13 random HaruhiXHoney moments:
A/N: the titles were picked randomly through random friends with random minds, I did skip one because it wasn't appropriate… much more so than the other headings and a few other ones weren't very good for the pairing and I did actually collect about 20 headings not thirteen, oops, my maths is great. It's thirteen because it's a good ending number.
Dedication: Cara, Kirsty and Heather, who helped with the titles and they are just awesome and love OHSHC as much as I do XD! I love you my 'crazy followers in scottieland' as Heather put it!
WARNING(ish): It was originally drabbles but some drabbles are to long to be classed as drabbles but to short for one-shots and it was called 13 random drabbles and I was like, I'm not calling it 13 drabbles and short one shots but that's been solved by a title change. Its T rated so it may be slightly suggestive in places, or very, let's see how it goes ok? It definatly will have 'naughty' language because it's time to face the facts, I can't write without at least a little swearing –cough a lot cough-, it just isn't the same for me. Oh and beware the Scottish terms, most of the random friends with random minds who helped pick out the headings are Scottish (see dedication for names) so even I didn't know what some of it meant, but I have translated to terms for us non Scotties at the bottom of the page (all good there's only one that I noticed).
Dangleberries:
The host club were all lounging in music room three after a long day of entertaining the 'young ladies with time' of their school. Being a Monday they had received twice as many guests each and had to elongate the hours by forty-five agonizingly long minutes to fit them all in. Mondays were always busy because the girls would have 'missed them' because of the separation of the 'long weekend' that was forced upon them, thus they would force themselves on the Hosts.
Tamaki had been playing a ballad on the piano but was now crying in a corner because 'those two devils' were too close to his 'darling daughter'. Those two devils being the Hitachiin twins who had sat themselves either side of Haruhi with their arms around her shoulders, they were whispering in her ear and all just for the fun of winding their 'king' up. The shadow king sat in a different corner surrounded by, well, shadows and typed away at his laptop, occasionally writing something in his little black note book of evil and just plain ignoring his surroundings to the best of his ability, which though to the others would seem like it was working, really wasn't. Mori and Honey were sat at a table eating cake; they were back visiting today even though they had already graduated, Honey looked over and pouted at the twins before jumping up and skipping to them.
"Kao-chan, Hika-chan you're hogging Haru-chan all to yourselves! Usa-chan and Honey want to eat some cake with Haru-chan!" He stomped a bit in front of them before using his best 'cute' face, which always worked to get him what he wanted.
The twins both gave each other a look and telepathically had a quick conversation before smirking at the Loli-shota boy.
"What we want Haruhi for, Honey-senpai; is a little bit…" One started.
"…Different from what you want." The other finished.
"I'm sure you're not even aware of…"
"…The physical difference that…"
"…Is the cause of…"
"…What we want to do with Haruhi." They shared a sideways glance and snickered as the blond king promptly fainted, they knew Honey wasn't as oblivious as they were making out but it was fun to tease people like this.
Mori sat silently in his corner and smirked to himself as he watched silly, naïve little second years, he thought to himself.
Honey tilted his head to the side and used his most innocent look. "There are a lot of things different between Haru-chan and me, I have a Usa-chan and Haru-chan doesn't, I like cake best but she likes tuna the most, she's a little itty bit taller than me." He continued to go on for five more minutes, the twins lost interest after four and started drawing circles on Haruhi's arms with their fingers and fiddling with her hair, causing Tamaki to freak out again, as Honey continued he walked around behind them and finally stopped his rant. "Haru-chan prefers the white sheets but I like the pink and Haru-chan's not free Wednesdays and I can't do Tuesdays or Thursdays. Oh and um…oh! I have dangleberries and Haru-chan doesn't!" He exclaimed; causing Haruhi to turn a slight shade of pink as all eyes fell on Honey. "Isn't that right, Haru-chan?" He grinned as he jumped and wrapped his arms around her from behind; she abruptly turned beetroot red; he then returned to his cake, sharing a look with Mori as he sat, all eyes were following his every move.
The twins started looking frantically between Haruhi and Honey trying to piece his bits of information together to find why Haruhi now looked like a sunburnt tomato.
"What's he talking about mummy? Daddy just has to know!" Tamaki ran about frantically, he peered over Kyoya's shoulder to read what he had written and instantly fainted again.
"What's it say?" The twins asked in unison, identical looks of interest on their identical faces, they dropped Haruhi from their embrace and lent forwards, she stayed in the same position, turning somehow redder.
"Implied sexual intercourse." Kyoya said seriously, both twins mouths fell open and held a look of disbelief, they quickly looked between Haruhi, who had now combusted and Honey, who wore a knowing smile along with Mori as they ate their cake, or watched in Mori's case.
Freaking awesome manga:
"Hello Ryou-kun it is Honey! Is Haru-chan free to talk, pl-ease?" Honey almost shouted down the phone at Haruhi's father.
