Yello, folksies! KungPowKitty here to serve you with some low-class hilarity here! Hopefully. First one shot. Who knows what'll happen. Okay, basically, this lil story is about how our favorite Incredible family discovers little Jack-Jack's less-than-normalness. Won't that be fun. Let's get started.
Agent Rick Dicker slowly lowered himself into the driver's seat of his car, grunting as he came down. He watched patiently as the slightly delirious Kari was picked up by her mother. Another memory successfully erased. Only you Bob, he thought as he started the car. Now all I have to do is go and get Jack-Jack registered with the Parrs. Why didn't they just get that done right after he was born? It's not like I need the extra work!
Of course, the Parr family had no idea Jack-Jack was a super. Yet. That was all about to change. And it wasn't going to be pretty. Not at all. At the same time that Kari was trying, rather unsuccessfully, to get her ponytail out of her mother's car window, Robert Parr was job hunting, and Helen Parr was giving Violet strict instructions as to what she was to do with her two brothers while she went to an open house. At that point in time, they were still living in a hotel after a certain misadventure that resulted in their former home being blown to bits. But that's a different story and I'm rambling.
"I want you to get some homework done, be sure that no one explodes the hotel microwave today, no TV, Dash is not allowed to have any more snacks, and please avoid the pool. And the lobby. And the halls… Just stay in the room. I'll be back with take-out tonight. Any requests?"
Dash plowed through his sister to yell at the very top of his lungs, "Chinese! Chinese! Chinese! Chinese!"
"Dash, honey, Vi's allergic to Chinese food," Helen said, rubbing her forehead.
"Come here, you!" Violet said, and threw Dash across the room.
"Try to be patient with him, Vi," Helen said to her daughter. "I'll be back later. And Dash, I can still see you, so don't even try it!" Helen exclaimed.
"Aw, nuts," Dash pouted, putting his new slingshot back in the drawer. With that, Helen was off, leaving Violet and Dashiell Parr alone to defend the homestead.
The first hour Helen was out was reasonably uneventful. There was one little mishap concerning the microwave and a bar of soap, but other than the resulting stink, everything was fine. On the other hand, Robert Parr was in the middle of a job interview, trying to explain why it was he quit his old job the same day his employer was brought into the hospital and placed into a full body cast. Lots of fun. But back to Dash and Vi.
"Dash, do me a favor and change Jack-Jack's diaper!" Violet shouted across the room.
"Why should I?" Dash yelled back. Violet was being pretty good to him considering he was bouncing on the beds with two Twinkies jammed in his mouth while playing a rented video game.
"Because I said so," Violet retorted.
"He doesn't even stink! He doesn't need his diaper changed!"
"Says the guy who stuffs cream filling up his nose! And would you turn down the volume on that thing, you're gonna get us in trouble!"
"Am not!" Dash snapped, performing an impressive flip between the beds, his head coming dangerously close to the ceiling fan. Knock knock.
"You were saying?" Violet scoffed as she got up to answer the door. Not that she didn't want to put as much distance between herself and her math homework…
Vi opened the door saying dully, "Parr's current residence. Unless you've got a good reason to be…" No one was at the door. She looked up and down the hall.
"Who is it, Vi?"
Violet looked back at Dash when he asked the question, feeling very confused.
"Ga ga."
"Say again, Vi?" Dash asked, befogged (great word) by the peculiar sound coming from Violet's general direction. Violet looked around, back at the hallway she just checked, and there sitting at her feet was Jack-Jack.
"How'd you get there?" the teenager asked the baby, picking him up and looking at him like he was a moon rock or something.
"I've been here the whole time!"
"Not you, Dash; him!"
"Jack-Jack?" Dash put down his video game to walk over to Vi and Jack-Jack. "You're the one who knocked on the door?" he asked his brother between bites of another Twinkie.
"Gaa ga moo maany!"
"Right. Well, that was weird."
"I'll say. Now go turn down the TV before you really get us into trouble."
Dash muttered, "Like your little soap experiment's gonna go unnoticed," before he went to obey orders. Meanwhile, Violet went back to her math homework, very reluctantly of course, but she couldn't help but look at Jack-Jack from time to time. Dash, too, would peak out the corner of his eye at his little brother. And who could blame them? After all, Jack-Jack was very suspicious playing with his rattle. Nothing's more suspicious than a baby that plays with a rattle. (Can you tell I'm being sarcastic?)
