Thirty Years
In a great battle, Wolfram falls and becomes Shin Makoku's hero. He doesn't die. This is the story of what happens after.
Thanks to HARPG0 for going over this and for suggestions.
The sounds of battle surrounded them, the screams...and he was still unsure of which way the tide would turn. Wolfram had to be with his men, as much as it pained him to leave Yuuri. Now, of all times, just when things had been going so well. It was such a bitter thought.
He moved his white mare closer to Yuuri and leaned across, grabbing his hand.
"I have to go down there, Yuuri."
Yuuri turned to him, his eyes wide, frightened. "No, Wolf, I need you by my side."
He wanted nothing more, but his men needed him, and he knew that no matter what, Yuuri would be safe up here. He looked over at Conrad and a wordless exchange of understanding passed between them: 'protect him, take him away if necessary.'
"I have to, Yuuri."
Yuuri gave him a look. It seemed like an eternity, but it was only moments. "Okay, Wolf, okay. But swear that you'll come back. Promise me." Yuuri's hand was still in his and it gripped him painfully.
He couldn't promise anything, not really, but he could not deny Yuuri this.
"I promise that I'll come back." No matter what happened, he'd come back, hopefully in this life, but if not...
With a sound of misery, Yuuri leaned across and took him in a long, fierce kiss. In front of his brothers and Günter, for everyone to see, and despite what he had to do, despite it all, this was real. Yuuri had publically claimed him and his heart sang.
But it had to end and he pulled back. Wolfram gave Yuuri a long, sad look. And, with a flick of the reins, he went down to join the fight, determined not to look back.
Wolfram dreamt.
Long and endlessly, he was floating in colours which made no sense but were comforting. His awareness was muted. Vaguely, he knew he had to be somewhere, but, for now, it really didn't matter. He was in no pain. Time, or the passing of it, meant nothing.
At one point, he found himself on a hill, the same dreamlike tranquillity still smothering his senses. He felt a presence behind and he turned, his awareness sharpening slowly, just a little. Looking at him with fondness was Shinou.
"Am I dead?"
"No, you're just sleeping. You were injured badly. It will take some time for you to recover."
That was good. He'd be able to keep his promise. What that promise was, he wasn't sure. It slid away from his mind when he tried to grasp it, like a dream, but he knew it was important and staying alive was part of that.
"That's good." Wolfram said, or thought. His voice sounding placid.
"Yes," Shinou replied, in his head, for his lips weren't moving.
"When you awake, things won't be what you expected, or what you wanted. But, possibly, it will turn out just as well in the end, my pretty child."
There was something odd in what Shinou said. But, before he could think more about it, he found himself drifting again, the scene changing back to that wordless, formless place "in-between" where time didn't matter.
He drifted there for hours, or for hundreds of years...it didn't matter. Then, he heard a voice. Someone was reading to him in this formless place. The voice was everything, the only thing. At first, it was comforting. It would come and go and he'd wonder, dimly, where it had gone before forgetting it until it came again. But, then, there was no forgetting. Where was that voice?
Suddenly, Wolfram had to know: where it was, how to get there, what that voice was because... It was familiar. The scene changed, and he fell back into his body, both familiar and strange, something had changed. But there was no pain, only tiredness, the feel of a soft bed beneath him, breath, gravity. And that voice. He couldn't wake yet, but he would.
Wolfram slept.
He opened his eyes and shut them quickly as the brightness blinded him. But he opened them again. That voice, the touch of a hand in his, he had to know. Memories still eluded him, but this voice he had to see.
Sitting in a chair on his left was a man wearing glasses, thin with long black hair, the top part tied back, but with long strands falling down. He looked familiar, yet different...Murata, his memory supplied him with that name. He knew this man. Wolfram watched as Murata turned a page and continued reading, voice low and melodious, an ancient Shin Makoku tale, one he remembered from his childhood. Memories were still falling into his head slowly, one drop at a time.
Murata's other hand was in his and he wanted to feel, to touch, and with great effort he moved his thumb and swept it across Murata's hand.
Murata stopped suddenly and looked down at their joined hand with a frown and slowly looked up into Wolfram's face. Murata's eyes widened. Wolfram blinked, keeping his eyes steady, he couldn't speak. There was something in his mouth.
"Hello, dearest Wolfram, welcome back." Murata smiled at him.
He couldn't remember much further. He slept. But, when he awoke, his mother was there, tears in her eyes.
"Wolfram, honey. Oh, Wolfy," she spoke, choking on her tears. She placed her head on Wolfram's chest and held him close. There was nothing in his mouth this time. "Mother," he whispered, his voice sounding strange.
His mother got up, and cupped his face. "Oh, Wolfy. You've been sick for so long, but you're better now. You'll be up in no time." Wolfram couldn't remember how he'd gotten here. Did he get sick? And where was that voice, the man who was here...Murata.
"Murata?" he croaked out. His mother gave him a surprised look. "He's not far...do you want me to get him?" He nodded.
He must have dozed for a bit for, when he woke, Murata was next to him, reading a book.
"Murata?" The Sage looked up at him. He'd changed. The Murata in his memory had been young, just shy of coming of age. This Murata was older, looking at least one hundred and thirty. He couldn't tell how old that would be in human years. His black hair had grown out to fit his position.
"You're looking a little better, Bielefeld," Murata said with a smile. He looked good, Murata had grown up well. He never had been as cute as Yuuri had been, but Wolfram had noticed him. He was striking, even taking away his foreign complexion, and very attractive when he smiled. Yuuri…a face popped into his mind. He knew Yuuri, right? His tired mind tried to grapple with the question before he gave up and focused on the one thing he wanted to know.
"How long?" he croaked.
Murata's face went solemn, "Almost thirty years. You were very ill."
Wolfram's brain went numb. It couldn't be. Wouldn't Murata look older? He was human. The image of Yuuri came into his head again, but he pushed that aside. One thing at a time.
"You look...it can't be." Wolfram said, his voice slow, still.
"My lifeline has been altered. Shinou tied it to Shibuya's. The Demon King will always need the Great Sage." Murata smiled, but there was an underlying sadness there.
Yuuri, Yuuri...
"Where is Yuuri?" He tried to get up, but he felt dizzy and he fell back with a groan. "Yuuri?" he cried out plaintively, a pain was in his chest. How could he have forgotten Yuuri?
"Don't try to get up," Murata said with gentleness. He touched his forehead softly, brushing aside hair. A sense memory of lips on his forehead came to him suddenly. "Shibuya is on his way. He was in Caloria with Lord Weller and von Christ. He won't be back for another week. I'm certain he dropped everything when he got the pigeon courier and, as we speak, will be making haste back."
"Lord von Voltaire will be on his way back in a day or so. He'd left to work at his estate. If you'd only woken up a day earlier... He'd only just gone, you see. I'm sure he'll get the courier midway back."
