I wake up from a drowsy sleep, in the little room I've been staying in for the past few weeks. It's in a quaint little wizarding village, full of hospitality for strangers. As long as the strangers aren't criminals. It's right on the coast of Scotland, and Muggles as well as wizards live there.
The Muggles know not of all the magic going around them, and the wizards don't let them know. Generally, it's a nice place to go. I've been here before.
Thank goodness they don't know what I really am.
I look out the window, and see that the sun is about to set. The sky is bright with streaks of pink and orange, on a navy background. Slowly, it slides closer and closer to the horizon, the lake mirroring its moves.
Wearily, I glance at my watch. It's a Muggle watch, one that tells you the date as well as the time. It's 8:15, on June 6th. I've missed the supper they always serve downstairs by an hour or so.
June 6th. Something about that number seems familiar, but I can't remember what it is.
As the moon begins to appear from behind grey clouds, realization dawns on me. I'm frozen in place. Quickly, I flip through my calendar just to make sure.
I'm right. It's June 6th, the night of the full moon.
I feel like screaming in frustration. How could I have been so irresponsible?
But there's no time for that. Not time to get mad. Only time to run away from this village, as fast as possible. Run, so that I can't hurt anyone here. So that they won't find out what a monster I really am.
I grab my flask from the desk, and push the window open. The cool night air greets me, refreshing me. I pause for a second to let it clear my thoughts. Then I jump.
The sweet smelling grass cushions my fall. I bounce to my feet, and start to run. I don't know where I'm going, just that I have to get as far away as possible.
The change is already beginning.
Finally I reach the forests. Now, I pop the cork off my flask and peer in. It's filled with the Wolfsbane Potion I always carry around. There isn't much left. Only a gulp or so. It won't even get me through the night.
No time to worry about it. It'll have to do. And meanwhile, I'll just have to keep on running, so I can't unknowingly let myself do things I don't want to do. So I won't wake up in the morning, and find blood on my face, wondering how it got there.
I gulp down the last of the potion, just as the final changes occur. The full moon is high in the sky, shining over all on our world. I rise on my hind paws, my human brain hoping that I got the potion down in time. My fangs drip with saliva, my fur stands on end. I know my eyes are wild. I stand, a beast, a full-fledged monster.
A werewolf.
And then I fall, and my arms and legs are hitting the hard ground, propelling myself forward as fast as I can. A whirlwind of dust follows me, leaving a trail. I run, my wolfish instincts taking over.
I don't know if I'm harmless. And if I'm not, I don't want to find out.
Soon, I find myself in the Forbidden Forest. The village I had chosen was not all that far from Hogwarts. I had picked it so I could check in on Harry every once in a while.
Only now, it meant that I was a danger to the students. I hoped with all my might that there weren't many students that were foolish enough to go wandering around the Forbidden Forest at night. I wasn't scared of the creatures here. I could take them on if I had to.
If only I didn't have to put up with this responsibility. If only I had listened to my parents when I was so young, if only I hadn't gone into those woods and got bitten by that werewolf.
Life is ugly and cruel. Why did it have to place this burden on an innocent child?
It had been such a burden when I was younger, even more so than it is now. I remember those summers when I came home to all my Muggle friends. I had lived in a Muggle village then, even though both my parents were wizards. They wanted me to get the best of both worlds. I was so happy to see them again, after all those months apart. They thought I was at boarding school.
"C'mon Remus," they would say, punching me playfully. "Let's go see a movie or something. Go out and have some fun. It's a beautiful night."
But I couldn't. I would have to go make up some excuse, because it was the week of the full moon. Of course, it didn't always happen, but it came up often enough. I felt so horrible refusing them. Especially after seeing the disheartened look on their faces.
"Okay then," they would say, and walk away, chatting and laughing, their footsteps making long shadows on the sidewalk. I was left to stare after them, wishing I could join them.
I wish I could tell them. But they were all Muggles, and would've avoided me forever. And I wouldn't be able to stand that, knowing that it was me who made them all leave. At least this way, I would still be able to have fun part of the time.
Sometimes, I would imagine what would happen if I did say yes. And I would always stop halfway through, because it would become too gruesome for me to think about.
Luckily, I met Sirius, James, and Peter at Hogwarts. They helped me through one of the worst times of my life. Well, Sirius and James did anyway. Peter didn't do much, and we all had to help him as much as they helped me.
With them, I almost forgot what I was. I was happy.
We stayed friends all throughout school. I became more lighthearted with them, and helped pull some of their biggest pranks. We came up with the most ridiculous ideas, and tried them all out on Snape.
