Title: Freeing
Fandom: Supernatural
Summary: Sam reveals to Dean his secret about Lucifer. Takes place at some point after the events of Episode 13.12 "Various and Sundry Villains".
"Dean, wake up!"
"M'awake. Damn it." Dean woke, rubbing at his head, seeing Sam take a step back to sit on the bed across from him. "Monsters, man. They never really go away do they? Remember that kid last fall, the one who saw that creepy ass doctor ghost? Sean, right? Yeah. That case. It got in my head again, man and it's been how many months? Why the hell am I havin' freaky dreams about it now? That kid. That look of untold terror on his face. We couldn't help him. No kid should...damn it. Sometimes I really hate this job." Dean mussed his hair and pulled himself to the edge of his bed, facing Sam.
"Yeah, that was bad."
"Yeah." Shaking the remnants of the nightmare, Dean addressed the other bad sleeper in the room. "Speaking of, you were havin' your own little happy dream-from-hell it sounded like a while back. Before I slipped into my own crazy dream world. What time is it anyway?"
"Not exactly happy," Sam responded, readjusting himself on the bed, suddenly looking uncomfortable. "Friggin' Lucifer in my head. And it's 2 am."
"Wait, what? Lucifer? Not like IN in your head in your head. Is he talking to you, like…"
"No, not like that, but close enough. He's out there Dean and he's roaming free and…"
"And he's not getting his claws on you ever again, Sam."
"Might not have to if he can get into my dreams like that."
"That bad?"
"Yeah." A long quiet pause and Sam's thoughts started floating back to the conversation he'd had with Rowena. The conversation about Lucifer. The disturbing reality that he'd never shared with his brother. Until...
"Hey Dean..." The thought stopped as abruptly as it began; Sam at a loss how to say what he wanted to say in a way that made any sense. To say it in a way that Dean could understand. Anxiety and fear, he knew Dean could see those emotions all over his face. He also knew that Dean wasn't about to ignore it, especially when it had anything to do with Lucifer.
"Sam? Come on, you can't give me a face full of fear and then not finish the thought. What's goin' on with you? It was just a nightmare, right?"
Long seconds passed before Sam found the right word to start the discussion.
"Rowena."
Dean was immediately on guard. "Rowena? That witch, did she…"
"No, Dean." Sam began quickly. "There's no spell. I mean, I gave her that page out of book and you thought she got in my head. She didn't." And then once Sam began spilling the truth, he couldn't stop and the words just flew out. Did they make sense? He didn't know, but he couldn't slow them down.
"Rowena, Dean. She…she's seen...I have seen Lucifer's true form when I was in the cage in hell...I mean, his true form, what he looks like under the vessel and beyond and it's terrifying and the honestly it's scariest thing I've ever seen and that you can imagine and more than that and I see it, I see it almost every day, mostly in dreams and it still scares the hell out of me every damn time and no matter what I do to not think about it, I can't not think about it and..."
"Sam…"
Sam shook his head, having gone from waking Dean from a nightmare, to confessing what he'd been holding on to for so long. "No, Dean, let me finish. Rowena has seen it too. It's why I've been thinking so much about it and it's why I knew she's scared to death and why I helped her and…of all things to have in common with one of the most powerful witches on the planet...it's the friggin' devil and no, I don't really want to talk about it. I don't really know how to talk about it. She and I talked some that day, but she's seen him so she knows and it's why I was able to talk to her about it, something that you can't comprehend unless you've seen it and even then, but something that I don't know how to even begin to explain it or why I'm saying this to you now or…"
Dean shook his head and held up a hand from where he now sat on the edge of his bed.. "Sammy, stop. You're rambling."
"Sorry."
"No. No sorry. Just slow down because if just this discussion is getting you this worked up, then you need to stop. We don't have to talk about it. Hell, this is the last thing I expected to be talking about a 2 am in a motel in Random Town, Ohio, but if you can't..."