Alas, it was Dash who was destined to discover the truth behind the innocence. According to legend, Violet had gone to sharpen her pencil in the lobby downstairs when it happened, leaving Dashiell Parr alone with his little brother.
"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!" Dash shouted at the television set, as if yelling would boost Starfox's chances of saving the galaxy. Not only was he yelling, but because this was the final level, he had thrown in some bouncing for effective cheering. Boys will be boys.
"C'mon, flame him!" Dash shouted as loudly as he could. Obediently, Starfox flambéed the enemy just in time. This victory resulted in more screaming and bouncing, of a different sort, but equally disturbing to the state Senator in the room beneath him. But little did Dash realize that Starfox wasn't the only one who'd obeyed his command to light something on fire. That's right, Jack-Jack had become a walking fireball.
It was when Dash started dancing around in circles that he became fully aware of his brother's dilemma. Needless to say, he froze in shock and terror when he saw his little brother had become a miniature inferno. And then,…
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Oh no, what's he doing up there?" Violet asked herself aloud, finished with her pencil sharpening.
Meanwhile…
"Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no!" Dash screamed in a state of panic, running at top speed in tiny little circles. "Oh my gosh, what did I do!"
"Goo ga!"
"AAHHH!" Dash tripped and fell, startled by his brother's utter lack of concern. As you would expect, since this fan fiction has to do with Jack-Jack, Dash could only land in the worst possible spot : right in front of Mister Fireball, just close enough for his hair to catch fire.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT!" the blonde-haired boy screamed, running full blast around the room, hands desperately trying to smother the fire. Jack-Jack found the whole spectacle very hilarious, and de-flame-erized himself without Dash noticing.
"That's it!" Violet screamed, practically kicking down the door. "Do you have any idea how many people can hear-"
"VI VI VI VI VI VI VI HELP! IT'S HOT IT'S HOT, IT'S HOT HOT HOT HOT!"
"What the heck did you do!"
"JACK JACK! JACK JACK! OWWW! VI HELP!"
Vi slammed the door shut behind her, very aware of the strange looks the two of them had to be getting from people passing in the halls.
You'd think two kids who'd faced down a deadly Omnidroid would be able to keep their cool in this kind of situation. But perhaps it was Dash's shock at fireball Jack-Jack, the pain of having his hair on fire, Vi's innate fear of hair-catching-fire (long hair, duh), and their unfamiliarity with the hotel room that made them do what they did next.
Instead of calmly placing Dash's head under the sink faucet, or even into the ice machine in the freezer, Vi reached for the coffee maker while Dash went for Vi's half-drunken Pepsi. Yeah, they'd saved Dash's head from being burned off, but now they had a sticky, grimy, smelly mess all over the floor. And Violet's homework. And Dash's brand-spanking-new video game system. Plus, Dash was definitely short some hair, and what hair he did have had been thoroughly charcoaled.
"We are so screwed."
"My hair! Look at my hair!"
"Well, maybe you shouldn't play with matches, or the microwave, or whatever it was!"
"It wasn't me! It was Jack-Jack!"
"Jack-Jack."
"Yeah! I just turned around and VOOSH! He was like one of Dad's barbeques! And then I fell over and my hair-!"
Violet was looking from Dash to Jack-Jack very skeptically. "Dash…"
"It's the truth!"
"Dash, look,…" But Dash wasn't listening. He was looking behind his sister, watching petrified as Jack-Jack floated up to the ceiling, where he sat giggling.
"Viiiiii," he said, gaping at his brother. She paused in her speech and looked at Dash. And when she looked where he was pointing…
"Oh (bleep!)!"
"What did you say!"
"You didn't hear that! What the heck is going on!"
"He's a super!"
Violet jumped for her pillow, which she promptly stuffed down Dash's throat. "I can see that, you cockroach, now don't tell the rest of the hotel, okay!"
"Ohrororhoa!"
"What?"
"Raya, ohrororhoa!"
"Yeah yeah yeah, whatever."
Out came the pillow. "That hurt!"
"That was the point. What're we gonna do!"
