ONE HUNDRED FIRST KISSES

My first kiss was with my best friend, Chloe Price. She freaked out a little afterward.

When I saw her jump away from me with a nervous gaze and a very uncharacteristic hesitation in her demeanor, my confidence began crumbling. I had the feeling that maybe I had fucked up. Then, I heard her voice break a little through the joke she was telling, trying to be all nonchalant, and I knew I had fucked up. Again.

I rewound time and undid the kiss. Right in that very moment, when I made the decision to go back, that was the milestone where my life began getting even stranger. Was it for good or for bad? I did not know yet. The ride would certainly be a tad unpleasant.

"I double dare you," Chloe said, a shit-eating grin splitting her face.

And why would she not act all cocky? She knew me pretty well, so, she was pretty sure I would not do it. Hell, I had been pretty sure myself, the first time. But then, I actually went and did it. Now that she was daring me again, I could not look away from her lips. My brain was automatically backtracking to the moment in question, focusing my attention on the subject at the center of this situation. Chloe's lips. So pink, so beckoning, so… Oh crap. I could not remember how they actually felt. Admittedly, it had been a very short contact, but come on! Was my memory being totally cereal about this? And just like that, I kissed my best friend again. Because I had to know.

Everything after that played out just as I remembered. Chloe jumped back, acted all un-Chloe-like, and I felt bad about the whole deal. Worse than the first time, even, since now I had forced Chloe to unknowingly go through this awkwardness twice.

Anyway, I had accomplished what I had set out to, well, accomplish. My best friend's lips were smooth, soft, warm, and they had tasted a little of weed. Not to mention that little jolt of electricity that traveled down my spine. Now I would not forget. Although, I did not remember anything like that from the first time, at all.

"So, Max? You gonna do it or not? Don't just go all PTSD on me with that thousand-yard stare." Chloe was staring at me oddly. Oh, right, I had rewound time. She was daring me to kiss her again and I had been totally spacing out.

That little spark of something had made me curious. Hella curious. Of course I knew what happened to the cat, but, I was not a cat. Everything was going to be fine. I would do it just one more time, and then it was a done deal.

As I reached toward Chloe's face, an unwelcome thought suddenly filled me with apprehension and I hesitated. Did I really want to know what that feeling was? What if knowing only made things worse?

"Ha! I knew you couldn't do it!" Chloe said in a singsong voice while she did a little dance. So mature.

Her gloating ticked me off a little. Just a little. Okay, okay, it was enough to make me forget all about my apprehension and rewind time on the spot.

"For example, I dare you to kiss me."

This time I did not even give her a chance to double dare me. I closed the distance between us real fast, reached for her face with my hand, and smoothly claimed her lips. Total Casanova. Ha! Who was laughing now? Actually, for all my gloating, no one was actually laughing. The situation had just turned hella awkward, like before.

"Damn, you're hardcore, Max! Now I can—"

And I rewound time. However, I did not keep the promise I had just made to myself. It was not the last time. When Chloe dared me, I went in for the kill without hesitation, and predictably enough, everything ended just as it had every single time before. Awkwardness, fear, inability to cope, time rewind.

Max Caulfield, time traveler and professional asshole at your service.

It was the kiss. After the first few times, my curiosity and my fears had completely disappeared, and all that was left was a pleasant warmth and tingly lips. I wanted more of that. It was a nice little thing amidst all the crappiness. With time, I actually began resenting Chloe for her reaction, and each rewind became a quest to change that, to somehow improve the outcome. Admittedly, learning that kissing my best friend on the lips felt good was in no way detrimental to my motivation.

Nothing worked, though.

One time, tired of the more direct approaches, like nonchalant or sassy, I tried for tender. Chloe dared me, and I slowly moved forward, my eyes never leaving hers. Without realizing it, I became lost in the beautiful sapphire blue of her eyes, and my body began moving almost instinctively. I reached with my left hand and grabbed her waist. It felt, in that moment, like the gentle curve of my best friend's waist had been made specifically for this very purpose. My palm rested against her warm skin, perfectly molded, and I raised my right hand toward her face.

This time, I did not rush at all. I took my time caressing Chloe's face, and she let me. For some reason, my awesome, hardcore best friend, let me caress her cheek in a manner most cheesy, and even went as far as leaning a little into it. That was my cue. I stood on my tiptoes, tangled my fingers through her hair, and gently nudged her toward me. She allowed me to pull her down, which was as uncharacteristically Chloe as jumping away after the kiss, and our lips met. The contact was soft and slow. This kiss took longer than the ones before. Way longer. At least to me it felt like an eternity. Even though Chloe did not actually respond, she remained there for the longest time, not breaking contact. It was fantastic.

Until it was not.