Murata placed his hand over his, and that cool gentle connection calmed him down.
"You should rest, you've still got a while to go before you're up and about. For your body to heal."
"I've been resting for thirty years." Wolfram said bitterly but he could feel the familiar fatigue bearing down on him and it was easy to succumb. The last thought he had was that Murata had not moved his hand.
Year 4045, 25 Abren
Dear Wolf.
I don't know how to begin this...I guess I'll start at the beginning. This was Conrad's idea, to tell you all about things that are happening while you are unwell. I don't know if I'll ever give these to you, though, because the things I've been feeling. I don't want you to know. You'll need to focus on healing, on getting better. So I don't think you'llsee these
It's been almost six months since you died on that field outside the village of Abney. When we found you, it was horrible. You were covered in blood. I didn't know there could be so much, but your eyes were closed and, other than the blood, you looked like you were just sleeping. They told me you were dead and I can't even explain how bad I felt. I didn't believe them. I couldn't let you go, Wolf. So I didn't. I was able to find the power to heal you, to bring you back, and you were whole.
But you didn't wake up. Gisela tells me you are perfectly fine physically, only there might have been damage to your brain. Murata thinks it might be more to do with your soul, but he can't tell me more than that. It's just a theory. It's never happened before. But I'm sure you will wake up and things will go back to normal. Greta misses you. She'll be coming of age soon and everyone is caught up with the ball to present her. I had a dream that you woke in time...I hope that is true, Wolf. I miss you.
Ever since the battle, everything has changed. The Aristocrats listen to what I have to say and I know they are a little afraid of me, and even Gwendal treats me differently. The only people who see me the same are Greta, Conrad, and Murata. Sometimes, I'm not sure about Murata. At times he gives off that cool aura as if he's assessing me, and it's a test. It is strange. All the ambassadors have sent me assurance of their alliance. Wolfram, I killed so many people on that field and I see them in my dreams. I wish you were here to tell me what a wimp of a king I am. You know me better than anyone. But sometimes I wonder, as time goes by, if you would recognise me now?
I miss you so much, Wolf. Please wake up. I need you. I love you.
Yuuri
Later, a day later though it was hard to keep track of time, Murata helped him when he was thirsty.
"Just wait, I'll pile the cushions behind you so it's more comfortable." In the end, Murata had to half help him up and hold him up as he gratefully sucked the water into his mouth with a straw.
When he was done, he lay back gratefully against the cushions, still feeling as weak as a newborn.
"How did I get ill?" he asked. Trying to get his head around the idea of thirty years.
"You don't remember...?"Murata said and he shook his head.
"What is the last thing you remember?"
Wolfram shut his eyes. "Yuuri's twentieth birthday." Their first real kiss.
"That was a few months before," Murata replied steadily. "You were injured in a battle. It was...terrible. A lot of our soldiers died but we prevailed in the end, thanks to Shibuya. I wasn't there but I was told about it afterwards. You were found half-dead on the field and...Shibuya tried to heal you. He saved your life, but you were left in a coma."
"For thirty years?"
Murata nodded. "Yes, both Gisela and myself worked to keep you comfortable, in a form of stasis. But letting it up now and again to allow your body to heal, to give you a chance to wake up."
"It will take you a little while to recover, but not as much as it would have if you didn't have Gisela's skill."
"Where is Gisela?" His eyes were drooping. He really wanted Yuuri...but Murata's presence was also a comfort and, without thinking, he reached out for Murata's hand. He let out a breath when Murata squeezed his gently and held it.
"She's at the Wincott Estate...she got married to one of the Wincott cousins. She had her second child a few months ago."
Wolfram had to wrap his head around everything, all these changes, but he was tired. Again, he slept.
"So what else has happened?" he asked, his head was propped up and the food he'd eaten before had helped a little.
"Well, as I said, Gisela got married. I've sent a messenger to her. She probably won't be able to come straight away, but she will come in time. Your mother got remarried again, to Sir Raven." Wolfram digested this information. "Remarried?"
"Your brothers are much the same, but Lord Weller, he married Yozak," Murata smiled, genuine happiness. "Good," Wolfram said, "Conrad deserves happiness, and I'm glad he eventually worked it out."
"Yes, Yozak is very happy." Wolfram remembered that Murata had been close to Yozak. He'd always suspected that they had been more than friends, but it seemed he was wrong.
"Greta, she joined the Diplomat's corp before marrying a mazoku trader. They live in Francia. She has three children, two girls and a boy. The eldest, Wesley, is to be apprenticed to Lord Weller next year. I've also sent word to her. The storms will make it impassable for her to travel, but I'm sure she'll be here next summer….it's towards the end of winter now."
Greta had grown up. She'd be…she'd be almost fifty now. That was almost half a lifetime for a human. He'd missed out on everything, her marriage, the birth of her children. Seeing his grandchildren.
So much time had gone by while he slept.
"My men?"
Murata shook his head. "Many of them perished." Wolfram closed his eyes and took a long shuddering breath.
"Not all of them, though. Some survived and it was thanks to you that Sir Michael Wagner and Sir Franz Switzel survived... When you are better, they will be glad to see you. Sir Wagner named his first born after you.
Wolfram nodded and took a deep breath. "And Yuuri? Has he been well?" His voice broke at the end and he blinked his eyes.
A fleeting look went across Murata's face, which Wolfram couldn't identify "He's been very well. He's done so much as King, far more than I thought. He's...grown into his role."
"I always knew he would."
"As for the rest, I'll let Shibuya tell you about it. He missed you, Bielefeld, very much."
Wolfram nodded, his throat closing up for a bit. When he could speak again he looked at Murata.
"And what about you? Do you have a wife or husband?"
Murata laughed a little.
"No, it's been way too busy for that."
"I'm sure it was the same for Conrad and Gisela." Wolfram said.
"Yes, I guess that's no excuse. I never found the right person."
Wolfram nodded. He understood that feeling. He'd felt that way once.
Gwendal arrived at the castle in the early hours of the morning, while Wolfram was sleeping. He woke to his brother sitting next to him, looking out the window at the brightening sky.
"Brother?" He said, feeling lost, and Gwendal looked down at him, a strange look in his eyes, surprise and something that looked like hope.
"Wolfram..." Gwendal opened his mouth again as if to say something. Closed it and handed him a knitted animal from his lap. The knitted animal looked something like a horse.
Wolfram looked at it dumbly; its eyes looked back at him dolefully in a lopsided fashion.
"I knitted this for you...I knitted many of these for you." Gwendal swallowed. "This one was the last and I think it turned out better. It's a unicorn," Gwendal said gruffly, his eyes blinking.
Gwendal looked tired. There were wrinkles on his forehead and one thick streak of grey on this temple. But he was still as big and solid as he ever remembered.
