Disclaimer--I sadly do not own any small portion of the OC, as much as I would love to and I also don't own the song, "I need you now" by firehouse featured below... please don't sue.
Here I am
At 6 a clock in the morning
Still thinking about you
It's still hard
At 6 a clock in the morning
To sleep without you
And I know that it might
Seem to late for love
All I know
I need you now
More than words can say
I need you now
I've got to find a way
I need you now
Before I lose my mind
I need you now
Six thirty was hardly any time for anyone to be awake. And yet here he was, Ryan Atwood, staring at the ceiling, thinking about Marissa. She was so beautiful and gorgeous. Yet, as he was just realizing, she was still very fragile.
He thought that together, they had gotten past Trey and were going to move on, forgetting it ever happened. Apparently not. Marissa was having nightmares and what was Ryan's answer? Go back to sleep, I'll talk to you in the morning!
Could he have been any colder? Of course he wasn't at his best at 4 A.M. but honestly who was? The least he could have done was offered to come over and sleep there for the night, or just get up really early.
It had only been less than a week since he had confessed his belief to her that his future rested with her. Now he couldn't even spare her a few hours of sleep? He hated these kinds of things, words and feelings were so hard to express to anyone. With Marissa, he knew he needed to get them out, he felt a need to try. However, how and when was hard for him to decide.
Ryan shook his head quickly to try and dispel the thoughts he had been having since Marissa called. Maybe Marissa was over it and he was over-reacting. That could be possible; in fact, it was more likely than her not sleeping like him.
As he rolled out of bed and headed to the shower, Ryan almost had convinced himself that everything was okay with Marissa.
Here I am
I'm looking out my window
I'm dreaming about you
Can't let go
At 6 a clock in the morning
I feel you beside me
And i know that it might
Seem to late for love
For love6:31 the clock read, as Marissa glanced at it for what seemed like the thousandth time. She wondered about Ryan, if he was sleeping soundly, he had probably slept perfectly. It was still completely baffling how he had shrugged her off. Why didn't Ryan understand how much she needed him? Hadn't he just committed himself to their relationship? Maybe he just didn't want to deal with her problems anymore.
Summers loud snort broke her thoughts away from Ryan for a brief second and brought her back to the night of… the night Ryan was in Miami. She thought of Trey holding her, touching her, she closed her eyes and whimpered a little bit. A single tear ran down her face as she shuddered.
She needed to get away. She needed to forget all this happened. She needed to stop having nightmares. She needed Ryan.
"Coop, come on, we're gonna be late." Summer shouted up the stairs to Marissa.
"Just a sec Sum, I'm just fixing my makeup, after last night, I need it."
"You always look perfect, you are the OC Barbie always. Come on, or else we can't meet Ryan and Seth before school!"
Marissa walked down the stairs, and paused in front of the hall mirror.
"I can't make it, I have to study for this Chem test thing… Tell them I'm sorry, k?" She said as she touched her hair one last time before turning away and grabbing her backpack.
Summer looked puzzled for a quick second. "Wait, why didn't you study like, last night? Besides Coop, you haven't seen Ryan in like three days!"
"I'll live, Sum… I have to do well, I mean getting kicked out of a prep school already will look bad on my application to any university so…"
"K fine, but like, tonight? Can we meet up at least? It's been so long for all four of us, this year has to be all-time!"
"Watch out, you're starting to sound like Seth." Marissa walked out the door.
"Oh my god, take that back!" Summer squealed as she chased after Marissa and closed the door.
20 minutes later, Summer walked into the Cohen house alone, and heard Seth's excited voice, talking to Ryan.
"Okay, so if you go to those three stores and buy out their stock and I cover the two on the west-side, then it's a guarantee!" Seth finished as Summer walked in and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.
"What's this elaborate plan?" She inquired as she grabbed a plate and made for the bagels.
"Well-- " Ryan began.
"It's nothing, where's Marissa?" Seth cut in and smiled.
"Oh, she couldn't come, something about a chem test she forgot to study for. She said she'd be happy to hang out after school, hang here or whatever. Now, what was the plan?"
"Oh, too bad. Uh, yeah after school sounds okay I guess, I have been slammed with homework but I haven't seen her in a few days. I have to run an errand after school… it seems someone wants all the cereal in California to be bought so they can have the complete Star Wars set of action figures." Ryan replied and then turned to leave as Summer got an idea and turned to Seth.
"Cohen, you're a dork, but for today it's a good thing. Ryan, we'll get the action figures because I need to shop… yes. I must. Great, now haul ass bitches or we'll be late."
