The strange thing is, you feel like you have no free will of your own. You say what's expected; the lines that keep the story moving. You lead or follow, but never once do you think of acting on what's beneath the person you're meant to be.
Barry watched Julian from across the lab. Julian had insisted that Barry give him space to work, he insisted that he didn't need any help. And Barry listened.
As a speedster, everything happened too slowly. And during each agonizing second of doing nothing, Barry's mind was left to itself. He watched as Julian's hands trembled at the delicate lab work, how Julian licked his lips lightly when he concentrated. Barry of course knew he could have the days work done in an hour or less, but his impatience today was something else. Today it had little to do with watching Julian work, and more to do with everything else.
Barry watched with a smile as Julian spun his chair back to the microscope.
"The algae," Julian whispered with a smirk. He pushed off from the desk, grabbing the case folder and scribbling notes furiously. After everything the flash had been through, it was almost a comfort for Barry to watch Julian at work. He worked as though Barry wasn't even there; a trait Barry had once found insulting. Today, however, it felt more like overhearing someone singing in the shower. Something personal of Julian's that he was allowing Barry to witness.
Julian ran his hands through his hair with a sigh, before turning his attention to Barry.
"I've finished here, so just sign the report and you can leave." Julian dropped the folder on Barry's desk before moving to tidy up his own. Barry flipped through the report, reading over Julian's findings with a smile.
"Are you checking my work?" Julian asked in disbelief.
"Just admiring." Barry grinned, signing at the bottom. He closed the file, handing it back to a slightly blushing Julian.
"well, yes. It is quite riveting." Julian frowned, taking the folder and turning away. Barry leaned against his desk, watching Julian straighten papers and box up samples.
There was something Barry wanted to say; maybe a compliment, or a thank you, but he wouldn't dwell on it.
"what are you doing?" Julian asked, still facing away from Barry. "I did say you could leave." Barry could hear the frown in Julian's voice.
"Right, sure thing." Barry straightened up. "Same time tomorrow then." He smiled lightly on his way out the door.
"Careful Barry," Cisco warned over the earpiece. "We still don't know what the meta even does."
"All we know is everyone who was at the bank at the time of the first robbery had lost nearly all impulse control." Caitlin added in. "Most of them are still detained at CCPD, but it does seem to have worn off for many of them. Just try to subdue the meta quick."
"Although if you do happen to see how they do it, it would help to build a defense against it." Cisco replied. "What? I'm just saying." He huffed at what must have been a look from Caitlin.
"got it." Barry sighed, skidding to a stop outside the bank. Cop cars had the building blocked off, and Barry could see the chaos inside. He rushed through the unlocked doors, passing by the petty fist fights and heading straight to the vault.
"shit." The woman cursed as she noticed him by the door.
"You didn't honestly think you'd get away with this in my city, did you?" He smirked.
"look, flash, just take it easy, it's not what it looks like." She slowly set the dufflebag down, raising her hands in the air.
"Really? So that bag isn't filled with stolen money?"
"Look im turning myself in! Hands are up!" She said nervously.
over the com, Cisco nearly yelled "knock her out, Barry!"
"there's a dozen police officers outside," Barry frowned before continuing. "Lead the way, and turn yourself in to them."
"Sure, sure thing!" She piped up quickly. She walked slowly to the door, pausing as she passed him. "By the way, im a huge fan." She smirked, before placing a finger on his lips. Barry pulled back, but only after she had made contact.
"go." He nearly growled.
"going!" She smiled, walking out through the lobby, hands still raised.
the next morning Barry awoke with a gasp. He felt... really good. His usual .3 second morning routine barely took him .1 seconds, and his heart seemed to flutter through each movement.
When he strolled through the doors to the CCPD lab, Julian stared at him in shock.
"what's wrong, Allen?" He asked in a strained tone.
"What?" Barry asked, caught slightly off guard.
"you're..." Julian stopped to glance at his watch. "Nearly ten minutes early." Julian stated before watching Barry closely for an explanation.
"maybe I just couldn't wait to see you." Barry laughed, grinning softly at Julian. A look of shock covered his face before the blush creeped in.
"very funny mr Allen." Julian replied, turning away.
"why do you do that?" Barry mused, leaning back against his desk comfortably. Julian seemed to tense for a silent moment before responding.
"do what." He finally sighed. Barry walked towards him leisurely, stopping just behind him.