"Hey Honey-chan, I'll go get her, she's reading some freaking awesome manga about transvestites all wearing such adorable clothes and I hope it will rub off on her!" Ryouji exclaimed at almost the same loudness as Honey had been.
"I'm sure Haru-chan will look even cuter in pretty clothes than she already does!"
Ryouji smiled and thanked the young, or at least in looks, boy and went to find his daughter.
"Haruhi-chan, Honey-chan is on the phone for you!" He called as he walked into her room, she smiled and went to pick up they phone.
"Haru-chan!" Honey screamed into the receiver, "Haru-chan do you want to come round and play with me, pl-ease?"
"I'll tell my dad, dad I'm going round Honey-senpai's house, if that's ok."
"I'm going out now, why don't you to play here?" He called back, she told Honey and he automatically agreed and slammed the phone down as he rushed about as if on a caffeine high to get ready.
Ryouji was at the door and ready to leave ten minutes later, he hadn't really been planning to go out until the call had arrived. "Haruhi-chan, you will find everything you need in the cupboard in the bathroom, try not to break the bed this time!" He called back as he opened the door.
"I told you we were jumping on it!" She shouted back in embarrassment, her father chuckled as he left the house, remembering not to lock it since last time Honey had karate chopped it and broken it in an attempt to get in as fast as possible.
Haruhi stood a few feet in front of the door from moments after her father left, giving space for it to fly open, she was only made to wait three minutes before Honey came charging in and flung them both onto the sofa.
Outside her father laughed to himself as he watched Honey's entrance from a shrub by the door, looking up into the window, "Kids these days," he rolled his eyes, "well at least they'll have gorgeous babies." He laughed as he walked off to find something to do, preferably not to expensive or Haruhi would give him hell for it later.
Sparkles and other drugs:
Haruhi sat on her bed surrounded by heaps and heaps of clothing that just kept growing as her father searched for the perfect outfit for his daughter to wear to his show that night. It had to be extra special because she was bringing her friends with her, so of course Ryouji saw this as the perfect opportunity to dress his baby up in frills and flowers and all things pink and girly.
Her father finally found the perfect outfit for her just ten minutes before they were going to be picked up, the host club were all going to come and pick them up and take them in one of their limos, something Ryouji was ecstatic about.
Honey charged through the unlocked front door and flung himself at Haruhi, the rest of the host club followed closely behind.
"My daughters finally dressed up as a girl!" Tamaki wailed with tears running down his face as he caught sight of her high waisted red skirt that went out and down to her knees and white vest top, he was only stopped from grabbing her and spinning her around by Kyoya's firm and threatening grip on his shoulder. The twins both wolf whistled and took her by the arms; Honey let go of her waist, dropping to the floor and climbed up a emotionless Mori's back to sit on his shoulders, clutching his beloved Usa-chan. They all walked to the car then, well all but Tamaki who had to be pulled along by Kyoya since he had completely lost himself in his own disturbing fantasies of his 'daughter'.
The moment they stepped from the ridiculously posh car they were swarmed by men and 'women', transvestites, Ryouji was half dragged off to the changing rooms with a group of his friends, leaving the children to fend for themselves. The rest of the men crowded around them, there was a group cooing over how cute Honey was, which he was fine with, then there was another around a silent Mori feeling his muscles and giggling over his 'badness' and a group asking Kyoya to 'say something clever'. Tamaki was almost being crushed, he was very happy with the attention he was getting but kept trying to see Haruhi, who had been swarmed by the most people the moment she stepped out. So between accepting compliments and pulling his best 'charming' moves he was going into states of tears that he'd lost his 'darling daughter'. On the other hand the twins were shrinking further and further back into their bubble as more and more men talked to them, commenting on how cute their brotherly love was, for they were now holding hands having had Haruhi separated from them and fearing being left alone.
"Haruhi-chan it's been so long, you should visit more!"
"Who are these gorgeous boys you've brought along Haruhi-chan?"
"You're outfit is so cute, why don't you dress like this more often?"
"So Haruhi-chan, tell us, which of these beautiful boys have you bagged and managed to agree to take you here in their limo?" A handle of the men bombarded her with questions, others just hugged her and some walked around accessing her outfit.
"It's my car." Honey grinned up at them, being small he had managed to make his way through the crowd to Haruhi and grabbed her hand.
"Haruhi-chan I didn't know you liked the small and cute type!" One said which unfortunately Tamaki managed to hear and promptly started crying, Kyoya made his way over to save him from the men who were all over the king and to drag him inside the venue, whilst Mori went and stood threateningly over the people distressing the two devil twins. Being Mori when he demanded that they let him and twins past to get in, the group of adults quickly split apart to leave a path to the door, Kyoya had more trouble on the other hand and eventually had to turn Shadow King on their asses, causing them to shudder and back away in fright. Haruhi however was struggling to make any progress towards the door.
