Just a suggestion:Listen to My Immortal (by Evanescence) while reading this.
I killed my cousin today. I have killed many, tortured many more. I have destroyed families and caused fear and panic with a single glimpse of my face.
I have killed and tortured many, yet the face of my cousin Sirius is still fresh in my mind.
I can hear his voice, taunting me, provoking me. I saw the look of surprise on his face when the curse hit him.
Today I saw the boy whose parents I tortured into insanity many years ago. I cared not. What is past is past, and I did it willingly for my master.
But I can't rid myself of my cousin's image. I keep hearing the laughter of a little boy who pulled on my pigtails until I got so frustrated I screamed. He had darted away to avoid my hand, and that's all it had seemed today. Just a quick darting away from Bella's anger, then back into the game of provoking her once more.
I can see his scornful eyes as I saw them when I first started taking advanced Dark Arts at Durmstrang. He called me pond scum. Filthy. I can still hear his voice.
Bella, I thought you were above that, he had said. I thought that you were the only one in this family that understood my hatred for all things dark.'
But I do, Sirius, I protested. Couldn't he see that with a family like ours, you had to try and fit in? And if that meant go to Durmstrang, that's what I would do.
But he turned away. The one link of sanity in my world had turned his back on me and there was nothing I could do but try and fill the emptiness inside me that his leaving and put there.
When I was arrested and sent to Azkaban, I walked by his cell. He looked right through me like I wasn't there. I had been sentenced and damned in the minds of every wizard on the light side, yet all it took was a glance from Sirius' eyes and I snapped. I went totally crazy that day and I haven't gotten over it since.
The Potter boy tried to kill me after I committed that- murder. I went through the motions of mocking him, avoiding his curses, but all I could think about was what I had done. I wasn't thinking about the pain I caused the many people that had loved Sirius- I thought only of myself.
I have killed and tortured and been judged and damned a thousand times over. Yet it took one man to break me, to shatter my soul into millions of pieces and re-create it into something unlike its former self.
I try to find rest in my bed at home but there is none. There is no rest for the living dead. The possessed that walk the earth in their former bodies, their souls eating at their minds from the inside.
My consciousness does not ebb away as I grow tired. I have a sharp sense of what I have done. I can escape from myself- but not from the haunting memories of Sirius Black.
I killed my cousin today. I have killed many, tortured many more. I have destroyed families and caused fear and panic with a single glimpse of my face.
I have killed and tortured many, yet the face of my cousin Sirius is still fresh in my mind.
A/N: Interesting kind of thing, isn't it. Bellatrix is my favorite character, and I always thought there had to be a reason why she was so cold and hard. Well, it's my first attempt at something like this, so please Read and Review with any comments/suggestions! Thanks!