[Soul of Silver]
Part I: {Shell of Titanium}
Okay. So. Quick author's note. The MC does actually still exist in this story, she just ended up choosing Yamato, so that's who she's defautly with. And I named her Kiko Azumi since that's what I always call her in the game. Other than that, um...yeah. This is pretty much an OC x [insert character name], and in this case, that character is Yuta. Oh, and the reason for the "T" rating is because of some language and considering that May doesn't exactly have the best past ever, not to mention she doesn't have many nice comments about it. And the story will probably get a little "T" later on...so yeah.
...Hope you enjoy...this is my first time writing a fanfic. Probably did horrible. But I still tried, 'kay...
"Hm...," she sighed for the umpteenth time.
Yuta frowned slightly at this. Of course, he had come to know that quietness was her nature when in thought, but she seemed more distracted than thoughtful today. And she never sighed this much. Not the way she was today.
He knew there was something bothering her, though. Just from watching the gradual change in her expression told him that much. Her eyebrows would furrow as her eyes narrowed and her lips pressed into a thin line, and she would then type furiously into the laptop. Her expression would look somewhat calmer for only a brief moment as she read something, but it would soon become annoyed again. It was an ever-repeating cycle, he noticed.
Not only that, but he felt a bit ignored. Of course, that wasn't too much of a problem, he just quite simply didn't like it. It was a little surprising to think about, considering how he never quite minded such things before with past girlfriends, but this girl was different. She was interesting. Mysterious. Secretive.
It made him wonder. He wondered about her constantly. What bothered him the most was her uncanny perception. Somehow, she always seemed know when he was feigning cheerfulness. Yet, he could never tell if her smile was true or forced. It was...different.
"What are you doing?" He finally asked, knowing he probably wouldn't get very much of an answer.
"...Looking," she mumbled, still concentrated on the screen, the look of determined annoyance never leaving her face.
"But you've been doing that for at least an hour..." He muttered, pouting slightly. It surprised even him, this side of himself. But, for some reason, he always wanted her attention.
She lifted her gaze from the laptop and blinked, staring at him.
Her new expression was enough to get his heart racing. The pretty, blue-gray of her irises was set off to a faint, dull color from the light of the computer screen. Her wide, doe-shaped eyes stared at him, her head tilted ever so slightly with her lips somewhat parted. Did she even realize how irresistible she was?
"...You're pouting," then, she smiled. "Cute."
"I'm not sure how to feel about bring called 'cute'!" He protested. Regardless, though he'd never admit it, he was beyond happy to have her attention again.
She giggled. "Alright, then. But I'll still think it."
"So," he began, hoping to get an actual answer this time, "what are you looking for?"
She pursued her lips, eyes narrowing. "A place to stay at. The plumbing got messed up at my apartment and the place started flooding."
Yuta blinked, surprised. He hadn't expected that one. "What about your friend? Aren't you two roommates?"
"Yeah. But she's staying with her boyfriend for the time being. I sure as hell don't want to be part of that business right there." She scrunched up her nose. "Disturbing."
Then, a stroke of genius flashed in his mind. If her friend was staying with her boyfriend, then could she stay with him?
"How about you stay here?" He proposed, grinning.
She paused, momentarily shocked.
"But...we've only been going out for two months. Are you sure you really want me around here 24/7? I'm gonna warn you, I might not be the most pleasant person to live with–"
"I want you to stay here, Mairead." He cut her off, smiling. She tended to put herself down like this, he had noticed.
"...Well..." Out of habit, she brought her slightly balled hand to her mouth and brushed the back of her thumb against her lips. She did this whenever she was deep in thought.
"...If...if you're really okay with it..." She finally agreed, looking unsure and troubled. "But don't be afraid to kick me out whenever–"
Knowing where this was going, Yuta leaned over and kissed her. That easily quieted her words of protest.
"It's fine, May. I said so, right? Besides, wouldn't it be nice living together?" He said as he pulled away, trying to persuade her to accept completely.
Mairead closed her laptop and set it down, off of her lap. She turned back to him, smiling softly.
"...Okay, then. Th...thanks."
Yuta grinned happily. "No problem!"
Days passed, and days turned into weeks. Before Mairead even knew it, it had been a full month.
It was...strange, for her, to feel this way. To...not feel depressed. Or angry. Or hateful or vindictive.
She had never gone a full month without feeling these things before. It was truly unique and, honestly, a bit astonishing.
Perhaps it was because she'd never lived with someone for the pure joy of it before. Yuta-she thoroughly enjoyed his company. He was sweet, caring, and considerate. Cute, too.
She, personally, liked all these traits. That was probably because such traits were so different from her own. And a place without harsh memories was refreshing. In fact, she had almost forgotten those painful memories over the past month and a half. Almost.