"It's lovely to see you all again but could we not talk indoors?" She asked, to which they all either ignored or didn't hear; we'll put it down to selective hearing. "Come on we need to get in." She continued, still with no effect, beside her she could sense Honey getting angrier, taking a look out of the corner of her eye she saw him facing down, looking up through his long lashes and blond bangs, he handed her Usa-chan and instantly she started to worry.
"Haru-chan said she wants to go inside." He seemed to receive no reaction, some people 'awed' at his sweetness for trying to help Haruhi, "Move, pl-ease." He made a small fist at his side, Haruhi jumped into action faster than a bolt of lightning.
"No, Honey-senpai it's fine! They're just excited that's all!"
"They aren't listening to what Haru-chan wants." He looked up at them with an evil glint in his eye.
"Guys move, no one can save you once Honey-senpai gets started." She pleaded, confused they did as she said and followed behind them into the bar.
The interior of the bar was… glittery… everything was spotless and the light would bounce off all the mirrors, glasses and even the floor, the room was quite dark, only slightly illuminated by the white lights dotted around and their reflections.
The Host club all got split up from each other the moment they stepped through the doors to the huge room, the twins had luckily ended up near the bar and downed a few drinks to get their confidence levels up. They had gotten used to being crowded around by females from the Host Club but males was still unknown territory, so after a few drinks they were playing the 'guess which one's Hikaru' game. Tamaki was completely enjoying himself having forgotten all about his worries of his 'daughter' after having gotten into a conversation about her with a few men and deeming them worthy of her time. The shadow king was sat in a dark corner writing in his little note book -not having brought his laptop- and only speaking when spoken to and Mori was no where to be found. Honey was still clutching Haruhi's hand as they were passed from person to person for Haruhi to catch up with and a new person to coo over Honey.
They had been there for two hours, it was ten and they were still being passed around, having only made it through about half the contents of the club.
"Haru-chan, follow me!" Honey shouted up to her and started dragging her through the crowds, a few people tried to stop them but he just kept going and saying things like 'it's over here!' and 'look, look Haru-chan!' so they all let them pass.
"Where are we going?" Haruhi shouted from behind him, "and slow down I'm not as fit as you are!" Just then he decided that no one was looking and dived under a table, Haruhi in tow.
"Shh, they can't find us here!" He whispered, still grinning, she just panted to get her breath back, that boy runs fast for someone with such short legs. Haruhi noticed then, from thinking about his legs, just how close they were and the fact that his legs were brushing the hem of her skirt, she started to blush slightly but he seemed unfazed and just started fiddling with Usa-chan.
It was midnight when they ventured from their hiding place to find their friends and return to their homes, the first person they found was Mori, who had gone completely unnoticed all night by everyone.
"Mori-senpai, have you seen the others anywhere?" Haruhi asked, flattening down her hair, he pointed to one of the round tables, two heads of orange could be seen drooling over it.
Mori walked over and lifted both the unconscious twins up, putting one under each arm and continued to lead them over to Kyoya, who was still sitting in the corner silently, though now accompanied by an overly drunk Tamaki who was repeatedly asking 'what's mummy writing?'.
"Now we just have to find my dad…" Haruhi started but stopped as she spotted the pretty man stumbling through the crowds towards them, falling every ten feet or so.
They ended up all struggling out of the bar through the still pretty dense crowd, Mori with the twins tucked under his arms and Kyoya had placed Tamaki on his back, which was showing it's self to be a difficult task since Tamaki wouldn't stay still and was almost the same height at the shadow king. Haruhi was helping Honey carry her dad, not because she didn't think he could do it alone because she knew it would be no trouble for the short man but because she was worried about her dad terrorizing him.
"Haruhi-chan, you're hair is all messed up, what have you been up to?" Ryouji laughed, trying to raise an eyebrow but failing miserably from his alcohol intoxicated state.
They were climbing into the back of the car now, "Yeah, you two were under that table for hours what on earth were you doing?" Kyoya asked from the other side of the vehicle, Haruhi just looked down, hiding her blush and pretended to be tending to her dad to avoid the question and Honey was to busy strapping in Usa-chan to reply.
"They were hiding from all the people that wanted to talk to Haruhi." Mori answered for them, Haruhi gave him a thankful glance, Mori then leant over to Honey and whispered something in his ear which caused him to wipe his mouth.
"Oh Haruhi-chan, you've messed up you're lipstick! Wait a second I have a spare in my bag somewhere." Ryouji complained and rummaged through his purse, Haruhi and Honey looked sideways at each other and both grinned.
Live long and prosper:
The shadow king had had yet another of his amazing profit raising ideas and using his shadow king powers had just succeeded in once again managing to get everyone's approval. So they had gathered all the new and original hosts, the twins, Tamaki, Kyoya, Haruhi, Mori and Honey and the newbie's that don't really matter, in music room three. His ingenious idea was to do an interview on what they hoped for in the future because that is the exact kind thing the strange women of their school would go head over heels for, so they had all gathered and Kyoya was typing up the answers to numerous questions. Tamaki had made a whole 'charming' speech about bringing 'joy to the women of the world' and such things which we shan't get into or we will be here forever and Haruhi had said she wished to be a lawyer like her deceased mother. The twins wished for tricks and laughs throughout their lives together and that they would never be made to grow up and that their world might slowly expand beyond their small circle of friends, Mori's answer was that he preferred to live in the present and not worry about the future, what ever happens, happens. Honey was the last interviewed, since Kyoya would just put in his answers as he put them all together.
