I'm not really sure what this is. I was just re-watching Hammer of the Gods and I remembered Gabriel's video and I thought: "What if . . ." and my mind got to work. Hope you like it.

Sam didn't know why he was doing this. Perhaps it was curiosity, maybe it was something else. At this point, he didn't really care. All he knew was he was gonna do it. He was gonna watch Gabriel's video all the way through.

After going through the important stuff the first time, Dean had thrown the video somewhere in the trunk and neither of them mentioned it again. A few days ago, Sam had found it while sorting through the weapons. It had been a couple years, and he'd all but forgotten about it, writing it off as just another piece of information.

Not entirely sure what to do with it, he'd taken it out of the trunk and put it in his bag. He wasn't sure why he didn't throw it away. Maybe because it felt almost wrong considering Gabriel's sacrifice. No matter the reason, he kept it.

It took a few more days for him to think about it again. It was a fleeting thought, nothing more than a vague curiosity as to what happened after they'd stopped watching the first time. It surprised him. Sure, he'd had a crush on the Trickster before they figured out who he was the first time they met. And maybe those feelings hadn't necessarily gone away, even after the Mystery Spot incident. In fact, he'd forgotten about it after the Apocalypse.

He shuddered. Spending hundreds of years in the Cage with two pissed Archangels could do that to someone.

Nevertheless, he'd decided he wanted to watch it all the way through. Maybe there was something at the end. After the sex and stuff.

Steeling himself, he takes the disc out and puts it in the port in his laptop. The video pops up and he starts watching.

Sam chuckles when the stereotypical cheesy porno music starts. Somehow, it seemed just like Gabriel to give them information this way. Though it hadn't been very funny at the time.

Disclaimer text scrolls down the red screen before fading to words proclaiming: "CASA EROTICA 13" and a woman in her bra and panties lying on a bed.

A voiceover of the woman plays before the door opens and Gabriel appears. From there, he goes into his explanation of the Cage and the Horsemen's rings. After that he turns to the girl and they collapse on the bed, kissing and divesting their clothes.

Sam shifts in his seat, feeling mildly uncomfortable. It wasn't like he never watched porn before—no matter what his brother might think—it was just weird to watch someone he kinda knew, someone he had a crush on in a cheesy porno. Complete with cheesy music and awkward camera angles. It wasn't the best compared to others he'd seen before, but it wasn't horrible either.

Nearing the end, he prepared to close out of it, deciding that there wasn't anything extra, when the scene changed. Instead of the place from before, it was a familiar looking hotel room that had Gabriel sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at the floor.

"Hi, Sam," Gabriel says quietly.

Sam noticed he only said his name, omitting Dean from the equation this time.

"I'm not sure why I'm doing this." Gabriel chuckles. "In fact, I'm not even sure if you're gonna watch this all the way through. I guess I just need to get it off my chest. Y'know, before I die and all."

It was then Sam recognized the room. It'd been years, but Gabriel was in one of the rooms from the Elysian Hotel. Which meant this was right before he rescued them from the other gods and Lucifer.

"But, it's no use dwelling on the future. So, here goes." He takes a deep breath and looks up at the camera. "Samuel Winchester . . . I . . . I love you."

Sam's breath catches in his throat. What?! Gabriel . . . loved him?

"Hey now, no need to look so surprised. I know you probably get stuff like this pretty often, but I mean it. I love you."

Sam stares at the screed, dumbfounded. He couldn't seem to get his brain working right now.

"I'm not entirely sure when it started. Maybe it was when we first met, maybe it was after you caught up with me six months after Mystery Spot and begged me to bring Dean back. Maybe it was when I threw you two in T.V. land, who knows. It just . . . happened."

Sam knew when it first happened for him. The first time they'd met. Clichè as it sounded, there'd been . . . something. At least on his side. After Dean "killed" Gabriel the first time, he forgot about it. Then Mystery Spot happened. Afterwards, he'd been pissed. But, he forgot about it eventually. Not entirely, mind you, but he eventually forgave Gabriel. Enough so that the next time he showed up, Sam was willing to work with him. Not that it ended particularly well.

"Anyways, that's it. That's the whole reason for this little end-credit sequence." Gabriel chuckles. "Although, I have yet to play those yet. Right now, I can do nothing but hope you don't have any bad feelings for what I did to you before. And that you can forgive me for what I'm about to do."

Sam glances away. At this point, he wasn't sure how he felt. Sure, he'd long since accepted his little crush on Gabriel, but this was . . . something else entirely. Knowing Gabriel felt the same way was a trip and a half.

"It's right about this point that you'll be feeling pretty freaked out. Something like, 'why does he love me' or maybe, 'why me' knowing your self-deprecating Winchester-ness. I guess that's another reason for this. To explain why."

Sam furrows his eyebrows in confusion. He still didn't get this, but a reason would be nice.

"Like I said before, you're probably wondering, 'why me'. The Boy with the Demon Blood, the Morningstar's Vessel."

