Today was the day. The glorious, glorious day.
Today was the day that Playstation All Stars Battle Royale 2 was releasing worldwide.
Waiting for it had been a long, lonely road. Many tears had been shed across forums internet-wide, but it was worth it. The day had finally come.
Today was going to be the greatest day of this gamer's life.
As soon as the sequel had been announced, he had tuned out the world. He didn't want the moment he turned it on, in all its sequeltastic glory, to be tainted. He wanted to experience the magnificence for himself.
It had been a painful wait. There had been delays. There had been legal battles.
But finally... It was here.
With eyes shining with childish innocence and glee as he recalled all of his childhood heroes, the gamer placed the disc into his console. He knew the roster had practically been tripled, but he didn't know who had been added yet.
Oh, how he was hoping though. Everyone had their favorites, after all.
Starting up the game was like something out of a dream. The menus were crisp looking and the music was already drawing him in. It was like they had made the perfect crossover party fighting game. He could tell. He just knew it, and he hadn't even started playing yet.
It was time.
Time to play the greatest game of all time.
His heart pounded with excitement as he saw the first page of playable characters. There were three pages! Rather than look on the other two, he quickly chose a character from the roster, the ever heroic Dart, though the addition of a certain bandicoot and dragon pair sitting on the front page did not go unnoticed by him.
If they could get in... Surely, the character he wanted most of all could too, couldn't they?
Not only was Cloud Strife surely in the game, but the gamer was sure now that he would be Dart's rival character. It just made sense!
The gamer's smile could only grow as he played through the beautiful story mode. Cutscenes that tugged at his heartstrings, made him laugh until he cried, and made him angrier than he thought a game could make someone played out before his eyes as he battled the amazing characters of Playstation's beautiful and rich history. This was truly going to be a game for the ages.
At long last, the gamer found himself approaching the final round of the game's lengthy and incredible story mode, which had clearly been individually made for the character he had chosen. After so many fights, amazing and rich in new and old characters as they were, he realized now that there could only be one character left in the game that he had yet to see.
This was it.
It was do or die.
The gamer knew for a fact that no one could make the same mistake twice in a row.
They had saved the very best for the very last.
Cloud was coming. He knew it in his bones.
The greatest showdown in video game history was about to commence.
As soon as the cutscene loaded, the gamer would be witness to the epic confrontation of Dart meeting Cloud... and then the even more epic final battle that would quickly follow the words these classic heroes would have to share for each other. It was the kind of thing he had been dreaming of since he had been but a child.
As he clutched his controller close, the gamer found himself on the edge of his seat as the masterfully rendered cutscene began to load. The music was perfect. The graphics were top of the line. The scene was set.
He couldn't deny it any longer.
He had been waiting his entire life for something like this.
This was going to be the greatest moment of his life.
"Wowie zowie! Talk about old school! Sorry old timer, but I'm not letting you through!"
The gamer's controller clattered to the ground.
For Cloud did not appear.
Instead, some kind of... hideous... creature took what should have been Cloud's place.
Adorned with freakishly shaped horns that appeared to have been sawed off, like some kind of devil that had been in a freak accident, this tiny purple haired creature began waving a sword that it had no place even carrying around like it was nothing. While Dart, a real video game character, stood his ground, it was clear to the horrified gamer that even Dart was not expecting such a thing at the end of his journey.
"Let's do this! Boing!"
In shock, the gamer could barely scramble to grab his fallen controller from the floor as the final battle to the death began.
This had to be some kind of mistake! Surely, this thing, whatever it was, hadn't been worthy of a spot on the roster when Cloud Strife had not been! It wasn't possible!
"I'll slice ya in two!"
But as the fight dragged on, as it became clear that this was indeed part of the roster and not simply some kind of boss character, the horrifying truth could not be denied. No matter how the gamer tried to combat this crazed imp's maddening tactics, he could not stand up to it. His soul, broken by the loss of Cloud, was no longer in it.
The conclusion to the fight was nothing short of a tragedy. The purple gremlin made some kind of obscene hand gesture towards the screen, as if it was trying to mentally violate him even further, before announcing her victory.
"Eazy peazy!"
It was mocking him. It couldn't even be humble!
The gamer tossed his controller aside, finding himself unable to go on. He was no longer willing to play this travesty of a game. As he trembled with righteous fury, as his body shook with sobs, there was only one thing he could think as he stared at the screen displaying the despicable creature's victory.
"WHO THE FUCK IS NEPTUNE!?"