"You should know, Dean. I didn't hide it from you on purpose, I promise I didn't, but it's just something I could never really talk about and didn't know how and didn't know if I would ever want to try, but he's out there roaming around and getting stronger every day and you know what he is at full power and just knowing that he's out there, and knows how to get to me and into my head and sometimes, lately, just knowing that gets in my thoughts and I keep thinking what if he…"
"Sam! Seriously, man. Slow." Dean stopped to breathe, having not realized he'd stopped during Sam's rambling. "Okay, you said every day? You think about him every single day?"
"Mostly, yeah, but it's not always bad, sometimes it's just a flash of his form that crosses my mind and it's usually when things are quiet and I have time to roll things around in my head and I think too much…"
Speed picking up again, Dean stood, crossed the three feet to his babbling brother and set his hands on either side of Sam's face looking him directly in the eyes.
"Breathe, Sam. Breathe. Deeper than that. You're wonkin' out on me, man. I can't keep up. Settle and breathe. Is your head clear now? You aren't seeing him, right?" Sam nodded in Dean's hands. "Good. So, most of the time it's just a come and go deal, no long term screaming events."
"Yeah. But even a flash of his form can get to me and if something that small can…" the words started moving quickly again…
"Slow. The hell. Down."
Sam took a breath, long and deep; his face still in Dean's hands. Dean apparently wasn't letting go until Sam was speaking below warp speed.
"Sorry."
"Stop being sorry, just relax. We're good here. Safe. Well, we may get mold poisoning from what's on that nasty ass bathroom floor, but if mold is the thing that kills us, then we deserve to die. No one knows we're here working this case. Not even Cas. It's just me and you, brother. Okay? So, settle down. Tell me what you can and what you can't, I'll understand."
Sam nodded again. "Doesn't usually bother me this much. But since talking to Rowena, and finding out that she's seen him too... But, I've wanted to tell you, Dean. I just...I just didn't know how to tell you."
"This was an interesting way to share, Sam. Speed babbling." Finally, Dean drops his hands and sat down next to his brother. "Man, you know we've both had our fair share of things we couldn't or wouldn't talk about. But, I think I've got the basics on your Lucifer thing, so how about we stop talking about it, okay? All it's doing is screwin' with your head and gettin' me confused and it's not worth all that."
"Okay, yeah. Okay. Don't think I can sleep though."
"Well, you don't have to. Come on." Dean pulled him up by the arm. "There's an all night diner a few blocks away. I could go for some early morning pancakes and a good cup of coffee. You, however, will stick to decaf. You're wired and off-kilter, so caffeine is no-go."
Sam resisted only briefly. He was a little hungry and pancakes did sound good.
"Come on, Sammy. Just me and you. Like the good ole days we spent on the road 24/7. Motel after motel. Diner after diner. 2 am eats were all the rage back then."
"We were a lot younger then, Dean."
"True. But we did a lot of problem solving over chocolate chip pancakes covered in whipped cream."
"We can't solve the me seeing Lucifer thing, Dean."
"Dunno, Sammy. Pancakes can be powerful tools."
"Dean."
"I know, I know. We can't fix it, but once we fry his ass, it won't matter what his true form looks like. Let's go before the breakfast rush."
"It's 2:15 in the morning."
"Yeah, right. I know. Let's move!"
Dean tossed Sam's shoes and jacket at him, then grabbed his own. Keys in pocket, he was ready to roll; stomach already growling with anticipation at the idea of pancakes before 3 AM. If he was a bit thrown off his game by Sam's Lucifer admission, it didn't show; for which Sam was grateful. Sam hadn't started the week intending to spill the beans on Lucifer, it had just happened by circumstance. And truth be told, it was one of the few times in his life that the aftermath of a nightmare had actually taken weight off of his mind. Dare he say...it was somewhat freeing.
"Sammy!" Dean barked, hands clapping in front of his little brother's zoned-out face. "Dude. Get out of your head. Pancakes. Now!"
Shaking his head to clear out that final thought of Lucifer for the night, Sam pulled on his shoes and jacket, then followed his brother out the door.
The end