He felt his eye prickle.
"Brother...I..."
It had been a long time since he'd hugged his eldest brother, even longer since he'd even initiated one but Gwendal held him strongly when he reached for him, the mournful unicorn squished between them.
For a moment he thought he was trembling, but it was his brother and those rough low sobs weren't his own.
"I'm glad you are here, brother." Wolfram said tightly. He felt Gwendal nod and the grip on him tightened, it hurt only a little bit but Wolfram didn't mind.
Year 4045, 6 Dago
Dear Wolf
I meant to write often. Every week, I would start a letter but it sounded stupid. I didn't know what to say. You're still asleep. Though, now, Murata calls it a coma. He's more convinced that it has more to do with your soul than any damage to your body. I'm afraid either way. I worry always that I hurt you when I brought you back. I never wanted to hurt you.
You've been moved to your old rooms and Murata has brought some stuff back from Earth to make you more comfortable. As time goes by, there are things that are needed. Gisela has spoken about putting you in stasis until better methods can be found; she's been talking to Anissina about this. Mazoku have never gotten sick like you have, not like humans do. And the humans usually died...it is hard for me to understand medicine in Shin Makoku, it is very different from Earth. But, in stasis, healing is much slower. Murata has explained it isn't like being frozen; it just slows your body now, like frogs in winter. So, sometimes, you need to be out of it, because it would make it much longer for you to wake up.
I visit you every day, but I miss having you in my room. In your bedroom, I listen for your breathing and sometimes I sneak in next to you and hold you. I would pretend that were sleeping normally and that you'd wake up in the morning. But I had to stop that after a while because it would hurt too much when you didn't.
Gwendal has disbanded those who remained in your squad. They have been absorbed into other units. Though, a few, like Michael, chose to go back to Bielefeld to serve your uncle. It's only temporary. All of them will come back immediately when you are better. I know how much you love being a soldier.
I'm trying to be a better king. Günter is pleased at my studies and I've focused on learning history and diplomacy, reading about what other kings have done in the past and Murata has given me some books on Earth history too. I want peace and I'm determined that there wouldn't be another battle like there was near Abney. I want those deaths to mean something...at least I can do that.
Your brothers are fine. Conrad has remained close and, without him I think I'd fall to pieces. He gets me going every morning and keeps me focused on the future. I know he visits you during the night. he hasn't forgotten you, WolfAnd Anissina told me that Gwendal has started knitting little animals for you. You'll have an entire zoo when you're better.
Greta's coming of age was amazing. She looked so pretty and grown-up. Günter commissioned a painter to come take her portrait, so you'll see what I mean. She missed you. I We missed you.
Greta has taken up diplomacy and she is doing some special studies with Günter and Murata that will take at least two years. I know she wants to get a posting somewhere afterwards, perhaps Caloria because it is safe. I don't want her to go, Wolf. She's the only family I have left here and it scares me to think she'll move on in life, I remember when she was a little girl.
I miss you. I miss you a lot. I think of you every day.
With love, Yuuri
A couple of days later Wolfram's life ended, or so it seemed. He was still waiting impatiently for the new healer and his muscle strengthening healing. Once more, he found himself staring outside the window. Murata had been there a few minutes before, but had been called away to an emergency meeting with Gwendal.
It was frustrating. Things were happening in the castle, as busy as he had remembered before and he couldn't contribute. He could scarcely walk to the privy without someone helping him. Though that was better progress from using a bedpan. Humiliating to think that for all those years he'd been fed and cleaned like an infant.
"Hello," a small voice said.
Wolfram turned his head and found himself looking at a little boy, about six years old with dark hair and dark purple eyes, standing at the door uncertainly. The boy gave him a shy smile.
"I'm Wolfram. Who are you?"
Thinking that one of the servant's children had made their way up here, his wing was quite isolated, which fed Wolfram's irritation.
The boy looked a little uncertain and then answered shyly. "I'm Riki." And after a pause added. "Papa said you are incredibly brave and beautiful. You have very pretty green eyes. They are just like Mama described them, better than the painting." The boy added thoughtfully. "Are you feeling better now?"
"Yes, very much so," Wolfram said slowly, he didn't know who this child was. A horrible presentiment went through Wolfram, that dark hair, and such dark eyes.
"Who is your father?"
The boy looked at him as if he was slow, a vaguely familiar look, as if from someone he knew.
"He's the king. I better get back before my sister and nanny look for me, but I'm glad you are better."
"Richard!" An older lady called from down the hall and the boy rolled his eyes and gave him a little wave before running off in that direction.
Wolfram found himself clutching the blanket to his chest. He fingers were numb.
"Yuuri is married and has children," he gave Murata an accusing look.
Murata paused, he had been in the process of pulling some books back into his battered leather document holder. He gave Wolfram a look he couldn't read.
"I heard little Riki had come up here. He's heard so much about you growing up...he wanted to see you. Everyone is talking about your recovery."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I thought it best that Shibuya tell you."
"He's my fiancé!" He raged.
There was an awkward moment of silence, the room charged with his anger and unhappiness as Murata adjusted his glasses and sat down on the chair next to his bed.
"Who did he marry?"
"Lady Elizabeth," Murata responded without hesitation.
"How?" he asked, Elizabeth had been his childhood friend, the one who had loved him.
"She came to the castle after your mother married Sir Raven, that was just before sixty-five, and she wanted to tend to you. We all played our part with that. She missed you, too."
Wolfram really didn't care.
"Don't tell me, they comforted each other..."
They probably came to their feelings in this room as they tended to him. Maybe they kissed while he was here, slumbering away. He suddenly felt ill and he gestured to Murata as he held the bed pan up as he threw up his last meal. Murata held his hair back.
It was embarrassing, but not as humiliating as finding out about Yuuri's unfaithfulness. Murata poured him some water and he gulped it down, anything to take the horrendous taste of the regurgitated breakfast from his mouth and he rinsed his mouth out into a bowl that Murata had provided.
Another wave of tiredness hit him and Wolfram found he had little energy to cry. Though he wanted to.
"He waited for you, Wolfram. For twenty years, he waited. Against all the advice, we were...we weren't certain you would wake up. I...advised a little before then to let you go, to move onto the next life, but he never gave up on you. For a long time he had the most faith that you would get better, most people did not." Murata looked away, not willing to look him in the eye.
The next day Murata was 'babysitting' him again, as Gwendal left to attend to some work. It was just past midnight and Wolfram was heartily sick of the room and wasn't able to sleep.
"I don't need a minder," he told Murata with a bitter tone. "I can be left alone for a little while."
Murata shrugged, "I don't think Lord von Voltaire will allow that until you're on your feet again."
