Fighting Like Romeo and Juliet

By Shadowgate

…...

This is an ongoing project that RatherOddRanger and I have been doing.

…...

After the invention Kyle thought everything was going to be ok. He and Cartman were sort of friends again and Heidi had stopped pestering them.
However the punch and concussion Cartman got from Bluecap must have gave him brain damage as he then suggested a 'brilliant' idea to the guys.
''Hey guys let's use kickstarter to start up our own company!''
And that's when things went south and how the entire school seemed to hate them, it especially didn't help that the 5 boys made some dumb mistakes like Stan dumping Wendy and Butters burning down the gym.

Kyle looked around at the party round Cartman's, he sighed to himself whilst no one was looking, he had put on a brave face since the incident with the radio studio the other day.

…

Kenny, Stan and Kyle were sitting in the studio alongside Scott. Stan still had his head buried in his hands upset over Wendy and Cartman had just called ranting something about pyramids like an insane asylum inmate.
''Ok so next caller is Brad Dixon.'' Said the host, Kyle's eyes went wide in horror as Kenny and Stan looked at him
''Finally, now he can explain he didn't talk to me during gym class yesterday.'' Kyle asked.
''O that's easy to explain Kyle, SOMEONE promised they were going to meet me at the airport when I got back from visiting my great Grandpa who lives in fucking Japan!'' Bluecap said angrily.
''Shit.'' Kyle whispered as he suddenly remembered, he had completely forgotten about that.
''Guess what I was just listening to Kyle, go on guess.'' Bluecap asked again.
''Um … the best of Gack?'' Kyle asked nervously.
'No Kyle I was listening to Wendy pointing out how important promises are, you know like how someone's boyfriend promised he'd meet him at the airport after spending a week in Japan for hid great Grandpa's 99th birthday party!'' Bluecap stated.
''Also I was hoping for a nice, quiet trip away to help celebrate my great grandpa's birthday, not waking up to like nearly 80 face book messages about how Stan dumped Wendy, you guys leaving school and Butter's burning down the fucking gymnasium!'' Bluecap shouted.
''Look Cartman promised Butters a huge pay day and-'' Kyle was then cut off by Bluecap.
''Cartman? That fat bitch? Are you fucking kidding me!?'' Bluecap shouted again.
''Hey now watch the language you pair.'' Said the host.
''Ah go fuck yourself Afro pubes head!'' Shouted Bluecap again.
''Blue please calm down.'' Kyle pleaded.
''You can edit this right?'' Kenny asked the host.
''Um … kid this is going out live.'' Answered the host.
Stan let out a loud groan of annoyance as he attempted to wish all of his problems would just disappear.
''DON'T CALL ME! I'LL CALL YOU KYLE!'' Bluecap shouted angrily.
''Brad please …'' Kyle said as he started to get upset.
''I'm calling my ex boyfriend Bridon!'' Bluecap then snapped and then slammed the phone down.
Within seconds Kyle started to cry as Stan tried to calm him, ''It'll be ok dude.''
''Ok …'' Began the radio host. ''Next up is Kevin Stoley.'' He said as the boys raised an eyebrow.
''Actually my friend Jason would like to say something first, here you go dude.'' Kevin said as the sound of the phone being passed on could be heard.
''Thanks Kevin.'' Jason said before coughing to clear his throat. ''We could of won the basketball state championship this year you guys, the other team were down by 7 members we could have actually won this fucking year!'' He said in anger.
''Don't remind me, I was hoping to impress Lola when we won that trophy.'' Kevin said in the background.
''Ok next caller.'' Said the radio host as Kevin could be heard saying ''Hey don't cut me off!'' within seconds only to be replaced with.
''KYLE YOU HAVE TO FIGHT FOR BLUECAP!'' Shouted Bebe over the phone.
''Huh?'' Said Kyle.
''FIGHT FOR YOUR LOVE KYLE! FIGHT FOR HIM! YOUR BOTH SO CUTE TOGETHER!'' Bebe said as she broke down in tears.
''Bebe go grab a diet coke or something.'' Lola was heard next. ''Yeah Kyle short version, we made a list of cutest couples in school and you and Bluecap were voted no.1, Bebe is like a yoai fan girl or something hence her screaming.''
''WHY GOD? WHY!?'' Bebe's voice screaming in the background could be heard.
''Ok …'' The radio host said with a deep breath. ''Next caller is Heidi Turner …''
''Ah shit.'' Kenny mumbled.
''Why Bebe? I'll tell you why, because being a homo is a sin! God hates gays! Burn the gays at the stake I say! Round them up like Nazi Germany did and-'' Heidi is immediately cut off.
''Folks I can not apologize enough for that intolerant outburst from that little girl however next up is Clyde Donovan.'' Said the radio host.
''I just want to say I think the real people to blame are Wendy, Heidi, Craig and Brad for not keeping their boyfriends in line! If they actually did their jobs then they could of told these four idiots to stop before Butters burnt down the gym! How the hell am I meant to impress the ladies with my mad sport skills now!'' Ask Clyde.
''I don't know if I should thank him or punch him.'' Mumbled Stan.
''Also Kenny, Craig said he wants to break up with you!'' Clyde said in a matter of fact tone.
''WHAT!?'' Kenny screamed.

