Too late

Jack

The steady beeping of the machine is what sent me into a deep slumber. The alarming never-ending beep is what woke me back up. In a panic, I jumped up from the uncomfortable plastic chair and rushed to my girlfriend's bedside. She was still breathing and her machine was still sounding with slow beeping. It must've come from the room next door. I felt awfully sorry for the patient's passing but I was glad that it wasn't Elsa. I don't know what I would do without my girlfriend. As I saw her sleeping peacefully, my mind tracked back to six months ago, when Elsa, was diagnosed with cancer. It was like stabbing a million daggers to the heart when I was told she couldn't do the things she used to. She couldn't participate in activities. She couldn't play with me (insert winking face here). She stopped being the optimistic, bubbly girl I knew. She started to be secluded and closed off, as though she wanted no one to see her hurting inside. These last six months have been tough. I can't live without Elsa. If she dies, I go with her.

I sat next to her bed, grasping her hand, thinking about what life would be like without her. I felt her stir before bolting up right and breaking into a coughing fit. Her face was pale as she lay her head back on the pillow.

"Jack," Elsa's voice was small and weak. "Can you go get a nurse? I'm not feeling well," I nodded profusely and scrambled out of the room at a speed that would second best Flash. I rushed to the reception desk and practically screamed for a nurse.

"Why dear?" The receptionist's voice was high-pitched and she spoke slowly, as if trying to waste my time.

"My girlfriend is feeling sick so can you hurry up and get a nurse?" I spat, getting impatient. She picked up the phone, asked for a nurse and hung up.

The nurse was at reception about five minutes later. Wasting time! I rushed back into the room with the nurse trailing behind. I slammed open the door loudly, to find Elsa lying still on the bed with her eyes closed. I was starting to get very worried. I felt my breathing spiral out of control as I hyperventilated badly. My breathing finally resided back to normal when the nurse rudely shoved my asthma puffer into my mouth. I ran to Elsa's side, only to be pushed away by the nurse. The nurse talked to Elsa in private and I could see the look of pain on my girlfriend's face as the doctor talked. Call it lover's intuition, but I knew time was limited. The nurse left and nodded to me, indicating that I could confront my snowflake now. I got up quickly and rushed to her side. Before my built-up emotions could spill out of my mouth Elsa spoke up.

"I'm dying" she says, in a voice that broke my heart. She was dying? I felt tears well up in my eyes and my breathing halt as my heart made its way to my throat. I felt myself being torn from the very existence of the universe at her words. She was sick beyond anything I had ever witnessed and I could tell. I couldn't hold it in my tears spilled from my eyes like a rushing waterfall. I choked on my breath and hiccupped in attempt to calm down. All I could do was cry.

"You…c-can't! I won't…l-let you! P-P-Please don't…d-die!" I struggled to get the words out and choked when I did. "Please…" I gripped her hand so tight, her hand went purple from the lack of circulation. Elsa looked up at me with a sad smile and I broke.

I promised myself that I would stay at the hospital until Elsa dies. I wanted to spend every second of my time with her up until she passes. I hoped that she would get better. I prayed that she would be alright. I wished we would get out of there with no worries at all. I wanted her to come home. I was scared, seeing so many wires connected to her. She looked like a robot, dependent on electricity. I hated the sounds. The eerie beeping, the irritating alarms were just a reminder that at any moment they could go silent.

Elsa

I was petrified. I wasn't scared to die. I was scared of what Jack would do when I died. I was so sick that I had to be fed and I couldn't even go to the toilet by myself. I knew the day was drawing near. I had so many wires connected to me it was not even funny. I am so glad that Jack stuck by me the whole time. Each day I got a little sicker and got a little closer to dying. To fill up his free time Jack cried and cried. Almost every day he cried, because the realisation had hit him hard. That I was going to die soon. It broke my heart to see him in so much pain, and I was the one dying. I couldn't comprehend why it had to be me that had to put him through this.

Jack

Elsa was in really horrible mood. I think she knew she was about to die. She absolutely refused to look me in the eyes. She told me that she could see that the realisation had hit me hard. She knew I wasn't coping well with the fact that she could die at any moment. The doctors had told us she was lucky to have made it this far. So why couldn't she have made it a little further? Like eighty years, maybe? Thoughts were rushing through my head, like an annoying fly that just won't go away. Why couldn't she live? Why did she have to have cancer? Why couldn't the doctors fix her? And why the hell did she keep on smiling!? I could feel my anger rising and threatening to spill over. Why did cancer have to ruin Elsa's life? I hate cancer!

Elsa

I hate cancer! I mean, who wouldn't? Why did it have to go and take my independence? I could do nothing except sleep, eat and watch my boyfriend fade away into a hollow shell of his former self. I am really sick of waiting. Am I going to die? Am I not? I don't want to see Jack like this anymore. I am slowly fading, I can see less and things are not as clear. I think this is the end.

Jack

Elsa was slowly fading. I could see her confused eyes looking around as if she were seeing the world for the first time. She is going to die. I felt the tears resurface.

"Please Elsa, don't die! I'm begging you!" I screamed, knowing full well it wouldn't change anything.

"Goodbye, Jack."

The tears overflowed

"Goodbye Elsa… I love you," Her eyes closed and I knew she was gone… and I knew I had to go with her. The once steady beeping of the machines turned to a long painful beep. I felt the tears burn in my eyes. I took a quick glance down to my wrist, and went off in search for some surgical scissors.

I find completely unnatural pleasure in writing angst and pain.

Ha.

~Allie