I almost killed him.
Although they all told me that it wasn't my fault, I still couldn't ever forgive myself. It was pure luck that James had gotten there in time. But what if he hadn't?
Then Snape would be dead. And I would be a murderer, at only age sixteen.
To live a life forever shunned by wizards and Muggles alike. And I know they would've found some way to kick me out of the school. It became my worst fear, that Snape would find some sneaky way to get back at me.
I wasn't ever the same after that. I lived a life of loneliness and solitude, with the exception of my friends. I promised myself that I wouldn't ever hurt anyone again.
Never again, would I put anyone at risk.
I don't understand. How can I be thinking of the past when my mind is of the wolf? How can all these memories be coming back, crystal clear? It's so confusing.
I stop my reckless running, and sniff the ground. The trail of a human. A young one, maybe a girl. I sniff, following the scent she has left. She is scared.
Soon, I find her. She holds her wand in her hand, a weak light shining from it. It's not even strong enough to lead the way. She shivers, in both coldness and fear. She must be lost.
I emerge from the bushes, and hear her soft gasp. My soft padded feet quickly cross the ground, and I'm now at her feet. I lick the hand she offers.
Good. The potion has worked in time. I feel no hunger for blood. But how much longer will it last? I must get her back to the school.
I wag my tail, and motion for her to follow. Then slowly, I trot away. A quick glance behind me tells me that she is indeed following. Good. This girl isn't too dumb.
I lead her through the Forest, stopping every once in a while so she can catch up. I'm careful to avoid the magical creatures who're sleeping here. I've spent many nights in these woods. I know my way around.
She is quite deep in the Forest, quite far from the school. I wonder what pushed her to come here.
She seems to be more relaxed, now that she has an animal guide. Her fear is mostly gone, but she is still cautious. I don't know how she can trust me so easily. She has no idea what I am.
She begins to speak to me, thinking I wouldn't understand a word. "Thank you for helping me out of this," she says. "I didn't mean to go in that far. But I lost track of time, and then the darkness came. Nothing looked familiar anymore, and I've been wandering around for the last half hour, trying to find my way back."
I continue to walk. She's more cheerful now, and there's a new spring in her step.
"I love animals. That's why I was in the Forest, because I had heard that there were magical creatures here. I've never seen one before. I'm what they call a Muggle." She let out a nervous laugh. "Are there creatures out here?"
She asks me sincerely, almost as if I will answer her.
I quicken my step. We're almost at the edge of the forest now. But also, I can feel that the potion is about to wear off. I have to get her back before I change again.
I stop. The curtain of trees has drawn away, and before us is a meadow. I can see the old stone castle in the distance. She'll be safe now.
The girl drops to her knees in gratefulness. She wraps her arms around me and gives me a big hug. "Thank you," she says. "I thought I would never get out."
"No!" I want to scream. "Get away, go now!" But the words come out as snarls. It's too late. If she doesn't run soon, I'm going to hurt her. And I don't want that to happen.
The lust for blood, it's coming back. My sharp teeth grow even longer, and my fur stands on end. My teeth are so close to her neck, I can almost taste the sweet blood in my mouth. Then, I realize what I'm about to do and I pull away from her, scrambling back. She looks at me, surprised.
Then realization registers in her mind. Her eyes widen in horror, and she too, scrambles back. Her eyes ask me a silent question. I nod my wolfish head, just slightly.
And she turns and runs, nearly tripping in her haste. I know she wishes to thank me for leading her out of the Forest, but that is not possible if she is dead.
I've only ever killed once. My mind had gotten away from me, and the instincts of the werewolf took over. It was a small village off the coast of Wales when I was in my early twenties. I had attacked a woman of about my age. When I had finally realized what I was doing, I knew I had to kill her. I couldn't let her suffer through the same curse I had suffered from all these years.
I can still taste the blood, bitter yet sweet.
I run once again, far far away from the school, from the girl I almost hurt.
I lift my head to the silver moon, and let out a howl, as chilling as the night air. A howl that conveys the twisted emotions I feel.
I desperately want someone to share this cursed transformation with me, to stay with me through it all. Because the real terror is the loneliness, going on and on forever.
Disclaimer: All HP places and characters belong to J.K. Rowling.
AN: Hope I didn't make Lupin too evil. This was just a thought I had, and I put it into words. I think he had to have hurt someone sometime, especially since they hadn't discovered the Wolfsbane Potion back then and animal instincts would've been hard to control. Review?