"Okay Seth, do you remember the plan?"
It was 3:30 that afternoon and Seth and Summer were sitting on the Cohen couch.
"Yeah, we're supposed to say that we'll go get the action figures quickly but take a while so we leave Marissa and Ryan together alone but I don't get why." He replied.
"Look, Marissa needs him right now and I'm sure if they talk about it, then they will both feel better. Then everything can be like it used to be and go back to normal."
"Summer, I don't mean to worry you but you're sounding exactly like me, it's a bit freaky." Seth yelped as Summer smacked him in the arm.
"Shut up! I am not."
Well, she had done her best to avoid meeting him today, even up to the test that she hadn't actually had to study for. Now she was getting out of the car and going into his house to spend the night with him. At least Seth and Summer would be there, they could kind of keep the conversation away from her dreams. She definitely didn't want to talk about them. Clearly, Ryan didn't care and the fact he didn't only hurt her a little bit more.
These nightmares were coming more and more frequently and getting even more vivid. It was getting to the point where even closing her eyes scared her. Somehow, someway she needed to get over this.
She walked in just as Summer rounded the corner and they nearly collided.
"Hey, Coop you're here, great. We're just off to grab a few things but we'll be back in like, an hour or two, k? Great, Cohen let's go."
"Wait, what? I mean, I thought we were all hanging out…together?" Marissa said, taking a step away from the door.
"Well, you know Cohen, he hears Star Wars and he's lost. Look, we'll be back, besides I mean, you want to spend time alone with your boyfriend right?"
"Yeah, sure I mean, it's just…" Marissa started but abruptly stopped as Ryan appeared in the doorway, coming from the kitchen.
Whoa. Almost started out on the wrong foot. If he heard anything about the dream, he'd
just dismiss it. I don't want him to think I'm a whiner.
"Hey," he smiled, "What's up? Missed you this morning."
Wow, Ryan thought to himself; she looks amazing. I guess she really did go back to sleep. Well, he thought to himself, maybe it was just a one-time thing. She could be completely over it and probably didn't want to have to talk about it. What a relief. And he had been worried, thinking up things to say to her.
"Oh you know," Marissa replied, "Failed the test anyway, I think. Shoulda picked breakfast anyway."
"Well, we're gone," Summer said and pulled Seth out as soon as he came down the stairs with the keys.
"Later guys, have fun…. Talk."
Ryan and Marissa stared at each other for a few seconds after the door closed. They were alone, normally they would just go to the poolhouse for some down time together. But both of them could tell that wasn't an option now. In fact, neither of them knew what to do.
"Yeah, I hate nomenclature." Ryan finally said, breaking the silence.
"What?" Marissa inquired.
"Oh well, you said Chem and I just, I don't like it either."
"Right… yeah of course. I guess, I just didn't get enough sleep last night to do so well."
As soon as she said it, she wished she could take it back. She hadn't even had a test! And now she was making up excuses for failing it and bringing up the one thing she really didn't want to talk about.
Time seemed to just stop in the room. Ryan looked up and gazed directly into her eyes. He wasn't sure what she meant by that, what was he supposed to say? He was so lost; he couldn't possibly figure this one out. But he had to say SOMETHING.
"Uh, well… you look like you slept fine, you look… great."
"Well, looks aren't everything. In fact, they're deceiving." Marissa replied, her tone dipping into an icy temperature.
"I just meant… I mean… I don't know what I mean, I don't know what you want me to say, and I don't know what you want from me!" Ryan fumbled, then his frustration took over.
"I shouldn't have to tell you. That's the problem!" Marissa screamed back, all her anger rising to the surface.
"I can't just read your mind Marissa! I really can't. I don't know what you're thinking. It was practically yesterday when I TOLD you that my future was with you, when I stayed for you. Doesn't that mean anything to you? Doesn't that count for something?"
"That has nothing to do with this, of course it meant something. But how can it mean anything now if when I need you the most, you're not there?"
The room fell silent. Marissa started to cry, looking away. Ryan started to say something and stopped. He looked at her.
"I'm standing right here. Look, I don't know what you need. But I don't want to fight… why don't we just forget…" Ryan said.
"I can't! We can't ignore it forever Ryan, we can't. You might be right here in front of me, but you're not there. Not for me."
And with that, Marissa left and Ryan watched her go. He didn't know what she wanted or how he could give it to her but he needed to know. He couldn't lose her, he needed her. Why couldn't he just tell her that?
A/N- next chapter should be up tomoro or so. R&R if you so choose.