…

Kyle wiped away the tears forming in his eyes hoping no one saw him. He looked up and saw Kenny with his hood down talking to Craig, they both seem upset and Kyle knew what it was about.

Craig began with "I truly wish you the best Kenny you're a good person. I truly didn't mean to hurt you."
"We were both bi-curious and I did enjoy being with you but you deserve someone better then me.'' Kenny replied.
They both hug and walk away crying, Kenny left thinking being poor meant he didn't deserve happiness and Craig was hating himself for breaking up with him despite the kickstarter incident.
Kenny was from a poor family after all so why didn't he deserve some extra money? No Craig's heart was full of nothing but self loathing.

Kyle was about to rush over to Kenny to comfort his friend but he was stopped when felt a hand grabbed his shoulder. Kyle turned around to see a smiling Bebe.
''Huh Bebe?'' Kyle asked.
''Kyle, Bluecap wants to talk to you, he's at his house. She stated.
''Really?'' Kyle asked excitedly.
''Yes, go to him Kyle! Go now!'' She said smiling as Kyle ran off.
Lola walked over to her and the pair smiled at the sight of Kyle rushing to see Bluecap and both Stan and Wendy dancing together.
''Mission accomplished.'' Said Lola before asking. ''But what about Kenny and Craig?''
''Later, that'll need more work.'' Bebe said. ''First we need to break up Cartman and Heidi.''
''Roger, roger.'' Lola said with a giggle.
Bebe raised an eyebrow before saying. ''Good grief Lola, your spending WAY too much time with your sci-fi loving boyfriend.''
Lola just stuck her tongue out at her before the pair burst into a giggle.

''What about Cartman and Heidi?'' She said.

''What about them?'' Bebe shrugged.

''Right.'' Lola nodded.

…

Kyle raced to Bluecap's house, he knocked on the door like a mad man until Bluecap answered.
They both stared at each other for a moment before both of them pulled the other into a loving hug.

…

15 minutes later and back at the party Stan and Wendy stopped dancing when they overheard Heidi Turner moaning about Bluecap's newest face book update stating he and Kyle were a couple again.
Heidi was about to throw her phone onto the ground in anger until Stan stopped her.

"I suggest you just calm down and realize Bluecap isn't going to be your boyfriend."

Heidi exhaled and looked at Stan. She then said "I have to be going now."

Stan and Wendy both exchanged dirty looks with Heidi as she left. Soon Gary along with Kenny's old girlfriend Tammy walked by Stan following her. Stan looked them both over, no words were exchanged but the two fascist kids realized defeat. They continued walking on.

…

Back at Bluecap's house Kyle has just received a text from Cartman telling him he was done with Heidi and ended it with "I wish you the best with your boyfriend you fucking Jew."

Kyle sent a text back "thank you fat ass"

Bluecap put on Metallica's album Kill'em All.
Bluecap said "take one look at Rob Halford and you fucking tell me that homosexuals can't be fucking headbangers."

They both held hands for a quick hug before letting them go and started thrashing around.

…

Back at the party Mister Garrison found his target, namely Eric Cartman, it had been a long 28 odd days but at long last he was about to get his revenge on Mr Bart.

''Hello Eric, nice little party here.'' He said.

''Thank you Mister Garrison.'' Cartman replied.

Mister Garrison asked "how are things going with your friends?"

Cartman answered "better I'm totally done with Heidi and I sent Kyle a message telling him I realize he's going to be with Bluecap period."

Mister Garrison asked "you're still friends with him considering you hate Jews and homosexuals?"

Cartman replied "ironic that you're pissed off considering what a closet homo you were for quite sometime."

Mister Garrison said "I want my class to go up against Mister Bart's class. This will help me make a name for myself and it can help you get even with Bluecap for beating you up while you can still accept that your friend loves Bluecap."

''How does that help you make a name for yourself?'' Cartman asked confused. "I don't want to fight with Bluecap anymore.'' He continued. ''I'm pretty sure I've got brain damage thanks to him, heck I can't remember how to play the piano."

