Title: Snark

Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own them.

Summary: Sheppard and McKay manage to get themselves tied up by the locals. What will they do to pass the time?

A/N: This story is the result of a writing class I'm taking. The professor told us to look at two chairs back to back, imagine two people in those chairs, and write down their conversation. The only rule was it had to be all dialog. Who immediately came to mind? Sheppard and McKay of course! And for those of you reading "When in Rome," I haven't forgotten about it. It's just taking me a heck of a lot longer to finish than I first thought it would.

"Nice going Kirk!"

"Now Rodney, it's not nice to call people names."

"It's the truth; you just couldn't resist hitting on the beautiful alien priestess."

"She wasn't a priestess, besides I wasn't the one drooling all over her."

"I was simply admiring the scenery, and quit trying to change the subject Colonel. This is your fault. You jilted the governor's daughter, not me."

"It's not my fault she took me too seriously."

"So you thought letting her down easy would be to leave her standing at the alter?"

"I didn't even know there was a wedding planned! You were there McKay, gimme a break!"

"Why is it that every planet we visit you seem to get us in trouble?"

"Every time? What about Pelowna; that wasn't my fault, now was it? No, I believe that one was all yours."

"Fine, you've made your point, now maybe we could turn our attention to more important matters, like whether or not they're going to feed us."

"Now see, I was thinking more along the lines of escape, but of course the great Doctor McKay's stomach comes first."

"I'm hypoglycemic. Once you finally execute your miraculous escape plan would you like me to have gone into a coma?"

"Don't be ridiculous, but we have no control on whether or not they feed us. I was hoping to have your help coming up with that miraculous escape plan you were talking about. So why don't we focus on the situation."

"The situation is that we're tied to a tree in the middle of an alien village on an alien planet surround by aliens who really don't like us! That sum it up for you Sheppard!"

"Just calm down Rodney."

"Calm down! I will not calm down! They're going to leave us here to rot, watch as our bodies slowly consume themselves until we finally shrivel away to dust! Well Doctor Rodney McKay isn't going to go quietly! Do you here that people! Do you!"

"They hear you McKay, just shut the hell up! You aren't helping!"

"Oh and you are Colonel 'Good-for-Nothing' Kirk."

"We're back to that now are we? It's Colonel John Sheppard, not 'Good-for-Nothing' Kirk."

"He knows his own name. Congratulations Colonel, you get a gold star for the day."

"You know, you're extremely unpleasant when you're like this."

"I'm always unpleasant Colonel, get used to it."

"Unfortunately, I think I already am."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know McKay, what do you think it means?"

"That's nice Colonel, what are you five years old?"

"I know you are but what am I?"

"Great, just great, I'm going to die tied to a tree with the most immature man in two galaxies."

"We're not going to die McKay."

"Says 'Mr. Optimism.'"

"That's Colonel Optimism to you. And quit worrying, the rest of the team will rescue us, we just have to sit back and wait."

"That's your plan! Sit back and wait for rescue. That has to be the worst plan I've ever heard of."

"Well, it's worked before."

"When?"

"I don't know, but I'm sure we've used that plan before."

"Idiot."

"Thanks McKay, I didn't know you cared."

"I said no such thing. Don't go getting any ideas Colonel."

"Who said I was?"

"Yes well…this is all still your fault."

"Whatever you say McKay."

A/N: There's this pretty little button down here that says "Go." Maybe you should click it and tell me what you thought of my little story. ;)