"For the future I want to be able to eat lots of cake and have lots of cute things and spend lots of fun days with all my friends, I also want to see Usa-chan's babies and make new friends and go strawberry picking and have a strawberry farm. Next weekend I want to go swimming in my pool and then to the beach and…" He continued on and on for another ten minutes, not even stopping to breath, "and I want some strawberry ice cream and a big sponge cake and I want to live a long life and prosper in all the things I do," everyone was relieved that he had said something Kyoya could use so that they wouldn't have to be their all night. "And that includes winning over Haru-chan's heart because I'm going to marry her because she's so kind, pretty, makes yummy cakes, her daddy's given his consent already and when she kisses me she tastes as sweet as most cakes…" After that his words turned to incoherent mumbles because Haruhi had slapped her hand over his mouth and dragged him backwards out of the music room.
"…Well I think to preserve Haruhi's gender secret we'll have to cut off that end bit…" Kyoya finally broke the silence –except Tamaki's wails of 'it's not true, it can't be true'- as he pushed his glasses up his nose.
Fast:
On Monday two hosts, one short and one tall, talked about another host and the shorter one told the taller of his love for her (not the tall host, the one they're talking about).
On Tuesday the tall host from Monday made a bet with another host while the shorter one devised himself a plan.
By Wednesday the shorter one had his intended host round for a sleepover, starting from straight after school and he proceeded with his plan late into the night.
Thursday came and the female host was blushing every time she saw the short host.
Friday was clearly full of flirting on both of their parts.
On Saturday they kissed.
By Sunday the other hosts were suspicious when they saw the two walking through town with their hands entwined.
Money was the day they were 'caught' by one of the hosts who took part in Tuesdays bet.
"Shit…that was quick…" He said wide eyed as his glasses were pushed up his nose.
"What was quick?" The tall host from the first Monday and Tuesday popped his head in the door of the music room and smirked at the sight before him. "Told you that by the time the week was through no one could deny; you owe me ten pounds please." His usual stoic face was full of humour.
"Shit." The first grumbled as they handed the note over while grumbling about the loss of money, greedy bastard.
"What was the point in turning Usa-chan away if we'd just get caught anyway?" The short host complained, the other 'caught' host just blushed more and more as the awkward situation dragged out.
Period cramps:
Haruhi groaned in pain for the fifth time in the last minute and the hosts looked over at her worriedly, she'd been acting like this all day and though it improved her popularity with the women who felt sorry for 'him' it was causing concern in her friends, well all but the shadow king who was to happy with the rise in profits to care.
The other five members all came to a physic agreement to cheer up their female friend and surprisingly Mori was the first to try, he walked up and stood over her, ruffled her hair and said: "If anyone hurt you I'll beat them to a pulp." In monotone, Haruhi just shook her head and said no one had harmed her so Mori just shrugged and walked off to sit with his cake eating cousin again.
Tamaki was next and as we would expect from out clueless king he started going on and on about how he'd make her forget all her pains and they'd have to get through him and every other thing he could think of that might be charming. When he showed no sign of stopping Haruhi started slamming her head against the table and, as promised, Mori came and dragged the one hurting Haruhi away, though he didn't beat the blond because he didn't mean to hurt Haruhi he was just so bloody clueless.
The twins go was next and they did what they did best, they tried to humour her, telling jokes, playing tricks on the others and everything that made them laugh but was pissing Haruhi off, they finally got the message to stop when she snarled that they were adding to the headache Tamaki had already induced and they too were dragged away by Mori, who she was starting to be extremely grateful for.
A few minutes later when he had almost finished the cake he had started just moments before the twins' attempt, Honey skipped over and sat on Haruhi's lap, placing the last –large- slice of chocolate cake on the table.
"What's wrong, Haru-chan?" He asked; eyes wide with concern.
"I have stomach cramps." Haruhi groaned a reply.
"Why would you tell him what was wrong and not tell daddy?" Tamaki screamed from the corner of woe.
"No one else asked." She blinked back in confusion.
"It must be hard to be a woman." Honey said sympathetically, regaining her attention.
She nodded and was surprised at his insightfulness, not as much as the other hosts though, who were all seeming shocked at what was wrong with her. Well all but Tamaki who was having the situation explained to him and Mori who's face was unreadable but I'm sure he was shocked that his small friend had figured out what the matter was so fast.
