It's not brilliant. I based it on a dream, and the song 'Mad World' by Gary Jules.
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All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places
Worn out faces
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The grass was tender.
Tenderly soft, each blade defined, rooted and stretching towards the sky... Longingly. I couldn't see the brown soil. Only green, the blunt blades of grass giving no sway in the breeze; and it made me sad, to think that something so beautiful was so limited.
Everything in the Peaceworld was limited.
"What you doing?" asked Kairi; hands clasped behind her back, innocently. I didn't look at her. I looked towards the green meadows, trying to count the grass blades in my head until I reached infinity. She asked again, almost in a whisper- "What are you doing, Sora?"
"Talking to the grass." was my watery reply.
She sat down beside me. I felt her drifting presence, her perfectly cranberry hair that held that tired, sleepy scent. I loved it. Much like I loved the sky there, in the Peaceworld, so blue and neverending, immaculately crisp and untouched by the faintest whisps of cloud. There was no sun. But there was still light. Nobody knew where the light came from, because it didn't make sense to exist in a world with no ultimate life source. If you went to find the sun, you'd keep going. Your journey would be a pointless one. The Peaceworld was just green meadows filled with grass. And sky. And sometimes, the occasional tree, that me and Kairi would sleep under, finding ourselves in a completely different place when sleeptime was over.
If morning existed.
"There's a new person," Kairi told me, faintly. "He's wandering around." and chastely, she added; "Over there."
"I saw him."
"He looks confused."
My eyes flickered up to the stranger; who was indeed ambling around rather pointlessly, dressed completely in white, like the rest of us. But the last question you'd ask when arriving in the Peaceworld was; "Where are my clothes?"
For females like Kairi, they wore long flowing skirts, creased with grey rivets that trailed to the floor, with little pure blouses; stretching across the torso, kissed with a little grey school tie. Everyone was pale. The only things that didn't change were your facial features and your hair. Teeth became white. Skin became white. Even eyes, everybody's eyes, became the softest shade of grey.
For males-- we simply wore the thinnest, lightest cotton leggings that flared out at the ends; and blouses, like the females. We also had ties. There was no sense of originality. That's what I missed the most. Not being able to... Be me.
But this stranger, he kept tripping, looking towards the sky and cupping his hands to his mouth, trying to shout "HELLO?" or "HELP ME!" or something pointless like that. That's another thing. You couldn't shout in the Peaceworld, it was impossible.
"Shall we go help him?" Kairi questioned softly.
I gave a little shrug. "What's the point? They'll just be another one, then another, and another - "
"Don't be selfish." She whispered.
And then she started to walk towards him.
I stayed where I was.
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Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere
Going nowhere
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"His name is Riku."
"That's nice."
"I thought it was nice, too."
We sat in silence.
"Hey, Sora?"
"Yeah?"
"What do you miss most?"
I thought for a while. I'd plucked one of the blades of grass, and I was teasing it between my fingers, curling it, and letting it spring back into place. It was so beautiful. So simple. Just a little strand of bright green, carpeting the ground in billions. My eyes averted towards Kairi's identical ones. She looked so pure, and fragile, delicate features... Her nose a little snowdrift, jutting elegantly from her supple face in such a dreamlike manner.
"I miss the birds. Their singing, you know?" I replied solemnly. "And the sound of the waves."
"I can't even remember what they sound like."
I managed to crack a smile.
"Me neither. But they sounded good, I know that." And I paused, rolling the blade between by forefinger and thumb lazily. "What about you?"
"I think..." She started, shifting on the ground, whilst we were gazing up at the brilliantly blue sky. "It's fire. I loved watching fire..."
"I can make some fire." I suggested, even though I wasn't sure I could. "We just have to find a tree. Break some branches off, and rub them together... Isn't that right?"
She sat up, looking down at me with those ruined eyes of hers. "You think so?"
"We could try."
We drifted like ghosts from our position. I felt the cool, clammy grass rubbing against my bare feet, and smiled at Kairi weakly. She held onto my hand. I held onto hers. And we went to find a tree, so I could bring something to her, something that she missed so much, just so she could remember a little before her memories faded away completely.