''Eric you could never play the piano, your stupid fat fuck!'' Said Mister Garrison.

Cartman let out a loud ''HEY!'' but then Mister Garrison offers him a McDonalds to help divide the two classes.

''Clearly you don't know me well enough Mr Garrison.'' Cartman said annoyed.

''Fine you fat turd how about KFC for a month?'' Mister Garrison asked.

''DEAL!'' Cartman exclaimed.

The next day before class begins and before Stan, Wendy or Kyle get there, Cartman gathers a few of his class mates together for the first phase of his plan.

''Hey guys did you hear? Mr Bart's class think they're better then us because they have only one gay student.'' Cartman said with a laugh.

''What?'' Said Clyde.

''Yeah and they think they're cooler because Pete Melman didn't kill himself when he crapped his pants.'' Cartman said hiding a snigger.

''GAH! TOO MUCH PRESSURE!'' Screamed Tweek.

''THOSE FUCKING ASSHOLES!'' Screams Lola.

''Lola please my love, don't give into the scotch demon!'' Pleads Kevin.

''No worries I'm addicted to you now.'' Lola grabs Kevin by the collar and makes out with him.

''Wow ...'' Comments Craig. ''That girl is emotionally messed up.''

''Why do you think I turned her down for a date during the egg project?'' Stated Token as Nicole shot him a dirty look.

''Did you hear Craig? Mr Bart's class took a vote and they all agree to like to stick Stripe up your ass when you go to sleep.'' Cartman said hiding another snigger.

''I'LL FUCKING KILL THEM!'' Shouts Craig whilst his boyfriend Kenny tries to calm him down.

''Craig don't listen to them.'' Kenny said but Craig was so angry he lost his temper and shouted

''FUCK OFF KENNY! YOU POOR PIECE OF CRAP!'' causing Kenny to runaway crying.
Craig blinked in shock and was horrified at what he had said in anger, then Lola stopped kissing
Kevin and said ''If you love him, go after him dumb ass''

Craig then ran after Kenny.

''Um ... Ok ... Not the way I planned it but good enough.'' Cartman thought to himself as Stan, Kyle and Wendy entered concerned for Kenny and Craig.

During recess later that day Cartman decides to track down some of the members of Mr Bart's fourth grade class.

''So my class thinks they're better then you guys because we have 3 gay kids and one lesbian in our class.'' Stated Cartman.

''Seriously?'' Asks Francis.

''That is correct other Jew'' Comments Cartman.

''That doesn't sound right.'' Mumbled Dogpoo.

''HA! Well we have a brother and sister who make out in our class, so beat that butt licker!'' States Lizzie as Tommy and Sally Turner walk pass holding hands.

''For the last time me and Tommy aren't related, Heidi's mom adopted me after my parents died in a car crash.'' Shouts Sally angrily.

''But Tommy is Heidi's half sister because their biological dad is a two timing man whore!'' Says Jason.

''Yeah fat ass's slutty mom is nothing compared to that giant slong butt rumper!'' Goes Lizzie.

''HEY!'' Shouts Cartman as the other kids all laugh.

''Yeah but Sally's adopted so it's cool, plus I live with my aunt and uncle, no fucking way I'm living with that bitch Heidi!'' Tommy says and then flips off Heidi as she walks by.

''At least my parents were married when I was born!'' She shouts at him.

''At least my step dad doesn't look like a steroid freak!'' He shouts back.

''At least I have a step dad!'' Shouts Heidi.

''Grandpa Turner likes me better bitch! He took me fishing last week!'' Tommy shouts back.

''That fucking old prick told me he was having bowl surgery and was bed ridden for a month!'' Mumbles Heidi.

Cartman looks on confused. ''Uh but yeah ... Also they said they're cooler because they don't have a student on anti-depressants.''

''What!?'' Shouts a very upset and shock Douglas as Emily hugs me.

''O there, there Douglas it's ok, I still love you and your strong I know you can overcome your depression.'' Emily said as she tighten the hug.

''You give the best hugs Emily.'' Douglas said as he then pulled Emily into a passionate kiss.

''Wow never realized Mr Bart's class had a hippy couple like mine.'' Said Cartman whilst Francis, Jason and Dogpoo were whispering quietly to each other.

…

The next day in school Bluecap comes to Kyle and tells him "all sorts of rumors are going around about the teachers hating each other and wanting their classes to hate each other."
''Huh?'' Replies Kyle.
''I was chatting to Jason and Francis on Skype last night, they mentioned Cartman told them but seeing how they've hanged out with you guys in the past, they're positive he's just talking shit.'' Says Bluecap and then the pair laugh.