Wolfram sighed. It wasn't as if he didn't want Murata around with everything changing, the grey in Gwendal's hair, the news about Greta, Yuuri's children... Amongst others Murata had stayed familiar. As far as he could see, the Great Sage had not changed much, apart from growing a little more pleasing, and he certainly had not treated him any differently...other than the uncharacteristic use of his name when he awoke, but, under the circumstances, that seemed understandable.
"I have papers here. I'll sit in the corner and work on those." Murata sat himself in the chair with a side table next to the bed, up near the corner as he said.
"Is that what you did before...when I was asleep," he started to ask but broke off with the clatter outside.
The door opened and that was the only warning he had before Yuuri was in the room and he had only a second to take him in. He'd grown taller, a bit broader, and he was in his riding gear. But the face...the face was the same when Yuuri leapt halfway onto the bed and engulfed him in a fierce hug.
"Yuuri…" Wolfram choked out, and he buried his head in those shoulders. The news about the marriage and the children went away for a moment. To have Yuuri in his arms, with him, it felt like home.
It was, he thought afterwards, the scent of horse and riding leather which probably triggered the last of his memories. Of that day on the battlefield. As he was held tightly and the kiss Yuuri had given him, and the promise he had extracted from him.
With a muffled sob he pushed Yuuri away from him. A pain had started in his chest and it burned so badly.
"Let me go!"
"Wolf...what?"
"I came back...I kept my promise," he said looking at his once-fiancé.
The look Yuuri gave him was hurt...which transformed to guilt as Yuuri realised what Wolfram had meant, he had not forgotten.
"I came back. But you didn't wait for me. YOU DIDN'T WAIT FOR ME." He screamed out his anguish. At that moment the ache in his chest exploded into fury, and shame, and even more pain.
"Wolf..." Yuuri put his hand out.
"Don't TOUCH ME! You've lost that right...don't. Just leave!" Wolfram demanded. The tears were now falling down his face. But he'd lost everything. What did he need of dignity?
"Wolfram," Yuuri said, looking absolutely miserable. But that just made it worse.
"LEAVE!" he screamed, banging his arm down on the bed, and Yuuri nodded once and started to walk out the door.
Yuuri paused at the threshold, head turned down, his voice coming to him, low and torn, twisted with grief.
"I'm sorry, Wolfram. I...I'm so sorry."
Good, Wolfram thought viciously.
If you feel even half as bad as I do now, then good.
Then the door was wide open, empty, and he took in a few burning breaths. He jumped as a hand touched his shoulder lightly.
It was Murata. Wolfram had forgotten about him. He'd been in the corner the entire time, trapped in the corner with Yuuri on the bed like that. Wolfram doubted that Yuuri had even seen him there.
"I'll give you some time alone."
"Now, I get some privacy," he said bitterly though his tears. Murata turned to go and he grabbed onto the back of his jacket desperately. He couldn't ask...he just couldn't, but he needed it anyway.
Murata sat down on the bed next to him and pulled him into his arms and Wolfram howled out his grief. He'd lost Yuuri, Greta had grown up without him, his entire family gone, everything he'd built his future around had turned to dust. And Murata held him as he let all that grief out.
As the sobs turned to irregular hiccups, Murata rubbed his back slowly and stayed until he'd exhausted himself.
Murata never once said a word to defend Yuuri that day, or any empty platitude and Wolfram was thankful.
Much later, he found out that Conrad had been just outside the door, as Murata would tell it. Wolfram imagined that his brother would have been torn between going after Yuuri, or staying to comfort him. He never knew what Conrad had made of him sobbing his tears out onto Murata and not turning to family. But he learned later, long time "later," when he could feel for Yuuri and see both of them as equal victims of this misfortune, Yuuri had had someone to comfort him too.
Wolfram was glad for that. But in a small, selfish part of his heart, he had been even happier that his brother had hesitated, had thought of him first.
Year 4046, 22 Fabuen
Dear Wolf
Today, you were awarded the Maou's Cross. It was something that Gwendal started working towards soon after the battle but it needed the vote of at least seven major nobles and my approval. Both Gwendal and Günter had been doing a lot of work to gain them. I was told a month ago. You probably know more about it than me, but it's because of your service and sacrifice for the king.
It was presented to your uncle because he's the closest member of your house...if we'd been married, Wolf, that would have been me. I was such an idiot to wait so long.
The medal will stay with the castle, though, for when you wake. Wolfram, I never wanted you to have it. Though I can't say that to anyone because it means so much to your bothers. I really wanted to say "no." I look at it and want to smash it. It means so little compared to having you awake and by my side. I never wanted you to sacrifice anything for me, Wolf. I'm not worth it. But I made it through the day without hurting anyone's feelings. That night, I got drunk and Conrad had to carry me to bed and I cried.for you and made a mess over conrad's jacket. It's embarrassing, but Conrad has never said a word about it.
The next day, your uncle requested that you be sent back to Bielefeld and cared for there. It was fortunate for him that I was suffering from alcohol poisoning because I'm afraid I might have killed himdone some violence if I was there. But Murata took him aside and convinced him that you'd be better here, under the king's care. ...
I miss you, Wolf. I love you. ..please wa
Yuuri.
Recovery was very slow, frustrating, and boring.
Wolfram's body didn't do what he wanted it to do. Three weeks after Yuuri had returned, Wolfram was able to walk around the suite unaided. Wilhelm had been assigned to help him with his physical recovery. Wilhelm could easily be described as a mild mannered mazoku healer with an iron resolve, who pushed Wolfram relentlessly. Mazoku healed fast, but this was still incredibly slow, at least Wolfram thought so. He gave Murata a look of scorn when the Sage had told him that he was lucky he wasn't human. "Your physical rehabilitation would be ten times slower, mazoku truly have amazing restorative power."
Wolfram bitterly wondered where that had gone for the last thirty years.
Only when he was able to walk down the hallway unassisted, although it did take a month, did Gwendal allow him some "alone time." He still had frequent visitors – Gwendal, his mother, Conrad...Günter had come by for a stilted conversation. Apparently, there were many who wanted to see him but Gwendal had put his foot down. He was in recovery and anyone other than his family and Wilhelm were not allowed. Apparently, Günter was considered family.
He hadn't seen Yuuri for days and, for now, that's how he wanted it. The king was not welcome in his rooms and he was sure the news would have spread.
Murata also came by, and he was, apart from Gwendal...and Conrad a welcome distraction. Murata brought news from the outside world that either his brothers did not notice, or did not want to bother him with.
"I want to go outside" he told Murata two weeks later. This level had no balconies and he was too weak to manage the stairs...yet. The weather was warming up and he could feel the spring in the air. It would still be cool...but it would be nice to see the sky.
Murata had tilted his head, the way Wolfram had noticed he did when he was thinking. 'I'll work on that. I think there might be a way. If you're willing to let go of your dignity for a bit."
