Just another story about Kate and Jack, because they're so cute. I don't own lost or any of the characters, and spoilers through until all the best cowboys have daddy issues. I posted this before, but edited it to contain that part (all the best cowboys..) of the original story line. Oh, and also a little sawyer Shannon banter in there. Refrences to Charlie Claire will be made throughout. Cuz they rox my sox as well. Feedback would totally rock.
Chapter 1: under any other circumstances.
He was lost. Jack was hopelessly, helplessly lost. On this island in the middle of nowhere, he had managed to get himself lost. It was a funny thing really, because he was usually a responsible person. And even though what happened couldn't have been prevented, he couldn't help berating himself for it.
He was the doctor. The brave strong doctor, who would take care of everyone, and make sure everyone stayed safe. But he thought it would be nice if the mantle got passed down every once in a while, because Jack didn't know if any of those things were true; if it was possible to keep everyone safe, without supplies and a steady source of food and water…it was something that Jack didn't mind doing, but he knew that there would come a point when even for him, the hope would break, shatter into little pieces on the ground. That time was coming, he knew, it was coming faster than ever now that Claire and Boone and Locke were missing. Everyone was holding strong so far, but doubt and fear, this paralyzing fear, were slowly ebbing away all of that hope, leaving nothing but black emptiness.
And now, with more than one of their own missing, his role had intensified even more. Locke was right; let him be the doctor and he the hunter. This overwhelming sense of security had kicked in, but they had found Charlie and he forgave himself for it. It was odd to think that Claire was lost on an island on which they were all lost anyways. Plus, their hunter and Boone were missing too. They should have been back by now. Maybe they found something…but it was too easy to hope for, so it was more humane to think that something had found them.
The track of thinking was, "what can we do to get rescued?" But soon, that track would have to switch to "What can we do to avoid getting killed for the longest amount of time as possible?" It was sad and scary and terrible, but it was the truth, and Jack had always been truthful with himself.
Some of the castaways had relatives with them, like Boone and Shannon, Jin and sun, Michael and Walt, and in a strange way, Claire had someone too, her baby. That was a problem in itself, considering how she was due soon, and sure, Jack was a doctor, but he wasn't a miracle worker. Shannon wasn't holding out well, and her asthma had increased due to her worrying about Boone, and Sun had been helping her out with her herbal remedies that worked wonders. He wondered if Claire was dead…if whoever took her had realized in their haste that she was pregnant. If that's the reason why they took her in the first place. He wondered if she had the baby already. It could have been any day now. But Claire had Charlie too. Charlie had been in this gray haze since Claire left. He wouldn't...eat, or talk, and they barely got him to drink water every couple of hours. He wouldn't sleep; his eyes were always open and set into the jungle to an unforeseen location. Jack found himself wondering if Charlie was lost without Claire, or if he felt himself breaking apart because he couldn't have saved her. Other than that though, everyone else was alone. They all had to make friends, make acquaintances, and get to know each other slowly. It was the same for him. Jumping outta that plane and running outta that jungle and that hole in his side that was absolutely killing him, and he was alone, but then he found her, and they just stuck together.
It sounded corny even to Jack, and even more ironic, considering how they were on a deserted island, but when he was around Kate, he just, opened up, he wanted to tell her everything, and he didn't mind playing leader and doctor at all when she was around. Actually, he wouldn't mind playing anything with Kate. He didn't feel …so solitary…when he was with her. Jack was always the one being depended on, never the other way around. His father's motto might as well have been, "if you can't do it alone, you can't do it at all." But he needed Kate. He didn't know why, or how 3 years of med school training , keep your head cool, learn all the procedures by heart, if there's an emergency, learn to handle it on your own, how all those teachings plus spending his whole childhood learning things on his own were disregarded when he was around her. It was wonderful but it was frightening because Jack didn't want to lose who he was.
And even though it was probably terribly selfish, he had this overwhelming need to make sure she was alright all the times, to make sure she wasn't in trouble. She was just, so……beautiful. Just her hair, and those, those, eyes, and her legs - god- her legs, they were so long, and perfect and her lips, they were perfect too, and everything about her was perfect! But really, he knew that was untrue.
Because Kate had supposedly done something very bad. And she wouldn't tell him, and it hung between them. He knew that he had had his chance to know, and he blew over it, not wanting to know, not wanting it to take away this perfect image that was Kate. She looked so strong. Always taking the most dangerous missions, climbing trees, running through the jungle, away from god knew what, partly he thought, because she wanted to make sure she proved her worth to everyone else, and make sure the job got done. Not having someone like Shannon do it, because Shannon didn't seem like…a working person. But Jack though another part of it was proving all these things to herself, trying to erase self doubt, trying to erase that girl who was actually afraid of all of those things. Jack didn't know for sure, he didn't really know at all. But he would sometimes see her looking at him when they sat on the beach, with her wide eyes, and she looked so naive, and afraid. He was afraid too. He saw her eyes when they were with Charlie, these perfect orbs of emotions he couldn't describe even if he wanted to. But being around her kind of eased it away some. I mean, after all, even under the worst circumstances, it wasn't that bad, being stuck on a tropical island with a beautiful woman.