Kyle then said "you can rest assured fat ass Cartman is okay with our relationship. It's not like he's never had homosexual feelings himself. If he's spreading the rumors to instigate the big fight then he's doing it because Mister Garrison put him up to it."

Bluecap kissed Kyle and said "we're not going to become enemies just to appeal to Mister Garrison,he's gay himself oh but kids apparently don't have the same rights he does!"

Kyle responded "well I think it has more to do with Mister Garrison having a ton of self-esteem issues because he's had them all his life. I wouldn't be surprised if he thought Mr Bart was after his job or something."

Bluecap said "well I must say having a boyfriend sure is great and again I won't give you up just because that worthless old bastard isn't happy."

Kyle and Bluecap kissed again before Kyle headed to his classroom.

Things went by ordinarily in Mister Garrison's class, however some students whispered amongst themselves about Mr Bart class which made Mister Garrison smile to himself as the whispering students looked angry.

After school had finish and many were heading home and Bluecap said "Let's go to my house."

''Ok'' Kyle said a little unsure, he wanted to help Kenny but it was clear Kenny wanted to be alone.

When they got to Bluecap's house, he took off his shirt and the pair then kissed.

Bluecap said "hey Kyle listen to my heartbeat."

Kyle leaned in and heard "BOOM BOOM, BOOM BOOM" and was in love with the sound.

Kyle said "I hear it."

Bluecap said "awesome."

Bluecap went on to say "I don't care if we are in separate classes and the two teachers want to rumble. Our relationship shouldn't die because your teacher has so many fucking personal issues."

Kyle replied "I remember when we had a substitute teacher for a little while and Principal Victoria said to show her the same respect that we show Mister Garrison. I fucking told her we don't have respect for Mister Garrison."

Kyle and Bluecap start laughing their asses off.

Bluecap then pulled Kyle in for a hug and they started kissing again.

After kissing for three minutes straight Bluecap said "I'm thrilled your best friend Stan has stood by both of us. Now I see why my moms keep insisting despite his crazy dad, his mom is still a kind and gentle person who's taught him well."

Kyle said "oh well of course he does and um … how did your moms meet Stan's mom?"

Bluecap went on to say "They were all super best friends in high school but that doesn't matter. Right now, Mister Garrison will fight like a little bitch. Mister Bart will just deal with his fucking ass. We'll stand and fight like Romeo and Juliet."

Kyle replied "well Romeo and Juliet didn't fight. They hid their relationship the best they could until they both committed suicide. However I do like the way you compare the two of us to them."

Bluecap smiled big and bright but then Kyle's cellphone rang. It was Stan and Stan told him "it looks like things have calmed down but Cartman told me in secrecy that Mister Garrison is planning stuff. I know Cartman is an asshole but we're better than him so don't spread that around and don't tell him I told you."

Kyle said "I know Stan, and I love you."

''Uh … as a friend right?'' Stan asked nervously.

Kyle rolled his eyes and said ''Yes Stan because I know Wendy will stick me in a rocket and send me to the sun to my death if I tried to steal you.''

''… What?'' Stan asked confused.

Kyle said "okay, look Stan, let's both confront fat ass tomorrow at school. He'll spill the beans about what our stupid teacher has planned."

Stan said "oh I don't know if he'll talk to us or not. Plus he'll be pissed at me for ratting him out to you."

Kyle asked "well I want to keep my relationship with Bluecap and these days teachers can have kids arrested for anything. I need your help."

Stan said "well I guess if fat ass finds out I told you all this he'll have to live with it. It's like when I confessed to breaking the dam."

Kyle said "exactly."

Stan said "I've got to run now Wendy wants me to take her to see Maze Runner like I promised."

Kyle said "Ok later dude."

Stan said back "Later Kyle."

Kyle said "Mister Garrison could be planning anything but we're sticking together."

Bluecap said "you already made that pledge you bonehead."

Kyle replied "fuck yeah and I mean it."

Bluecap and Kyle start kissing again.

…

The next day at school.

Kyle had tears flowing down his face, the night before he had a horrible nightmare about Mister Garrison killing Bluecap and it was still bothering him.

Stan asked "are you okay dude?"

Kyle answered "I love Bluecap and let me tell you Mister Garrison is a total fucking hypocrite. If he were living under Hitler I'd be sucking the gas and dying but Mister Garrison would be screaming about gays and Jews while going out at night as a male whore hoping to get raped by Nazis. That worthless motherfucker is not a teacher and he's scum."

Stan went wide eyed and said "DUDE! Kyle you need to calm down!"

