She bangs her fist against her kitchen bench as a tear slips down her pale cheek and anger wells through her. It quickly subsides as she rubs her now throbbing fist with her other hand and falls to the floor, her tired body sitting contorted on the cool tiles. She rests her head against the cupboard as her mind takes her back to only moments earlier when Castle had left her apartment, his face red from shouting at her and his eyes full of regret because it was the last thing he wanted to do.
Her mind then went back to the last time this had happened. When he begged her to give up on her mother's case, when he told her he loved her again. She remembered the tears in his eyes and the desperation in his voice as he begged her to put her life above her obsession. It wasn't until she was hanging from the building that she finally admitted to herself that he had been right all along. He was always right when it came to her. That was what scared her.
She wiped away another tear as his heated words swirled in her mind.
"One minute you won't let go of me and the next you won't talk to me. We are supposed to be in this together, but sometimes I can't help but wonder if you're in this at all."
That was when he turned his back to her and walked out the door. It was like deja-vu. He was right. He was always right.
She stood up and held tightly to the edge of her bench, steadying herself before following his previous action of walking out her door.
She walked down to her lobby and onto the street, hailing a cab and telling the driver Castle's address. It was time she made something right. He was the last thing she wanted to lose.
She walked to his elevator and stood inside as the numbers slowly increased - her breathing deep. She wiped a strand of hair from her face as she came face to face with his door. She lifted a shaking hand to his doorbell and heard the sound echo through his loft.
She waited for a moment before hearing footsteps and the door slowly opened. He was standing there, staring at her, hurt in his eyes. She hated that she had upset him, her eyes immediately filling with tears. He didn't say anything, just turned around and walked into his office, leaving her standing in front of his open door. He couldn't say no to her, couldn't not let her in, no matter how angry he was.
She sighed as she walked into his loft and closed the door quietly behind her, walking toward his office where he sat in his chair with his back to the entrance. He didn't want to look at her because he would just give in, pretend it was all okay. Pretend that they didn't have problems - that he wasn't angry, upset, hurt. He could feel her standing there and he closed his eyes. She had come didn't she? Was it enough?
"Castle." She whispered. He didn't turn. "Castle. I'm sorry."
He shut his eyes tighter as her breaking voice stabbed his heart. He hated it when she was upset, especially when he was the cause.
"You were right Rick. You see through me. You know me better than I know myself and that scares me."
He opened his eyes as he cringed against his wavering voice.
"You deserve so much better than me. I'm sorry. It's just sometimes I get scared and I can't let you see me like that. Not yet. I'm still trying to put one foot in front of the other but I always trip over my own feet and I fall. But every time I get back up, you're there. You're my solid ground and I need you Rick."
Tears fall from her eyes as she realizes his back is still turned. She made a real mess this time. She starts to walk away but is stopped before she makes it to the lounge room.
"Wait."
She stops, frozen.
"Don't leave. I think it's time we stopped doing that."
She turns around to see him staring at her, eyes sparkling with tears.
"Why do we keep doing this?" She whispers, a lump rising in her throat.
He walks closer to her. "Because it's worth it."
She looks into his eyes.
"Rick…"
"No, Kate. Stop questioning everything."
"I'm not looking for a way out. I just…"
"What?"
"I don't want to lose you. I don't know how to do this, us."
He takes a step closer and takes her hands in his and breathes in and out slowly.
"That's all you had to say." He whispers. "You're not in this alone. Us, Kate, you and me."
She looks into his eyes. "About what you said before…I'm in this Rick. I promise."
He smiles and kisses her softly, the anger he had long dissolved. Her promise was all he needed.
"I know you are." He smiled again because he was right. He was always right.