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Their tears are filling up their glasses
no expression
No expression
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We found one about an hour later. That Riku boy was sitting under it, hugging his knees to his chest, looking quite scared. His eyes kept darting around, when they fixated on us-- he gave a little flinch. I blinked at him.
"Hello, Riku." Kairi greeted him with a smile. "This is Sora, and Sora, this is Riku..."
The dappled light was flitting around on his silvery hair, which burst from his scalp like some sort of waterfall. I tilted my head, walking up to him, abandoning all prospect of his nervousness, and touched his hair. It was smooth. Smoothly streamline, silkly, almost like petrified water that sank down to the boy's shoulders.
But he looked older than me.
When I touched his hair, he didn't react, to my surprise, just looking at me with the reflected grey eyes, his tie blowing slightly just like the strands of silver.
"Has your hair always been this way?" I asked quietly.
He nodded.
I decided to step back, withdrawing my presence almost carefully-- tucking my hands in the waistband of my leggings, like a keepsake.
"We're going to make fire." Kairi chimed in her little happy-voice. "Wanna help?"
We broke two little branches from the tree, snapping them off, and I crouched on the ground with my legs crossed whilst rubbing them together violently. Kairi started to talk to Riku; whose voice I couldn't hear, and judging from his facial expression, he was still rather terrified.
"You can ask about... Things." I told him half-heartedly. "There's no need to withdraw yourself."
He said nothing. Just looked at me. I blinked twice, and turned back to my non-existant fire with my eyebrows knitted together. The newcomers were always like this. I didn't see the point, really, in being so scared and withdrawn when you could just /ask/. So maybe... I could just tell him.
"You're in Peaceworld." I started, holding my sticks up and feeling the unchanging temperature. "It's not Heaven, nor Hell, but somewhere inbetween. And I know what you're thinking, it's not Limbo, either. People who arrive in the Peaceworld were unsure of themselves in their earlier life, either became suicidal, depressed or addicted to some sort of drug."
Neither of them spoke, so I continued with a trace of remorse hidden somewhere in my voice.
"At first it seems like paradise. That's what... Me and Kairi thought. We were happy, for a few days, until we realized that the whole situation is morbidly depressing. People live here, no animals, it's just the sky, the hills, the grass, and the trees."
I blew on my sticks. My breath was cold, streaming from my parted lips gradually.
"And most of us are teenagers. The torture of the Peaceworld is not being able to hurt yourself, not being able to obtain your drug. You have to live without it-- but the thought of having it, always on your mind, is unbearable."
Quiet.
I felt Kairi shifting behind me.
He finally spoke.
"How do you know it's called Peaceworld?"
I almost laughed, but I found it harder than I thought, and gave up while directing my attention towards Riku with a sad little smile. The only types of smile that existed here, were sad ones. "We don't."
"What makes it so Peacelike, if it's half-Hell?"
"Because," Kairi responded, and I was surprised. "It's the most peaceful place that ever was, but the peace is deafening and melononic. The 'Hell' part comes from somewhere in the human mind that is always unsatisfied."
That was the smartest thing she'd said in years.
'And... It goes on forever?" he questioned. I could hear a little shakiness in his voice. It was ironic, he was the eldest of us three-- but we were educating him of the Peaceworld so knowingly.
"That's the best assumption. We've been here for a very long time, that's all I can say, and it's hard to keep track of time in a place like this."
More silence. My sticks didn't seem to be working, even though I was faintly sure that we'd tried the attempt before, but forgetting things had become routine. I held both of them up, half-shadowed.
"I can't make any fire, Kairi."
"That's okay." She reassured. "Give it another few years, then?"
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Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
no tomorrow
No tomorrow
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We walked together. There was a slight breeze; rushing into our clothing, mid-temperature with no heat and no coldness. I adored the tickling feeling of the grass on the soles of my feet.
"So..." Kairi sounded, looking towards Riku. "Suicidal or addicted?"
He seemed hesitant for a while, but then his mind must've worked out that his secrets weren't secrets anymore. "Both."