Kyle yelled "I'm the fucking thorn in Garrison's side! Do you hear me world!"

Then Butter's came walking down the hallway smiling and holding a piece of cake.

Butters said "hey it's the principal's birthday and they're given out cake. Plus they're finally letting me back into the school, isn't that great guys?"

Kyle grabbed the two pieces of cake Butters had and shoved it into his face.

Stan said "Kyle!"

Kyle started walking toward Mister Garrison's classroom.

Stan said "Kyle you really should apologize to Butters."

Kyle then shouted. ''Fuck no he helped Cartman give me aids remember?''

''O yeah …'' Said Stan as Butter's wandered around covered in cake confused.

Bluecap came out into the hall when he heard Kyle shouting and said "hold up I'll handle this Stan."

Bluecap said "Kyle no matter what happens we'll be together. No teacher or any grown up will break us up."

Bluecap kissed Kyle and then said to him "I want you to go apologize to Butters immediately, it's not his fault he's so stupid that he can be so easily manipulative by Cartman."

Bluecap gave Kyle a hard swat on his ass and Kyle yelled but all the kids cheered.

''DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN!'' Cheered Bebe as Kyle went and told Butters he was sorry.

''Seriously Bebe calm down.'' Said Wendy as her friend starting day dreaming about Bluecap and Kyle.

Stan said "hey Kyle I'm your best friend and I have to tell you that you are guilty of being a real asshole and you deserved that spanking."

Kyle said "I stand convicted of being a real jerk and I'd like to give Butters a twenty dollar bill to make up for my wrong doing."

Finally Butter's was able to get the cake off. ''Ah gee-whiz Kyle a hug and paying for my cleaning bill would be enough.''

The two hugged as Cartman came running down the hall, he spotted his friends and begged. ''Guys you have to hide me!''

''O lord, what did you do now Cartman?'' Asked Stan.

''The two classes found out Garrison got me to start the rumors and now they want to beat the crap out of me for all that stuff I said.'' Stated a worried Cartman.

''Wait what happened to that old fuck Mister Garrison?'' Bluecap asked.

''We paid some homeless people to take a shit in the school's toilets and had them give him a swirlie!'' Said a very angry looking Clyde.

Cartman spun around and saw the angry faces of various kids from both classes including the likes of Kevin, Lola, Jason, Emily and many others.
Suddenly Heidi Turner jumped in front of Cartman and shielded him.

''Wait, please listen, I know Eric said some awful things … again … but does the Bible not teach, do not judge lest thee be judge?'' Heidi asked the group only for Cartman to push her into the crowd to buy him some time to runaway.

Angrily Heidi got back up onto her feet and shouted. ''KILL THE FAT FUCK!'' and the crowd gave chase as Stan, Kyle, Bluecap and Butters looked on in shocked.

''O geez should we help him?'' Asked a worried Butters.

''Nah, he'll be fine Butters, I mean it's not like the gym is being newly rebuilt and he runs in there just as the new lighting rig accidentally comes loose and crushes him to death in the process!'' Stan stated.

Suddenly there was a loud crashing sound, the ground shook like an earthquake had hit and everyone fell onto the floor hard.
After a few short minutes Kevin Stoley came running towards them covered in blood.

''GUYS! THERE'S BEEN A HORRIBLE ACCIDENT! CARTMAN JUST GOT KILLED BY THE NEW LIGHTING RIG THEY WERE FITTING IN THE GYM AS IT WAS BEING REBUILT!'' He shouted and started shaking from the shock.

Kyle and Bluecap rushed over to him just as Wendy, Lola and some of the other kids from the mob came running back.
Lola immediately rushed to hold her boyfriend.

''Kevin it's ok, your fine. O thank goodness you weren't crushed!'' Lola said as she held him tight.

''Oh my god ….'' Stan whispered and looked over at Kyle.

''Kevin was mere inches away from catching Cartman, if he was any closer he would have been crushed too, hence the fact he's covered in blood.'' Dogpoo stated.

''Jesus Christ!'' Exclaimed Kyle just as Wendy ran over to Stan and buried herself into his shoulder crying.

''O Stan, Cartman exploded like a giant fat balloon full of meat, it was horrible! No one should die like that.'' She said as she cried.

Lola then sniffed Kevin's blood covered clothes. ''I know it sounds horrible but Cartman's blood smells like a combination of KFC, Dominos pizza and McDonalds all rolled up into one.'' Lola stated.

Douglas bent down to take a quick sniff, ''Holy crap it does, is it wrong that's making me hungry now?'' He asked as everyone else was slowly coming to terms with what had just happened.

THE END