"Haru-chan, do you want some of my cake?" He asked sweetly, causing the twins to fake faint and everyone else in the rooms mouth to fall open, Honey never shares his cake, much less the last piece. "Cake makes everything better and it is chocolate cake which is the best food for illness I hear!" Haruhi shook her head and said it was fine, that he didn't have go so far but had to stop short to hold onto the small boy as he almost fell off her lap when reaching for his cake, adjusting his position on her lap he lifted the fork to her mouth height. "Open wide!" He commanded, she tried to say no but the cake was already in her mouth.
"Honey-senpai if you're going to give me some of your cake I can at least feed myself."
"No, Honey wants to feed Haru-chan!"
Once the big slice of cake was completely gone, scrapings from the plate and all, Honey set it on the table in front of them and grinned up at Haruhi. "Oh, Haru-chan you have some cake on your lip!" He smiled even wider as he lent up and… well I'll leave the last sentence up to you.
Fools never catch a cold:
I opened the doors of the Host club room, a room that I had originally thought was just a quite music room, the rose petals definatly were the first sign that it wasn't a normal music room, then again, could anywhere in this fucked up school be classed as normal? Anyway, I opened the door just to be shoved to the ground by a blur of tall, crying –yes again- blond. Inside, a tinsie-winsie, titchy, small, little blond stood looking confused and mumbling to his stuffed rabbit about how strange Tama-chan was for running out like that; could he not handle the truth? As soon as the short blond saw me rubbing my back side on the floor he dropped his pink bunny and ran straight over to me, making a fuss and picking me up bridal style to carry me to the sofa, you'd think the height difference would cause us to fall but that boy is strong. This caused me to blush tremendously even though there was no one to witness the embarrassing scene, he didn't seem bothered at all and just kept making a fuss over my 'fatal injury' as he put it, he was starting to sound like Tamaki, never a sign of good health.
"Did you say something to make Tamaki upset, Honey-senpai?" I inquired as he set me down on one of the luxurious sofas.
"No, nothing I don't think, I just told him the news…" Honey smiled extremely innocently, still with the confused glint in his large eyes.
"You told him?" I gasped.
"Yes I told him."
"He took it badly, if he reacted like that what will the twins do? Oh shit, should we go find him and drag him in – it's starting to rain!"
"You worry too much, he'll be fine."
"But what if he gets ill?"
"He won't!"
"How do you know?"
"Because fools never catch colds, everyone knows that!"
"Tamaki told us the news! We're going to fucking murder you Honey, get away from her and put your hands in the air." The twins burst through the doors in rage; Honey cracked his knuckles and looked through his hair with a slightly terrifying smirk.
"Oh crap, now we're going to have three crying boys to look after!" I complained with a pout.
Rubber ducks:
"What are you doing?" A woman with long brown hair asked her five year old son from the bathroom doorway.
"Feeding duckies!" He exclaimed as if it was the most natural thing to do in your bathroom.
"Rubber ducks?"
"They was hungry!"
"All sixty-seven of them were hungry?"
"All of them!" He nodded, causing his blond hair to mess up and fall into his large eyes.
"Well ok, what are you feeding them then sweetie?"
"Sugar cubes, cakes, chocolate, sweets, biscuits and lollipops." He had a huge mischievous grin on that reminded the woman of his father.
"Really, I didn't know ducks liked that kind of food."
"Of course they do, everyone does! Silly mummy," the young boy rolled his eyes at his mother and went back to throwing things in the bath tub.
"Right…so I have a husband obsessed with cute things, a son obsessed with ducks and a whole house run on sugar? I thought life couldn't get any stranger than Ouran High School and its Host Club."
The cute and the independent:
The wedding was spectacular, Haruhi had looked breath taking in her dress and Honey had looked pretty hot, or at least he would have if he had dropped Usa-chan – who was also dressed up in a tux.
Of course the host club had all come, though the twins –ok just Hikaru- had taken quite a bit of persuading – mostly done by Kaoru. Mori had been Honey's best man and Haruhi's dad had been her maid of honour, it had been a small ceremony, only family and the people who had been members of the host club (including Renge if anyone was wondering) along with a few of Haruhi's commoner friends from before attending Ouran High School and her lawyer friend.
When the ceremony was over they moved on to the parlour in Tamaki's house (the wedding had been held there) where he continued to give a speech, no one was quite sure why but that's just the Tamaki we know and love.
"To be honest, when I was first told that these two were together, I refused to admit it, it seemed impossible to me because…"
"You had a break down and cried for two months, don't worry we all remember." The twins shouted over him, he looked annoyed at being interrupted.
"…I didn't see what Haruhi could see in a man like Honey, for a start he was somehow shorter than her at the time, a miraculous fete since Haruhi has always been vertically challenged. But it seems I was wrong, since here I am now giving a speech at their wedding. All I can say is I am surprised that the cute little, cake loving, childish boy from so many years ago managed to break my strong willed, beautiful, independent, darling daughter and get her to agree to spend an eternity of partnership with him. I propose a toast to achieving the impossible for my old friend."