"Same." I croaked shortly.
He looked at me.
I looked back.
We stopped.
Kairi; oblivious, singing a little song to herself, kept walking.
"Sex..?" He asked.
"No."
"Me either."
"Does that mean we can..?"
"Yes."
He looked towards Kairi, eyes darting between us, back and forth like he was watching a game of tennis.
"Have you...?"
I smiled, and continued walking. I didn't see the point in his questions-- but I answered them anyway. "Twice. We were feeling very, very sad at both accasions. It didn't mean anything."
He was quiet.
I looked at him for a moment. He didn't look like a sex addict, with his sculpted features, steady jawline and moon-kissed skin which looked paler than mine.
"I didn't die." He said after a while. "I can't remember anything happening."
My pupils rised to the sky. "None of us did. We just get... Put here, after a while. People back in the real world probably think we killed ourselves, or ran away, but it's so confusing and complicated when you think about it, that we try not to. We just continue to exist here. That's all there is to it."
"How often do you see anyone else?"
"It depends. Sometimes, we'll stumble across a group of people who are living together, and stay with them for a while. We've gone years without seeing anyone else, though." I told him, clasping my hands behind my back. I looked to Kairi. She was still singing to herself, in that average voice. Most of the girls in Peaceworld liked to sing. It was one of the few things that they could do to pass the time. "Once, me and Kairi got seperated and couldn't find eachother for about two years. But I don't know. Like I said, it's difficult to keep track of time. I used to put grass blades in my pocket, one for each day, to try and count them."
"And?"
"I lost the point. Eternity is a whole lot of grass blades."
We laughed together. It was real laughing, too, and it felt so good to find it coming naturally that I laughed harder and harder, until Kairi turned around and started laughing with us.
"What's funny?"
"Nothing, really."
She slowed her pace again, long skirt trailing behind her feet like a wedding veil.
"What colour were your eyes?" She asked Riku, looking into his new grey ones-- which he blinked confusedly.
"What do you mean?"
"Your eyes change colour when you come here." I explained, pointing to my own irises plainly. "Everyone's are grey. That's another thing, you'll never see your reflection ever again."
When I first realized this, I'd felt sad that I'd never be able to look into my own eyes-- even somebody else's eyes couldn't hold your image, but Kairi always reassured me that I looked exactly the same. Nobody's hair grew. Nobody got any older. We all stayed the same, altered, but us, even so.
"Oh." Was all he managed to say. After a few moments, he opened his mouth again; "Am I dreaming?"
"No." Me and Kairi replied simutaneously. "You're most certainly not."
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And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I´m dying
Are the best I´ve ever had
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We travelled together for a few days. Walking, never running, because we had no time limit. We walked in a line. Riku at one end-- me at the other, Kairi sandwiched in the middle. She did most of the talking. When we slept (or pretended to), me and Kairi would lay next to eachother, meaninglessly connected at the hands, and Riku would stretch in any position around us almost protectively. We were still strangers to eachother, but we liked him, and he liked us. He was nervous most of the time. He had an endless supply of questions. He asked about eating, and sleeping, if we had dreams, if we ever 'shat again' which made me and Kairi burst out laughing.
Another plus, we laughed more around Riku. He was fresh. We knew the laughing would stop soon, but we'd enjoy it while it lasted.
I'd wake up in the middle of the sleeptime (since Peaceworld had no night, day was eternal) and see him sitting alone in the distance. He'd look sad. Sometimes, he'd look close to tears, but again, crying was impossible. It was one of these nights when I approached him and left Kairi in her sleep.
"Are you okay?"
"I don't know." He replied gently. "I'm confused."
"It takes a while to absorb it all."
Looking towards me, tie bouncing on his chest, he tilted his head bluntly. "How long did it take you?"
"I think I'm still absorbing it."
I felt him smile. We sat in accompained silence for a while, looking at the place where the earth met the sky, kissing like shy lovers in the midst of the eternal day.
"What's the last thing you can remember?" He asked.
