A/N: Okay, so hi! This is meant to be a well natured Twilight parody as, although personally I dislike the story, I find it kinda rude to bash something just to make people feel bad. So, erm, please note it was done with the whole 'let's have a little bit of a laugh' here, though it turned out not that funny ... it's more dark humour really ... I'm not selling this well ... on we go with the fic and you can make up your own mind!

"You know Chloe's fallen for a vampire?"

"... How many vampires does Chloe know other than my family?" Vlad frowned up at Robin, who was scanning the back of one of the thick books on vampiric law. "Are you sure it's not just a Goth?"

"I'm pretty sure," Robin responded, placing the book back on top of the pile on Vlad's desk. "Do you really need to read all of these? Can't you just, I dunno, fake it?" Vlad gave a soft laugh, swatting at his friend's hand with a grin

"It's part of the training I have to go through," he explained, "to be best able to serve in my position, which I officially take at 16," he reminded Robin, who nodded slightly.

"And ... you're okay with that?" he asked. Vlad didn't respond, continuing to look down at the book he was reading from with a determined sort of silence. Robin sighed, he got it: don't ask that question, as it was one that Vlad wasn't comfortable with giving an answer to.

"So who's the vampire anyway?" Vlad asked, looking up from his book, curious. He hadn't been told of any other vampires living in the area, though plenty seemed to have popped up since he revealed himself as the Chosen One. He supposed it was the consequence he would need to live with; vampires wanted to be near the one with the greatest power, and it just happened to be him. "He real or ...?"

"Well, he's fictional," Robin remarked, pulling the book out of his rucksack and placing it on the table, "but your Dad's meant to be a fictional character as well, so ..." he shrugged slightly as Vlad nodded, understanding his point. "Goes by Cullen. Edward Cullen." Vlad stared up at Robin, who frowned down at him. "...What?"

"Edward Cullen, you're sure it's Edward Cullen?" he asked. When Robin nodded in response, Vlad swore loudly in Romanian. "Edward Cullen is a member of one of the most bloodthirsty lines of vampires ever spawned." Robin paled significantly. "If Chloe's read about him in a book .... that could mean ...."

"It means nothing," the deep voice of the Count echoed slightly in the library. "And the Cullens were one of the most bloodthirsty families, that isn't that case any longer." He gave a noise which sounded like a sniff. "Really, Vladimir, you should be aware of this."

"Well obviously I'm not so any light you'd care to shed would be greatly appreciated," Vlad remarked dryly. The Count smirked at his son, and Robin frowned.

"So the book ... it's telling the truth?"

"To an extent," the Count nodded. "That horrible Meyer woman, she's the descendant of the family that started all the problems." Vlad and Robin rolled their eyes on the Count's declaring Ms Meyer as horrible, as he tended to do that with all breathers really. "Bella Swan, daughter of a powerful magical family, wasn't exactly gifted with her family's powers, but rather the art of temptation, of seduction," the Count smiled, a rare chuckle coming from him.

"All of this is very interesting," Vlad said, "but it connects to the Cullens and to this book ... how exactly?"

"All in good time," the Count said. "Miss Swan set her sights upon Edward, who was nearing his second century at the time, and decided that he was to be her destined one," here the Count rolled his eyes. He never had held much by the belief shared by most magically inclined breathers that they would surely meet their destined one, their soul mate. It made hunting them that little less fun. "She used her own particular gifts, and within a few short days, Edward was ensnared, and turned into a harmless little puppy dog."

"That why you're always telling me to never date a witch?" Vlad asked. The Count nodded.

"Well that, and their blood tends to taste much older than it should," he shuddered slightly, "it's really rather unpleasant."

"And this connects with the character in the book that my little sister has fallen for, erm, how?" Robin asked, staring at the Count with interest. Why was it that Vlad's dad knew the best stories? The only stories his own dad told were all about scouting trips. In no way were they even the smallest bit cool.

"Edward was famous amongst vampire kind at the time," the Count said. "He was the most vicious creature we had ever seen. To have him humiliated like that, it doesn't bear thinking on. So, the Cullens did what was their right to. They went out and slaughtered the livestock of the family, their friends, and finally the family themselves."

Vlad and Robin both paled on hearing this, though both possibly for different reasons.

"The one surviving member of the family cursed the whole clan," the Count said, his interest for the tale waned as the violent part was over, "the effects of which Ms Meyer uses in her bound bunch of paper." Vlad frowned, reaching forward to grab at the book, deciding that he should look into this.

"So ... nothing to worry about?" Robin asked. "He's not going to suddenly appear and feast on Chloe?"

"They live a quiet life now," the Count said, "it's best for all." His voice was cut out as Vlad burst out into pearls of loud laughter.

"They sparkle?!"