A/N: This my futile attempt at funny!fic D: Sure hope you'll like it.
Disclaimer: WATCHMEN belong to Alan Moore. I own the slashy ideas ;D
WARNING! MALE x MALE RELATIONSHIP!
xX –Side by Side – Xx
'So what is it that you want to show us?' Nite Owl was rather wary of Comedian's sudden friendliness and a proposal to go see his old friend, whoever that was. He couldn't read Blake's face no matter how hard he tried, and the thing that bugged him the most was that he couldn't find a single sign of mischief on his face; no devilish leer, no strange glares – no nothing.
Another point that really bugged him was that Comedian insisted on bringing Rorschach along. Rorschach was about to decline when Blake muttered something about a very vicious crook kidnapping children in the neighborhood, and he needn't say more as now there were three pairs of boots marching to destination unknown.
Daniel always mused about how his crime-fighting partner could be so dense at times; it was obviously some sort of wicked Comedian prank.
When they reached the musky apartment, Dan had to cover his nose – the smell was repulsive. Just what kind of a normal person would live in place like this? Oh, wait. Comedian's friend lives here; scratch the 'normal person' part.
The door opened with a terrible creak and the smell became even worse; what surprised Nite Owl the most is that he seemed to be the only one affected by it. Both the Comedian and Rorschach seemed not to notice the nauseating odor.
The moment of a complete silence was broken by someone's whiny and nasal voice; surprisingly, it was a man. Dan could have sworn that he sounded like a middle-aged woman.
'Oh Blake, dear friend!' Both the man and the Comedian exchanged some amazingly friendly handshakes and pats on each other shoulders.
'Long time no see, my friend; long time no see.' He sighed. 'So, do you have that thing I asked you about?'
The word 'thing' rang like an alarm in Daniel's head; something was so not right.
Before getting the chance to blink, he felt a firm grip on his wrist and was pulled forward, almost smashing his forehead into Rorschach.
'What is this?' was his partner's grave grunt, implying death, as he pointed directly to his left wrist and the steel-chained handcuffs binding both vigilantes together. Their reply was Blake's grin that almost split his face into a half.
I should've known better. Sometimes my stupidity surprises me, were Nite Owl's thoughts running on repeat in his head.
'You better have a goddamn good explanation for this!' Rorschach was pissed; you didn't need to be a genius to understand that from the crazy movements of inkblots on his mask. They were swirling back and forth, not staying on one place even for a moment.
Comedian was his usual self, as if nothing was wrong, as if he was not the one who had tied both masked heroes together minutes ago. He took a cigar out of his pocket and lit it up. Dan really hoped that he was prepared to get his ass kicked.
Before he finished that thought, he was pulled forward. Rorschach was certainly not the patient type when it came down to matters like this. But a supposedly powerful, bone-breaking punch turned out to a be stupid comedy scene from the 60s, as Nite Owl tripped and fell on the smaller vigilante, knocking them both off balance.
Both men were like a couple of circus clowns, trying to get up and failing over and over again out of different reasons each time; was it Nite Owl's cape that magically wrapped around their legs or Rorschach's failure to realize that they were chained together and he needed to cooperate with Dan, at least a little.
Whatever the true reason was, it amused Comedian to enormous extent. His snow-white teeth were object number one that Daniel wished he could break right now. Of course, this would be if he weren't lying on the floor with Rorschach, limbs entwined, with almost no free space between their chests, inhaling the strange mix of sugar and blood from his partner.
It is a rather stupid, but erotic situation to find yourself in, was Daniel's quickly vanishing thought.
xXx
They were sitting on the rooftop, gazing vacantly into the grim darkness of the night, side-by-side. It ticked Dan off to no limit that nothing Blake said made any sense at all. He said something about 'cooperation' and 'being each other's shadow' and other pointless mumbo-jumbo. They had tried everything there was to get rid of these goddamn handcuffs, but it didn't help one bit. It seemed like Dr. Manhattan himself had made them.
'So now what?' Dan voiced his concern on the matter, because he was indeed concerned; he was not used being so close up to Rorschach. They never sat so close, and it made him feel uneasy; uneasy because he can't read his partner's thoughts on this.
'We'll figure something out.'
Daniel was in complete awe at just how calm Rorschach was about this whole situation. Couldn't he see that if they didn't get rid of their chains, they were as good as a couple of retards trying to fight crime?
'Oh, like we'll figure something out tomorrow, maybe?' Dan jumped up, dragging Rorschach on his feet as well. 'We're like conjoined twins, for heaven's sake! Don't you see, Rorschach?!' His hands were now on the smaller vigilante's shoulders, fingers digging deeper into the fabric of his trench coat.
'Calm down-'
'How am I supposed to calm down?' Nite Owl was on the edge of shouting his lungs out. 'How can you be so blind? Don't you see that it is a torture for me being this close to you?!'
Dead silence. Daniel's hands had gone cold, his heart threatening to stop its movement any moment now. All of his thoughts of how to turn all of this into some stupid joke were trapped in a hideous knot inside his head. None of them had anything to say.
Silence became unbearable.
'Listen-' Dan began, 'it.. it's not what you think, Rorschach. By saying that, I-I didn't imply that I like you or want you or anything.'
There was no reply, only inkblots performing a peculiar dance.
'So, um … ' Nite Owl's mind went blank, and he had nothing to say. He nearly jumped out of his skin at the sudden low-voiced answer.
'Hands,' Rorschach simply stated.
'What…?'
'Your fingers will leave bruises. Let go.' The realization that he was holding his partner firmly in one place kicked in rather late. Nervously, he let go, without a word.
xXx
It became weird and, at some points, even funny. The second day of their chained lives was about to break, the sun setting down and illuminating Daniel's kitchen golden. It was two days without fighting bad guys, two days of a rather normal (well, if being tied up together can possibly be normal) lives and two days of a very close, literally side-by-side co-existence.
'You are going to bed?' Dan asked, lazily cleaning his glasses.
'Like I have a choice?' Rorschach asked sarcastically. Certainly, the only one not amused by this situation was he. 'How long must we wait for Jon to find a way to set us free?'
'Ouch, that hurt Rorschach.' Daniel made a pained face, as if his feelings were hurt. 'Miss breaking fingers and beating the shit out of people?'
'Miss my personal space,' he grunted in reply, 'Comedian is as good as dead for this joke of his.'
'Leave some for me.'
They lay in bed, the ticking of the clock becoming a familiar lullaby. Dan always waited for Rorschach to fall asleep first, so that there won't be any finger-breaking moments late at night, as he gently takes Rorschach's hand in his and finally drifts to slumber. Little did he know that Walter replied with the same gesture.
xXx
Another three long days passed before Laurie dropped by to Daniel's with most pleasant news. It took few hours to get rid of the handcuffs, but it was so worth it.
Even Dr. Manhattan himself was at a loss for the answer; he could only guess why the Comedian had done this, where he had found such a strong material to make them, and the most interesting thing: Why would he need such a thing anyway?
Daniel took a deep breath, cool night's air filling his lungs. Rorschach went past him without a word and he had no other option but to catch up with the small vigilante. After a few minutes of complete silence, Daniel found the courage to ask:
'So, um… Rorschach?' The other man stopped dead in his tracks, 'You wanna… you know..?' One deep breath before inevitable death, 'Hold hands while going home?'
Daniel was prepared for anything at that point, anything at all, but not for a quiet 'hrmm' and the feeling of a gloved hand in his, their fingers entwining.
-End
Well, here it is XD Now, I can't wait for your awesome and sweet reviews :3