Naturally, she was uncomfortable with the idea of being a freeloader. It genuinely bothered her. She wasn't accustomed to any sort of dependence. Nor did she plan to be. That led to her deciding to do chores while Yuta was at work. She herself didn't have a specific "job", being a writer and an artist. Pay was well enough all the same, though.
Today, she needed some new notebook paper. It was annoying, constantly having to buy paper and pencils and erasers; but when one felt the need to draw something truly great, then they would need the supplies to do so first.
Stepping out of the doorway and closing the door behind her, being sure to lock the door as well, Mairead suddenly noticed something. A new neighbor. Curious, she glanced over at the other apartment. But, when she saw the woman's face...
It was like time had stopped. She became numb and paralyzed, unsure of what to do. She stared, eyes wide and fearful as the memories from her childhood flashed before her eyes once more.
...What was this? Some sort of cruel, sick joke? This...this couldn't be happening. It simply couldn't be.
...Could it?
It was like the sky had come crashing down on her, with triple the pain. The emotional scars began to reopen, all of her old thoughts coming back to her...
...And she ran out of the building as fast as she could.
Finally outside, she tried to calm herself. She gulped and forced composure once more, walking down the sidewalk. But, no matter how well she could control what may seem to be on the outside, she couldn't control the utter turmoil on the inside.
All she could remember were painful memories. At first, despite having always been a saddened and involuntarily independent child, she'd had all she needed. She had the things that made her happy again, and that was all that mattered. Though, as years went on, slowly, gradually, these sources of memorably naive, outright happiness began to fade until they were no more.
...And now, just as she began remembering what that happiness felt like again...
This, of all things, had to make its way into her life again? No...
The time for that had long passed. Now, all that was left was depression and inner torment. There was nothing more...that...could be done...
Pull yourself together. Do you want to appear this way, looking pathetic and affected by this? No! You're strong, damn it. You'll get through this, just as you got through all those years. Now stop with this stupidity. Or are you really just this stupid?
...Yes, and she'd almost forgotten about the cruel voice inside her head. What was the worst part about this voice? The worst part was that it was her own. Thus, she didn't bother arguing with it. After all, if she was only a stupid girl, then what was the point in pretending she was not?
A harsh reality dictated the world.
That was something she'd learned at an undeniably young age. But, these things were out of her hands, especially now that they were simply a past she wished she'd have the blessing of someday forgetting.
...Though...
Despite her improving appearance of nothing being the matter, she was still lost in her thoughts. Too lost to even notice the black void beginning to grow in her chest.
"Hey, Yuta? Are you even listening?"
"Huh?" Yuta suddenly looked up, torn away from his thoughts. Once he looked up, he wished he'd stayed in his thoughts, seeing Yamato's annoyed expression.
"What the hell is up with you today? We've all been talking and you've been dead quiet this whole time. Then you didn't answer me when I tried getting your attention." Yamato stated, the suspicion in his voice painstakingly obvious.
Damn...I need to keep a straight face during these things. Or else the guys'll see right through me, he scolded himself.
"Is something bothering you, Yuta?" Takao asked, looking concerned.
"Um...," instead, Yuta just shrugged his shoulders, forcing a smile, "Nah, not really!"
"Hey, what's up with you guys?" Kiko walked over, holding everyone's drinks. From her expression, she was oblivious to what they were talking about.
"Hey, Pouty. Do you think Yuta's worried about something?" Yamato turned to her.
"Oh...um...well, maybe, I guess..." She stammered uncertainly.
"He has been pretty quiet this whole time, though, right?" Saeki chimed in, too trying to weasel an answer out of her to back up their case.
"I...er...It is true he's been kinda quiet, yeah." Kiko finally answered, still unsure of what was going on. "Wh-why? Is something bothering Yuta?"
"No..." Yuta mumbled sulkily, looking away. "I already told them that..."
"As if we'd take that as an answer!" Kuni laughed.
"It's pretty obvious that you're thinking about something." Ren stated flatly. "And this is the latest you've stayed at the bar with everyone in a while."
"O-oh, right, hah-hah..." Yuta tried laughing it off. "I didn't even notice! Wow, Ren, you really do remember everything!"
"...Yuta. Seriously. What's up?" Yamato spoke again, his gaze aimed straight at Yuta.
"It's...nothing, you guys..."
"Stop lying! We can all tell there's something on your mind." Saeki said next.
"Um..."
Takao sighed. "Is it really so difficult?" Then, he smiled. "Come on, you can tell us."
"Well...I guess so," Yuta paused for a moment, preparing what he was going to say in his head before actually speaking.
