A/N: I'm back with a new story! I apologize to everyone for not updating- but I've been slammed. I feel terrible…..it's been forever. Anyway….Introducing, Fiona.
Look. We all reach a phase in life where we have a weird addiction/crush/obsession. Well maybe not everyone. Okay maybe just me. But I was finally becoming normal. I didn't spend every day reading the same books over and over. Wishing I were someplace else. But ringing in the New Year alone with my cat and Tolkien's books for company made me realize I had to wake up. I had to live my life. So I reduced it. I cut back to a chapter a night. I had been feeling like a recovering alcoholic. This toxic unexplainable obsession seemed to be going away.
How wrong I was.
So it's safe to say that when I ended up facedown in fucking Middle Earth I was a bit surprised. Pissed actually, because now getting over this addiction would be damn near impossible. However, a tiny part of me that I was attempting to squash was quivering with excitement. And it wasn't long before that part won out.
Middle Earth. My mind swam with possibilities. I could help! No never mind bad idea. I'd fuck it up. Stay far away from everyone. That's right- that was the best way to be helpful. Move into the nearest, grimy, unsuspecting hut and await a way back. IN NO WAY SHOULD YOU ENGAGE WITH ANY OF COMP-oof!
I found myself on the ground again. "My new sweater, shit I forgot how dirty this place was-is- But now I look like a local! Maybe I should just smear some on my face or something so I can blend-" I rambled, looking up into the concerned, wrinkled face of Gandalf the Grey.
"Milady, are you ill? You seem to be unusually flustered, and I might add- far from home" his deep voice rumbled.
"Whaaa? OH uh. Yes. I….am. Gandalf! You have no idea how relieved I am to see you. See, you're probably the only one who can help me get home! And you're right here! And here I was thinking I'd have to trek all over Middle Earth to find you and it would be awful and I'd probably die I mean come on look at me. I'm soooo glad to see you!" I gave him some jazz hands at the end. Because I'm generous. Gandalf's great wizardly brow had furrowed so deeply I couldn't see his eyebrows.
"Milady, have we met before? It's true that my memory isn't what it used to be, however, I feel strongly that if we had I would have certainly remembered you" he said with a slight twinkle in his eye.
"Oh. Um. Not exactly. It's complicated" I replied, looking anywhere but at him- which was, no terrible task, considering the scenery was spectacular! All I could tell of my surroundings was that I appeared to be in the middle of a dense forest- but that wasn't too helpful as there were forests all over Middle Earth.
"I find, actually, that it is very simple" he said, taking an apple from his robes and biting into it thoughtfully. I gave him a wtf look at he chuckled. "People do not just appear places randomly. There is usually a time, and a place- for everything. Therefore, I believe that you are here precisely because you mean to, and want to – whether you are aware of it or not." He continued chewing, pausing occasionally to brush his beard free of residue. "And therefore- it is fairly simple, and I bid you welcome." And with that, Gandalf began walking away.
"WAIT!" I called, cursing my short legs struggling to keep up with his long wizardly strides. "There must be something you can do to help me get home!" He stopped short suddenly, and I, wheezing, nearly keeled over.
"Home is wherever you make it" he said after a while, his eyes on the horizon. After examining his pensiveness, I decided that it was best not to argue.
"At least let me join you. I'm a bit of a wild card at the moment. I mean. I was sent here by god knows who. Probably best to keep your eye on me. I mean- couldn't have been an accident, us meeting- by your logic" I panted. "Also suggestion: Walk slower." Gandalf burst out laughing, a sound that worked its way straight into my heart. I smiled widely.
"You are quite the extraordinary thing. Very well. You shall join the company, because I fear, on this quest we have a great need for extraordinary things" Gandalf said, still chuckling. "You might be, exactly what we need."
Heart pumping with excitement, I did my best to keep up with Gandalf as we made our way through the underbrush towards The Shire. How beautiful it was. Just as I had pictured- the quintessential small town set into the earth, complete with nosy neighbors, rambunctious children- all set teeming in one glorious garden.
Soo in awe was I that I almost tripped and fell. "I'm good. I'm fine thank you" I reassured Gandalf when turned and gave me a questioning look. After I almost died dragging myself up the long winding hill- why did Bilbo have to live in the top of the hill anyway? Before long, we had reached the home of Bilbo Baggins. Bilbo was sitting upon a stone bench, smoking a rather large pipe, and – as I knew he would, politely bid us a good morning. I smiled at him and he flushed, and then his eyes settled on Gandalf.
"You're Gandalf, Gandalf the Grey!" He exclaimed. Gandalf glanced at me, and shook his head.
"Yes indeed, I have been called such. My reputation, apparently, precedes me" he murmured thoughtfully. I cleared my throat loudly to bring him out of his reverie. "Ah yes, thank you- Miss-" He paused. "You have not given me the pleasure, milady, of informing me of the identity of whom I am addressing." SHIT. Great. What Middle Earth names did I pick out all those years ago? Think. Think. Oh well. My French name will have to do.
"Fiona" I replied, attempting to look confident. Gandalf raised his eyebrows, and it was clear he was not completely convinced.
"Mr. Baggins, as the lady so aptly reminded me, I am looking for someone to join in an adventure."
"An adventure! Well. Absolutely not. You have the wrong hobbit. No adventures here. Absolutely none." And with that Bilbo scurried back inside, and drew the shades. Gandalf heaved a heavy sigh. I did not at all like seeing Gandalf looking so defeated. Hopping from stepping stone to stepping stone, I made my way up to Bilbo's door.
"Mr. Baggins!" I knocked gently. "Mr. Baggins, I have one more proposition for you. It's much less scary than the idea of an adventure, I promise. I know that we just met, and this is all highly unconventional. But I'm afraid I'm new around here. I've landed in this world alone, separated from my family and friends. I've only read- (I hastily corrected) seen this place in my dreams. I've no idea why I'm here. But I do know one thing. And that's that I'm meant to help you. So will you at least allow me to do that?" A single tear rolled down my cheek, and I let out a quiet sob. I was frustrated, tired and hungry. Middle earth was not quite the heaven I thought it to be. Without the comforts of modern society I felt useless and alone. Tears stained the painted green wood and I slid down the door in a pathetic puddle. Through my despair, I made out a quiet sigh from the other side, followed by the sounds of the bolt unlocking.
"Please don't cry. I…..I am sorry if I was rude. Milady, I…..I would be honored if you would have tea with me" He said kindly, helping me to my feet. We both turned to look at Gandalf, and to our shock, he had vanished. "I suppose he does that. Being a wizard and all." I gave a snotty laugh.
"Yes I suppose he does."