Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to its respective owner.

Unbeta'd.

A special thanks to reyes139 for taking a look at this and offering me support to post it! If you haven't yet, check out her stories. They make me laugh and smile and want to burrow my head into my pillow at all the hilarious, cute and naughty things she makes her characters do.

Enjoy.

Give me strength to push on through,
Give me strength,
Seeking shelter from the storm.
Carry my way, I can't go on,
Uplift my spirit until I carry on,
Was once lost but now I'm found,
Darkness pass away into the light of dawn,
Push on through.
Fight for life.
Fight for life.
My war is not yet finished,
But with the spirit I rest.

-Times of Grace

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I take a sip of my now cold coffee just before kissing Tony on his little nose, my lips curving into a small smile as he grins up at me from his perch on my knee.

"Are you going to pick me up from school today, Daddy?" he asks me, his innocent green eyes sparkling. It's been awhile since I've seen him smile, been awhile since I've seen him in a light mood.

"I can't, buddy," I start softly. "I have a meeting at 3:00 but Nana Renee is picking you up today. Your grandpa wants to see you." I run my hand through his bronze hair to try to keep the bangs away from his eyes, but his hair is like me, and doesn't behave. I just shake my head at it.

He pouts at me. "I just saw them three days ago!" His voice goes low as the light in his eyes fades to a droopy, sad look. "You don't pick me up 'nymore. We don't go see Momma 'nymore."

I heart skips a beat at the mention of you before speeding up, just before my chest tightens, nearly constricting my breath. The skipping a beat and speeding up is normal for my heart when I hear or talk about you, but my breath catching in my throat isn't. That's only started since you've been in the hospital…since you told me what was written in the medical report.

"Tell you what. We'll go have breakfast at iHop and then we'll go see her tomorrow, okay? We can stay there as long as you want. She says she's missed you."

His face lights up again, his grin taking almost all the tightness in my chest away.

"Yay! I can't wait to tell her about Miss Rosalie! And my friends and the books I've read and how you're teaching me her song on the piano! No, I should leave that as a surprise when she comes home again."

I just give him a small smile again, my right hand rubbing his back as my left anchors the coffee cup.

He goes back to his cereal and I go back to my thoughts.

I've missed you so much, angel. Every night after I tuck Tony into bed, he asks me to tell him another story about how we'd met. His eyes are mine, but the smile is all yours. Just like I give you anything you ask for when you smile up at me, I can't deny him anything, either. So I go through all those memories of us from High School and college, and then the process of buying a house, and then the wedding, and just everything. I torture myself with thoughts of you, but it makes him content. And you always told me to let him know how we'd met, and how much we love each other. You told me to never forget he's my first priority even when I want to do nothing more than pop a sleeping pill every six hours and bury this pain away into the dark abyss of deep slumber. You remind me every day that smiling is important, that life goes and everything happens for a reason.

Tony and I both finish up at the kitchen table. I take my cup and he takes his plate, and gets off of my knee, putting his plate in the dishwasher. He's already grown to be such a helpful boy, baby. Did you know he can take a shower by himself now? I have to shampoo and condition his hair, but he can do the rest himself. He doesn't even complain now. He hasn't complained since you've been in the hospital and I've been a mess. I try to hide it from him, but I know. I just know that he knows that I can't go to sleep without crying. He knows that sometimes I even thrash around the bed; those are the nights he climbs into bed with me, and I know I should feel guilty about waking him up and troubling him like that, but all I can feel is relief that I'm not alone those nights. We've been together for so long that I can't sleep alone in this large bed. It's too soft, or too high, or just too big for one person. There's always a reason why I can't go to sleep until I'm passing out from crying too much. His little arms wrapped around me tightly also remind me that I have someone to live for—no, I have two people to live for. You're going to make it, baby; I'm not letting you go without a fight, and I have a lot of will and courage when it comes to you.

I grab my briefcase as Tony grabs his backpack. He holds it through the top lather rather than putting it on, because he knows he's just going to have to take it off when he sits in the car.

