Kiss

A/N: Just something I typed up while I was coming down from a good buzz. Tell me what you think, or not...

It's been a while...

Too long in fact.

I still remember the fight we had.

Was a big one...

I remember a lot of things lately.

I don't know why. I should be over it by now.

I've done nearly everything to get over it.

But something keeps pulling me back to you...

Maybe its your hair. The way it smells. Sometimes like the shampoo you must use, other times...just you.

Maybe its your eyes. Burned forever into my memory. I love and hate it at the same time. Love, because it reminds me of swirling pools of milk chocolate...I always had a sweet tooth.

Hate, because they pop up every time I'm out looking for other eyes. But I love when they pop up, they warm my savage soul. Just like I love and hate them, they heal and wound me. Heal, because they always had warmth in them. Like rays of sunshine that magically healed my scars. My ugly scars.

Wound, because I know I may never see them again...Even worse, its my own damn doing.

Your body, God...so many feelings at once.

Lust...

Passion.

Excitement.

and at the bottom of it all. The reason behind every emotion...

Love. Uncontrollable love. Undying love. As much as I wish for it to die, I hope it never does. It keeps me on the edge. The edge of frustration and tranquility. Right smack in the middle.

And I hate every...waking...moment.

We never kissed. Something I regret most of all. Always a hug. Nothing more than a goddamned hug.

But I was afraid.

You see...

I've been punished before. Long ago.

For misbehaving.

I don't know what the argument was about. But I do remember watching her drive off.

...She came back...

...But the damage was already done.

Shattered...Split.

That's how I'd describe it. A shattered soul. A split personality.

Stuck between little me and older me...Never whole.

But it's my fault.

I talked back. I disobeyed. Was disrespectful.

So I deserved it.

Because I'm selfish.

I'm ignorant.

And I'm just a jerk.

It's not that I don't deserve you...maybe I don't.

But it's that I just don't trust you...even though I should. You deserve my trust. You earned it...All of it. Heart and soul.

You always took care of me. Invited me over, tried to talk to me. I never showed thanks. I always took and never gave.

I hate myself. I'm such a dick. I should have kissed you.

Now your gone...

Miles away. Thousands of miles.

You told me how it is now. How you found someone else.

How you never felt anything...

That I was just mistaken.

My heart broke.

Booze infected my mind and soul.

...I fucked up.

And I am so sorry.

I know...

I've said it before, many times.

But I mean it. I meant it every time. even more so now...

Please forgive me.

Again...

From my anger,

My hate,

My pitiful self-loathing.

If only we kissed.

If only I could hold you in my arms.

Rock you back and forth, eyes closed. A loving and content smile upon our faces. I'd take care of you. Buy you things. Take you places. Marry you. Buy you the perfect ring. For your perfect fingers. I'd take you to the beach. Around ten o' clock at night. Full moon. calm ocean. Waves gently crashing against the shore. A candlelit picnic blanket, homemade dinner. Some red wine. I'd ask you. You'd say, "Yes."

Then we'd kiss.

You've always taken care of me.

Now it's my turn to take care of you.

Things would be so different.

If only we'd done it.

Yes, things would be so different...

If I gave you a kiss.

That's it.