"Turn away when I make you blush." Barry nearly whispered. Although Julian hadn't turned around, Barry could still see the red reaching Julian's neck, and the tip of his ears. It was still; Barry waiting for an answer, and Julian frozen, unable to think of one. "Jules?" Barry asked quietly, deeply. Julian could hear his own heartbeat pounding in his ears as he frantically tried to say or do something. After a minute he cleared his throat, stepping further away from Barry.
"I don't know what you mean." He finally said, far more calm than he had expected of himself. Barry laughed, but seemed satisfied. Barry strolled leisurely back to his desk, settling himself in his chair.
Barry watched as Julian filed paperwork, ran tests, and looked over old cases. After an hour of Julian avoiding all eye contact, Barry sighed loudly. Julian held a breath, setting his paper down before shooting Barry a quick glare.
"If you have somewhere you'd rather be, I won't stop you." Julian said between gritted teeth.
"really?" Barry asked in a confident and thoughtful tone. In a split second, he was standing in front of Julian, who just about had a heart attack at his speed.
"you-you're..." Julian stuttered. Barry hummed in agreement before gently brushing his fingertips up Julian's exposed forearm.
"flirting with you?" Barry answered, leaning in a little closer.
"th-the flash!" Julian nearly fell back against his desk in shock. "My god, I should have seen that; definitely should have guessed it.."
"Julian." Barry nearly moaned, so close now that Barry could prectically feel the heat from Julian's blushing face. "I'm going to kiss you, ok?" Barry said breathlessly before leaning in. Julian was shocked, but as Barry closed the gap, Julian's eyes fluttered closed. It was a slow and gentle kiss, but as Barry began picking up the pace, Julian's senses came back to him. He pushed Barry away, walking around the desk hurriedly.
"what're you doing?" Barry asked playfully.
"calling Caitlin." Julian said flatly, his face still several shades pinker than Barry was use to.
"Why? Can't we just have some fun alone?" Barry pouted. Julian laughed bitterly.
"I'm calling Caitlin because there is obviously something very wrong with you-"
"Jules, don't think so low of yourself, of course I want you. I mean, just look at you." Barry said breathlessly, watching Julian's blush deepen even further.
"Caitlin; yes, I'm sorry to call you so early-no, I'm afraid it's more urgent than that-it's Barry, or the flash-" Julian ducked back, avoiding Barry leaning over the desk for the phone. "Yes he's, not quite acting himself. Yes. Thank you, we'll see you soon." Julian hung up the phone with a sigh. In a split second of red lightning, Barry was in front of him again.
"so where were we?" He asks, running his hand up Julian's chest. Julian swallows harshly against the nerves.
"Caitlin and Cisco are on their way." He told Barry in an uneven tone.
"and until then?"
"until then you should sit."
"Jules," Barry began, inspecting the goosebumps rising on Julian's arms "can't I kiss you once more before then?" Julian watched Barry's expression carefully, fighting himself to push Barry away. Before he could decide, however, Barry had captured his lips again. Barry whined and moaned against him, fingers teasing between the buttons on Julian's shirt..
"Barry," Julian nearly warned. Barry hummed, shifting to lean down to Julian's jaw and further down his neck. "bloody hell, Barry." Julian nearly begged. Hands still fighting between pulling Barry closer, or pushing him away. Barry moaned against Julian's neck, biting the skin beneath Julian's jaw possesively.
"Come home with me." Barry pleaded, leaving soft kisses back to Julian's lips.
"mmh Barry you know I can't," Julian tried to steady his own panting breath, slowly gaining the courage to push Barry away. "You're not yourself right now." He reiterated, more to himself than Barry. "Now, you've had your kiss, so now sit down until Caitlin gets here."
"Mhmm.." Barry trailed off, moving closer to Julian again. Barry's hands moved from Julian's chest up to cradle his jaw, and back in through his hair. "Just one more." Barry nearly promised as he leaned in.
"B-barr.." Julian started, before holding Barry back with a sigh. "Mr Allen." He said firmly. Barry sighed, leaning back to sit on Julian's desk.
"Don't you feel it too?" Barry asked, eyes searching Julian's own. Julian crossed his arms, grasping for some control over the conversation. Barry waited, biting his lip in anticipation.
"I told you, we need to do a full medical exam after every fight, no matter how fine he insists he is!" Caitlin's voice rang through the doors.
"oh thank god." Julian breathed, stepping around Barry and towards the door. He opened it for Caitlin and Cisco, who gave Barry a worried look.
"Thankyou for calling, Julian; how is he?" Caitlin asked, as Cisco went to talk to Barry.
