Chapter 1- I Want to Set Up a Host Club

"I have the perfect plan!" James yelled, forcefully pushing the dorm door open with a bang.

"What?" Peter asked groggily, flipping over onto his back. "What time is it?"

James rushed over to jump up onto Peter's bed. "Time to listen to my amazing plan!"

"No, it's not" Peter mumbled, pulling his sheets closer to his body.

"Come on," James said excitedly, standing on the bed and tugging his friend's blankets away. Peter didn't have the energy to fight off an enthusiastic James Potter.

"Heeeeeelp," he groaned. He heard Sirius snore. "Remus?"

Moony padded out of the bathroom, a towel around his head and drops of water coursing their way down his torso, creating shining rivulets. "Sorry, Wormtail," he said, removing the towel and shaking out his hair, "He already got to me about twenty minutes ago. I tried to save you time by telling him to go and find a place to carry out this plan, but apparently he found one, so he's back. I can't help you." Remus now watched a bright-eyed James continue to play tug-of-war with Peter and Peter's blanket. "I suggest you give up and get up. He's like that right now."

Peter looked at Remus and paused in surprise, giving James the opportunity to successfully steal away the boy's sheets. "Like that?" he asked incredulously, "So early in the morning?" Peter couldn't remember the last time James had been like that, much less such a phenomenon occurring in these early morning hours.

"Yeah," Remus said, now eyeing a joyous James. He was by Peter's feet, sprawled out on the bed, grinning and hugging the lump of quilt he won tightly to his chest. Suddenly, he shot straight up, startling both Peter and Remus. James' gaze zeroed in on Sirius, who had kicked his sheets and blankets to the floor in the middle of the night and was still snoring despite his friends' commotion. Remus and Peter watched as a somber-faced James approached Sirius' bed. He stood staring at the young Black, arms folded across his chest, biting his lip in consideration. From where he was standing by the bathroom, Remus could hear James mumbling.

"Aha!" James finally said with a snap of his fingers, "Moony, a cup of water, if you would so oblige."

Peter looked at Remus, both of them understanding immediately what Prongs had in mind.

"As you wish," Remus said with well-hidden amusement. He journeyed into the bathroom briefly, taking his time to find the largest gargling cup in there. He came out instead with the bowl they used when they wanted to take a bath. Significantly larger than a cup, it was a hand's length deep with a diameter the size of Remus' hand (which, out of the four of them, had the longest fingers), from the base of his palm to the tip of his middle finger. The bowl was filled to its brim.

"Good sir," James said, taking it graciously from Remus' grasp. He smiled a bit wider when some water splashed out onto his thumb. Remus had charmed the water ice-cold, a devious touch he hadn't even thought of. James smiled at Remus and his brilliance, but he only shrugged and moved toward his wardrobe to pull on some clothes. James returned his attention to Sirius, Sirius who was still snoring, Sirius who was stuck in Dreamland, Sirius who was a soft, perfect target right as this moment.

"Padfoot," James whispered, leaning down to the boy's ear.

Sirius swatted at his ear and mumbled incoherently.

"Padfoot," he said a little louder.

No response.

"I think you should get up." This James said at a normal volume.

Still, Sirius did nothing but sleep.

"Oh, well, I did warn you," James said lightly, innocently. He scrambled onto the bed (not even this movement would wake Sirius) and holding the bowl in different positions and at different heights, tried to gauge the perfect angle for ruining Sirius' morning.

Peter and Remus watched as James spilt a tester amount of water onto their friend. It hit Sirius squarely on the collarbone. He readjusted his position, Peter sitting in his bed trying to hold back a fit of laughter and Remus hiding a smile as he turned to fold his clothes.

Remus wasn't watching when it happened, but he knew the moment it did. Sirius screamed out, his words sputtering in the midst of James' icy waterfall as Remus moved on to fold his pants. He really needs to learn how to sleep more lightly, he thought to himself, barely masking a grin. Today was bound to be a hellish but exciting day, if the sun was just rising and the Marauders were already pulling pranks on each other.

"ARGHADKLFG!" was all Peter understood of Sirius' yelling. He couldn't help but burst into laughter as the boy shot into a seated position, wildly clawing at the source of his liquid and freezing wake-up call.

"Bloody fucking hell!"

"Good morning, sunshine."

For a person who just woke up, Sirius' reflexes were surprisingly quick as he grabbed on to James' leg before he could jump off the bed and escape. The boy fell hard, face-down into the bed as his feet were pulled out from under him, landing with a muffled thunk.

"Oh no you don't," Sirius growled, vengeance in his eyes, "You're not going anywhere." And with that, he started tickling James.

It was a pitiful sight, really. James was howling, a pain-filled laughter matching the mixed look of joy and horror on his face. Sirius was attacking him with what was initially a very angry and satisfied look, which eventually turned into boredom. Remus and Peter couldn't help but grin at the ridiculous situation. James, while rather strong for his thin frame and rather intelligent for the crazy plans he thought up, had always had a weakness: he was severely ticklish. One could tickle James for hours on end and the boy would continue to laugh; the problem was that tickling James on end became tiresome and underwhelming. They'd uncovered his kryptonite back in second year, when the Gryffindor boys decided to gather and play Truth or Dare.

It had been nearing Christmas then, the sharp scent of snow drifting through the halls of Hogwarts. Two popular sixth year boys by the names of Bronwyn and Jefferies had been planning something of a Gryffindorian Boys' Night In, a ritual that had actually started with Bronwyn's eldest brother, Donahue.

"That's besides the point," James said, swatting at the narrator's words hovering over him.

No, this is an important part of the story! I swear!

"No, it's not, actually," Remus said, "Just let him get on with it."

But-

"Narrator, shut up. Guys, before this god-like, lunatic narrator goes off telling another random story about our collective past, I shall tell you my brilliant, brilliant plan to woo Lily Evans!" James said valiantly, standing proudly with one leg propped up on a chair.

"Valiantly," Remus muttered under his breath with a chuckle.

"Get on with it," Sirius said, bored.

"I want to set up a host club."