"Okay class, Lord of the Rings, the relationship of Sam and Frodo, what is Tolkien trying to convey to us?" Miss Young's voice carried over her English class as she held the thick book in her left hand.
"Depth of friendship, they are what keeps each other going throughout the quest," Sue answered.
"Ben, what do you think?" Miss Young's green eyes found and locked Ben's brown ones. She wandered over and stood directly in front of his desk, draping her brunette hair behind her ear with her free hand. Ben tapped the eraser end of his pencil against his desk to indicate he was thinking.
Neither of them ever averted their gaze. "Sam and Frodo are like: it's like there are certain special people in your life. When you're lucky enough to know them, they raise you up, make you more than you ever wanted to or thought you could be. That's what this relationship is to me." Miss Young stood motionless, processing Ben's answer. She allowed herself the barest hint of a smile; he'd said "this relationship" on purpose.
"See I think circumstances are more what's dictating Sam and Frodo's relationship. It's the intensity of the experience they're going through." Ally O'keefe interjected in her nasally tone.
"It's not the intensity of the experience, it's the character, the very fiber of two beings: two people," Ben yelled back.
Miss Young covered her mouth with her free hand to hide her blushing cheeks and growing smile. "Ben is that really what you believe?" She still hadn't moved off from in front of him.
"Yes," Ben answered emphatically, resting his elbows on his desk and leaning closer to Miss Young.
"I think most people would disagree with you. Psychology has proven over and over again that that Ally is probably right. When people are placed in extreme circumstances their character changes. In other words the circumstance wins, not the person, or people in this case." Miss Young's green eyes were soft and playful: she wanted to keep the dance going.
"Not for these two." Ben pointed his index finger toward Monica and pointed his thumb toward himself.
"Well we'll just see if Frodo gets consumed by the power of the ring or not." Monica moved back to the front of the classroom and leaned against her desk.
"He'll be consumed alright, but only because he wants to be." Ben let loose a coy smile. The class had long since picked up what was going on, turning their heads back and forth in unison as each spoke. Ally and Sue were both biting their lips to repress laughter at the verbal foreplay.
Suddenly the bell rang and the entire scene changed, it was like the bell had magical powers behind it. Now Ben was alone in English class and Miss Young was seated at her desk. Ben rose from his chair and advanced toward her. As he approached she turned her head and gave him that beaming smile. "We've got to stop doing that," Ben said as he rested his hands on her desk.
"Why it's fun isn't it?" She rose from her chair and leaned closer to Ben.
"Yes it is, but we're not fooling anybody." Ben smiled brightly, smelling her perfume.
"Yes we are, we're fooling ourselves Ben. That's what makes it so damn sexy." Monica wet her lips with her tongue as she said'sexy'. They leaned in to kiss one another, but then Monica vaporized in a wisp of cloud. Ben looked around: the classroom was completely empty. That's when Ben Conner awoke sweating in his bed. He rubbed his eyes and shook his head trying to clear it. These dreams were getting more and more frequent.
Ben hadn't slept anymore that night and he was yawning furiously as he walked to his car the next morning. He was eighteen now and it was another month before he'd start college at the University of Washington. The car was a black two door SAAB his parents had bought for him on his seventeenth birthday. He started the SAAB and drove to the radio station where his dad had gotten him a job as an intern. Mostly Ben's job was mundane, distributing mail sent to the station, dusting equipment and mixing boards. Occasionally though he got to help out the tech guys with sound or microphone problems. It wasn't what he wanted to do for the rest of his life, but there were lots of worse places to be working. Dino and Jonathan were both still working fast food counters at the mall. That thought at least made Ben feel somewhat better. However, today the prospect of a full eight-hour day displeased him greatly, with what little sleep he'd had. He made it through the same way he always had in recent weeks. Applying lots of Mountain Dew to fight off the fatigue, and burying himself in work so as not to think about the dreams he'd been having.
Ben came home from work that night and parked his car in the driveway. In an odd moment he looked at his rearview mirror, the blue and white tassel from his high school graduation hung on it. Ben shook his head, he was maybe two months out of high school and yet somehow his memories all seemed so distant. It had been over two years since Monica Young had left for Denver. Miss Young, Sue, and even a couple of other girls now wandered through his mind without point. Ben's memories of high school were like photos from a vacation he'd never really taken. Except there he was in the photos. Once again Ben shook his head to clear this depressing nonsense. He went inside to greet his parents.
Ben's mother had made his favorite dish for dinner, Fettuccini Alfredo. Ben picked at it but he didn't really eat it. His depression had come on slowly, lately however it was really worrying his parents. "How are the chess lessons going?" Ben's father Roland tried to start a conversation: forgetting what chess truly reminded Ben of.
Ben drew a heavy breath, "I'm learning a lot, but Susan is classically trained, and she's absolute bitch mean."