I make sure the stove is off, the refrigerator is closed, and that Tony has his homework, working materials, and his lunch tickets. I can't cook for shit, sweets, and he likes the chocolate milk and cookies they give him with lunch. I've learned to slip some granola bars and two small pieces of Dove chocolate for his snack, though. I think he saves it for after school; I see chocolate surrounding the side of his lips or his teeth during the times I pick him up. I'm thankful Dad made me learn how to cook breakfast.

He sits quietly in the back seat, looking out the window. School is the one place he's never happy. Little kids can be cruel. Did you know that, darlin'? They make fun of him because his mom never picks him up…because she's too busy trying to survive to see him graduate at least Elementary School. But he's so tough, sweets. He's just like you. He cried the first week that happened, but the week after that, he was back to smiling because he knew his mother would accomplish something for him that the other kids can't even fathom: she'd fight for her life and live, emerging in victory.

As I drive, I go through the list of things I have to do today. Not much, except the meeting that prevents me from picking up Tony, and just some other small things. I'm already ahead of my work. I can't be alone in our house without you.

CEO of Platt Pharmaceuticals used to be a hard job. Not anymore. Not since I've thrown my entire self into work so I wouldn't have to feel the pain in my chest. I still remember the days when we had a bit of money problem, angel. I remember when I foolishly gambled away all our trust fund money into buying the stock for Anacetrapib to get some publicity on it to help those with bad cholesterol, in honor of your father. You had assured me and told me everything would be fine, and it was fine. Anacetrapid became big and my salary of two hundred and thirty thousand dollars went up straight to $3.7 million yearly. And because of the 1990s law that Democrats passed, Platt Pharmaceuticals weren't able to take away that money as business expense or other bullshit under the pretense of 'business expenses.' It's still increasing, sweetheart, and since then, I've bought several stocks. But right now, I'd give every penny away just to have to back at home with me, baby.

Did you know I've started to donate half a million every year to cancer research, cancer patients, and other health programs? I don't even want to think of what might have happened if we didn't have money when we came across your biopsy results. Kate and Tanya have been asking about you. They come to my office everyday to ask about your progress. I've even had a few students from your English class come over and ask about you. Everyone misses you, sweetheart.

I quickly find a parking outside the school grounds. I help him out and walk him to class as he tells me excitedly about a Miss Rosalie Hale, his first grade teacher.

He pulls me into the classroom by the hand and immediately takes me to the tall blonde standing by the whiteboard in front of the classroom.

"Miss Rosalie!" he nearly squeals in excitement.

'Miss Rosalie' turns around and I can visibly see her face light up at the sight of our son. He has that effect on everyone, doesn't he, love?

She kneels to his level even in her ridiculously high heels. "Anthony. How are you?" she asks before lightly touching his nose with her index finger.

"I'm fine." He turns to me and boasts proudly, "This is my daddy."

I bring my hand forth to her, trying to smile the best I can. "Nice to meet you, Miss Hale. I've heard nothing but good things."

Just a tinge of pink colors her cheeks. "He's too sweet. It's nice to put a face to the name." She smirks.

My brows furrow in confusion and I indicate for her to go on.

She lets out a chuckle and leans her upper body a little closer to mine. "You're famous not just by your career position, Mr. Cullen, but also the female staff of this campus."

Now it's my turn to blush. I shift on my feet. I don't know how to react to flirts anymore. The only person I've ever asked out and flirted with is you, darlin'. What do I do?

She smiles at me gently as if seeing the struggle on my face. "There's some time until the bell rings. Would you like to help Anthony set up in his seat?"

I nod at her gratefully. I turn to Tony only to see that he's already sitting in one of the chairs in the front row, his tiny feet clad in running boots moving just slightly, his nose red from the morning cold of Seattle, and his jacket's zipper already down. I look at the clock; I have only five minutes with him before the bell rings, and I need to cherish those.

I bend to his level in front of his desk, putting my elbows on the wooden board, leaning my face into my hands, my chin resting on the heels of my palms.

I listen to him as he tells me what he does throughout the day, and then look at all the drawings around the room he points out as his. They're all so good. He takes after you, love. I couldn't draw a stick figure to save my life. There's one that brings tears to my eyes. It's of you, and me, and Tony, but there's another person in the drawing that makes the crack on my heart a little bigger. It's his older brother, with wings on his tiny back, looking down at us from the top of the paper.

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Worth continuing?