Jack had his secrets as well. Some that went deep and dark and threatened to spill out sometimes. Kind of like his tattoos. She had asked about those. She had been so close to him, and he just wanted to kiss her, but that would have been awkward with Charlie standing there being all moody, and Locke with his hunting knives. Charlie was so into Claire it wasn't funny, he wondered if she knew. He wondered if she would ever get the chance to know…now that she was missing. Some of those memories he'd rather have stay down; he wasn't ready to take them out yet.
Thinking about that made him think of his life at home. He told Kate that they had all died when the plane crashed, and it was true. But it was sad; knowing that what was would never be again. His family and his job, and his home, and his friends....but what good would thinking about that do, because he couldn't imagine going back home without Kate anyways. Jack had never been short on women. The line, "I'm a doctor," goes a lot farther than you think, he thought. None of them were ever serious, none of them ever lasted anything more than a month or two. None of them ever made him feel what he felt when he looked at Kate. He had never taken a girl home to meet his mother. He wondered if he could take Kate home though...she'd love that he thought, smiling to himself. It was quite stupid though, thinking all of this about Kate when he hardly knew anything about her. Plus, how could anything like that ever come out of this situation? Wishful thinking, but it kept him sane for the time being.
Wishful thinking….it wasn't wishful yesterday when they had found Charlie...it was desperate. If they hadn't found Charlie alive Jack didn't know what he would have done. And she told him, no its too late, its too late, and it probably was, but he couldn't…stop himself. He didn't know whether it was memories of his dad, or about that woman whom he'd in a way, murdered, or if it was about the look on the husbands face when he had spoken with his father. He couldn't even think, it was just trying to revive Charlie, and trying and trying, and Kate was crying. She was crying and he didn't know if he would be able to face any of them if Charlie died. He wondered if he would be able to face her if Charlie died. She was pulling him away and looking at him and shaking her head and it was breaking his heart, and he was sure it was breaking hers…but he didn't stop and he pulled back and he thanked every saint and god and inch of heaven that he'd ever learned about because something…something had saved Charlie that day, and the two of them sat with him, crying, listening to the most blessed and almost foreign sound they'd ever heard…Charlie's breathing.
He had fallen down the hill and Ethan had come and didn't help the situation any, and Kate was there and her hands were on his face, trying to get him to wake up and there was this masked emotion and fear and he just…he didn't want to let her down. He asked her to tell him something true, and he thinks now if maybe that was too harsh, but she looked at him and told him and he believed her because she said it with such clairvoyance and it clicked and he nodded his head and they kept going.
He'd admit it, even though he had trusted all on the island, he was madly jealous of Sawyer. She told him they had a connection. AND he heard from Hurley who heard from Shannon who heard from someone else that he had kissed her, but he hadn't asked her about it. He hoped like hell it wasn't true. He hated Sawyer. He hated him. Always making cracks, calling her freckles….he would love to count all the freckles Kate had…not just the ones on her face either. But Jack and Sayid had done something terrible and Sayid had left and Kate was angry at him, but he didn't know why, and he thought it was the right thing, and in a way it worked out all right, Sayid had returned with news of the French lady but Kate spoke to him about it with this sadness that he couldn't place and a knowledge he couldn't comprehend. He didn't know why she wouldn't come with him to the caves, and he didn't know about sawyer, or what she had done. He didn't know who she was, or who she wanted to be, or her favorite color, or whether she drank milk from the carton or from a glass. He didn't know any of these things, but it was alright because she would smile at him and what he knew was that she could brighten up his day like no one else ever could and that was enough.
Someone was calling him from inside the jungle, it sounded like Hurley. Something about going to the beach, to look at… something? Kate was at the beach. He lost focus for a minute and he didn't quite hear the rest of what he said. Jack had climbed up to the top of one of the caves, looking up through a clearing in the trees above him. Under any other circumstances, the scene would have been pleasant; tall lush greenery, tropical birds flying through, little waterfalls and granite like caves….
The scenery would have to wait though, because the doctor was needed and it was best to move quickly down the path to the beach. He shouted back to Hurley that he was coming and started to walk.
Review review fellow friends! Tis greatly appreciated.
Oh, forgot to mention, the title name and idea for the last lines comes from bliss 66's "not quite paradise", off the titan A.E soundtrack.
Oh, and all you other stories I'm writing, I haven't forgotten about you!