So, I started this shortly after the August reunion last year. It's not that I didn't enjoy the trip down memory lane we were treated to,because I did, but I just felt there could have been more, more tie in to Katherine's death, to Billy's issues, Victoria's issues. A more complex story, so to speak, and that's what I've tried to create here. This first chapter is mostly set-up (which means boring), but I hope you'll all stick it out.

I, as I'm sure most of you are, am devastated Billy Miller will no longer be gracing our screens as Billy Abbott. He has been half of my inspiration for the only two, now three, pieces of fanfic I've ever written, er shared, and to sort of honor him, and to help myself with the transition, I'm pushing myself to finish the two stories I've been dabbling with for a while. They will not be anything of the undertaking that my first, Until We Meet Again, was, but I hope they will represent our beloved Villy well. And I hope some of you will at least be entertained by them.

Anyway, happy reading. I will try to update this one every week, but any of you who followed the journey of UWMA knows I don't always make my deadlines. For that, I apologize in advance. I anticipate it being 4, maybe 5 chapters.

Thanks for reading!

Rhonda

Healing Hands

Chapter 1

August 2013

Billy held the four rectangular packets securely between his thumb and forefinger and in one fluid motion ripped them open, letting the snow-like contents fall gently into the dark, aromatic whirlpool in front of him. He stirred slowly, methodically, making the task last far longer than it should, his eyes all the while covertly trained on the group of teenagers, two boys and two girls, flirting and giggling their way towards the patio doors.

Or maybe they were college students. It was getting harder for him to tell. Or relate. But whatever their ages, he wanted them to leave.

Outside, a flash of lightning, neither the first nor the last of the evening, illuminated the doorway, and for a split second, Billy changed his mind and hoped they would stay put. Or at least he wanted to tell them to be careful, to tell the boys to get the girls home safe. It's what his father would have told him at that age, what his father no doubt had told him many times. But the kids made a run for it as the first wet drops made their way to the ground, the open doors ushering in a gust of humid August air behind them.

Mercifully alone, Billy let all worry for the kids slip away and turned his attention back to the steaming cup of comfort before him. He could enjoy that first satisfying sip better now that he had the patio all to himself. He didn't, however, need the caffeine. He was already jumpy, out of sorts, as it was, which was nothing new considering where he had been and what he had been doing. Two hours of sitting around and talking about his screw-ups and his weaknesses and listening to others do the same was enough to make him want to crawl out of his own skin and hide from the world. That's why he had sought caffeine and solitude at Crimson Lights. It was safe from the noise and chaos waiting for him at the restaurant and the suffocating brotherly concern waiting for him at Jack's. And well, home, home still wasn't an option.

Billy took another long drink of coffee and settled back into his chair. He hated going to those gambler's anonymous meetings, but they were something he had to do. They were part of his punishment for screwing up yet again, just one price he had to pay if he was ever going to win Victoria back.

Victoria.

He rubbed his face and smiled at the thought of her, again grateful to be alone. Things were getting better between them. He knew it, felt it every time they were together. They were talking more and fighting less. And Victoria, she was seeking him out, making up reasons to come by On the Boulevard, fighting the urge to smile at his jokes, to kiss him when they got a little too close. Then there was the look on her face when Johnny said "Dada" for the first time. That look of joy and pride and love, that was enough encouragement to keep him going, determined to win her back. And he would. He would win her back. All he had to do was come up with a plan to make her remember that they were worth saving. She wasn't ready for a date yet, that's what she told him, but it was inevitable that she would say yes. And when she did, he had to be prepared. His first instinct was a return trip to the arcade to recreate their very first official date, complete with Donkey Kong and junk food and the photo booth. Or they could go for sushi and karaoke, an ode to Tokyo. Or, if things went really well, he could maybe even convince her to leave Johnny with Nikki for a weekend while they headed south for rum cake and a limbo bar. Hell, at this point he would be happy with TV dinners and a night on the couch.

He just had to do it right. Whatever he decided on, he had to do it right. That's what she had said at On the Boulevard a few days ago. He had to win her back the right way. No more schemes. No more screw-ups. And that's what scared him, that a trip down memory wouldn't be enough this time. Maybe he would have to take a different approach and go all in, even if that meant doing something he wasn't entirely comfortable with.

Billy sighed heavily and sat up straight. There was a flyer in his back pocket, yellow and crumpled and folded hastily to fit. He had almost tossed it after the meeting. Some of the attendees had. They either weren't ready, he rationalized, or they didn't have anything worth fighting for. Billy did, though. And his pride would have to take a backseat for once.

It was only 9:30. Johnny would certainly be in bed, but Victoria would still be up, working no doubt. Reaching for his phone hidden among the discarded sugar packets, nerves turned to excitement at the thought of talking to her, no matter the reason for the call. This would prove it to her, that he was serious about making things right and that he was taking the steps to get better. And if it meant getting her back, getting his home and his family back, there was no hell, real or imagined, that Billy wasn't prepared to walk through.

His phone had been off for the meeting, and turning it on, Billy saw he had four missed calls. None of them from Victoria. They were all from his mother, each message imploring him to call her right away. And just like that, that sinking feeling that always seemed to come when life appeared on the upswing, washed away the illusion and promise of happiness.

"Katherine's dead."