Murata had organised one of the courtyards on the west side to be cordoned off and one guard was left in the only entrance to prevent anyone from encroaching on his privacy. He didn't think he remembered this courtyard from before. It was small, barely big enough for two benches, with a low hedge and a small evergreen.
Losing his dignity meant that Yozak would have to carry him down and keep him company. Gwendal still wouldn't let him be alone for very long...and Murata seemed happy to comply.
It wasn't the outdoors, not really the outdoors. But he could see the blue sky and feel the wind on his cheeks. Wolfram was starting to feel grateful even for those small things.
It would have been a nice day to take Blume for a ride. Sorrow engulfed him when he realised that Blume would be long gone. He wondered if his mare survived the battle. He'd hoped so. He'd like to think she'd had a long life.
Just another little bit of sadness. Another thing he'd lost and wouldn't get back.
Yozak had gone for a moment and he jumped when he appeared from behind.
"Do you have to do that?" He snapped, clutching his chest – there was a twinge of pain there that he'd gotten, something that had come and gone since he'd been allowed out of the bed.
"I have to get in some sneaking now that I'm out of the field," Yozak said. He pulled his thumb in the direction of the entrance. "Two maids were gossiping down that way. I had to ears drop. I may have given up field work but I don't want to get rusty. You never know when it would come in handy."
This was news for Wolfram.
"You've retired?"
"Courtesy of marriage to your brother. I'm a minor noble now. The king gave me some land near Adison valley in the South." Yozak sat casually in the bench next to him.
Wolfram mulled that information over. "Isn't that mostly swamp?"
"Mostly, but it's a noble that Lady Cecilie wanted her son married to. So, it's good enough for me."
It was funny considering who Conrad's father was, with no mazoku blood nor a single title. Maybe that was why his mother didn't want Conrad to marry another wanderer. He wondered how Yozak could stand it after working out of the capital most of his life. Though, Yozak looked happy enough.
"Do you miss it?" Wolfram had to ask.
"Always," Yozak answered without a pause. "But, I'd miss Conrad more. It's not so bad. I live vicariously through my students and staff. And there is always plenty of drama in the castle to keep track of. I still do a lot of work."
Wolfram nodded. He expected nothing would have changed in that regard. He was curious to see how Elizabeth and Raven's new positions would have changed the political landscape. Wolfram was sure he'd learn soon enough.
There was the sound of laughter from one of the windows above, and a scolding from one of the maid's from a window two floors up and Wolfram frowned. The sound of children; probably some of the servant's bairns. There were plenty of them about. Yuuri's suite was on the other side of the castle. Still, he felt his mood darken.
"You've grown up to be a loyal and brave man, not to mention quite a beauty."
He turned to berate Yozak, expecting to see a look of mischievous mockery. But Yozak was looking him over in an appreciative fashion but not familiar enough to make Wolfram uncomfortable.
"The king did not want to hurt you," Yozak said matter-of-factly, correctly reading the changed atmosphere.
Not that it made a damn bit of difference, Wolfram thought bitterly but he kept his voice steady when he spoke.
"The king can do whatever he pleases. He had good cause." Wolfram looked down at this hands clasped in front of him.
"Yes," Yozak agreed with equanimity. "It wasn't a popular decision at the time. If that makes you feel any better."
Yozak placed his arms behind his head, tilted upwards to enjoy the sunshine.
It did. A little bit. Though, it wasn't a fair feeling to have. He also wasn't sure if he could quite believe it. He was sure that the people would have loved Elizabeth. She had suitable pedigree and was beautiful. But it wasn't what Wolfram wanted to hear.
"Tell me about what happened? At the battle and after." He asked.
He knew that out of everyone, Yozak would be the most honest. The man could be painfully blunt and he needed that.
"You still can't remember?" Yozak sounded surprised.
"Only bits and pieces. I cannot remember the end and it's doubtful I ever will. And, of course, I don't remember what happened after." He added dryly.
"I wasn't there at the time, having been stuck half way across the kingdom on a mission to prevent the war,' Yozak made a funny half-laugh. "Yet, I heard enough from Conrad. The battle was turning against the king and apparently that's when you decided to go down and rally your squad. They had been held in reserve until then at the king's orders."
Wolfram could remember that vaguely and nodded. Yozak continued.
"Conrad said that the king had forbidden you to leave, but you managed to convince him. I don't think anyone knows what happened afterwards. Your squad engaged the enemy and Wagner said he lost sight of you. It was battle. Chaos. Bloody bedlam."
Yozak shrugged, his eyes going remote.
"It was then that the king merged with the Maou and took out half the enemy and burnt them to cinders. Yet, he was able to keep Shin Makoku's men unscathed in the middle of the conflagration. It was very...efficient. I've often wondered why he didn't do it earlier. But it's not something we talk about much," Yozak concluded, studying his nails.
We meaning Conrad, Wolfram guessed.
"He wouldn't have wanted to hurt anyone," Wolfram said, trying not to think about all those he'd lost in his squad and how those could have been saved. It wasn't in Yuuri's nature to kill. Obviously, the Maou had come to the fore when things became desperate. Yuuri had tried everything possible to avoid the battle in the first place. Those days beforehand were frantic with diplomatic messages and meetings.
Yozak sighed and then continued. "The rest of the enemy lost heart and scattered and the king was wise enough to let them go. I think it was that which has earned us peace for all these years, the story of that battle has reached far and wide, getting taller at the telling. Not that it needed much more exaggeration. Nobody wants to tangle with Shin Makoku's King."
Yuuri would have hated that
"Then, he found me injured and healed me," Wolfram said quietly.
"Is that what you were told?" Yozak asked and Wolfram nodded. "No, kid. You were quite dead. You took a sword through the heart and I can tell you nobody lives long enough to be injured after that. Somehow, the king brought you back – practically used up all his life's spirit in doing so. Almost killed him. The king was out cold for two weeks and, for a while, we thought we'd lose him. Conrad was beside himself. It was a difficult time." Yozak eyes grew sad in memory.
"I was dead." Wolfram looked at Yozak incredulously. "How could he possibly have brought me back?"
Yozak shrugged and put his hand out upwards. "Only Shinou knows. But Conrad saw it; he saw your body and your injuries and Murata confirmed it later with his sight."
You were found half-dead afterwards and...Shibuya tried to heal you. He saved your life, but you were left in a coma.
He wondered why Murata didn't tell him.
"I remember when they brought you back, both you and the king on pallets. Then the king recovered."
"And I didn't."
"No," Yozak agreed sadly.
"There was nothing much more to tell that you wouldn't already know. Conrad finally proposed to me and we married." Yozak smiled. "Lady Cecilie married Lord Raven about twenty years after you were struck down...and, eventually, the king married Princess Elizabeth and the children came." Yozak stretched his legs out. "You were missed by your family. Very much. Conrad missed you. When he was here he visited you daily, as did your mother. I don't know about Lord von Voltaire, he keeps very much to himself but he smiled even less. He was quick to agree to all the care that Murata suggested."
