Author's note: I do not own any characters from the Legend of Zelda series. The original lyrics to this song are by Don McLean.
Hyrulian Guy
A long, long time ago …
In a land full of adventure
There was a hero on a time-based trial
He got money chopping plants
Wearing a tunic instead of pants
And so acquired a tidy Rupee pile
But he went towards the river
And his spine gave him a shiver
Because he became so lost
Yes, he became so lost
I can't remember if he cried
Despite the courage he held inside
But then he saw a man on a balloon ride …
The day he found a guide.
Fly, fly, weird Hyrulian guy
You're a scary hairy fairy or you're just a big lie
You descend to the ground with a glint in your eye
Thinking, 'If I don't get paid I will die.
If I don't get paid I will die.'
Did he draw the maps of love?
While floating in the sky above?
He certainly would tell you so
Do you believe he has a fairy's soul
Or has his mind taken a great toll
Perhaps having been stolen by a Poe?
Well the hero knew by a whim
The weirdo was trying to help him
Through the outside of green clothes
Tingle's cheeks were the color of a rose
The hero did not want to end up stuck
Like in a barn with crazy monsters that cluck
So he bought a map and tried his luck …
The day he found a guide.
Fly, fly, weird Hyrulian guy
You're a scary hairy fairy or you're just a big lie
You descend to the ground with a glint in your eye
Thinking, 'If I don't get paid I will die.
If I don't get paid I will die.'
Now Link was never really on his own
There was always guidance from the princess on the throne
Or from a giant owl in a tree
Or from a fairy nice or a fairy mean
Or from a smart-aleck hat of green
But their help was not as reliable as it could be
But when he said farewell to this chap
And took out the river map
It was surprisingly easy to learn
He did not miss a single turn
So he defeated Odolwa
The masked warrior that followed no law
With an arrow lodged neatly in its jaw …
The day he found a guide.
Fly, fly, weird Hyrulian guy
You're a scary hairy fairy or you're just a big lie
You descend to the ground with a glint in your eye
Thinking, 'If I don't get paid I will die.
If I don't get paid I will die.'
Helter-skelter in a frozen shelter
The Gorons really needed a smelter
Eight miles high with a windy blast
The villagers would never last
Link tried to scale the mountain pass
Without letting the cold freeze off his ass
The air was blistering, but very soon
The hero saw a red balloon
And without a passing glance
Tingle landed and started to dance
He took out his pen and soon revealed
An intricate map of the snowy field
And Link went on his way with sword and shield …
The day he found a guide.
Fly, fly, weird Hyrulian guy
You're a scary hairy fairy or you're just a big lie
You descend to the ground with a glint in your eye
Thinking, 'If I don't get paid I will die.
If I don't get paid I will die.'
Link kept traveling all over the place
Pastor of both time and space
With unlimited time to start again
At the sea he saw his guide both nimble and quick
Tingle took out his writing stick
And sold a map to his only friend
He risked both life and limb
Above the sea where he could not swim
He'd risk the chance that he could have fell
To make a map that he could sell
And then his balloon rose into the night
To continue with his endless flight
Link saw Tingle laughing with delight …
The day he found a guide.
Fly, fly, weird Hyrulian guy
You're a scary hairy fairy or you're just a big lie
You descend to the ground with a glint in your eye
Thinking, 'If I don't get paid I will die.
If I don't get paid I will die.'
Again in the desert Link saw some good news
He met again the fairy man that didn't wear shoes
Tingle smiled and started drawing away
Before Link left to the next temple place
The short man looked at him with a straight face
And said, "Link, I know that you will save the day."
And in Clock Town, the children screamed,
The lovers cried, the salesmen schemed,
But not a word was said,
Underneath the moon's glaring head
But then the four giants they admired most
From river, mountain, valley, and coast
Saved Termina from becoming toast …
The day he found a guide.
And Link was thinking:
Fly, fly, weird Hyrulian guy
You're a scary hairy fairy or you're just a big lie
You descend to the ground with a glint in your eye
Thinking, 'If I don't get paid I will die.'