Prologue
"Can't apologize cuz that ain't my style." - Usher
I looked good. I knew I did. Everybody loved me, and everybody wanted me. Not that it mattered. The people who I really loved the most? I had turned my back against them for a title. I wasn't even sure if I wanted it anymore. Now, it all seemed so superficial and shallow. Something jumped inside of me. That stupid little voice had decided to voice its precious opinions once again, and I couldn't argue with it. I feel bad for even thinking it's stupid sometimes. Because deep down, I know it's right.
People want popularity. They don't understand the sacrifices that we make to impress a crowd. All the things we do? All the things we are? Each and every one of us has had to give up something to become the talk of the school. It isn't easy, but to me, it's worth it. Sounds extreme, I know, but that's just the way it is. After all, one day I was just Jazmine Dubois. Now, I'm The Jazmine Dubois.
Everybody thinks they know me. People watch me walk into a room and fidget under my gaze. I can wear sweat pants from the dumpster, and somehow, everybody would find them. People talk about me too. Surprisingly, I don't care. I know all of the rumors. I know that I supposedly cheated on my boyfriend of two years, Kevin Bryce. They say that I fucked the principal to earn my number one spot in our class. They say my hair isn't real, but it is. And I know that I supposedly made out with Cindy McPhearson in the restroom. Not that it would happen. We don't talk anymore. We haven't for three whole years, now. I don't want to think about it. Let's just say that she was better off where she is. And no, she's not dead. It's just…things change.
That reminds me of him. I remember the days that I used to follow him around like a lost puppy. And now that I'm older, we barely talk. That hurts the most. He's one of my biggest regrets, and I'm one of his. He told me so once. His name is Huey Freeman if you already haven't guessed. Once upon a time, I used to have the biggest crush on him. I knew he would be great one day. I still do know that he's going to be a great man. After all, he's more of a man than every boy here- including Kevin Bryce. But I can't associate with him. And Huey? I know that he wouldn't even bother to speak to me now. Not after what I did to him. He's cute now too. Girls swoon over him, but if he's anything like I remember, he doesn't care. Plus, he has a girlfriend now. Her name is Arielle. She is most definitely- different.
I miss them. My friends, I mean. Not these fake ass wannabees I'm sitting around. Huey, Riley, Cindy and Michael? They were real. They told me how it was and how it wasn't. I could purposely come to the school looking awful and this clique would tell me how great it was. Not my old crew. Somebody would have busted me out. I want to tell the people at my table this as we smile and look happy. We're not even eating lunch. That's not acceptable. I roll my eyes at my growling stomach. It's obviously not happy with this, but I ignore it, clicking my new heels that Daddy bought me.
We're the Gossip Girl of John Edgar High School. We're just better. No, we don't go to balls and have somebody text messaging us with all the crazy secrets. That's how people get seriously hurt. And under no circumstances will you see us sport those crazy headbands, no matter how gorgeous some of them may be. Nobody needs to pass the torch along to us to know who's the boss. The queen is the queen, and everybody knows her. Her name is Tasha. Tasha Fight. Her name sounds like she means business. And me? I'm supposedly the princess, the next girl in line for the queenly throne, but not without Tasha's approval. I feel eyes on me, so I look up expectantly. It's not Tasha. It's Huey, and he looks really upset. I wonder what's wrong. He notices me, and his gaze hardens. I look away, not blaming him. I'm a monster. I'm a beautiful monster that destroys everything I touch. I know I deserve it.
And honestly, it's better if he stays away from me. I wouldn't kill them physically or even emotionally, but now that we're juniors, these desperate broads would do anything to take my spot as the potential diva of John Edgar High. My old crew is an easy target. And I can't let them hit the bullseye.
"Jazmine?" Tasha asks.
I look up expectantly from the mirror in my usual seat by the cafeteria's window I've had since the ninth grade. Tasha has a smirk on her face. I wonder what she's thinking.
"Yeah?" I reply.
"You're in my seat." She tells me.