"Murata put a lot of effort into my care."
"Both he and Gisela, yes. I thought Murata and Gisela would have been the next to wed. They were very close for a time."
Wolfram wondered why Yozak was telling him this; a friend should not break confidence on such matters.
"I never knew what happened between them," Yozak said. Gisela moved on and married Lord von Wincott's eldest nephew. Murata can be stubbornly private. A bit like Conrad. Like a lake, placid on the surface but underneath there is a lot happening," Yozak said in a conversational tone. "It's a shame though. To see friends being left behind."
Yozak gave him a small smile and then proceeded to tell him about all the political gossip over the last thirty years. There was a lot to take in.
Year 4056, 12 Namu
Dear Wolf
Remember when I told you, just after Conrad married Yozak, about how I thought Murata might have romantic feelings for Gisela? Well, it didn't turn out that way. She got engaged to Deen Wincott. Who was here for two seasons to study some strategy with Gwendal's first officer.
Murata didn't say anything. In fact, around that time, he spent two weeks at the temple and didn't come to any of the meetings. He didn't even come see you, Wolf, and he always does. He spends most of his work time at a desk next to your bed. I thought he might have been upset about Gisela.
I was worried...we aren't as close as we used to be. Murata has always been a tricky person to know, anyway – and, since the battle, he's become more distant. I think I frightened him a little. He wasn't there but he went to the battlefield afterwards and he was told, of course. Since then, he's always been a bit more watchful. I don't mind, Wolf. I'm afraid of myself, too, and I know Murata would keep me from hurting others.
Sometimse, Wolf, I get so angry at the way thing are and that you're still not there. I'm so angry I want to destroy
I was going to ask Yozak to visit him, to see if he was alright. Yozak is Murata's closest friend, as you know, though they don't spend as much time together now that Yozak is married. But, in the end, I didn't need to. He came back to the castle and, after the first meeting, he asked to speak to me. His aura had changed. I'm slow at working those things out normally, but I had been paying attention this time.
He told me that his lifeline had been altered, that Shinou had tied his to mine. It made me feel strange to hear that. He told me not to get any peculiar ideas when I started to freak out. All it meant was that his life would be as long as mine would be. Which means, Wolf, when I die, so does he...then I was really freaked out – I told Murata that and he laughed liked crazy, like what I'd said was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. His laughter had a frantic edge and I was really worried about him. I was afraid he was having some type of nervous collapse.
And then he stopped and he got really still, not like he normally does. You know when he's busy with strategy or he's coming up with some weird idea. Remember what he was like with that Big Shimaron ambassador at Karbelnikoff estate, just before the first attack? It was nothing like that. It was like all the energy had left him and he looked so drained. He put his head in his hands and I rubbed his back. Normally, I don't touch Murata. He's not the touchy-feely type. But I knew he was upset and I wanted to console him somehow.
It was then that I realised about being a half-mazoku. I'd live for at least another three hundred years. I'd never thought about that seriously before, Wolf. I can imagine you giving me that look, the one you get when I say something incredibly stupid, but I never did. The thought that my mother and father would die even before I got to middle-age, and Murata too. And, now, Murata was going to have to share my life. I asked him why and he said simply, "The King needs the Great Sage."
No wonder he found it funny when I was freaking out about being responsible for his life. Even if I die young, there is a good chance he'll live longer than he normally would have anyway.
That wasn't something he was happy about, Wolf. Not at all.
He's tired. And he hasn't anyone really to confide in...well, not anyone who can talk to him back. Not even Yozak, not really. He talks to you, Wolf. If you could hear, I'm sure you'd know more than anyone else about him. I've heard him talk just before I walk into the door. Sometimes, I'm tempted to listen from outside, but I won't.
What a strange week this has been, Wolf. I haven't told anyone, not even Conrad or Yozak, but Murata didn't say it was a secret, and I'm sure people will start working it out when he stops aging like a human. What I won't tell him, because I know it's so insensitive, is that even though it is freaky, it makes me happy.
I don't trust myself, Wolf. Not since the battle, and I need someone strong enough to stop me if I let myself go like I did before. I wish that had been you.
And, Wolf, I don't want to see Murata die.
Love Yuuri
In the third room of his suite was a wall length mirror, one he'd used when he was younger for dressing. He'd purposefully avoided it while shuffling around when nobody was about. But, on this, he was resolved. Before he did his mid-afternoon exercises where he'd been too tired to do anything afterwards.
He had managed to get into some pants and an old cotton overshirt.
Wolfram regarded the stranger in the mirror.
He had grown, almost a head taller.
The second thing that he noticed was his green eyes. They were still the same, but striking on his pale face. His face was thinner, his cheeks higher. He...looked like his mother and possibly even more feminine then Günter. He snorted, everyone had always called him "pretty." He'd hoped that he'd grow taller and wide like his brothers, more manly...maybe he would have if he'd hadn't spent the last thirty years on his back.
That was not to be. Although, now that he looked at his fine collarbones and his thinly-built wrists, perhaps it would not have mattered either way.
He had no muscle tone left. He looked down at his sword arm sadly. It would take a while to get back his old fitness, perhaps years. And he'd have to relearn his centre of gravity. His body was no longer familiar to him. At least, he thought with a little bit of happiness, he curled his hand and a small fireball appeared, at least he still had the connection with his element. He looked once more at the mirror.
His hair had grown out a little, curling around his shoulders, but pretty much the same. He was...now one hundred and sixteen years old, but he still looked barely past one hundred. Thanks to Gisela's stasis skill.
Wolfram slowly made his way back to his bed.
All in all, it put him in a dark mood. After his daily exercises, he lay on the bed unmoving for the rest of the afternoon until Murata came by for a game of halma.
"So, why didn't you give me mercy's release?" He asked Murata point blank, enjoying a little the startled expression on the Great Sage's face.
His suspicions were right. Murata had told him that he'd advised Yuuri for that action earlier on – and, if anyone would have done it, it would have been Murata. He couldn't imagine why he hadn't followed through. It was his natural fate, after all.
No, kid, you were quite dead. You took a sword through the heart and I can tell you nobody lives long enough to be injured after that.
"I was going to," Murata admitted after a pause.
"Almost twenty years had gone by and you still hadn't given any indication of waking up. Shibuya was still full of grief, and guilt, not able to move on. I thought it would bring closure. I would have straight away if I knew you were in pain, or your soul was trapped. But your soul was just...resting and I could see no damage. But still, you could have easily lingered for the rest of your life. I know you wouldn't have wanted that."
Murata sat down on the chair, looking out at the window to the blue sky outside.
"When Shibuya was called away, I had it planned. I'd ease your passage while you slept. It would be hard, everyone would grieve, but...that would have been best, even for you. Especially for you."
