I wrote this to My Immortal and Lithium by Evanescence, so if you want the mood listen to those two I love them x btw I think this is utter bullsh*t, but hey, if you like it then :D

It was around midnight. I never took much notice of the passing hours and tonight was no exception. I'd been walking through the rain and my thoughts for hours, the only music in my silent earphones was my own footsteps cutting into my empty mind. Life had little meaning to me. I'd lost everything. Anything that had ever had any meaning to me had been ripped from me by that bastard curse, leaving me with nothing.

That day. The nightmare day she'd ripped my hand from hers and told me it was over -she'd ripped my heart from my chest with it. Pity only metaphorically. At least if she had taken my heart, it wouldn't hurt so much.

Rin.

Why? I loved you, cursed or otherwise. Why not you me?

I loved you Rin. I loved you from the day I rescued your toy horse from the fish pond at the house. When you smiled at me as I handed the soggy blue thing back I fell in love. I know it wasn't conventional- I was four and you were almost seven- both of us far too young to fall in love, but I suppose it was just one of those things you never question. I loved you, and you said you loved me, and that fact was the only thing that was stable in our crazy life.

Why couldn't you just love me? I tried to see you Rin, I really did. I snuck into the hospital and you threw an IV at me. I snuck in again and you threw a plate of food at me, but it didn't stop me. I broke in again, and just watched you sleep. Was I in your dreams?

You were in mine.

"If you stand that close to the edge you're more than likely to fall off." She was here. Of course she was here. I didn't turn around, preferring to continue watching the fumes of the train's exhaust as it pulled away.

"Don't care." I said, yanking down my sleeves, to cover my numb hands. Of all the things I ripped apart when I changed, it had to be my gloves.

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

"Wasn't going to." It sounded horribly clichéd, but I could feel her eyes boring into my back, burning my skin with every blink. "I'm not that stupid."

"I know you, Hatsuharu Sohma," she breathed, suddenly just behind my shoulder. I didn't turn, didn't blink, not daring to breathe in case one breath blew away the perfect, fragile mirage standing there in my peripheral vision.

"I know," I whispered, catching a fleeting glimpse of icy skin, flowing hair, and unsettling eyes as I turned slowly.

"You shouldn't assume," she whispered, reaching up to touch my face gently. I caught her hand, and clasped it beneath my own, reveling in its warmth before she jerked it away.

"It wasn't an assumption," I murmured, looking down at her, catching a lock of hair between my fingers. "I know you." I murmured gently, lowering my head…

"You don't know me at all Hatsuharu. At all. How could you possibly hope to understand?" Rin flared, pushing me away. I staggered back a few centimeters, feeling the stirring in my stomach as my darker side reared his ugly head.

"No, I couldn't, could I?" I yelled back, suddenly just as forceful as her. She whipped round in shock. "'Cos I'm just the stupid ox. Stupid, dense, idiotic, slow. Add any more to the list?" I stepped forwards, catching her upper arms and holding them tightly, forcing her to stop, to look, to listen. "You're right. I don't understand Rin. I don't understand how you could push me away. Me. After everything we went through, you think you could just throw me away- out into the trash where I belong- huh?" At this, I gave her a shake, emphasizing my point. She stared up at me with fearful eyes. I'd never turned Black Haru on her before.

"Haru…" she gasped.

There was such fear in her eyes. Such fear I'd never known Rin to possess. She was right, I didn't know her at all. I let go and shoved her away. She tumbled back onto the platform with the force of my shove, emitting a tiny whimper of pain as she did so.

I hurt her. I pushed her away, just as Akito had done. Exactly as Akito had done. He'd hurt her, I'd hurt her.

I was turning into Akito.

Stunned by this realization, I staggered back, forcing distance between me and the person I loved.

Akito…

I was turning into him. Blinded by hate, warped by fear. Violent, cold, angry.

Unable to love.

I wanted to retch. I wasn't Akito . I wasn't. But as I looked up, I came face to face with my reflection in a window. It was me. I moved my hand, and the reflection did the same. I touched my face and the reflection mirrored me. But even as it did so, the image changed. My white hair became black bangs, tumbling haphazardly across my forehead. My torso shrank, reducing itself to thinned ribs. My hands lengthened themselves into spiders fingers. My face morphed into the hard, angular features of Him.

"I won't be like you," I yelled, shattering the old glass with a fist. The shards shook in the old frame, and tumbled out, peppering me, scratching across my skin. "I won't, I won't." I moaned, falling to my knees. "I know how to love."

"I know you do," murmured a new voice. Hands reached around my back, a warm body was pushed up against mine, and a head rested itself on my shoulder. It took me a second to realize.

"Rin?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "We're both broken. I'm not the only one hurting. I see that now. I understand Haru."

I could hear the pain in her voice, and it broke me.

We knelt there, amidst the old broken glass, shattered into a thousand pieces, slowly healing back together.

Read and review pretty please… I'll send you imaginary chocolate :L