Author's Note
Hello, everybody!
While browsing YouTube late one night, I came across a scene from The Breakfast Club, where Principal Vernon gives Bender seven Saturday detentions due to his disrespect and insubordination.
After replaying this part over and over again, I found myself substituting Principal Vernon for PC Principal. As a result, a parody of this scene came to mind.
This deleted scene takes place after "Safe Space," but before "Tweek x Craig."
To be on the safe side, The Breakfast Club, including its characters and dialogue, is the property of John Hughes.
South Park, including its characters, episodes, and dialogue, is the property of Trey Parker and Matt Stone.
A tall man with dirty blond hair wearing a blue polo shirt, khaki pants and sunglasses stood at the front of the fourth grade classroom. In his left hand, he held a cordless microphone; in his right hand, a clipboard, which he was looking down at. Behind him, written in big white letters spanning from one side of the chalkboard to the other, was the word DETENTION. In front of him sat four kids at four different desks.
At one of the two desks closest to the door sat a Jewish boy wearing an orange coat, green pants and a green ushanka. The other desk was occupied by a girl wearing a light purple coat, yellow pants and a pink beret. Kyle Broflovski and Wendy Testaburger had both gotten detention for the exact same reason: they had both refused to help Eric Cartman filter out the negative comments of a picture of himself he had recently posted online.
At the desk closest to the window sat Craig Tucker, a boy wearing a blue jacket, black pants, and a blue chullo with a yellow poof ball on top. The reason for his detention was for—what else?—flipping off Mrs. Nelson during class.
At a desk in the back of the classroom sat a brown-haired boy wearing blue jeans and a black-and-blue striped hooded shirt. This boy was one the other three kids had never seen before.
"Kyle Broflovski!" announced PC Principal.
"Here."
"Wendy Testaburger!"
"Here."
"Craig Tucker!"
When PC Principal got no response, he turned to the boy in question and was greeted by a raised middle finger.
"Okay, that another two weeks detention for you, bud!" He then turned his attention back to the attendance list on his clipboard. This time, there was a brief delay.
"Ugh, I can't even read my own handwriting." He directed his gaze to the unknown boy. "You, in the back!" The unknown boy raised his head and met PC Principal's eyes. "What's your name?"
"Don't have one. But everyone calls me BC."
With everyone on his list present, PC Principal tossed the clipboard onto the teacher's desk. He then brought the microphone to his mouth and began to speak. As he spoke, he raised his right arm and pointed at the four students with his index finger.
"Well, well. Welcome to detention. Most of you are here because you have failed to realize the negative effect that body shaming can have when it hurts someone's life."
"Hey, Steven Seagal should've known the risk he was taking before he did that assembly," interjected BC. "It's his own damn fault."
"You want another two weeks, bud?"
"I'm just saying," BC answered back, raising his hands in mock surrender. "Didn't make sense to me."
"It is now 4:00," PC Principal resumed. "You have exactly one hour to reflect upon your decisions and the repercussions they've caused as a result. And to pass the time, each of you are going to write me a 1,000-word essay, describing to me what you would've done differently."
"Oh, fuck that."
Four sets of widened eyes turned to BC. "Excuse me?" PC Principal responded.
"I am not doing this bullshit. I'm entitled to my opinion; I don't have to conform to yours."
"My word is law in this elementary school, bro!"
"Well, your word is not the Constitution, last time I checked. I have the right to free speech. I have the right to make my thoughts known without fear of being kowtowed to the likes of you."
"As long as I am the principal of this elementary school, you'll obey my rules!"
"Suck my dick," BC muttered.
"What did you say?" PC Principal demanded. He marched over to the occupied desk in the back of the classroom.
"Oh, I'm sorry," began BC. "What I meant to say was, 'Suck my politically correct dick.' "
PC Principal's upper lip curled up in a snarl, and he gripped his microphone tighter. "You got a fucking problem, bro?"
BC intertwined his hands, laying them on his chest and leaned back in his chair. "I do. We all do. Some more than others, but I'm sure it's nothing anger management couldn't fix for you."
"You better watch your micro-aggressions, bro. Or you're going to be looking at two more weeks detention."
"I'm not afraid of you. And speaking of micro, I bet you got a small dick, don't you? Probably smaller than that fat kid, am I right?"
"Okay, that's two more weeks detention for you, bro."
"Oh, the humanity," lamented BC sarcastically. "Well, let me just make some room in my calendar." BC looked down at the upturned palm of his left hand and began to pretend scribble on it with his right hand. "Oh, would you look at that? I'll be busy during that time. I'm gonna be hanging out with that black kid what's-his-name Token."
"Token is not black, he is African-American! Are you testing my patience, bud?"
"Seems to be working."
And by the shaking PC Principal was starting to exhibit, it was.
"That's another two weeks! You're going to be mine for the rest of the school year if you keep this up! How about another two weeks?"
"Why not?"
"You got it! That's two more weeks, bro! Congratulations! Keep digging deeper!"
"Cut it out!" said Kyle and Wendy in unison. BC shot a brief glance their way; their eyes were pleading with him to stop.
"You through?"
BC redirected his gaze back to the shaking PC Principal. "Not even close, bro."
"Fine! You got two more weeks right there!"
"Fuck you and everything you stand for, you pussy-crushing cocksucker."
Kyle, Wendy, and Craig all gasped at BC's statement.
"Holy shit!" Wendy exclaimed through cupped hands.
"Jesus Christ, dude!" Kyle followed up.
Normally, PC Principal would have castigated Kyle for using the Lord's name out of context. But once BC's comment registered in his mind, his face turned a mixture of purple and red. All of a sudden, PC Principal let out a guttural yell, whipped around and chucked his microphone at the chalkboard. The microphone hit the chalkboard with such force that the latter actually cracked upon impact. The chalkboard now looked like a rippling green-and-white spider web. After that, he turned to the desk in front of BC and flipped it. The desk hit the ground with a resounding cacophony, causing a few other desks and chairs nearby to topple over. All throughout PC Principal's rampage, BC's expression remained stoic.
"THAT'S IT, BRO! YOU ARE OUT OF HERE! GET YOUR STUFF! LET'S GO!"
"Make me."
"YOU'RE PISSING ME OFF!" PC Principal lunged for BC, but the boy was quick on his feet and made a mad dash to the front of the classroom. En route to the door, he took the time to knock everything off the teacher's desk and onto the floor. Catching sight of PC Principal approaching him, BC ricocheted himself off the teacher's desk and bolted out the door. PC Principal soon followed suit, shutting the door behind him with a resounding SLAM!
Kyle and Wendy were too shell-shocked to comment upon what they just witnessed. Craig, on the other hand, spoke his first words since detention had started.
"If I could call PC Principal a pussy-crushing cocksucker, I'd be so happy."
While this differs greatly from the aforementioned scene, I hope you found it amusing!
And don't forget: your reviews are always welcome. I'd love to hear your feedback!
Thanks for reading!