"But you didn't."
"No, I had a dream. Shinou came to me, and he hadn't...not for a long time," Murata swallowed. "He told me that you would wake eventually. There was no reason for Shinou to give out false hope. Though, part of me thought it was just a dream, and so I assisted Gisela in keeping you comfortable. And waited for the time you'd wake."
"You never told Yuuri?"
"No," Murata said slowly. '"I...thought it would be cruel. He needed to live his life and not wait for something, some indefinite time. And, I couldn't be certain it was Shinou or just a wishful dream. I understand if you hate me."
Wolfram didn't hate Murata. But he wasn't able to say it. His feelings were still raw and confused.
Three weeks passed. Wilhelm extended his exercises and after managing the stairs with only the aide of a walking stick he was able to join everyday life at the castle. He was shadowed by both his brothers those first few days, much to his irritation.
Now, he was well enough to attend dinner, the first time he had wanted to get there early, before Yuuri arrived...and Elizabeth. But it took longer than he thought, with Conrad beside him, being painfully patient. "You can go ahead, you know!" He said, but Conrad only gave him a smile and kept pace.
The castle was not the easiest place to navigate with a walking stick.
By the time he entered the room, exhausted but refusing to show it, everyone was there. He noted, gratefully, that Elizabeth wasn't. As soon as Yuuri stood, everyone else did. All eyes were on him, there was Gwendal with Anissina and Günter, Raven, his mother and Yozak. The last gave him pause, of course, married to Conrad and a noble that now gave him right to dine with the king.
"Wolfy," his mother called excitedly. Raven next to him looked faintly embarrassed and Wolfram ignored her. In only a month, Raven would go back to Stoffel and his mother would go on a trip. Raven had appalling taste; between his mother and his doltish uncle...he didn't want to think of that, his mother had always held with more outdated customary romantic arrangements. Wolfram focused on the king instead, in black.
"Wolfram," Yuuri said.
And Wolfram lowered his head slightly. "Your Majesty,"
There was another pause and Wolfram raised his eyes. He'd expected that Yuuri would have a look of puppy dog forlornness which would embarrass everyone, but he was taken aback by a blank vaguely pleasant look on the king's face. His Majesty nodded and sat down and everyone followed.
There was another pain in his chest, and a prickle in his eyes. Conrad led him over to the far side of the dining table, further down from where he used to sit next to Yuuri. Conrad was on his right side and Yozak on the other and they kept the conversation going as Wolfram mechanically ate the food placed before him.
He noticed that the Great Sage's chair was empty, placed opposite the King at the large oval table.
"His Eminence rarely comes to dinner at the castle," Yozak said, noticing the direction of the gaze.
Wolfram shrugged, as if it was of no importance. "What of...Princess Elizabeth." He asked, pleased his voice remained level.
"She usually spends dinner with the children," Conrad answered.
Of course, the children wouldn't be old enough for these dinners for a number of years.
He managed to get through the dinner. And Yuuri barely looked to him at all. Wolfram kept having to remind himself how pleased he was about that.
Thus began an unhappy couple of weeks returning to castle life.
Wolfram had no squad to lead anymore, so he was free to go to all the meetings. Both Gwendal and Conrad encouraged him with this. In some ways, things were just the same as he remembered. In others, things were completely different.
Yuuri was different, much more reserved and he listened more.
Raven attended some of the meetings, but it was obvious, even from the little Wolfram knew, that Gwendal had put effort into reducing any power his mother's husband now had on the king. Looking at Yuuri, Wolfram didn't think that was necessary. The Demon King was no fool. Wolfram found himself feeling conflicting feelings, proud of how mature Yuuri appeared, but missing that open minded naivety when he was boy. The ghost of the past was still there for Wolfram and it was hard sometimes, to accept who Yuuri was now.
Yozak told him of all the meetings that involved Princess Elizabeth. She had recently started a women only military squad to encourage young mazoku ladies in service. Even Anissina had joined. Wolfram thought that was what the shrine maidens were for, but Murata had said it was good for women to be able to contribute and still have the option of marriage. Grudgingly, Wolfram saw the value in that. He had rarely paid much attention to the purview of women.
In the meetings Murata attended, he said very little, even less than Wolfram remembered from before, sitting in the back near the window. Wolfram would admire his long, thick hair which was braided, glossy black over on shoulder, reflective in the sun as the Great Sage often watched the sky outside and his head supported by one hand, deceptively not attentive to the proceedings. The things Murata did say, when he broke his silence, were insightful, cutting to the heart of the matter and, sometimes, guiding Yuuri in a different direction. Once upon a time, Wolfram had found it annoying and manipulative. Now, he was a little in awe of Murata's intellect and ability to see past thorny issues. When Murata spoke, everyone paid attention.
Wolfram was impressed.
He missed Murata's constant company now. Before the battle, he'd shared his bed with Yuuri. Then, after he woke up, while he was bedridden, Murata seemed to be always there, reading a book, even in the early hours of the morning when Wolfram would wake up suddenly, his sleeping patterns disturbed. Now he slept alone, with nobody around, in his bed or to keep a vigil by his bedside.
He supposed he had to get used it.
Apart from dinner, which he now only attended sporadically and the meetings, he avoided Yuuri. Sometimes, he'd imagine the king gazing at him sadly from the corner of his eyes, but he was sure it was his own wishful imagination.
He also made sure to turn up later for most of the meetings. It wasn't that important he was there early. He contributed little anyway – and he didn't want to spend any time alone with the king.
Wolfram...really had nothing to do with himself, besides the exercises and the visits of his family and Murata. His recovery had reached a plateau and, after a few weeks of quick progress, it was frustrating. He was able to get around the castle well enough if he didn't rush and avoided the circle of never-ending stairwells. Otherwise, he got winded easily and the pain in his chest would return. Until he got better, he'd never be able to wield a sword. It was Wilhelm and Murata's opinion that it would take a little time for him to get to that point, though they couldn't tell him exactly when. It was different for everyone. Though, he didn't see how that would work, nobody else had spent thirty years in a coma, as far as he knew, at least not mazoku. 'Perhaps a year, maybe more.' Only time would tell.
And he got tired so easily. Wolfram wasn't good at inactivity and found his temper fraying, lashing out at servants and at his brothers. Sometimes, he got angry with Murata. Though, it wasn't nearly as satisfying, as Murata had a great ability to ignore his sulks and tantrums when he came around to visit him.
"You should speak to His Majesty, sometime. He misses you," Conrad said one day, his voice mild, devoid of any disapproval that he was convinced his brother was hiding.