"Benjamin Conner!" His mother scolded. Susan was Susan Polgar: eldest of three Polish sisters who were all grandmasters. At his father's behest Ben had begun taking chess lessons from her about a year after Monica left. Roland had seen his son's growing depression and wanted him to have something to pour himself into. Ben had always seemed to have natural talent for chess his father thought. Ever since I taught him the moves at the age of five. So when Roland read the newspaper article stating that the famous Miss Polgar was going to be living in Seattle he'd immediately contacted the Seattle Chess Club. Ben's father wasn't exactly comfortable with the idea of forcing his son to become competitive at the game, but it was the only solution he could think of. Ben was made to demonstrate his prowess many times over before Susan would even agree to meet him. However Ben was successful in gaining her attention and she'd agreed to teach him.
"The reason I bring it up son is this." Roland slid a laminated three by five placard across the small dining table. Ben picked it up: it was ticket, a pass actually. The writing read, August 6, 2007 GM and World Champion Garry Kasparov Checkmates the United States. Ben's brown eyes grew into disks, the very last words on the placard read: player pass. Ben's parents let their joy overcome them as they watched their son process the news. "That came in the mail this afternoon, Susan wants you to go and play. It's all arranged, the chess club is even going to pay your travel expenses. You'll get to stay in New York overnight and play an exhibition game against the most famous player in history." Ben's parents were practically glowing as his father elaborated.
Ben sat silently for several moments, but then he just set the pass to one side and returned to picking at his food. Ben's parents looked at each other, 'we thought he'd be thrilled by this.' Ben excused himself and slowly stomped his way up the steps to his room to try and sleep. "He's getting worse, we've got to do something," Amanda stated the obvious.
Roland picked up the pass then went upstairs and knocked on Ben's door. "Come in if you must," Ben answered tiredly.
"Son, are you holding up okay? Your mother and I thought you'd be thrilled about this." Ben's father shook the pass between his thumb and index finger. "Only fifty people in the entire country are getting to do this, don't you want to?"
"It's not that dad, I enjoy chess, it's just everything seems like, well like work somehow. Ever since…" Ben's voice trailed off.
"Every since what," his dad continued to pry.
Tears formed in the corner of Ben's eyes. "Ever since Miss Young left I feel like I've been living my life in survival mode. Everything is hard work, nothing is fun, and I find myself constantly trying to just grind through things."
"That doesn't sound like a happy way to live. Maybe the affair with Miss Young did more damage than you or I thought." Ben's father took a seat on the bed and rubbed his son's shoulder.
"What I didn't tell you about that was," Ben paused. "You said I could come to you about this right? We made love dad. Not lust, not sex, we actually made love." Ben sniffled and wiped his nose with a hanky but it felt good to say what was bothering him.
"Oh," Roland exhaled as though his chest had just taken a bullet. "Wha, when did this happen?"
"New Years Day, nearly three years ago. I didn't sleep over at Jonathan's. I bought flowers and candles and I spent the night with her. Don't be mad I wanted to do it at the time." Ben was fully crying again.
"Okay son I'm calm, just let me see if I can get my head around this."
"The whole relationship was a stupid idea for both of us. Still she wanted me, and I wanted her just as much. But now with everything that's happened I feel like some piece of me went with her. I mean I freaked after Miss Young and I made love and I tried to break it off with her again. Sue sees us fighting and tells her dad. But Miss Young has remained somewhere in my mind and heart all this time " Ben buried his head in his soaked pillow. Ben's father rubbed his son's back.
"Now you see why you have to be so careful about sex Ben. Look a lot of this is our fault, your mom's and mine, the subject terrified us and we never talked to you like we should have.
"Never mind that, just how do I stop hurting," Ben pleaded?
"If I had the answer to that son you wouldn't be. I'm not going to lie to you this is a serious problem. Remember how we thought you were on drugs? Well you were, sex is a drug, that's how god designed it. See I believe god gave us sex to sort of put us in an altered state of reality. Your mother and I have been married thirty-one years. Imagine how long a time that is to get on each other's nerves. Sex is meant to round out those rough edges and make the attachment much more manageable. When you use the drug incorrectly though, what results is a depth of pain human beings aren't really supposed to feel." Ben's father sighed heavily after the speech.
"This is a lecture it's not helping." Ben's voice was muffled by the pillow.
" There are no easy answers son, the reason you feel like part of you left is because it did. I'll leave you alone for a while, compose yourself and then we'll talk some more." Ben's father left the room. He went and found Amanda sitting on the bed reading. Ben's father perched beside her and began to think. "Is he alright," Amanda asked putting the book aside?
"Well he obviously never resolved his feelings for Miss Young." Roland held his head in his hand and rubbed his temples.
"I knew we shouldn't have let that, that woman get away with what she did." Ben's father chuckled slightly, wondering what word 'woman' had taken the place of.
"Oh involving the police would have helped immensely I'm sure." The sarcastic comment drew crossed arms and a rueful stare for Amanda. She rose and left the bedroom moments later, huffing and puffing like a steam engine. In that moment Ben's father did something he'd never done before. Roland closed the bedroom door and locked it. He didn't want Amanda to find out what he was about to do. "Directory information, what city please," an operator asked?
"Denver, do you have phone listing for a Monica Young?" Roland exhaled as he watched
the bedroom door.