Sam flinches at the words. It turns out time doesn't heal all wounds.

"Thing is, Sam, that's not you. You've had this dark destiny since you were first thought of. But what do you do? You fight it. You rebel against something that was considered a certainty. They expected you to give in, to become their Boy King. But you didn't. You fought. It's what you chose to be, not what you were destined for."

Sam blinks back tears. He'd always struggled with that. Believing it wasn't his fault,. That he didn't start the Apocalypse and almost destroy everything. That he wasn't an abomination. That he wasn't weak for wanting the power of Demon blood. That Dean didn't despise and distrust him.

"Sam . . . I don't know how to explain it. I don't know how to best explain the way I feel." Gabriel chuckles and rubs the back of his head sheepishly. "I probably sound like some girl with her first crush, don't I? It's just . . . I've never had to do this before. You're the first person I . . ." He trails off, looking down at his feet. "I care about."

Sam looks away. He still didn't get it. Why Gabriel had feelings for him. Despite what he said earlier, Sam still broke everything he touched. He still did bad things. He wasn't deserving of the love of an Archangel.

"Man, I wish I had the guts to do this in person. Instead, I take the cowards way out. A little snippet at the very end of a video you might not even watch where you'll never see it." He huffs a laugh. "But, that's just me. I'm a coward. I run and run and run, hoping it'll save me. Not that it ever does."

Sam could sympathize with Gabriel there. It was what he did too. He ran from the hunting life, just to get drawn back in. He ran from his destiny, horrible as it was. He ran from Dean, who was only trying to help. Maybe he and Gabriel had more in common than he thought.

"Maybe if I survive this, I'll get the courage. Unlikely, but I suppose, possible. I could only imagine how you'd react. Hell, I don't even know if you like guys. Even though I'm technically not one. Archangel, remember."

Sam wasn't sure what to think about that. Of course Gabriel hadn't known. Dean didn't even know and he and Sam lived in each others pockets. He kept the fact that he liked guys and girls tightly under wraps. Not that he ever really had a chance with either considering the life they lived. Unlike his brother, Sam couldn't do one night stands. He needed a connection. Something he never had a shot at.

"Well, I guess this has gone on long enough. It's not like it matters anyways considering I'm gonna be dead soon and you probably don't feel the same way. Main point is, I love you Sam Winchester. Have for a few years now. Not sure when or how, but I do. Take away what you will but . . ." He trails off and fiddles with his hands. "just know you're worth it, Sam."

The screen cuts to black and the credits start playing. Sam x-es out of the window and closes his laptop. He sits in the bed for a few minutes, unsure of what to think.

He hears the Impala pull up outside and Dean walks in.

"Hey, what's up" Dean asks, seeing the blank look on his brother's face.

Sam shakes his head and says, "Nothing. You have fun?"

Dean grins. "Oh, yeah. You should've seen her, Sammy. Maybe you should come with me next time and we can find you a nice guy. Replace that stick up your ass with something more fun.

Sam chuckles. "Yeah. Maybe next time, jerk." He'd learned long ago to just ignore Dean's mildly homophobic jokes. It was mostly just his way to maintain his carefully crafted "Alpha Male" personality. This is also why he didn't mention the absence of perfume on his brother, or the fact that there was a slight hitch in his step. It's just how things worked.

"I'm holding you to that, bitch," Dean says as he walks into the bathroom, starting the shower.

Sam sighs and looks at his laptop. He still didn't know what to think. Gabriel had feelings for him. Sam had . . . something for Gabriel. But he was dead. And there was no way he was coming back. Unless . . .

"Hey, Gabe," Sam says, closing his eyes and clasping his hands. "I'm not sure if this is gonna work, or if you're even . . . alive, or anything. But . . . I watched the video. Y'know, the one you gave Dean at the Elysian Hotel. I saw your message. At the end. I'm doing this to tell you . . . I feel the same way. I have since that college years ago. I did forgive you for the Mystery Spot, and that shit you pulled with T.V. land. Just . . . if you're out there, give me a sign. Something. Anything."

He glances around the room, hoping for something to happen. After a minute of nothing, Sam unclasps his hands and blinks back tears. As far fetched as it was, he'd still hoped that Gabriel was alive. That he'd faked his death again. Deciding nothing was going to happen, Sam plugged his laptop in and turned off the lamp, crawling under the covers and trying to sleep, pointedly ignoring the tears pricking his eyes and the disappointment he felt.

. . .

Up in Heaven, Gabriel heard Sam's prayer. He wanted to answer. Oh, by his Father he wanted to answer. But he didn't. He couldn't. He was in hiding, and not even Sam confessing everything would draw him out. Not with what was going on right now. Maybe some other time. When Heaven wasn't in complete turmoil and the other Angels wouldn't try and make him their leader. That just wasn't his role.

Ignoring the feeling that it might never happen, Gabriel spreads his wings and flies to a different Heaven.

So, thoughts? I'm not really sure about this one, but let me know if you liked it.