"What did I tell you Alexander!" shouted Washington, "don't participate in a duel. That was an order from your commander, son."
"Don't dare call me son!" errantly shouted Hamilton.
"You could have died and I need you alive, son, your wife needs you alive!" Washington shouted over him.
"Call me son one more time!" Hamilton couldn't believe what he had just screamed at his commanding officer. Washington could order him to be shot or flogged or discharged or any other terrible number of things. Worst of all his petulant peers, John Laurens and even worse Aaron Burr were outside the door listening to his performance.
Obviously angered, Washington marched the struggling Hamilton, overpowering him and essentially dragging him to his personal sink area, whipped out a fresh bar of soap, suds it up and shoved it into the mouth he'd just pried open. "That'll teach you to scream and talk so rudely to your commander. Go face the corner Alexander!"
Hamilton obliged, a single tear now rolling down his foaming face, not wanting to experience or add to his punishment anymore before it even had really started. He heard, to his chagrin, Washington escorting in Laurens and Burr, the other two participants in the duel. He had taken up a more authoritative voice and had perched on his chair, forcing the soldiers to stand at attention as he further berated them.
"Now! I warned you, this war is hard enough without in-fighting. Yet you still participated in a duel! What is wrong with you, acting like immature schoolboys engaging in a nonsensical contest. Did you realize that you could have died! All of you could have died in the duel, or from stray shots! So you will each be getting multiple punishments. If you turn to look to Alex, you'll see what happens when you speak rudely to your commanding officer. I advise that you learn from his actions and choose to conduct yourselves in a respectable manner, as I won't run out of bars of soap any time soon, I recommend to keep your swearing and disrespect to yourselves for the time being, speaking of which, Hamilton you have two swishes, utilize then well."
With that, Hamilton went running for the water, too soon for his liking however cut off and instructed to join the line of naughty boys.
"Your punishment will be conducted in multiple parts. First, I will give you each time to explain yourself, whoever's argument is the most compelling will be responsible for choosing who is punished first and last, the order followed for each circuit, after that you will be each punished with an amount of lashes of each of your belts on your bare behinds for infighting. All strokes thereafter will be received on the bare unless I choose to direct you otherwise. After that you will each spend time with your nose to the corner. Then you will each receive a number of strokes of a dressage whip for disobeying direct orders, again followed with your nose pressed to a corner. You will each then receive 6 strokes of the cane for general misconduct followed by a series of wall sits then following you'll each be receiving another amount of strokes with your own belt for endangering your life, Laurens, you however will also then after receive another eight with the whip or cane for shooting General Lee on your lower posterior and thighs, however this amount may be changed based on other factors we'll discuss later. Burr and Hamilton, you will each receive three strokes for acting as seconds, chosen implement from the whip or cane, solely across the thighs. Is that understood? I'd like to warn you however that if you do decline this harsh but deserved option, you will be drawn and quartered for your acts against my direct wishes. Will you submit to the punishments I have laid out with the understanding that amendments may be made?"
He finally paused obviously expecting a response from the fear stricken young delinquents. He truly had no intention of having them quartered, something he wasn't even really able to authorize even as the commander in chief, he just wanted to stop any complaints for the time being from Hamilton who was not intimidated by his rank.
"I expect a verbal response." he coldly added. It elicited an immediate;
"I guess" from Hamilton and a solemn, "Yes, Sir!" from the quaking Laurens and shaking Burr.
"Alright then as planned, let's proceed down the line with a synopsis and justification to today's events. Burr please begin."
"Well, Sir, I know it was dumb and immature but I was confronted by General Lee regarding Laurens and Hamilton's request to duel after he besmirched your name and then agreed to act as his second. I confronted Hamilton and we weren't able to come to any agreement so then we prepared and called in medics and then watched Lee and Laurens duel. At the time it seemed like a good idea to defend Lee's honor and I never intended for anyone to be hurt. I'm sorry, Sir, for acting so inappropriately."
"Alright then Aaron. Laurens, your explanation?"
"It was pretty much the same series of events Sir, acting very dumb and immature, confronting Burr and Lee, then with Hamilton as an intermediary then eventually dueling. I have no valid explanation. I was doing what thought was right at the time but by doing so I endangered lives and directly disobeyed my commander's- your direct and clear orders. My behavior was completely unacceptable and not warranted for anyone, especially someone of my position. I will willingly accept to any punishment you will choose to delve out. I am responsible fully for choosing to shoot General Lee and allowing such events to transpire."
"Eloquent, Hamilton?"
"I defended your honor Sir, I set up a duel and I wasn't dumb or immature. I feel justified in my actions."
"Hamilton, when will you ever learn to have respect?! You just earned yourself an additional five strokes across your thighs as that last part of the punishment."
All parties involved winced. All Burr could think was when will you ever learn to shut up!
"Now, Alex I know you like to ride, run out to the stables and fetch a dressage whip one with a short length of hardened leather and a good sized cord. Burr, go ask Lafayette for his cane."
"But Sir," whined Burr, "what am I supposed to tell him!"
"That you and John and Alex are being caned in part of a list of punishments for acting dumb and immature?! Figure it out. I need a word with Laurens. He had the most convincing justification. Run along."