Disclaimer: I do not own the lovely characters of Loveless.
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"Is that an order, Ritsuka?"
The 17 year old boy couldn't muster the energy to be adequately angered at the question or the courage to look over at his fighter. All he could do was stare - stare down at the black fur triangles in his hands. The material proof of what had happened on the twisted sheets the night before.
The proof of the passion and trust that had flowed between both Ritsuka and Soubi.
Memories seared fresh in his mind, moans echoed in his ears and the cold tingling of past kisses painted his skin as a blush colored his cheeks.
"Ritsuka?" That soft silky voice questioned, closer this time.
Slender fingers brushed his cheek, leaving a blazing trail in their wake as the raven-haired boy's cheek was delicately cupped.
Soubi...
Turning his head so his skin was no longer in contact with Soubi's Ritsuka kept his eyes downcast as he spoke. He couldn't bare to see the look of hurt that would surely pass over Soubi's face. Confusion, denial, and fear drenched his mind. He couldn't do this right now.
"I can't deal with this." The words flew sharp from his lips. Then softer, "Just go... please."
"As you wish."
Ritsuka didn't see Soubi leave but he heard the opening of the glass door and felt the gust of an early morning breeze. The door slid shut with a resounding thud and deafening silence encased him in a chilling cocoon. A crystal tear fell on the black objects in his hands and then another one. Blinking away the bothersome tears Ritsuka softly stroked his newly shed ears.
He had matured a lot over the years since the time he had been 12 and first met the other male. But this was too much. He had lost a piece of himself that he'd held sacred. Something that had been with him all his life; it was now gone. In a way it felt like he had lost a good friend.
Standing up, Ritsuka didn't know what to do with his ears. Looking around his room his eyes fell on the wastebasket - but he couldn't so readily discard them. Especially so cruelly as to just toss them away. It would be all too real then. Instead he placed them gently under his pillow before pulling on some boxers and padding to the bathroom.
Closing the door a gasp escaped his lips at the person that stared back at him from the mirror. There he was - a young man.
He'd grown some lean muscle and stood almost as tall as Soubi but not quite. His cheekbones were high and feminine but refined. His eyes were big and his hair almost reached his collar. Yet those things were familiar and were not what shocked him. It was the blank space above his head that did the trick.
Reaching up, he hesitantly patted where his ears have previously been. Without them he felt so different - looked so different. So surreal.
Ritsuka looked like an adult - then why did he feel so lost and confused?
"I don't know what to do. I don't know." He spoke aloud, letting his eyes close as his forehead rested on the cold unfeeling glass of the mirror.
A shiver tore through him. And still. Confusion. Sadness. Loss. And regret.
What would people say? What would his mother say when she got home a week from now? Did he honestly care?
Regret still tore through him, clawing at the spot where his heart should have been.
His ears - they were gone. He'd never have them back. It wasn't even that that bothered him. Last night he had been so willing. He remembered. They'd both been so willing. Soubi had asked him more then once if he was sure he had wanted to do it.
It wasn't Soubi's fault.
Then why had he thrown Soubi out as if it had been? After all that how could he kick him out as if nothing happened? Then again - how could he not?
Conflictions collided inside him and he groaned.
It wasn't even the loss of his ears that disturbed him so greatly. It was Soubi. Through all the years Ritsuka had grown and matured and with it came feelings for his fighter. Feelings he didn't want to have a part in.
Being with Soubi made Ritsuka feel things sometimes - wonderful things. Happiness, promise, and joy. It made Ritsuka want to stay with him and lose himself. Everything Soubi made Ritsuka last night feel had been so beautiful, but that was the problem. Ritsuka knew what was happening - he couldn't deny it any longer.
Regret still lingered inside him but Ritsuka knew what the real source of it was. He regretted sending Sou-chan away. He regretted his selfish behavior.
The teenager recognized what was happening here. He was falling for his fighter, and he didn't want to admit it.
How can you be so stupid, Ritsuka?
How could he be falling for Soubi when he possibly felt false love for him? Seimei ordered Soubi to love him years ago; but you can't order someone to feel an emotion. It just felt like a lie to the boy. How could he ever know if Soubi really loved him for him? How could Soubi know?
They couldn't - that was the problem.
The love was a lie - at least on Sou-chan's end. A wonderful and horrible lie that Ritsuka wanted no part in and yet that didn't seem to stop him.
His heart ached horribly in the empty silence of the room. Opening his eyes he stared at his reflection and suddenly he knew one thing.
A lie or not - he wanted Soubi here with him.
A lie or not he'd acted selfishly by sending the older male away.
A lie or not he'd probably hurt Soubi.
More pain filled his chest. He never wanted to hurt Soubi and was ashamed that he might have. That he probably did.
A lie or not... he needed Soubi. As much as Soubi needed him.
Soubi.
The bathroom door flung open and Ritsuka tore into his room. Of course it was painfully empty and silent. Was his heart really beating so loudly in his chest? Dread filled him at what he had done and the damage that was dealt.
He had tossed Soubi aside so carelessly... and for what?
Opening the door that led to his balcony - the one Soubi came through countless times - he stepped outside into the early morning air. A breeze tickled his bare chest and arms. Even the bright rays of the early morning sun couldn't penetrate Ritsuka's cloud of anxiety.
Looking around, Soubi was no where in sight.
"Soubi!?" The younger boy yelled, eyes scanning the streets, voice floating on the wafty gust of wind.
Of course, no answer came to him.
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Okay. Hope you guys enjoyed it. Leave me reviews, please?? Reviews make more chapters come faster and better.
I have a good idea for the next chapter!