"Shouting at my mother. I was arguing with her. She'd found some powder in my bedroom, and was literally hysterical-- and I remember running out of the house, walking down the street and knocking on Kairi's door. I dragged her out of her house. I took her to the beach, just to be with her and rant about things to another human ear, but we ended up in silence. Just listening to the birds and the waves."
I paused, biting down on my lower lip gently. "That's the last thing. Then I woke up, face down in the grass. She was next to me."
I'd vowed to myself that I'd never forget that.
"Other things, I don't know. I can't remember my Birthday, how old I am. Sometimes we wake up here and just pretend it's our birthday, and sing eachother songs. I think that's all we can do."
More silence. I think he was mulling this over, and I decided to be typical, and asked; "What about you?"
"I was phoning my dealer to get something for the night." He responded, a dreamy expression crossing his features. "And I dialed the number. Then it sort of... Faded out."
The atmosphere was dead with the quiet; and he turned to look at me, expressionless eyes peering into mine, as if he was trying to find something more.
And then, out of nowhere, he reached out his hands, surrounding my cheeks with those... Warm palms...
And he leaned in, until his breath was tickling my skin. And kissed me.
Not softly, either. He kissed me hungrilly. He forced his lips against my own, soft but fierce at the same time, wrapping his arms around my neck and pulling me closer. I was tasting him. He tasted like fear, and alcohol, which I hadn't felt upon my senses for so long that I moaned into his mouth and slipped my tongue over his lips tenderly-- feeling them like clouds upon my own, running my fingers through his smooth hair, that somehow resembled his kissing technique. We explored eachother's mouths. It was like silk, slicking my tongue across his, almost fighting it in a quest for dominance; that I had no chance of winning, and I realized this as he pressed his body up to mine ferociously while giving powerful licks against the pinnacles of crevases of my teeth, gums and everything inbetween.
We broke apart, panting for breath. We couldn't make eye contact. We didn't. He leaned forward, again, to deliver licks and kisses in the crook of my neck, running his tongue along the bone line, towards my jaw until he was licking my lips with the same hunger as before. He did it in a such a way... With such skill, breathing softly on the sensitive spot under my ear and sucking it yearningly that I gasped sharply into the air, lifting my head up as he made a mark on my skin.
"Sex addicts - " I breathed, panting. "Can't - do - this - here."
"Well, we can."
And just like that, he pressed me towards the grass, straddling my hips and stroking my inner thigh with one of his unaturally pale hands. I clenched my eyes shut, trying to delay my orgasm-- but he breathed 'shhh' into my ear quietly, and I relaxed like a rag doll in his grasp. He was on top. I was on bottom. It felt natural this way, and I let it slide into place, squirming slightly and trying not to seem inexperienced to him. He was... Beautifully graceful in his movements, his doings making me moan with pleasure or otherwise, handling me gently one minute, violently the next...
I clung onto the black of his shirt. Trying to get a hold of something, kicking my legs pointlessly, just pressing myself against him, just to feel Riku's body heat. He moved his hand towards the waistband of my pants. His fingers hooked onto the edge, pulling them downwards to expose milky flesh, which he ran his hand over sensually, tugging at the garment until it slipped away from my legs, laying forgotten and uneeded on the grass like an old love letter. I decided to make myself more apparent. Slipping my own hands inside his waistband, pulling, just like he'd done-- and we kept stripping at eachother like that. I removed his shirt. He removed mine, pulling it over my head, and our bare chests faced eachother, both the same but entirely different. The Peaceworld had matched us.
He made the bold move, and disposed of my white boxers, tossing them aside carelessly. I felt my manhood exposed and suddenly felt shy in front of him. I felt a redness spread across my cheeks.
I was naked. Soon, he was, too. Apart from our dangling grey ties-- which was quite funny, we were stripped and bare. He ran his hands up and down the contours of my body, down my spine to my behind, squeezing each cheek whilst looking into my eyes with an emotion that I couldn't deschiper. I put both hands on his chest, trying to restrain him from arousing me any further to no avail, tearing my gaze away from his, and he lowered his mouth to my ear again.