"Okay, know how I've been getting more popular lately? Well, my manager said we should take advantage of that and he's recently gotten us a huge offer...but it's overseas. And I'd be away for a long time–a really long time."
"Yeah, so?" Yamato frowned. "Just go for it."
"Aw, are you saying you'd miss us too much?" Kuni cut in.
Yuta's eyes widened. "Oh, yeah. I guess that too."
Ren rolled his eyes. "I don't think anyone could miss any of you. Especially Kuni."
"Wha–?! Hey, that's highly offensive, Ren!" Kuni sniffled. "Now my feelings are hurt..."
Takao coughed, trying to keep everyone's attention from getting off track. "So, if it's not us, then what's holding you back, Yuta?"
Yuta furrowed his eyebrows. "May."
"Wha...?" Everyone stopped, all looking at him in confusion.
That was when Yuta remembered. He'd forgotten to tell them about Mairead! Hm...technically, it wasn't really all that much his fault; it just never really crossed his mind before. Mairead became a regular part of his life, just like how coming to LI and meeting up with the guys was. Somewhere during the process of he and May getting together, he'd forgotten to tell the guys about his girlfriend. This was going to be a tricky one to explain without getting some reactions...
Yuta laughed nervously. "Th-that's right, I forgot to tell you guys about May...um, my mistake..."
"Wait, is May a girl?" Kiko asked, just as surprised and confused as everyone else.
"If this is a girl, does that mean you have a girlfriend?" Saeki inquired skeptically.
"Why didn't you tell us you had a girlfriend?" Yamato demanded.
"Wow, now even I'm curious..." Takao muttered.
Ren opened his mouth to make another flat statement. "Takao's a pervert."
"What?!" Takao immediately blushed. "I am not! It's a perfectly valid statement..."
"Then why are you all red?" Ren asked on.
"Uh, guys? I thought we were talking about my problem here?" Yuta reminded them.
"Oh, right." Yamato cast a sidelong glance at him.
"Continue." Saeki prompted.
"Anyway...as I was saying. Look, I'm really sorry I didn't tell you guys, I just forgot that I never even told you...It never even crossed my mind, honest! But, yeah...um, me and May have been dating for a while...
A-and only because some problems came up at her apartment, she's been staying with me, but that's it, really! So don't get any funny ideas. Especially you, Saeki!"
"Alright, alright," Saeki chuckled to himself. "How about you just tell us about her?"
"Yeah, I wanna know, too," Ren agreed.
"Tell us already." Yamato demanded.
"Hmmm...Well, May's really pretty, but she doesn't think so. And she's kinda short and small. She has really light hair, too. Sort of like Ren's. Even though she can be a bit blunt and teasing, she's really cute and she's extremely independent. May's really smart, too!" Yuta described his girlfriend, smiling as he did so.
Yamato laughed. "She sounds nothing like you, Pouty!"
"W-well...!" Kiko puffed up her cheeks, struggling to think of a comeback.
"Hmm..." Saeki smiled to himself. "What do you mean by 'teasing'?"
"Who would've guessed that our Yuta has had a secret girlfriend all along!" Kuni laughed in response to the news.
"I didn't really mean for it to be a secret, you know...," Yuta mumbled. "And you don't have to sound THAT surprised..."
But despite his words, he did feel a bit more relaxed after hanging out and talking to the guys like this. Yuta knew that all this chattering wouldn't make breaking the news to May any easier, but at least now he didn't have to feel as stressed and tense about the whole thing, for now. Because right now he was with everyone, and that was the time to just have fun and relax. But, that was only because he didn't know about the turmoil that, too, was going on inside Mairead at that exact moment...
After going to the store and buying her supplies, Mairead wasn't precisely in any rush to go back to the apartment. Though, knowing she'd have to at some point, she (very cautiously) returned and stepped back into the place she had called home for the last month or two.
All the same...she was still trapped within the dark depression. She herself wasn't even quite sure what to call it. She felt nothing; absolute nothingness and blankness. She could do anything and simply not care. She could kill and still feel nothing. But, she also felt as if she was lost in one of the deepest confines of her heart. A place where, no matter how simple something may be, she could so easily be affected by virtually anything and then would immediately be thrown into the agonizing inner turmoil that always came so very close to tearing her apart from the inside out.
It was practically suffocating.
Before she even noticed that she had actually moved from the doorway, she found herself curled up into one of the corners of the couch, clutching a small pillow to her chest, a picture being grasped tightly in her hand.
Blinking away the dazed look in her eyes, Mairead slowly looked down at her hand, about to move it and turn over the photo so that she could see of what it was. Before she did though, another thought crossed her mind.
When will he come home?
Then, Mairead suddenly found herself looking over at the door, half expecting to see it open any moment now.
...It didn't.
