it denial.
Light whispers in the night tell him that the way he gets caught on Merlin's smile means he has already fallen and has already hit the ground, that Merlin's eyes are what pull him to his feet every damned morning after he falls all over again at night. His willingness to sacrifice life and limb and kingdom for Merlin means he has fallen harder than even he is aware.
And there is nothing he can do about it, not now that his sleep is interrupted by thoughts of Merlin.
No, with Merlin occupying his thoughts day and night, there is nothing to be done about it, and he wonders why he is even still trying to fight it.
He is woken up in the morning from the little sleep that he has managed to get, and Merlin is standing above him, grinning as he begins their morning routine.
Arthur smiles back for half a second before it falls from him, though Merlin is still grinning madly as he all but pulls Arthur out of bed, and there is that stirring again, and a light fluttering in his stomach as Merlin 's fingers graze his bare skin, and he thinks he is still falling falling falling.
And from the way Merlin is still smiling at him, Arthur wonders, for the first time, if perhaps Merlin isn't falling falling falling for him in turn.
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