Chloe suddenly broke the kiss and jumped back. Like she had been doing the entire time we were in her room. It hurt. It hurt fucking bad. As I reached out to begin rewinding time, I felt the sting of tears in my eyes.

"Max?" Chloe called. "Max, what's wrong?"

Of all the responses I could have mustered, the one that obviously came out was the worst possible one. I half sobbed, half choked a "nothing," and suddenly, Chloe's hands were on my shoulders.

"What's wrong?" she insisted. "Talk to me, Max."

As my luck would have it, the tears began spilling out of my eyes right then. Things escalated afterward. Chloe enveloped me in her arms and pulled me tight against her chest. But, instead of making me feel any better, her kindness made me feel even worse. Here she was, my best friend, trying to comfort me, and I had been stealing her kisses with my time travel powers all day long. A knot formed in my throat. The depths of assholery I had sunk to were unfathomable for normal human beings. That obvious realization made me begin crying in earnest.

After a few minutes of interspersed wailing and sobbing, I finally managed to calm down. Never before had I felt like I owed someone an explanation as much as I did right now. So, I spilled the beans.

When Chloe began comforting me, we ended up lying down on her bed, my head resting on her chest while she soothingly caressed my hair. As I confessed my deranged behavior, she never stopped comforting me. She would kill me for even thinking this, what with her stepdad being a vet, but what a soldier.

Then, I heard something above me that caught me completely off guard. A sob. When I tried to lift my head, Chloe held it firmly against her chest.

"Chloe?" I said, beginning to panic.

"Hush. Give me a second here."

After saying that, she tried to laugh my concern away, but it came out all wrong. It became quite clear that she was crying. I lost it.

"Chloe?!" New tears began to fill my eyes. "I'm so sorry Chloe! I swear I didn't mean to hurt you!"

"Shut up, dorkus," she replied in mock anger, and then she kissed the top of my head. "You didn't hurt me, okay? Just give me a minute to get sorted out."

Though it was hard to believe, apparently everything was fine. After all, why else would Chloe kiss the top of my head, right? The least I could do was try to calm down and give her space. I turned my body toward her and snuggled closer, resting my right arm on top of her belly. Since I did not try to lift my head, she allowed me to reposition this way without resistance, and I began taking slow breaths, inhaling her scent with each intake. Her shirt smelled of smoke—probably from tobacco and weed—a bit of clothes softener, and if it was Snuggle, well, that pun was just too much right now. And lastly, mixed within all that, some scent that was unmistakably Chloe.

For the record, I would like to admit, albeit reluctantly, that my best friend's smell calmed me down. More than that, it made me feel the same way I felt when taking photos: anchored to something larger than me. It was safety and contentment all conveniently wrapped in the same package.

After a few minutes, Chloe finally moved her hand away from my head and let me to look up. Her eyes were a little red and her cheeks were streaked with tears, but she did not bother wiping them off. My best friend is badass that way.

"Okay, here's the deal, Max," she began, almost in a whisper. "I'm still a bit hung up on Rachel, but…"

There it was. Whatever was coming after that pause, it was the cause of many rough patches in our relationship. Somehow, I knew. Right there lay the core reason for the anger and resentment Chloe felt when I moved away from Arcadia bay, and the reason for her skittish behavior after a kiss she herself had basically asked for.

"You know why I didn't say anything?" she continued. "Why I freaked out when you kissed me?"

Since I obviously did not know the reason for any of that, I kept my mouth shut. Besides, even though she paused again, it did not actually feel like she was expecting any answer for me.

"I was afraid, Max. Afraid that you would reject me and abandon me again."

"Oh Chloe," I said, making a move to touch her face. It really broke my heart that I made her feel abandoned.

She intercepted my hand and captured it with hers, and then, her eyes focused on me with an intensity I had never seen before. To say that she had me riveted on the spot, like being seduced by an Ardat Yakshi, would have been an understatement. In that moment, her eyes seemed impossibly blue, almost bottomless, and I actually felt like I could fall inside them and never come out. No one would be able to find me in those infinite depths.

"I'm not done yet. You see, Max Caulfield, I've been in love with you since I was thirteen."

I was speechless. And yet, Chloe still had one more trick under her sleeve.

"I feel like shit for saying this, but, I never stopped thinking about you during the five years you were gone. Not even while I hanged out with Rachel. There, I said it. That's all I got."

Several replies came to mind, each cooler than the previous one, but in the end not a single one of those made it to my mouth. In the end, corny as it is, it was my heart that managed to connect with my vocal cords.

"I love you, too, Chloe Price. Forever."

If the crushing strength of the hug she gave me afterward was any indication, I had said exactly the right thing. Well, the heated kiss that followed, which she initiated this time around, was probably a pretty good indicator too.

Everything was right with the world. At least for now.

FIN