N~POV:

I was losing him, the one I loved the absolute most. Because he wasn't mine to love. I had to keep him with me for a little bit longer. It felt like there was an unexplainable bond between us but that only I could feel it.

I really didn't want to have sex with Jacob until I was married but maybe giving my virginity to Jacob was the only way I could show him how much I really loved him, still love him. I at least wanted to be married to Jake, on the first night of our honeymoon. But I couldn't wait that long or I would surely lose him forever. I can't let that happen. So I asked dad if I could spend the night at Jake's place.

"Renesmee I don't like that idea." Dad said shaking his head at me.

"Please dad, this will might be the last thing I have to do to see…" I left out the last part hoping I wouldn't have to say it but he wouldn't budge.

"To see what Renesmee?"

"To see if he loves me." I whispered but knowing he would hear me.

"You already know he does." Dad scoffed as if it was plainly obvious but I knew otherwise. He doesn't love me! He loves her! I shouted in my head and dad flinched a bit. "Sorry dad, but I really need you to stay out of this. I have to do this." I said with finality. He nodded his head and I walked out the door to Jake's car where he held the door open for me. I smiled at the gesture but I knew he thought differently about it then I did.

So that's how I managed to find myself naked underneath a very naked Jacob Black. Awkward, uncomfortable and painful are the words that come to mind right now. He broke my resisting skin and I knew that I would regret not waiting like I wanted to.

He thrusted into me again and again. The pain was still there and I couldn't feel any pleasure. The only pleasure I felt was what Jacob felt. I knew he was close but I still didn't feel what I had felt when I did it by myself. I loved the feeling of Jacob being this close to me but I couldn't shake the other horrible feelings. He thrusted again and I saw his eyes squint shut in pure ecstasy. "Fuck Renesmee." He moaned, I felt him pulsate inside me and then fill me up for the first time in my life. "Oh shit!" He groaned. The last of his climax surging through him. He almost collapsed on top of me but quickly rolled over. "God Ness, that was…" He trailed off, he looked on cloud nine but I was still confused. So confused, what was the big fuss about? All I felt now was frustrated and the area between my legs throbbed a lot.

My mind reverted to a couple of nights before, how he confessed to me that he once loved my mother. I felt a shudder go through me but Jacob took it the wrong way. "Are you cold Nessie?" He breathed on my neck. I shook my head. I sort of felt dirty and used, like I was Jacob's second choice to my mother. He would rather have sex with her than me. He would rather moan Bella's name than mine. I was as close as he could get. I could feel the tears threatening to surface. I didn't want Jacob to see them so I asked what I wanted to know the most.

"Do you regret it Jake?" I asked, willing for my voice to not sound horrible. "Regret what?" His voice instantly filled with concern.

"Do you regret having sex?" I begged my voice to sound normal. I sat up and so did Jake wrapping his arms around me. "Are you kidding Nessie? That was the best I've ever felt in my life! That was amazing! God!" He yelled, a face splitting grin coming across his face. How could he feel that? I didn't feel any of those feelings, I felt pain and confusion. I also felt frustrated, like I hadn't gotten my end of the deal either, that I didn't get to have my big finish that apparently felt 'amazing'.

My eyes were glossing over, all I could think about is my mother and Jacob. How they had kissed, how he loved her. I felt sick to the stomach. I got out of Jake's bed and started re-dressing. I could feel his eyes burning holes into my back as I put my black t-shirt on. "What are you doing?" He asked sadly. I didn't dare look into his eyes or my tears would spill over. So I lied to him. "Uh, dad would have a fit if I'm not back soon." Please don't hate me Jacob, I still love you even if you don't love me back. "I thought your dad said that you could stay the night, I mean it's not like he didn't know what we would get up to." He chuckled at the last part. Dammit Jake, why do you have to pick up on everything?

"Uh, yeah but Alice said she wanted to take me shopping." I silently begged Alice to see that she would soon see me begging to take me shopping with her without any questions. "Can't she take you another time, I mean, we just made love Nessie. Can't I spend some time with my girl?" He asked, his voice breaking on the last note. So he called it 'love making', I thought it was just sex, or fucking. I felt on tear slide down my cheek as he called me his girl. Yes I suppose I was his girl, but he wasn't my guy. He never was, he was my mothers.