"Relax." He breathed. "I want you to relax."
So I tried. I let him touch me, I let him feel me and sculpt my pleasure like a piece of clay, and my palms and fingers danced across his curves and limbs. Our music was the heavy breathing. Coming from our lips, mostly mine, with heavy rips of oxygen that filled with the atmosphere with a thick lascivious sense, and when he pressed his crotch against mine, I felt myself go weak at the force and committment that he was bringing me. He was hard. So was I.
"Turn over." He demanded, and then, as if regretting this request, "Please."
I shifted myself, the grass a mocking impersonation of bedclothes, but softer even so, chest-down on the ground. He lowered his hands upon my shoulders. He steadied himself against me. I thought he was going to ask 'Are you sure?' or 'Are you ready?', but he didn't say anything, and I suddenly felt his sexual presence against my entrance, and, then a hot, slippery organ covered in precum, the tip just kissing the doorway so innocently. Then, he pushed himself into me.
It hurt. It hurt, but mostly, it felt arousing and brilliantly pleasing, and I cried out, feeling his length shove into my ass. My stomach felt tight. He dug his fingernails into my shoulderblades, and I tensed. He started to pump. In. Out. In. Out. His manhood slipping rhytmatically against the walls of me, and I could feel him against me in every way, from the heavy, desiring smell, to the grip on my shoulders, to his tough little moans that escaped from his mouth every so often. I felt his tie dipping against my back.
I also felt one of his hands crawling down to my crotch again. He grabbed onto it, and I half gasped, half cried, feeling the tips of his fingers brushing against my shaft, teasing the head, gripping onto it so suddenly that I gave a jolt under his dominance. I was close. I was on the edge, and he had complete control over me-- he could just push me over so easily and I was surprised that I actually liked that feeling. He leaned down towards my ear, again, and kissed me delicately on the cheek.
That did it.
It was a hot, slippery rush, I felt a melting sensation, exploding pleasure, and then I spilled all over his hand, complemented by one of my commonly occuring moans-- and I swear, I could feel him grinning. He gripped my shoulders again. I could feel my own cum on his fingers. He continued to push himself in and out, and I could tell he was about to come, and I didn't have any time to think about what it would feel like, when he realeased himself inside of me, and I buckled, falling to the ground away from my all-fours position, screaming into the air and feeling his liquids shooting straight into me like flames from a flamethrower. It was overrulling. I saw spots in front of my eyes, blinking twice and feeling the blood roar in my ears.
I couldn't register with these events, that Riku had just fucked me right there. He collapsed ontop of me. It probably would've hurt, but I couldn't feel anything else but the pain in my ass and the pleasure in my brain. It'd been over so quickly that I had to double check if it actually happened.
I thought of something to say. Nothing sprung to mind, and he withdrew himself. I felt him slide out of me, puckering my entrance when the bulk of the head squeezed out of there, and he smiled against my cheek before crawling towards the pile of clothes.
I heard him grab his clothes, and walk silently away.
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I find it hard to tell you
´cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
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I woke up next to Kairi. She was looking towards the brink of the sky; the shy lovers kissing in front of everyone in the Peaceworld. She looked at me and smiled. I smiled back, sitting upwards, but then realized that was a mistake and lowered myself down again.
"Where's Riku?" I asked quietly.
She didn't reply for a while. Her reaction time clicked, and she snapped attention towards me. "Oh, he's gone. He said he needed some alone time."
I blinked. Part of me felt sad, but mostly... Relieved.
"Oh."
"We'll see him again." She responded softly, teasing a strand of her hair. "We always see everyone again, right?"
I nodded.
Silence.
And it ticked onwards, until -
"Why did you have sex with him?"
My heart lurched. I tried to conjure up a reply.
"Same reason I had sex with you."
She started giggling. I did, too. We laughed like that for a while, at nothing, like it always was nowadays, but it still felt slightly refreshing to laugh about something that really wasn't funny.
Our laughter faded into grins. I stroked a patch of grass beneath my hand.
The grass was tender.
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It´s a very very
Mad world
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