WARNING: This is crack, insane, random shit that makes no sense. It may cause internal bleeding, heart attacks, and seizures. The author is not responsible for any medical problems you may have while reading this.
Thank you and enjoy. :D

Frankly, I don't know what was going through Cartman's head when he sent the virus. Actually, half the time I didn't even know if that retard had a brain. I think he just talked out of his ass.

But either way, whether he was really a genius putting up the front of an idiot or simply mentally ill, I hated him all the way to the day I die. I tolerated him mostly and we didn't fight as much as he and Kyle did, so I really don't know why he did it.

I was supposed to be getting ready for Kyle's party, but I checked my e-mail first instead, just in case. I scrolled through the messages, eye wandering to a specific message from Cartman. I was both weary and curious, since Cartman never used his e-mail address.

Slowly, I clicked on it. Once it opened my computer was covered in gay porn.

I couldn't help my reaction; I screamed. Loudly. I fell off my chair, staring at my computer in horror, at a loss of how I should react. I shook, gaped, and finally I grew smart again. Footsteps pounded closer to my room and I frantically dove to my computer, trying to exit out or turn off my computer. I sighed, relieved when the screen went black.

"Oh, Stanley," my mother moaned in agony, and I mentally decided I would personally murder Eric Cartman, because I was too late and my parents saw it all.

I spun to face them, eyes wide and desperate, lips numb with words I couldn't speak, throat aching with the longing to explain. My dad looked both upset and angry, and his eyes burned into my skull. I swear he melted my brain with it.

"No, it's not…" I stumbled on my tongue.

"Stanley," my mother wept. My father shook his head.

"I can't believe I have a gay kid!"

"I'm not gay!" I instinctively defended myself. My mother stuffed her fist in her mouth and my father's eyebrow creased into a line of disconcert.

"I guess we hafta handle it like the Scotch family did, only one up," he mumbled to my mom, rubbing her back. She took a breath and rubbed her eyes, looking at me sadly. Again, I was in too much shock of what just happened to say anything.

"There's a camp the local church is hosting for three months over summer," my dad said. "It's where they try to coax the gay outta kids, pretty much."

Which was utterly ridiculous, but my tongue felt too thick to move.

"It's decided," he said, and left my room. I stood there, stunned, and then slowly looked at my computer before rage slowly built up in my chest. I grabbed my pillow and threw it at the computer screen, yelling out in anger, then grabbed my bag and stormed out of the house to Kyle's party.

Kyle greeted me with an obliviously happy face when I arrived early. Once he saw my face though, his expression fell and he let me walk in. I mutely followed him to his room before I threw my bag across the room, watching it hit his wall and fall to the floor. Kyle winced at the loud noise it emitted.

"Stan…"

"My parents think I'm fucking gay!" I shouted. "And it's all Cartman's fault! He sent me a fucking gay porn virus! Can you believe that!? A gay porn virus! Now I hafta waste my summer with a bunch of real gay kids! I don't wanna be butt raped, Kyle! I really don't!"

Kyle stared at me as I clawed through my hair, snorting through my nose like a bull and curling my toes in anger until I felt blood soak through my socks as my toenails ripped.

"Holy shit, dude," he said. I fell on his bed, trying to calm down.

"Yeah," I said through gritted teeth, "holy shit."

He sat on his bed, unsure. I looked at him then his wall, hands behind my head.

"But you're not really…?"

"WHA!?" I bolted upright. "No, man! Was that a joke? I just told you what happened!"

He held up his hands. "Sorry, sorry."

I clenched my jaw and forced myself to calm down again. "I'll kill that bastard."

"Well, summer is already here, when do you go?" Kyle asked, worried. I rubbed my temple.

"I dunno. I know for sure I'll be hauled outta here soon though. I'm probably like, grounded or something."

Kyle's eyebrow rose. "For being gay?"

"GOD DAMNIT KYLE!" I roared, tackling him. "STOP SAYING THAT! I'M STRAIGHT! I LIKE BOOBS, NOT DICKS!"

Kyle's eyes, wide and perplexed, stared at me as I gripped his shoulder and pressed him against the floor of his room, panting, red-faced, and pissed. He rolled his eyes at me as if I was a child throwing a tantrum and he was just there to listen.

I swear God hates me, because the door swung open and Kyle's mother screamed.

"STANLEY MARSH! DON'T SEXUALLY HARASS KYLE!" my father hollered, yanking me off a now-snickering Kyle, who hid it by chewing on his green glove, averting his gaze from me and hiding his smile. Fuck him.

"I wasn't!" I shouted as he dragged me out of the room. "Kyle, tell him!"

By then I was already out of the house and half-way home. My dad's grip was firm and angry, so I mutely followed, head hung and defeated. Fine, I'd go to the stupid gay camp thing and play along so I could go back to normal. It was that simple.

My dad shoved me in the house and slammed the door shut.

"It's worse than I thought," he said in his dramatic voice. "He tried to rape Kyle."

"I DID NOT!"

"Oh no," my mom said, miserable, covering her mouth. "Oh Stanley."

"Stop," I said, but my voice was weak, defeated. "God, you're all fucking idiots…"

My dad didn't hear me because he was pulling out a pamphlet from his back pocket and making 'tsk' noises, eyes gazing at me in what looked like disappointment.

"It's decided," he said. The next thing he said sent my world crashing down. "We're sending you tomorrow morning."