"I am not, have never been and will never be your daughter!" Haruhi shouted with a laugh at the end, her father however was not so light-hearted about it and a fight almost broke out, along with that the twins attempted to kidnap Haruhi, Kyoya managed to rip off the catering service, annoying them then setting his family police force on them, Mori managed to break the banister (it wasn't his fault he was defusing the fight, well trying and failing to at least). Honey also managed to eat the whole cake in one mouthful, Haruhi's lawyer and commoner friends got frightened since they weren't used to the host club and had to hide under tables, Honey's brother started a martial arts contest with Honey on the table were the cake had previously been and the rest of the members got caught in the cross fires of everything. All in all it was your typical host wedding.
Pretty boys:
"How could you like that…that…that midget!" Tamaki wailed as he flooded the music room with his tears and fell to the ground where he commenced to punch it with all his might, muttering the word 'why' repeatedly.
"What has his height got to do with anything?" I screamed back.
"Why would you like that little monster? Why would you do that to daddy? Why couldn't you have chosen someone more respectable, like your daddy?"
I heard my self growl, to which he shuddered and looked up at me with big watering puppy eyes that almost made me loose my resolve. "Since when have you been my father? And I didn't choose anyone like you because that's not the type of boy I like!" He gasped in horror at that, hand over mouth and all.
"What does my darling daughter mean by that? How could she not like boys like her daddy? Girls always pick men like their fathers! I've failed!"
"You're not my dad or the type of man I fall for!"
"What's wrong with me, I'm completely loveable, how could you like any other type?"
"I just don't like pretty boys!"
"…But all of the host club members are pretty boys…he's a pretty boy!"
"Oh you know what I mean, you're the postcard picture of pretty, big blue eyes, shiny blond hair, tall, you're charming and you're emotional, you have the worst mood swings. You're…you're…you're like a woman!"
"It's not true!" He gasped and scrambled away. "You're lying! Take that back right now or go to your room! Mummy, Im not really womanly am I?" He broke down crying again and Kyoya's feet.
"You're kind of on the feminine side." He muttered from behind his laptop; Tamaki 'poofed' into non-existence.
Alternative:
It's that time of year again, the one that has you rolling on the floor from laughter while crying at the sob stories. That's right, it's comic relief! And the host club are going charitable for the week! It took Haruhi only a moment to get everyone to agree, everyone but Kyoya that is, he took a whole month to break. Kyoya had only succumbed when Haruhi managed to get enough of the girls to say –in hearing distance of Kyoya- that they did love it when men did good deeds, it was so sweet and thoughtful. This of course set him off realizing they could increase their profits afterwards; making more in profit than what they would be donating.
Haruhi was taking over music room three and throwing a 'commoners day' where she was going to sell a variety of 'commoner food' and other material objects, also 'commoner games' were going to be played. Mori was going to be helping with this since she really couldn't handle that many people on her own. The twins were selling a load of their mothers clothes –she's a designer remember- and were also getting sponsored to dress up as women for the whole week –fake breast and all, Haruhi's dad had told them were to buy everything. Tamaki was giving away kisses for a pound each – typical, I know, it's oh so very original isn't it? Kyoya was selling pictures of all the members and donating the money to charity – or as everyone expects half of it, let's face it he's to greedy not to take a cut. Honey however had raised the most money by far; he was being sponsored to…give up cake for…seven whole long agonizing days, willingly. Run for your lives, it's the apocalypse!
Well for obvious reasons Honey was breaking, he was dangerously close to turning into a psycho killer, I mean you all saw how he got after a mere three days! He was on his fifth day and would have long since given up if it wasn't for that damned strong will of a material arts master, though the other hosts were starting to fear for there lives. So they called an emergency meeting and started to devise a plan – which mainly consisted of everyone speaking over each other with ideas until Kyoya told them which ones would be possible, he wrote everything in his laptop obviously, that boy types fast!
"…we could chain him up…"
"…sleep feed him cake…"
"…lock him in solitude…"
"…then hand him over to the government…"
"…carry guns to protect ourselves against him…"
"…cover the floor in bananas…"
"…find something to get his mind off it…"
"…human sacrifice…"
"…cake smoothie…"
"…no one would know…"
"…just give him cake and lie…"
"…we could totally…"
"Shut up." Kyoya said calmly over the noise – didn't I say he would – causing everyone to do as he said and fall into silence. "We'll just have to find him an alternative."
"Like what?" Someone said, to which the whole fiasco started again.
"…just feed him strawberries…"
"…weight-watchers food…"
"…yogurt…"
"…ice cream, everyone loves ice cream…"
"…I still say we chain him up…"
"…just steal Usa-chan and threaten him…"
"…that's good; he'd never do anything to endanger that rabbit…"
"…and back on track, we need alternatives…"
"…right, just give him sweets…"
"…or chocolates…"
"…biscuits…"
"Alright," Kyoya interrupted their ongoing rant again, "I've given it some thought and sugar won't work, he'll just want cake, giving him a bit of what he loves will just make him crave it more. What we need is a completely unrelated thing that will keep him occupied."