"He's.." Julian trailed off, unsure how to answer. "He's really the flash." He finally said with an unsure laugh. Caitlin sighed.
"Barry?" Cisco asked as he approached Barry still sitting on Julian's desk.
"Cisco?" Barry asked in return.
"Are you... ok? Feel like getting into any bar fights?" He asked tentatively. Barry scoffed.
"not until now. Look, Julian and I were right in the middle of something, so if I could catch up with you guys later at star labs-" Barry began, before Julian cut him off.
"Barry, we're going with Caitlin and Cisco back to Star labs." Julian stated. Barry pouted, before hopping off the desk and towards Julian.
"ok; as long as you're coming too." Barry smiled, running his fingers up Julian's arm again. Julian stepped back a bit, felling himself blush.
"right." Cisco added suspiciously.
As the four of them walked out the front doors and into the sun, Barry suddenly let out a gasp.
"Jules, we should go out for ice cream." Barry grinned, leaning his hand against Julian's arm.
"It's barely nine in the morning, Barry." Julian sighed.
"Oh; I got it!" Barry exclaimed, before dashing off into red lightning.
"I'm guessing that's how you found out?" Caitlin sighed.
"At least he's not starting fist fights." Cisco added.
"At least there's that." Julian sighed. In a flash of red, Barry was back, holding a frappechino in each hand.
"it's from this little mom and pop coffee house in star city; I know jitters is great, but this place whips its own cream," Barry held one out to Julian, who sighed, arms still crossed. "It's cinnamon vanilla!" Barry tempted. Julian hesitantly took the cup from Barry, taking a small sip.
"It is quite good." He smiled. "But we really need to get to star labs." Julian prodded the straw through the drink while Barry seemed to think it through.
"Sure." Barry smiled breathlessly before sweeping Julian off his feet and running.
Julian pushed off from Barry, still spinning as he took in the sight of the lab. And there, on the far wall, was flash's suit. Julian's jaw dropped a little as he slowly walked towards it.
"You're really him." Julian said again. He jumped as Barry wrapped his arms around Julian's waist.
"yeah. I've wanted to tell you so many times." Barry nearly laughed. Julian stayed silent, allowing the embrace. Out of anything Barry had said that day, that sounded the most lucid.
"wait." Julian, said, pushing Barry far enough away as to face him. "So this case; the meta..." Julian drifting off. "You were hit with the same thing as the victims at the bank, then?" Julian stepped past Barry and pulled out his phone. "Caitlin; this meta infects the victims with an algae, I have samples back at the lab-" with a gust of light, Barry had taken Julian's phone.
"I know what you're thinking, you want to make an antidote, get me back to normal soon-" Barry started nervously.
"This isn't about what I want, Allen, this is about what you need." Julian nearly grumbled, reaching for the phone again.
"Just, hear me out." Barry asked, hesitantly returning the phone. "Everyone else was only effected for two or three hours at the most, and it hit them almost immediately. It'll wear off on its own for me too, just differently." Barry explained.
"you don't know that, and even if it will, you really want to spend your time following me? Like some horny puppy?" Julian vented. Barry laughed.
"its not something I had ever put into words for myself, but yeah. I think about you a lot. I love watching you work-"
"if you loved watching me work, I'd be at work." Julian frowned.
"Ok, if it's what you want, call her back." Barry moped.
"Bloody hell, just take me back to the lab." Before Julian could roll his eyes, Barry was carrying him there.
"You do. realize that you're insane, right?" Julian asked, once his stomach had adjusted.
"It doesn't feel like insanity; it feels like things are finally clear."
"Barry, you were there that night at the bank; you saw the effects this meta had. No matter how intoxicated you are, you should be able to understand that you're needed in this city. The flash is needed." Julian sighed, grabbing the samples. "And we need you in your right mind." Barry looked a little hurt, but whisked Julian back to star labs anyways.
when the two whooshed back, Julian looked around quickly to make sure they were alone. Slowly, he placed the samples at Caitlin's desk.
"I know when this is over you'll want some space. I'll cover for you at work, don't worry." Julian sighed.
"You'll cover for me? So you'll admire yourself twice as much for the both of us?" Barry asked, wrapping his arms around Julian's shoulders. Julian couldn't help but snort a small laugh.
"if it'll make you feel better, but I get the feeling when you're back in your right mind you'll find my ego large enough." Julian's frown showed through his voice.
