Author's Note
I do not own Maximum Ride or any of its associated merchandise.
I do not own Sunny-D or any of its associated awesomeness.
I do not own Weezer OR Say It Ain't So
I do not own Twilight book series/movie and I do NOT own Robert Pattinson.
I do not own Pokemon or its theme tune however awesome it may be.
Thanks to xxgldxx aka Gabby for the inspiration. Read her stuff its epic.
Chapter One – Chapters 1 – 10 Of The Final Warning
Windsor State Forest, Massawackaadingchuetaa
Soldier 1 Ssssss
Soldier 2 What the hell is that?
Soldier 1 I like to make noises! This one's a snake! Sssssss...
Soldier 2 Shut up man I'm trying to secure yo cabin and all the homies inside it yo
Soldier 1 ….I'm emo now *slits wrists*
Ssssssssssssss
Soldier 2 I told you to fuck the shut up man else Ill pop a cap in yo white ass
Soldier 1 IM TOO BUSY CRYING TO MAKE SNAKE NOISES!
Soldier 2 Shit we left the gas on!
*soldiers choke to death*
U-Director Bollocks
A Different Forest
Max Omg I killed Ari once sticky emotions Jeb's my father and I hate him I hate funerals
Fang Hey I am the emo one in this plot! Stop crying about your terrible heart wrenching life!
Max Ok. Does anyone wanna go for a ride on a jet?
Flock NO YOU'RE REDUNDANT!
Max Well fuck you all we're going anyway
On A Jet
Kevin I'm Kevin Okun, your steward. I was born on the 5th July 1982. My hobbies include collecting road kill and planting bonsai trees. I also happen to be a very handsome man. Is anyone interested in having some sexual intercourse at all?
Fang Yes. I have a lot of sexual fustration bought on by my wrist cutting and all the fan girls I have all over the world.
Max Ok see you in a minute. Nudge what are you drinking?
Nudge SOMETHING THAT WILL INCREASE MY CHANCES OF BECOMING MAGNETIC
Gazzy Liquid Nitrogen?
Nudge Noooooo
Total Sunny-D?
Nudge Noooooooooo
Angel Semen?
Nudge NOOOOOO! I'm sorry your time is up. We were looking for caffeine, c-a-f-f-e-i-n-e, caffeine.
*All manner of metal items zoom towards Nudge*
Nudge YAAAAAAAAAAY!
Max NOT FAIR! I have no super awesome powers! *cries*
Gazzy Nudge I think that's the crankshaft, flywheel and part of the jet's wing attached to you.
Nudge …..O_o
Max Hey where's Fang, the handsome steward from before and Iggy?
*Fang appears*
Flock …...O_o
Max How was it?
Fang Fine. *slits wrists*
Iggy *reviews footage on video camera*Well that was awful, just awful. This is never gonna sell. I'll throw in a free dildo or something but still...I feel sorry for that steward.
Kevin I've had worse, not much worse, but worse.
Angel I'm sickened, disturbed and slightly bored by this scene, can we move on?
Max I AM THE LEADER! I RULE YOU PEASANTS! AND I SAY yeah let's go.
Safe House
Fang Hey! You missed my chapter!
Max I AM THE LEADER! I RULE YOU PEASANTS! AND I SAY all you do is act sarcastic and cool and show off to impress all your fan girls so it wasn't important.
Fang I hate my undying love for you!*slits wrists*
Total I hate that I had a bath! *slits paws*
Max I hate that I have a moustache!...I mean....uhh...what happened to your tan Fang?
Fang It was DIRT! IT WAS DIRT YOU BITCH! NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME! *runs upstairs, slams door and plays "Weezer -Say it Ain't So" on bass*
Max YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME HOW HOT I LOOKED!
Jeb Ok time to go to another conference discussing how freakish you all are.
Max I AM THE LEADER! I RULE YOU PEASANTS! AND I SAY-"
Jeb I'll give you a cookie
Max I want TEN THOUSAND MILLION COOKIES! And this also seems like a good time to jump into my musical number
I want to be the very best
Like No-one ever was
To catch them is my real test, to train them is my caaaaauuuse
I will travel across the land
Searching far and wide
Each Pokemon to understand
The Power That's Insiiiiiide
Pokemon!
(Gotta catch them aallll)It's you and meeeee
I know its my destiny
Pokemon!
Ooooo you're my best friend in this world we must defeeeeeeeend!
Pokemon!
Oh our hearts so trruuuue ooo ooo oooo
Our courage will pull us through
You teach me and I'll teach you!
Pok-e-mo-on!
Gotta catch em all!
Gotta catch em all!
POKEMON!
*big explosion, confetti falls down*
Flock O_o
Max I think I've made my point
Jeb You can have one cookie
Max ...Ok lets go
The Conference where the Freaks kick the Rich People's Butts
Olive Man Welcome, welcome. As you can see by my olive green suit, I am very important and therefore can control your lives. And so, freaks THIS IS YOUR LIFE!
Max Mom, Jeb did you know about this? You guys! I had no idea!
Total The flashing lights amuse me. I deem this an acceptable experience to undertake.
*Lots of footage with Max and the gang doing lots of karate routines and using they're super de duper powers*
Gazzy Wow I never realised just how awesome we actually are!
Iggy Yeah maybe someday they'll make a movie
Max And the title would be MAXIMUM RIDE
Total …..No. Just - no. Nobody would see that
Fang You know what would be crap, if they got that woman who directed Twilight to direct it. It's a shame that such an awesome series of books which I personally adored has now been reduced to nothing more than a bad film where Robert Pattinson repeats the same facial expression for two hours.
Nudge Yeah, he's not even that fit.
Olive Man …..O_o . So can we put you in our school for freaks?
Flock NOOOOOOO!
Angel Wait, Nudge don't you want to have an education rather than hang out with a bunch of rebels and emos like ourselves?
Nudge Nah, that's later on
Back at Safe House
Max I hate the government! Is that ok?
Martinez Yeah whatever I'm not even your real mom.
Flock ZOMG!
Max Whatever. I'm hard as nails. I don't care *runs off to cry*
Fang Did we order pineapple?
Angel Yup
Max Cheese?
Angel Yup
Gazzy Hand grenades?
Angel Yup
Iggy Gas grenades?
Angel Yup
Total Small vial of cyanide?
Angel Yup
Fang More razor blades to fuel my emo-ness?
Angel Yup
Max A shark?
Angel Yup
Gazzy A cliff top I can push Robert Pattinson off?
Angel Yup
Nudge Tampons?
Flock …..O_o...
Iggy What the fuck Nudge?
Nudge WHAT!I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide vagina! *runs off to cry*
Total Permission to change subject?
Max I AM THE LEADER! I RULE YOU PEASANTS! AND I SAY yes please.
Iggy Ok. I can feel colours.
Max I AM THE LEADER! I RULE YOU PEASANTS! AND I SAY no you can't cus its not fair and I never get new powers!
Iggy This is AWESOME! I CAN NOW INSULT PEOPLE IN MUCH MORE EPIC PROPORTIONS!
Total Oh no...
Iggy Max, your hair needs dying you've got greys. And I can feel your moustache, you should dye that thing. This wallpaper is disgusting. I can feel the amount of blackheads on your face, Gazzy, don't you wash at all? And Fang, I've been able to feel colours for about 14 ½ seconds, and I still think you wear too much black.
Fang Noooo! My clothes are the centre of my dark and mysterious nature! It's what the ladies love! *slits wrists*
Gazzy/Angel *facepalm*
Thanks for Reading! Please review, advice and ideas welcome.
Rebecca Snicket
xxx