Quinn Fabray winced as the bright lights hit her, wiping away the comfort of curtained darkness and leaving her stripped bare to the auditorium, empty except for Mr. Schue. Here was the dreaded moment of silence, the gap in time between the lifting of the curtain and the start of the music. She could feel Finn's hot, heavy breathing on her neck and resisted an urge to jab her elbow into his gut. Just the hormones; nothing new.
And then, the soft first bars of the song and Rachel's voice, her pure, clear voice, comes sliding over Quinn.
"You're not alone, together we stand," she sang as the line of girls turned, splitting down the middle between Quinn and Rachel and facing each other. Rachel's eyes locked in on Quinn's, almost daring her to look away as she continued, "I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand."
Did she know that? She hadn't, at least not until that very moment. Rachel Berry: an ally? A friend? Rachel hadn't turned the tables and mocked Quinn for her horrible mistake, or spread the word that Quinn Fabray, Celibacy Club president, was a pregnant whore. She'd done the opposite in fact, going so far as to give away a pair of her underwear to a horny pervert in order to protect the girl who'd made her life hell since sixth grade. Quinn felt her wrist twitch, and swore she saw Rachel's do the same.
But Finn's voice broke the small moment. "When it gets cold and it feels like the end, there's no place to go you know I won't give in." Their eyes met for a brief second, his full of pain and old-man responsibility as they danced past each other.
This isn't your fault, Finn...
Quinn joined the ensemble's support as Rachel and Finn glided together. "No, I won't give in... Yeah, yeah! Keep holding on!"
Once again, she was beside Finn.
"'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through..." Rachel's voice was so perfect it hurt, and Quinn longed to take that small hand and squeeze it until she was sure the girl wouldn't disappear, would stay with her through all the pain still to come and keep her from falling apart. "Just stay strong..."
Quinn allowed Finn to lift her, swing her and dip her before planting her back on her feet and spinning her into him. Her hand rested on that strong chest just long enough to feel his heart beat beneath her fingers.
"'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you..."
She swore Rachel was looking at her, offering the lyrics like a brightly wrapped Christmas present.
"There's nothing you can say, nothing you can do, there's no other way when it comes to the truth. So keep holding on, 'cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through. Hear me when I say, when I say I believe, nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny."
Destiny? Was that what it had been, the act that left her heaving over the toilet every morning and bursting out of her bras?
"Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!"
Quinn circled to find herself before Kurt. His eyes shone brightly; he was always so emotional about music.
"Keep holding on..."
She pressed her hand over his heart and he covered her hand with his own, giving the edge of her palm a gentle squeeze. They twirled gently, one arm wrapped around the other's waist.
Kurt grinned and mouthed, "You glow, you beautiful girl."
She ducked her head shyly, smiling nonetheless.
"'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through."
And Quinn was standing in front of Rachel again, trying not to look into those deep brown eyes. Rachel knew too much and too well. Finn stood behind them, his fingers brushing Quinn's as he and Rachel sang to her, "Keep holding on."
She had to look away. Rachel's compassion and Finn's trust filled her with guilt, tying her stomach up into knots as she tried to keep singing.
"There's nothing you can say, nothing you can do, there's no other way when it comes to the truth."
The truth was, she was an idiot. She had hurt the two people trying the hardest to save her. Rachel had known her abuse since middle school, but Finn didn't even realize what she had done to him. And the whole school would know she was pregnant by this time tomorrow and he would keep standing by her. He would do everything to keep her from drowning, even at his own social expense, and she deserved none of it.
Finn's hand slid into her own on one side; Kurt took her other. Finn's free hand linked him to Rachel.
"So keep holding on!" Rachel carried the note out, beautiful and terrible and filled with a pain that left Quinn gasping for air. "'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through..."
The last few notes of the song shuddered and died, leaving the club of misfits holding onto the only thing they had.
We'll make it through.
But what about tomorrow? What would she do and say? Would the bathroom graffiti and whispered rumors feature her?
No. This was her only here and now, and thinking ahead would only drag her down.
Quinn tipped her head back, staring up into the lights until white splotches burst before her retinas. Maybe if she couldn't see anyone, they wouldn't see her. And they wouldn't see as she finally cried.