Author's Note: I wrote this story a little while ago and only just worked up the courage to actually post it. This was an angsty piece I wrote that developed a mind of it's own and took on a much darker tone towards the end! Anyway, this is one of my first fic's so reviews would be AWESOME! Feedback on how to improve would also be great. So without further ado...
Disclaimer: It's probably a good thing I don't own these characters!
He didn't know how this had happened. One minute she'd been there, gliding serenely beside him, her hand in his, her slender fingers slipped tightly between his large ones. Her bare feet had gently padded on the floor leaving ghosts of footprints in the dirt. She didn't care about the soil sticking to the soles of her feet – it didn't phase her one bit. That was one of the things he adored so much about her. She was unlike any other girl he'd ever met in his life – she didn't care about getting dirty, she fought like a tiger in a dress of all things, and she could kill without a second thought. She was lethal and it turned him on. He would often watch her dancing around the cargo bay as he lifted weights; he'd watch the grace with which she moved, the ease with which she twirled around, going easily onto her tip toes. He'd then watch her fighting a large group of rowdy men, and spot those same moves there. Everything she did entranced him as she moved circles through his life. She was strong in more ways than anyone imagined. No one really understood who she was – not even Simon. No one really took the time to stop and listen to her, or to try and understand what she said. But he had done just that, and he'd realised within a few weeks how deep his feelings for her ran. She was light, and strength and goodness. But she was different now, standing in front of Jayne with a singular look in her eyes that spoke volumes to him.
Fear.
He didn't see that in her anymore – the last time he'd seen fear on her face had been on Miranda... She'd watched the woman on the hologram killed by Reavers – her fear was understandable. But since then she had been nothing but calm and strength. But at this moment in time she looked like a small child. She stood shaking in her long blue dress, it dangling around her calves, her bare feet sticking in the dirt. Her long dark hair covered her face, her large dark eyes staring at Jayne filled with tears of sheer terror. There were large red marks forming on her left arm as long, rough fingernails dug into her flesh. Jayne felt his hand involuntarily clench into a fist as he watched a small trickle of blood ooze from a single wound on her upper arm. He stared with sheer hatred at the man holding her. He held a single gun in his hand, the nozzle pressed firmly against the temple of River's head as her eyes remained fixed on Jayne. He himself held one of his guns in his hands – he thought it may have been Alexandria, but he couldn't be sure. He didn't really care; he just wanted to get that Hun Dan away from his girl. He wanted to shoot him without a second thought. He wanted to rip his insides out and paint the walls with his blood for having the gall to lay a single hand on her, let alone draw her precious life source. But he couldn't. There was a single obstacle in his way that prevented him from doing what his natural instinct told him to.
River.
She quaked, her bottom lip trembling gently as she stared at him, her mind reaching out to him and probing his thoughts. She could feel the anguish he felt, could sense the redness of his anger. She could feel the purple of his worry and the black of his guilt. But most of all she could feel the pink of his love for her. She could sense his dilemma. She was in the way. She was the obstacle in his only option. He could not kill him without hurting her, and he was not willing to harm her. She had refrained so hard from delving into his thoughts because it was an intrusion, but she allowed herself to poke further into his mind and find out his true colours. His mind was a painting of singular images of her, and she realised in a single moment how much she touched his heart and mind. She was the young Feng le girl who had swept him off of his feet and broken down his walls. But she'd broken him in her own way. He had been stronger than anyone. He had been a rock. But her waters had worn away his outer layers and left him exposed and weakened. He stood before her, lesser than he had once been, and it tinged her shaking waters with his black.
She looked up at Jayne and her eyes caught his in a single glance that spoke a million words. Her deep brown eyes shone brightly with tears as she sent him a single signal. He shook his head gently at her, his bright blue eyes imploring her to reconsider, to wait a few minutes whilst he thought of something. Her eyes stared back at him with a single sentence "No other way" He felt his heart plummet as he realised she was right. He had to do this, no matter how much it hurt him. This man, this cold blooded, heartless man, threatened them all; not just him and River. He threatened Mal, and Wash and Zoe. He threatened Inara and little Kaylee and even Simon. And he knew that River would do anything to protect them... to protect her family.
Jayne took a deep breath and levelled the gun. He closed his eyes and pulled the trigger.
He didn't hear the explosion; he didn't hear the thud as a body hit the ground. He merely moved the gun once more and squeezed the trigger as another explosion sounded in the room. He waited until the sound had completely dissipated before he opened his eyes.