"Like what? Some kind of impossible puzzle, like that maths thing with an almost impossible solution, what am I talking about Haruhi?"
"You mean X3xY3=Z3."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
"I don't think that would work for long, he'd look it up on the internet."
"So…what else, have you got any ideas Kyoya?" At that the shadow king smiled down at us evilly, with a mischievous smirk that could rival the twins; that's when they knew it. They had fallen head first into his trap and someone was going to be at the receiving end of it. He then pushed Haruhi into the music room – did I mention that the meeting was in the hallway outside and Honey was inside? No, well I have now. Anyway, he pushed Haruhi into the music room and shut the door behind her, barricading it shut so neither the midget or the commoner could escape.
"What are you doing? Sending our darling daughter in to face that dwarf's wrath alone? How could you mummy?" Tamaki wailed as he tried to reach the door to unlock it, stopped my Mori's hand.
"Keeping Honey-senpai occupied of course." With the help of Mori they then dragged the twins and Tamaki away from the room, Tamaki demanding to be told what was going on –do not laugh at his slowness, we must pity the simple minded remember- while the twins came up with a number of threats for a number of people.
Blueberries:
"Just try one!" Haruhi begged.
"No!" Honey pouted in return, "I don't want it Haru-chan! Please don't make me eat it!" His eyes filled with the tears that never failed to achieve him his desires but, amazingly, she stood fast.
"Eat it!" She commanded placing it to his lips, he pursed them and refused to take even one small nibble, she went to grab his mouth and prize it open but he jumped from his seat and ran off; she commenced to chase him around music room three. The other host members just rolled their eyes and said she'd never succeed.
"But I want cake or strawberries, I don't want that!"
"The doctor said we have to make sure you eat your five a day and you've finished the strawberries!"
"Then give me cake!"
"Cake doesn't count as one of your five a day!"
"If it's carrot cake it does, or fruit cake!"
"No it doesn't!" Once again the other hosts attempted to make her give up but she continued running after the little blond boy. "Please eat it Honey-senpai, it's just like blue strawberries!"
He was about to refuse again before a mischievous smirk appeared on his face. "I'll eat one if you'll help me wash away the taste afterwards, Haru-chan." He smiled his innocent boy smile.
"If you eat them all I'll give you something to wash away the taste." She offered, sticking her hand out to shake on it, Honey looked over to Tamaki and the twins flashing them a happy smile with an evil glint in his eye, the three jumped up and tried to scream for her not to do it but they'd already shaken hands.
Honey then started popping the small blue fruit into his mouth one by one, grimacing slightly on the inside but he was a master of self control so it wasn't shown, finally when they were all gone Haruhi spoke again. "See that wasn't to bad, was it Honey-senpai? Just like blue strawberries!"
"It tasted like water and wasn't sweet like strawberries or cake!" He pouted, Haruhi laughed and turned to walk away but he grabbed the bottom of her blazer and scowled. "You promised to help get rid of the taste!"
"I know and I'm going to get you some cake." He shook his head.
"I don't want you to get me cake, I can get that myself."
"Oh, then what do you want?" She asked confused but the other hosts either smirked or looked depressed or in Tamaki's case ran to a corner and cried, Honey turned his head to the side and pointed to his cheek, she looked at it even more confused than before. Mori stepped in then to help explain.
"He wants you to kiss his cheek."
"…Oh…ok then." Haruhi shrugged and lent in to kiss the small boys cheek, however at the last moment he turned her face and caught her lips, she turned pink and he grinned triumphantly, Tamaki attempted to slit his wrists, Kyoya stopped the former from doing so, the twins started making a plan to kill the little blond in his sleep and Mori looked on proudly with a hint of amusement.
"You're almost as sweet as cake!" He laughed before kissing her cheek and running like hell.
Mori was dragged at full speed from the room by Honey as the twins ran after him in anger, to blind from the rage to realize that Honey alone could kick them to Timbuktu and back let alone with the help of Mori. Whilst all this was happening Tamaki had disintegrated to a puddle on the floor then retired further into a corner to rock back and force and cry, Kyoya, after removing the knife Tamaki had produced from thin air, just kept typing away.
Friday 13th:
That cursed date is once again upon us. The date of complete and utter misfortune, where fears come out of the dark, creatures roam in the light and luck takes a vacation. So long as you're superstitious that is. Which, unfortunately, the two featured in this story secretly are, note the secretly, that's important.
"Haruhi my darling daughter get up!" A voice screamed through the young woman's peaceful sleep, she groaned and pulled the covers over her head, mumbling for them to leave her alone. "But the whole host club is getting together for a family outing!" The woman groaned again and started to mumble about how she wished she was still living with her dad, he wouldn't let the blond freak go on about being her father, which he wasn't.
"Go away Tamaki. What time is it, what day is it?" She grumbled.
"It's Friday, Friday the thirteenth and it's time to get up, the twins have a whole scary day planned!"