"Julian," Barry asked, walking around to face him."Can I kiss you?"
"Last one." Julian smirked, leaning up to meet Barry's lips. It was slow, and gentle and first, but as Barry picked up the pace, Julian moaned, allowing him more. Barry's hands were trembling against Julian's chest and at the base of his neck. It was only when there was a cough at the doorway did the two pull away.
"ah-Caitlin," Julian started, moving past Barry. "I've got the original sample, so if your willing to give it a try we could attempt to synthesis an antidote."
Barry sighed as the two began to work. Slowly he slipped away.
"Hey Barry. It's Barry." Barry said to the camera on his phone. "I'm starting to worry about coming down from this. I don't want you to forget how wonderful it was to just... go for it with him. He thinks you'll want some space after this. I hope he's wrong. Just.. try to remember how happy we were when he first kissed back. And.. kiss him again for me, ok?"
"Barry! There you are." Julian panted as he ran down the hall. Barry lowered the phone, but kept it recording. "The antidote is ready." Julian smiled sadly.
"I know you said that was the last one..." Barry started, watching Julian carefully. Julian laughed lightly, leaning up on his toes to meet Barry halfway. This one was soft, brief.
"go on to the lab, I'll be right there." Barry promised. Julian licked his lips lightly, nodding. As Julian walked back down the hall, Barry lifted the camera.
"I know I'm intoxicated, but god, he's all I think about. Just remember, please." Barry begged the camera before shutting it off, and speeding to catch up with Julian.
Julian lead Barry to the exam room, taking his hand as the speedster laid down. Barry smiled softly at Julian, squeezing his hand lightly as Caitlin walked in the room.
"Ok, Barry. The antidote might knock you out for a bit, but we'll be here to monitor you while you're under. Barry nodded, extending his arm for the shot.
when Barry awoke, his first thought was that he had the nicest dream. His second thought, was "oh no." He sat up quickly, pulling wires from his skin.
"Barry! You're up!" Caitlin said, rushing to his side.
"did that really happen? What did I miss?" He groaned. Caitlin gave him an odd look, trying to decide how much to say. "Where is everyone?" Barry asked, looking around the darkened room.
"Cisco went home about an hour ago, and Julian went back to work shortly after you went under."
"Julian. Right." Barry sighed, leaning back into the pillow.
"Barry.." Caitlin started softly. "Do you really want him?" Barry covered his face with the pillow.
"I can't believe I did that..." Barry says in reply.
"Well, think it over. He said to take all the time you need."
"Thanks Caitlin."
"of course." She smiled back.
The next morning Julian found himself glancing back at the clock nearly every ten minutes. He had told Barry to take his time, to take as much space as he needed, but what he really wanted...
"Sorry! Sorry!" Barry blurted out as he passed captain Singh, and busted in the lab door.
"Mr Allen." Julian smiled, turning away slightly. "You're an hour late; can I take that to mean you're back to your normal self?" As the silence stretched on, Julian glanced back at Barry nervously. Barry was blushing, shifting his weight awkwardly.
"I- sorry. If I..." Barry looked away, unsure of what to say.
"It's quite alright, mr Allen." Julian sighed. Of course this would get swept under the rug.
"It's not, though." Barry began. "It took me an actual meta-intoxication to see how much I wanted you. And I tried to keep that for as long as I could to keep giving me the courage to just... do something. And you; the whole time you just rolled with it and kept trying to get me back... well, how I am."
"Barry, as you said, you were intoxicated by a meta; i wouldn't hold that against you." Julian still wouldn't meet Barry's eyes.
"just, watch?" Barry asked, pulling out his phone.
"Hey Barry, it's Barry. I'm starting to worry about coming down from this. I don't want you to forget how wonderful it was to just... go for it with him. He thinks you'll want some space after this. I hope he's wrong. Just.. try to remember how happy we were when he first kissed back. And.. kiss him again for me, ok?"
"Barry! There you are." Julian's voice rang through, as the view became obscured. "The antidote is ready."
"I know you said that was the last one..." a soft pause.
"go on to the lab, I'll be right there." Barry promised. the camera moved back to centering Barry.
"I know I'm intoxicated, but god, he's all I think about. Just remember, please." He begged, before the video ended.
"Julian," Barry asked, pocketing his phone. "I don't need space, i don't need this reminder to myself... i just need a chance to do this right. Would you consider going to dinner with me?" Barry asked nervously. Julian smiled up at him softly, before leaning up a little.
"one more kiss, before I decide?"