The back wall was covered in blood, splattered messily against the paintwork. Tiny fragments of bone and brain matter clung to the wall gruesomely, a single trickle of blood seeping down towards the floor. He looked at the body slumped on the floor beneath it. The man was unmoving... not breathing. He had a large hole in the centre of his forehead that oozed blood. There was a large gaping hole in the back of his skull, a pool of thick scarlet forming around him and spreading outwards like a distorted puddle. He wanted to walk over and beat him even now. He wanted to kick him and hit him and tear him to pieces. But what good would it do. He was dead. He had been neutralised. He turned his head to the left and spotted another body slumped against the floor.
He stooped down beside her, pressing two fingers to her neck desperately. He felt the low beat beneath his fingertips and scooped River up in his arms. He needed to move her away from this. He needed to get her away from the slow dark ooze that threatened to touch her. He felt warmth seeping through her deep blue dress as he pressed a single large hand to her bleeding abdomen. The blood was pumping out thick and fast, coating his hand and flowing across the floor. He watched it move gently through the dirt and felt bile rise in his throat as he remembered.
She'd woken up screaming at the top of her lungs. She'd been lying peacefully beside him, gently twitching in the way she did, but Jayne had ignored it. She moved when she slept – he'd come to love that about her. But she'd sat bolt upright, screeching at the top of her lungs and clawing at the bed clothes. He'd jumped up, grabbing at her wrists to stop her. She'd tried to beat him off, but he'd held her tighter, and shaken her gently, trying desperately to rouse her.
"Riv! River!" He called to her, holding her firmly until her eyes snapped open and stared at him. Her body was covered in a thin layer of cold sweat, and her eyes had been wild. "Bao Bei! It was jus' a dream! You're safe. I got'cha." He soothed, running a hand through her unruly hair and listening to her heavy breathing.
"Searing, heat, pain!" She cried, tears gliding down her cheeks. "Shouting, red, black, pink..." She swallowed hard and picked up Jayne's hands. "Gloves of blood, coating skin and lives and emotions." She looked around. "Streams of it... flowing... moving independently... pouring, oozing slickness."
"River stop it!" He told her sternly, the words making his skin crawl.
"Blood." She paused, looking off into the distance briefly before staring deep into his eyes. "A river of blood."
He looked at his hands – they were coated in blood. Thick scarlet blood that painted his skin in her. She was unmoving and her breathing was slow. She was slipping away from him. She was dying. He was killing her. He was taking everything from her, and it hurt him so much. He needed Simon; he needed someone who could help him, who could help her. Where was he? Why wasn't he there? It was just like that ta me de doctor to not be around when he was needed. He knew there was nothing he could do to help her. He was watching the one thing that meant the most slipping away from him, and he couldn't live with the fact that he'd killed her.
"River – please wake up." He begged, hoping more than anything to rouse her. "Please bao bei! Don't leav' me. You said you was gonna teach me that stupid dance thing so I can take ya to that gorram party." He continued, swallowing tears that threatened to fall. "You was gonna get one o' them gorram cakes like Kaylee's. I didn' wan'a go, but I was gonna for you." He paused, sniffing loudly. "Come on – Simon's gonna kill ya for gettin' yerself inta this mess – and he's gonna blame me. Do you want that?" He asked, hoping desperately for a reply, but merely watched as her chest rose and fell slowly. "I ne'er told ya I loved ya Bao Bei. Why'd I do a stupid thing like that?" He laughed, a single tear falling from his eyes. "Why didn' I say it everyday? Why did I wait? 'Cuz I do – I love you so much girl. You're the only person who gets me." He sniffed again. "So ya can't go and die on me now Riv – that's jus'... that's jus' selfish. And I know you ain't a selfish person." Her breathing was slower than ever and he knew this was it. He knew he could do no more for her. This was the end. He picked her up in his arms, breathing in the scent of her hair and her skin once more before he pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. "I love you River." He whispered in her ear. "Sleep well baby girl." He felt the tears fall from his eyes as he heard her final intake of breath and her life disappeared. He'd done it. He'd killed her.
He reached down and picked up Alexandria.
Her weight was sturdy in his hand. The feel of the cool metal against his hand gave him the resolve he needed as he clicked the safety off. He looked at River's unmoving body lying on the dirty ground. Her face pale, her eyes closed. She looked as though she were sleeping. But it was his fault. He'd taken her from the world. He'd taken her from himself. He picked Alexandria up and looked at River once more.
"See ya on the other side."