(Messages Sent to Heaven)
Daisesndaffidols: I always thought they would bring up the burning wishes again at some point...if only just in passing… one of them could say..."By the way...today was the date I wrote down. . ."
I thought this sounded like it might be an interesting story.
I don't own Bones.
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Lying in bed with his hands behind his head, Booth smiled as he looked up at the bedroom ceiling. Hearing the quiet gentle breathing next to him, Booth thought of what his life had been like three months ago and knew that he had never been as happy as he was at that moment. Three months ago he hadn't been sure of anything. He'd been working through one of the roughest patches in his life and he had been trying to figure out where Brennan fit in to it.
Three months ago he and Brennan had been sitting in his apartment talking about them, about their future. She'd talked about how strong she was and that she had used to consider herself impervious. She had told him the difference between imperviousness and strength and then had told him that she had changed and she was no longer impervious or at least not completely so. She was strong. He'd thought over what she'd said and he had felt that he'd understood what she was trying to tell him.
He'd told her that he was still angry although not at her. He hadn't known how to explain it to her without sounding insane; so, he had just told her that he needed to hang back and find inner peace before he got back out there. He had assured her that he meant that when he was ready then it would be about him and her and love and happiness.
He'd been so angry when Hannah had turned him down. He had thought of her as his last chance. He'd been so sure that if he couldn't get her to commit to him and to marry him then that would be it. He would live the rest of his life alone and unwanted. When she had turned him down; he'd lost all hope and he'd found himself so angry at the all of the women in his life. Everyone left him, first his mother, then his grandmother, then Rebecca, then Tessa and so forth and so on. No one stayed. No one cared and he was sick of it, so sick of it all. Then he'd had time to think about it and he'd realized that he needed to find inner peace. He needed time to let go of his anger at the world and to move on. When he'd thought about it, he'd realized that his anger had never really been about Brennan or any of the women in his life. It had been about himself.
He wanted to move on; but, he needed to do that from a positive position. He knew that if he accepted Brennan into his life and he wasn't ready then he ran the risk of ruining his chances with her. He needed to finally grow up and to let go of the past, to let go of that little boy who was all but destroyed by that monster that he called Dad. That Monster who had told him that no one would ever love him because he was not lovable. For so long, that monster's voice had lived inside of his head and with each new failure in his life the monster's words had reinforced what had been drummed into him since he'd first understood what the monster was saying, he really was unlovable and no one would ever love him back. There was no one for him. There never would be.
Booth had finally realized that that sick monster's voice inside of him had to be silenced. He could no longer afford to let that monster dictate his happiness to him. He knew that terrible voice had kept him from happiness for so long. It had made him doubt the love of anyone who tried to love him. It had made him desperate for love and made him accept whatever was given to him, no matter the cost. It made him weak and he knew it. It had made him insecure and he despised that about himself. He had finally decided that the monster was no longer going to control him and his future. Once that terrible voice had been silenced he felt that he could finally move on and allow the one he loved the most back into his heart. When that monster's voice was finally silenced and he could finally hear his own voice, he knew that he would be ready.
He'd talked Brennan into writing a date on a piece of paper. These dates would be messages sent to Heaven or as he'd told Brennan, they would be messages released out in to the universe and the dates would be their goals. For him it would represent the day his anger was gone and he was ready for love. Her date would be when she finally felt that last bit of imperviousness was gone. Those dates represented when they would be ready to move on and towards each other.
He didn't know what date she had written; but, he'd thought about it and written down one of the most important dates in his life. The day his father had been chased out of his life and Pops had rescued him and his brother, the day that the monster had been permanently removed from his life.
He had known that his plan to silence that horrible voice within was going to be hard; but, he'd known that he was strong and if he really wanted Brennan then he would be able to destroy that hateful voice that dwelled within. He had given himself a goal and wanted that voice gone by June 4th. On that date, he would be ready.
That date on that piece of paper soon became superfluous with the death of Vincent and the anguish that Brennan had felt over her favorite interns' death. The hateful voice had disappeared and he'd finally heard silence. In that silence he'd heard Brennan. She loved him and needed him and he loved her and he needed her. They'd finally overcome their weaknesses and found a new strength and with that new strength they had become one.
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Moving closer to Booth, Brennan smiled, "Its late Booth. Why are you still awake?"
Smiling, Booth lowered his arms from above his head to encircle the woman he loved lying beside him. Pulling her closer he smiled, "I was just thinking about those papers we burned in my apartment a few months ago. You know, the ones with the dates on them."
Puzzled, Brennan snuggled against Booth and asked, "Why now?"
Closing his eyes, Booth responded, "The date I wrote on my paper was June 4th. Today is June 4th."
Smiling, Brennan sighed, "So you aren't very good at predicting the future?"
Laughing, Booth squeezed Brennan, "No, thank God. I was off by a month and that's ok by me."
Curious, Booth smiled and asked, "What day did you write on your paper?"
Laughing, Brennan leaned up and kissed Booth's chin, "I didn't write down a date. I wrote down, when Booth is ready I will be ready."
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I hope this is what you had in mind. Let me know what you think of this story. I appreciate any and all reviews.