First they tried to reach out for Jack-Jack to pull him down. Next was the human pyramid method (which, I might add, resulted in a broken lamp and Violet's neck bending in a way she never knew was physically possible). Then Vi tried bouncing off the bed, which almost worked. However, she ended up grabbing Jack-Jack's head, meaning she's hanging about five feet up in the air by the head of a baby who is in extreme discomfort, and of course Dash isn't helping- he's still mourning his hair. That was the attempt where the siblings discovered Jack-Jack's demon-thingy mode. After that, they tried bribing Jack-Jack with Twinkies. You would be amazed at how many times Jack-Jack was able to outwit them, until he had about forty Twinkies, and the TV had been smashed to pieces.
Dash and Violet lay on the floor panting, downing a quick lunch while Jack-Jack slept.
"What are we gonna do?" Violet asked no one.
"He burnt off my hair."
"Would you shut up? At least he didn't burn off your face!"
"Easy for you to say."
"Any new ideas?"
"We could call animal control."
"I don't think their services include exploding babies. Eh?"
Jack-Jack had just transported himself through the ceiling.
"Any chance those services include disappearing babies?"
"Shut up! If we stay exactly like this, we might wake up and it never happened!" Violet shouted.
"Vi, c'mon, be a big girl."
"I don't wanna! I wanna call Mom and get her to take care of this!"
Not an option, really. Helen Parr was a little busy at the open house. The front door had slammed on one of her arms when she'd first arrived, and she was only just realizing this. But back to the whole Jack-Jack problem.
Vi and Dash were running through the halls of the hotel, following the sounds of people screaming and lamps breaking. Then, they heard two screams coming from opposite ends of the hallway above them. The siblings looked at each other in horror. Had their little brother duplicated himself!
"You go that way, I go this way!" Vi shouted to Dash in a state of panic. Dash immediately ran for the stairs on his side of the hallway. Vi turned to go to the stairs at her end of the hall, and she-
WHAM!
"Oops. Hey, are you okay?"
The state Senator had opened a door right in Violet's face, and she now lay on the floor, pretty much knocked out.
Dash, meanwhile, was listening carefully for more screams. James Bond style.
"Ba du, d-daaaaaaa d-daa daaaaaaaaaaa, baa di-di-daaaaaa d-da daaaa!" he sung to himself, his finger-gun armed and ready as he snuck through the hallway. "Wonder what's taking Vi."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"I'm coming, Jack-Jack!" Dash yelled and ran into the room from which the scream had come from. Well, more like, ran into the door, thus pancake-ing himself. "Ow…"
"AAAAAA, AAAAAAA, Oh get away!" a girl screamed from inside.
"I'm coming!" Dash yelled. He started pounding on the door with all his might. "Geez, how does Dad do this! Oops." He had broken the door knob off.
"AAAAAAAAAAA! Hey, w-what're you doing? Somebody help!"
"Gimme a sec!" Dash cried. He started to pound on the door, shoving his entire body into it. Since that didn't amount to much of anything, Dash took to running across the hall from the door and ramming back into it, several times. On the twenty-eighth attempt, he shouted, "Just open already!" And just like that it opened- and Dash went running into the person who'd opened it from the other side.
"What the-?"
"Sorry, I heard you scream, and-" It was a guy, and he was alone. A girl had screamed. Dash looked at the man, confused, when another scream echoed through the room. The ten-year-old looked up, to see a horror flick playing on the TV.
You gotta be kidding me.
Another scream, which sounded much less television-ed, came from down the hall.
"Gottagosorryforthemessbye!" Dash yelled at the guy, running out of the room and leaving its occupant to clean up the butchered door.
Upon arriving at the new room, Dash found the door already open (much to his pleasure), and ran inside. "Did you see a flying baby come-"
"IT WENT DOWN!" the woman shrieked.
"Uh…yeah, okay…thanks." Dash was getting tired of this. He ran down the stairs on the opposite end of the hall than the ones he'd climbed, and encountered Violet at the bottom.
"Violet? You feelin' okay?"
She looked drunk. "Hehehehe…YEP! This girl is a-feelin' toooootally coooooooooooool."
"Wake up," Dash said, flicking her in the forehead with his thumb and forefinger. To his horror, this flicking action turned Violet invisible, making her a bunch of floating clothes. "Oh no! Uh, here!" He flicked her again, and this time a force field surrounded her, shoving Dash back. "Oh no, what do I do! Uh, hey Vi, there goes Brad Pitts!" Nothing. "Rats. Um…Will Smithy? Orlando Broom? Harry Potter?" Still nothing. "Tony Rydinger?"