Victoria had answered her phone blindly, stretching and sliding her body strategically across the sofa to prevent waking the towheaded baby sleeping against her chest. The voice on the other end of the phone was immediately familiar despite obvious upset, but the information, those two simple words, sounded foreign and surreal.

"What?" she asked her mother, the sting of tears in her eyes, her focus split between the pone call and keeping Johnny from waking up. He'd had trouble sleeping lately. Initially, she had blamed a new tooth, but the fact that it started after Billy moved out was not lost on her. Even a baby could sense something was off, that his family was in flux, and it usually took cuddles on the couch for him to pass out for the night.

"She's gone, sweetheart. She –she passed away during her trip with Murphy. We've lost her."

The sadness in her mother's voice infected Victoria, and silent tears spilled from her eyes. As Nikki relayed the events of the evening, how they had all gathered at Katherine's house and learned of her passing from Murphy, Victoria soothed herself by rubbing Johnny's back while memories of the woman she had known all her life played gently through her mind. Katherine had been there for everything, always a part of her mother and father's lives, separately and together. She had been there for weddings and deaths and the births of her children. And now there was simply one less person in the world to love her, one less person to turn to.

"Where are you? Are you at the ranch?" Victoria removed her hand from Johnny's back long enough to wipe the tears away. She couldn't dwell on what Katherine's death meant to her. Her mother would need her now, just as she had the last time they thought Katherine died. "I can be there as soon as I can get a sitter for Johnny."

"No, honey, that's okay," she heard through her phone. "You don't need to do that. Your father is here. You stay there and give my grandson a kiss for me."

"It's no trouble, Mom. Honestly."

"Angel, there's nothing I would like more than to see your beautiful face tonight, but I'm fine. Really. I don't have any urges to drink. Your father and I will take care of each other."

"Okay," Victoria accepted. And after promising to come see them tomorrow, Victoria hung up and turned her eyes down to Johnny, still sound asleep and oblivious to the fact that the world had just changed.

Her thoughts went straight to Billy. Did he know yet? Should she call him? Two months ago, that wouldn't even be a question. Of course, two months ago, he would be there with her. Victoria knew how much Katherine meant to Billy. She knew about their special relationship. Though not connected by blood, they were kindred spirits, bound by love and shared weaknesses and a love for life. Losing her would affect him. Of that, she was certain. And that scared her.

Victoria picked up her phone once more and slid her thumb across the screen. But she stopped short of placing the call. Things weren't right between them. Not yet. He might take her reaching out as a sign of something more, that she was ready to forgive, and that wouldn't be fair to any of them. Not to him and his recovery. Not to Johnny. And not to her fragile heart.

Outside, a crack of thunder boomed without warning, and she and Johnny both nearly jumped out of their skin. His eyes flew open, and his perfect little lips quivered in fear.

"Shhhh. It's okay, baby," she whispered and pulled him tighter against her. "Mama's here. Mama's here, and everything's going to be fine."

She wanted him to feel that, to feel safe. She wanted her words to be true for her son, even if tonight, right now, nothing in the world felt okay. Even if the only person who always made her feel that things would be okay couldn't be there.

The storm was over, and all that remained of it were the water droplets dotting the living room windows. Victoria was transfixed by these wet pearls, watching as one after another broke and raced each other down the glass darkened by night. Sometimes, two converged, forming one that traveled quicker and more efficiently than the single drops.

It felt like an eternity had passed since Nikki's phone call, but in reality and according to the clock she checked more often than she should, it had only been a couple of hours. She had gotten Johnny back into his crib long ago, with much less fuss than she had anticipated, and in vain, she had even tried to put herself to bed. But it was no use. There was no amount of tea or reading or counting sheep that could tire her tonight.

She considered ignoring her mother's request and calling Hannah to come stay with Johnny while she went to the ranch. But she knew that doing so wouldn't be for her mother's benefit. It would be for her. So that she didn't have to be all alone.

She sighed and shook her head, causing her focus to shift from the water droplets to her own weary reflection in the window. She should have called him. She should have called Billy and made sure he knew about Katherine and that he was okay. Even if was selfish and even if it gave him the wrong idea about them, she should have called him. He was Johnny's father, and despite everything, she loved him. And now it was too late, too late to call him if he were safe at Jack's and too painful to call him if he wasn't. She tried not to think of all the self-destructive things he could be drowning in, but it was her nature, and considering the last few months, completely justified.

She turned away from her reflection sharply and pulled the open ends of her robe around her. This was useless. She was useless. And no amount of worrying or watching raindrops would change anything. It wouldn't bring Katherine back. It wouldn't bring her any comfort. And it wouldn't help Billy. She needed to rest, to sleep, and in the morning things would be easier, clearer. They had to be.

She made it to the third step of the staircase when she heard a noise outside the door, at first a soft tinkling, then a rattling and series of thuds. And when the door gave way and opened, her heart stopped, her breathing hitched.

A shadowy figure stumbled across the threshold with all the confidence and balance of a baby's first steps and then waved an arm wildly in the dark until he found the door and closed it softly but clumsily behind him. Something dropped to the floor, keys, and the man, it was a man now, bent, defeated and exhausted, to retrieve them before stumbling back against the door for support.

Fear left Victoria then, fear of the unknown, only to be replaced by a different, familiar fear. She would know that frame anywhere, had even picked it out instantly in a crowded airport bar once.

"Billy," she breathed into the dark.