Wolfram didn't even bother to reply, continuing to read the letter that had arrived from Greta the day before, the one he'd already read a million times. He had started to formulate a reply when Conrad found him, his quill and pen still on the first line. It didn't matter that he'd been thinking about this for an hour. He was sure he'd have started doing something if his brother had not turned up at that exact time. He was in 'his' courtyard, the place he went to hide from the masses, enjoying the weather which had warmed up considerably. Only Conrad and Murata dared disturb him there, and, occasionally, Yozak.
Anything he could say would only lead to Conrad looking at him in that sad, sympathetic way, as if he knew better. Conrad would get that look, anyway, but it would be degrees worse if he told his brother what he really thought.
Yuuri shouldn't miss him. He had his own family, now.
"Riki has been looking forward to seeing you, too. He asks after you a lot." Conrad added after a long silence. Wolfram had seen a few times from the north's wing's balcony Conrad playing mock wooden sword fights with the boy, bringing back to Wolfram childhood memories. It was obvious that Conrad loved the boy, almost like his own. Which was fitting, the king's children required absolute loyalty. He could see how Conrad took the boy's wishes seriously.
Yet, Wolfram hummed noncommittally. He wasn't ready for this. The memory of Yuuri's betrayal and the apology still a sore point. He...wasn't ready and he certainly didn't want to meet Yuuri's family, or to pretend to be polite. It wouldn't fair to his children.
"Wolfram-"
"I think I should leave the castle," Wolfram said abruptly cutting Conrad short.
It had been a formless thought for the last week, as he'd gotten unhappier as the days went by, frustrated by his body's failing and his lack of purpose at the castle.
Conrad was obviously taken aback and said nothing for a moment.
"Wolfram...where would you go?"
Wolfram hadn't thought that far ahead. Of course, he had no idea. Only now had it become real. But he wasn't going to let his brother know that. He just knew that he had to leave. Staying here was no longer an option.
"I've got a couple of ideas."
Thankfully Conrad didn't push further.
The problem was, there were few places Wolfram could go.
He knew that his uncle would not welcome him. He was no longer heir now that Waltorana had children. By going back, he'd be seen as trying to contest and if he pressed he had good cause. But he didn't want to be head of the Bielefeld House. He just wanted to get away from the castle for a while and he wasn't strong enough to go out into the field, not for a long time.
"I would like to spend time at the temple. To rest."
He told this to Gwendal as he was in his office, working quietly with Günter as he usually did just before lunch, all the weekly strategy and advisory meetings were in the afternoon at the king's request. He supposed Yuuri spent time with his family in the morning.
His older brother looked at him and frowned. "As a man you would not be accepted for longer than a short visit. Only the Great Sage is allowed."
"Well, there must be some way, some precedent," he said. He turned to Günter.
"Well...there are...if you are willing to be castrated and renounce all ties to the world." Günter said, and both he and Gwendal blanched.
Wolfram wasn't that desperate to escape.
"But that is if you wanted to stay permanently, it doesn't happen often. And no man ever stays at the temple for a short period. It's simply not permitted." Günter voice sounded scandalised at the very thought. "The only other way is if you got engaged and married to the Great Sage. Obviously, the Shrine Maidens are off limits." Günter laughed at this, obviously thinking it a funny joke.
Wolfram paused, and Gwendal frowned at him, catching onto his thought processes. "I wouldn't..." Gwendal broke off as Murata entered the room.
If it had been at any other time, time for Wolfram to think things through, then events would have played out differently. But Wolfram wasn't thinking and...he was just as surprised as everyone else when he struck the Great Sage across the cheek.
He was even more surprised when Murata had smiled and took him in an embrace and whispered against his ear. "I accept."
Year 4064, 12 Onwyn
Dear Wolf
Your mother is getting married. To Lord Raven, remember how I mentioned a few months ago about him coming to visit? Yozak told me he had a fight with Stoffel and decided to visit. Yeah, I'm not that surprised, either. Your Uncle Stoffel protested a little and rode all the way to the castle to object once he heard about the engagement and so did Gwendal, but Stoffel...quieted down after he spoke to Raven.
Murata made some mention of an agreement where Raven would spend some time between the provinces. Apparently, he would continue to support Stoffel as well as spend time with your mother at the castle. Gwendal also didn't like that, and I think it made Conrad a little uncomfortable. I don't think he much likes Raven. I kept silent. Your mother looked happy so I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Perhaps, that will work better for Lady Cecilie- having someone who isn't there all the time, less time for her to get bored and she can still have her trips. I know you'd be upset too, Wolf, but I think your mother is really happy, and I think you'd come to accept it eventually.
Elizabeth has also come to stay, to keep Raven company. But I think it's an excuse to get away from the country. She's very outgoing, so I don't blame her, and she does well at court. She's come to visit a few times before, a few years ago, to see you. Now, she spends a lot of time keeping you company. but she's sad afterwards
I really like spending time with her. She's fun to be around and has a weird sense of humour. And, after Greta left, it's good to have someone to talk to. In some ways, she reminds me of you.
I've learnt so much about your childhood. I wish you could hear some of the stories, Wolf. Though, I could imagine you getting all uptight. you've always been a bit sensitive.
You were really ill for a few months there, pneumonia which Wilhelm had never seen. Murata was familiar with it from a time he was a doctor in France in a previous life. (That's a country in Europe back on Earth.) One day, I'll show you it. Murata told me it was common for humans who were in your condition. They needed to put you into stasis for about half a year to heal you. I don't like it when you're in stasis, Wolf. It's like you're a statue. Your breathing is always a comfort and...I don't often come and see you as often when you're so still. I explained this to Conrad and he nodded. I think he understands. I hope you do.
Murata wants to give you mercy's release.I wasn't going to say this. But...Murata came to me after you got pneumonia. He never said it out loud but he was talking about euthanasia on Earth, about laws there and about the practice in Shin Makoku of mercy's release. That is what euthanasia is, Wolf, for those in pain who will never get any better. He's usually more subtle sneaky about these things, Wolf, so I know what he was hinting at. But you aren't in pain. Wilhelm assured me of this, and so did Murata and he has no reason to lie. So it's different.
I pretended as if I didn't understand. But I know Murata. He keeps at things, so I spoke to Conrad. Conrad said...that perhaps it was time to consider that option, to consider what you would have wanted. He spoke about how you'd feel about being so ill, after you'd had such an active life. He said it might be easier to have closure, to honour your memory. I asked him if he'd spoken to Gwendal about that, and Conrad got quiet, like he does when he knows there is disagreement. Gwendal wouldn't let you go; he's never given up hope. And I can't, either.
You promised me, Wolf. You promised you'd come back and you're the strongest person I know. You won't let this defeat you. But I'm worried now about what Murata might do. I don't want to order him away from you, because he does care and...he .is the best person to heal you. So, I asked Conrad to keep an eye on him. I trust Conrad. No matter what his feelings may be, he's always been loyal.
You'll come back. I know you will. I refuse to believe otherwise, i can't give up.
Love Yuuri.
End of Part 1.