A/N: Wrote this on sudden inspiration. Initially, I thought it would be a oneshot, but I had a good idea for a second chapter. I'll just leave it as in-progress for the moment, until I'm sure that all the plot bunnies are captured and transformed into ink and paper... or ones and zeros!
Feel free to leave a review. For this story, I will take compliments, constructive criticism and flames.
I hope it makes you smile, or grin. And remember, always keep up to date with your taxation obligations.
Vader stood on the bridge of his star destroyer, watching the stars lazily float past, in a partially meditative state. Around him, imperial officers moved like well oiled machines. The flow from the force from the efficiency and effectiveness that had been instilled in all of them was a sight of near beauty to the half man half machine. As Vader moved further into a meditative state, he found one snarl in the flow. Returning to reality, he began to walk towards the communications consoles, intent on ensuring that the problem went away, one way or another. As the distance between them collapsed, he began to hear the officer talking.
"triple checked the crew list - twice - and there is no one on board by that name... Well, either your records are wrong, or our records are wrong. And as I oversaw the crew list from the beginning to the end, and I know that I didn't make any mistakes, that only leaves one option!"
Vader leant over the man, and asked "What seems to be the problem?"
The officer flipped a switch, muting his microphone. "My Lord, the Imperial Taxation Office wishes to speak to an Anakin Skywalker. But there is no one on the ship by that name!"
Vader's eyebrows shot up underneath his mask. "Re-direct them to my personal quarters. I will sort this matter out... Personally."
"Yes, my lord" replied the officer. He returned to the console, to tell the Imperial Taxation Office that someone would be speaking to them on the matter in a short while.
Vader activated the communications console. "I understand you wish to speak to Anakin Skywalker."
After a moment's pause, the voice on the other end spoke up. "That is correct. My name is Yeersk. May I ask who I am speaking with?"
"I put a name change update form in with you over a decade ago. Why has my name not been updated on your system?" Vader growled, as he sent his identification codes through.
"On behalf of the Imperial Taxation Office, I apologise... Mr... Vader. I will update the details now. First name: Darth, last name: Vader. Is this correct?"
"No, no, no. Darth is my title. Vader is my name."
"I see," replied Yeersk. "So it's Vader Skywalker, then, with Darth as your title?"
"I only have the one name - Vader. Darth Vader. Nothing more, nothing less," Vader replied, becoming increasingly annoyed. "Aargh! This is folly! I am exempt from any taxation requirements! What purpose do you have in trying to contact me?"
"Well, Mr Vader, there is a campaign currently going on in the Imperial Taxation Office. We have been trying to follow up the Rebel Alliance for their taxation reporting obligations. It seems that they have hired an accountant, who has been in communication with us and is attempting to get the backlog of their reporting and payment requirements dealt with. It seems that they are trying to claim tax back from business losses... It just happens that we have both a postal and now a residential address for their base of operations. Mr Vader, as soon as we entered a residential address, we triggered a system flag which told us to contact you to advise you of their location. It appears that they are in a temple on a moon in the Yavin System. If you wish, I can transfer all the relevant information to you directly?"
Vader was speechless. Years of work trying and failing to find the rebel base had suddenly bore fruit from a most unlikely source. Victory was within their grasp. And he didn't even have to wait until three people stole the princess from underneath his grasp so he could plant a tracking device on their ship so that when they returned her to the base, they would find it. It was just... handed to him.
"Do so, immediately." Vader terminated the communication and, having routed the incoming data to the navigation console in the bridge, turned and walked out of his personal quarters.