"AAAHH, hide me!" Violet shouted, her force field disappearing and her body becoming fully visible as she hid behind her brother. Dash looked at her, smirking. "Ahem yes, well…"
"The lady said Jack-Jack went down."
"That's not good!"
"Why?"
"The lobby and the pool area are below this floor. Okay, look, I want you to run up to the room and call Mom while I go check the lobby, 'kay?"
"On it," Dash said, running back up the stairs while Violet went down.
Everything seemed fine in the lobby, so she walked into the pool area. And there was Jack-Jack, sitting on a lawn chair, giggling at her. "Oh, thank goodness," Violet sighed, walking towards her baby brother, glad the nightmare was over. Or was it?
Jack-Jack started to float up to the ceiling. Violet froze, her eyes widened, watching him ascent. After a brief temper tantrum, she ran towards the baby screaming, "YOU ARE NOT GETTING AWAY AGAIN!" She leapt out towards him, and grabbed him. But it seems a floating baby is impervious to weight. So now, Jack-Jack was floating up with Violet hanging off of him while the entire pool full of people watched in shock. And then the baby began to speed up.
"Whoa, whoa, STOP! Waaaaaa!" Violet cried out as Jack-Jack and she were transported through the ceiling into the room above them. And the next one. And the one after that. Always increasing in speed.
"AAAA- bzzzt -AAAAA- bzzt -AAA- bzzt -A- bzzt -A- bzzt -St- bzzt -op!"
And they did. Dash stared at his sister, floating off of Jack-Jack, right in front of him. He hung up the phone before he'd even dialed.
Finally, Violet let go, landing heavily on the floor. "Okay, that hurt." Ker-plunk, she fell.
"Ga ga, ga ga!" Jack-Jack giggled as he floated towards the window.
"No, Jack-Jack, don't!" Dash cried, jumping through the window shortly after Jack-Jack teleported through it. The ten-year-old grabbed hold of him and found himself hanging off of the baby much like Violet had.
Jack-Jack turned into lead.
Dash looked at Violet, who was standing back up now. "No fair." Zooooooooom, down they went. "THIS WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO DISCOVER I CAN FLY!" Dash shouted to no one in particular. Meanwhile, Violet was running as fast as Dash could down the stairs to the ground level, where she broke through the glass door instead of opening it.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- hunh!" Dash opened his eyes. A force field had surrounded Jack-Jack and himself. Suddenly, it lurched downward before stopping in mid-air again. Apparently Violet was having some trouble with the very heavy Jack-Jack. The force-field lurched again.
From behind Violet, a small boy on a little bike asked, "What're you doin-"
"NOTHING!" Violet shouted, whirling around to face him with a fake grin, her force field around her brothers disappearing. She winced at the loud KER-THUNK sound.
time skip---
Helen Parr stepped through the broken door of the hotel, two pizzas in her hands. "I wonder what happened."
As she approached the hotel room in which her children were, she couldn't help but notice the odd noises coming from inside. She hesitated a moment outside of the door, listening to Dash and Violet screaming at each other and things breaking. Finally, she knocked on the door (with her feet), since her hands were full. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Agent Rick Dicker coming up the stairs at the opposite end of the hall, walking her way.
Violet opened the door, Jack-Jack in one arm, looking very worse for ware. Dash didn't look much better. Neither did the room.
"Vi, what on earth happened!" Helen asked. Just then, Rick Dicker stepped up beside her, and Helen turned to see what he needed.
"Agent Rick Dicker here to discuss you child's registration as a super," he said dully, glancing at Violet's condition and wondering whether this worse-for-ware look was a new fad among the kids.
Helen was confused. Violet and Dash were registered already. What was he talking about? She turned to her daughter, who was glaring at her mother. Without a word, Violet took one pizza with her free hand, handed Jack-Jack to her mother with the other hand, and slammed the door shut, locking it. This left Helen feeling very confused, along with Robert Parr, who'd just arrived as well.
Inside the room, Violet turned to Dash, who lay in a coma on the floor.
"Is it over?" he groaned.
"Hey Dash…"
"Yeah, Vi?"
"Got anymore Twinkies?"
The end. Sorry it's so long.
Review…?