It took one hour for Haruhi to agree to get up and it required the twins coming round, kicking Tamaki out and bribing her with tuna. She was still reluctant but there was two of them and they, her so called best friends, managed to drag her into their limo, were there was no escape from. She concentrated on keeping her breathing neutral.
At about the same time in one of those rich bitch mansions: "Mitsukuni it's time to get up." A tall man shook his shorter cousin.
"No! It's that date and you know Usa-chan hates it, I can't leave Usa-chan alone!"
"But the whole host club is meant to be meeting, it's been a while since we all saw each other, don't you want to go?"
"Of course I do but I can't get out of bed, Usa-chan won't move because it's unlucky!"
The tall one finally managed to get his small cousin to agree to come, mainly by bribing with cake and the chance for him to see all his best friends together and, in particular, one specific person.
The group all met up by a haunted house at some crossroads in the middle of nowhere. Hikaru and Kaoru explained how they had hired a load of people to creep up the place before running off at full speed into the building. Kyoya went in after then; scribbling in that note book that we all know is full of evil, world domination plans, as he went. Tamaki walked off talking to himself, probably expecting someone to be swooning and listening to him, there was no one and Mori walked through the doors with Honey and Usa-chan on his shoulders.
"Are you coming, Haruhi?" The giant asked, she nodded and walked into the pitch black hall way.
Haruhi had no idea how it had happened but within two minutes she was lost and alone. She had bumped into one of the actors dressed as a witch and flipped and ran like hell away, they were on crossroads after all, the perfect place for black magic.
Haruhi was practically shitting herself when she finally found a room that hadn't been Hitachiin-a-fied, she had been chased by a blue man covered in blood, bitten by a zombie, screamed at by a wailing, floating banshee and so much more. She hated the bloody actors her best friends had hired more than she'd ever hated anything before. Luckily for her she was still alone so no one could see her fear, she didn't want them knowing she was superstitious after all. Then again it was unlucky that she was alone, she was so scared she wasn't sure she'd be able to move.
Haruhi sat herself on a cardboard box and tried to shallow her breathing, that's when someone or something small came flying in faster than any living thing could move. She started to scream, her wail was instantly joined with another from the small creature.
"Haru-chan?" The small thing asked as it hurtled into her.
"Honey-sempai?" Oh thank god. Haruhi thought; they both blushed a little and looked away.
"Is Haru-chan alright? You were screaming very loud."
"I'm fine. You were screaming too." She muttered it's only Honey-sempai; it can't hurt to let him know can it? He's kept all my other secrets… "I'm just a little jumpy since it's Friday the thirteenth, we're at crossroads, in a scary house filled with scary people and decorations and I've seen a lot of broken glass, spilt salt and upside down horseshoes."
Got to stay brave for Haru-chan now Honey, you can do it! "Don't worry Haru-chan, I'll fight away anything scary, nothing can escape the formidable force of Honey and Usa-chan!" He said as he ran about karate chopping the air like a ninja.
Unfortunately just then a creature smaller than the last (or Honey as it was revealed to be) materialized from the shadows and darted across the room, running right across Honey's path, it then disappeared back into the shadows on the other side. Fortunately Haruhi was there to catch the screaming Honey when he launched himself into the air.
When they both stopped screaming, since Haruhi had joined in once Honey started, Haruhi asked what it had been, voice shaky and full of fear. "A b-black cat, it passed my p-path." Honey stuttered.
The both stared wide eyed at the spot the cat had disappeared in for a few minutes until Haruhi finally said: "What do you say we get the hell away from here?" To which Honey said he really, really liked that idea.
The two midgets got into Honey's limousine and drove straight back to his house, terrified the whole time in the car. Once they got safely inside the climbed into his bed and vowed to not leave it until the day was done.
Our small blond friend woke up the next morning with a huge yawn and rubbed the sleep from his eyes with his right hand; untangling himself from Haruhi, the two had fallen asleep as a heap of entwined, messed up limbs. He swung his legs around and placed his feet on the floor, tiptoes only just brushing it and stretched himself out like a cat. Perhaps Friday the thirteenth isn't so bad after all. He thought to himself with a smile as he went to make them both breakfast.
A/N: Tell me what you thought, what was you're favourite? At the moment mine is 'Blueberries' but I've only written like five, then again I love that one so it may stay at the top of my list. Oh and Dangleberries is a Scottish term for Balls, or Testes if we're being scientific. I didn't know that since I'm not Scottish and I thought you people might not know either, thank you Cara for that suggestion, you're mind boggles me even though I am a genius when it comes to random workings of the brain. I still can't understand why that would be the first word to come into your head unless you were having dirty thoughts though. But look guys, I did it! In time for Friday the 13th and all! I've been writing this for bloody ages but you finally got your dedication! Oh and if you've people read the authors note this far would you mind pointing out any mistakes I made? I re-read it loads to try and get rid of them all but I don't have a Beta so I might have missed some. Thank you, love you random fanficers xxx