Where's Yuta?
She turned her gaze to the ground, feeling worse than before, of that was even possible. Yuta had kept her from feeling this way for such a long time...she naturally felt the desire to suddenly have him here, so that maybe her mood could lighten, somewhat. Perhaps...she was becoming...far too dependent...
Biting her lip, she ripped her eyes away and focused on the picture in her hand once more. She slowly, almost hesitantly, turned over the object she so tightly grasped.
...The world truly was a horrid sadist.
For a couple more moments, she continued to stare at the picture, losing all track of time. Then her eyes narrowed and her mouth pressed tightly into a slight frown. Just her very expression was painful to see.
"Why...," she whispered shakily, quietly.
Her grip on the photo tightened, the object beginning to shake in her hand.
"Why...?!" She repeated, much louder and more emotional than the first time.
All in a swift motion, she threw the photo away from her, hugging the pillow tighter and pressing her face into it.
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry! You don't cry! Crying is showing weakness. How embarrassing is this? Just sitting in some stupid room, crying over a stupid PICTURE. You're an idiot. A god damn idiot. Why do you have to be so damn weak? All you have to do is not cry! Is that really so hard?!
In the end, she sniffled back all and any tears that threatened to break free. She shook her head, the soft material of the pillow rubbing against her face.
Don't...just...don't be weak again...
You've been so weak before...
Don't make a fool of yourself again...
Heh, who knows, maybe he will actually care to help a fool like you?
And with those thoughts in mind, her heavy eyelids began to close. She was exhausted; emotionally, mentally, and physically. As simply as that, she then fell into a deep, dark sleep...
Yuta cautiously walked into the apartment, looking around to see if May was still awake. He furrowed his eyebrows. It appeared she wasn't.
This was a bit of a surprise, really. If anything, May hated going to bed any time she considered "early" and was a bit of a night owl, always preferring to stay awake and keep herself entertained with various activities; writing, drawing, watching TV.
Seeing this, Yuta felt even guiltier. He was trying to avoid her, in a way, that much was true, but still. That didn't mean he never wanted to see her. And now, the one night he had decided to stay at Long Island for a bit longer than usual, was the one night May had decided to go to bed early. That meant that they had barely seen very much of each other at all today. A sense of disappointment washed over him.
I was kind of looking forward to, you know...seeing her when I got home...
He shook his head, trying to reassure himself that this was no reason to get so worked up over. They lived together, didn't they? It wasn't like he'd never see her again.
...I won't be seeing her for a while, though.
Remembering his reasoning for staying late and trying to somewhat avoid her stung him quite a bit. Yuta sighed, taking his shoes off and walking from the doorway to the couch. Then, to his surprise, he saw...May. Blinking and getting over his initial surprise, another thought flashed across his mind.
...I wonder what she's doing here...
I hope she was waiting for me. That's only making me feel even worse...
What if that's why she's here at all?
Despite these unkind thoughts, Yuta did feel a bit curious, actually, at seeing May like this. What did she look like when she slept?
He walked to the side of the couch and sat down; resting his chin on his arms as he stared at his girlfriend's sleeping face.
If anything, she looked utterly peaceful, terribly cute, and unusually sweet as she slept. Not only that, but quite simply the way she slept gave off that sort of appearance as well. Her small figure was curled up into the corner of the couch, a pillow being hugged to her stomach with her one arm while her other arm was bent up, her balled fist brushing against her pale face.
For some reason, Yuta felt like giggling at seeing this new and different side of May. She looked innocent and vulnerable; like a sweet, angelic little girl.
Carefully, he reached out a hand to brush some of her fair hair from her face. Surprisingly, May's hair was thin, but very soft to the touch. Almost silk-like.
At his touch, May's face twitched ever so slightly as she curled up into an even tighter ball.
Yuta smiled to himself.
She may not believe it, but...she really is cute. Like a little kitten.
"Hey...May, it's time to wake up. May...come on, wake up now...," he whispered softly, still brushing through her hair.
Sadly, as she was a deep sleeper, all May did was furrow her eyebrows somewhat and cuddle even deeper into the couch's plush cushions.
Yuta half sighed, half chuckled.
Gosh...so what do I do now? I don't have the heart to try forcing her to wake up, and, besides...I kinda want to just stare at her sleeping face for a bit longer...
His eyes narrowed as he considered all these thoughts. The desire to continue observing this new side of her won, though, and he soon found even himself becoming calm and a bit drowsy from watching May.
And without realizing, Yuta, too, was soon fast asleep, his head resting on his arms.
But even with peaceful moments such as this, both of their minds were still so very far away, wondering about things that concerned both themselves and the other. Without ever saying anything, though, will this still possibly work out in the end...?