To hold, to love, to cherish. I had nothing and it broke my heart. My mother had my father and she had Jake. Why can't something be mine for once? I hoped out of the bed, still bare bottomed and made my way into his en-suite. "Sorry Jake, you know how pushy Alice can be." I forced out a small laugh. I cleaned up the mess pooled between my legs. There was mostly blood, probably from where my hymen resisted the change of Jacob breaking my virginity. I came back out as he just watched me from his bed. "Are you sure Ness? I love you, Please don't leave." His voice choked out. Oh God, please don't, I can't stand it when he begs. "I'm sorry Jacob." I put my panties and jeans back on. I looked down at the bed, blood covered the sheets, everywhere. "Sorry about your sheets too." My voice came out small and barely there, but with Jacob's hearing of course he heard it. "Don't worry about it, are you sure you can't stay? Are you in pain?" I shook my head, lying again and grabbed my shoes. "Sorry Jacob I have to go." I had to remember to stop calling him Jake or my Jacob. Those were the names my mother called him. I didn't want him thinking about her more than he probably already did when we had sex. I was still surprised he moaned my name during, I was for sure he might slip up in the throes of passion but never the less he still managed to not say her name. Maybe it was all in my head? I shook off the thought as I remembered how highly he spoke of their second kiss.

How he could see his future with Bella, how much it meant to him. I could never compare. I had only hoped the sex was enough. "Okay Jacob, I'll see you… later I suppose." I really didn't want to see him while I'll felt like this. Dirty, used and so unloved. I felt broken. Maybe dad could help me a little. I felt the tears streaming down my face and I walked out of his room. "Nessie wait!" Shit, he had seen me crying. I could hear him scrambling to get shorts on while I bolted out the door, Sue and Charlie were just helping Billy get out of the car when they noticed me. Grandpa was the first to notice me slowly jogging out of the house, not to use my hybrid abilities and freak out the humans. "Hey Ness, what's wrong?" He asked his voice laced with concerned.

"Uh, not-thing…" I stuttered. My tears jerking out.

I could taste the tears coming off my cheeks and curling 'round into my mouth. "You don't seem fine Nessie." Billy stated looking straight at me. Sue was the first one to come up to me. "Aw honey was it something Jacob did?" I shook my head but at the same time I heard the small fly screen door almost come off its hinges. "Nessie please!" Jacob pleaded, zipping up his fly but I let go of Sue and quickly said my goodbyes. I didn't care if I did freak out the humans, I just had to get away from him.

I ran into the woods quickly hoping he wouldn't phase because he could surely catch up to me then. I was thankful Billy, Sue and Charlie are stopping him for a little bit giving me some time to pack my things.

I bounded down towards the cottage and found dad waiting on the porch for me. I nodded into the woods not wanting Bella to hear our conversation. Dad froze at my use of calling my mother by her first name but understood how I felt and agreed, walking me away from them so we could talk.

I told him everything, showed him everything. Well not the sex part but I still think he got some mental pictures from my mind when he didn't want to. He knows I regretted it but had the decency not to do the 'I told you so' thing. I was thankful seeing as it is his wife that is causing me pain as my next stop was Alice. I raced up to her room in the main house and she was already digging stuff out of her wardrobe.

"How long are we going for?" She asked picking out some shoes. "About a week I think should do." She nodded her head and pulled out the right amount of clothes for us.

"So have you figured out where we are going?"

"New York probably, the earliest flight we can take. I think some shopping will be in order." Her face lightened up immediately at the mention of this and she called the airport.

With that I said goodbye to everyone except for Jacob and dad who were probably fighting. As soon as I said that I heard dad shout from deep in the forest, "Goodbye Renesmee, call me when you land." Alice, Jasper and I set off to the airport ready to board our next flight to New York.

A/N: Sorry guys about the Cliffy but I promise it'll get better! Please let me know if you want something to happen or if it would be to cliché. I have quite a few chapters written out already but let me know in a review or PM me.