A group of priests arrived in a church. Each priest brought with them their paraphernalia, mostly are rosaries and holy water. One priest brought with him a ritual knife and a cage with a rat inside. These items are needed for terminating the evil spirit hiding inside the large, antique cross placed in front of the altar. They immediately took out their things, and started chanting and praying. After a long struggle of exorcism, they successfully drive out the evil spirit from the cross. Now they need to kill it.
But the evil spirit turns out to be too stubborn. Decades of living free and escaping exorcists, the evil spirit breaks through the priests' holy enchantments, taunting them with his evil laugh. The priests gave chase, dreading that the evil spirit may find a host to possess and take hostage.
What they feared comes true when they saw the evil spirit flying towards a man in red costume.
Deadpool, a.k.a. Wade Wilson, the Merc with the Mouth, was just walking on the pavement just at the other side of the road, - "I don't like how this story goes but what the hell." when he felt a powerful force knock him off his feet.
"What the f*ck just happened?" said Deadpool as he sits on the pavement, not noticing the priests running towards him.
'... What is this?... What kind of mind is this?...' said a disgruntled and ghastly voice.
"My nutty mind. Ooops! ...What the? What's this voice inside my head - when in fact, it's really a text but I'll leave it to your imagination - Is it you, yellow box?"
NOPE. AND I'M NOT YELLOW BOX. I'M BOLD AND CAPITALIZED TEXT.
"Yeah, whatever. - Is it you, white box?"
NO... MUST I STATE THE OBVIOUS OF WHAT I AM NOW?
"Naw. Don't bother. Okay, back to the script... Now, I wonder. What's this new voice in my head? A new me?"
'... Cannot escape... Being warped...'
"You serious, The Voice?" Instead of an answer, Deadpool could only hear the ghastly voice screaming in fright.
IT SOUNDS LIKE IT'S IN TROUBLE.
NAW. IT'S ONLY SHOCKED TO SEE OUR BUDDY'S INNER WORLD.
"Inner world huh?" Deadpool happens to see the slacked-jawed priests. "Hey, compadres! Watcha lookin' at? Never seen a man talk to himself?"
The priests looked at each other before facing Deadpool. One of them cleared their throat before asking. "Y-you are acting as yourself? Not feeling like you've been possessed?"
"Yeah to first question. Nope to second question. You saying I'm being possessed by some evil spirit that you guys are planning to destroy?"
The priests just nodded their heads.
"You serious? Sweet! So, how'd you kill the evil spirit within me?"
The priests became solemn. "To truly destroy the evil spirit, any living host it possessed must be killed."
"... Oh... Yo, The Voice? Still in there? You don't mind leaving my body, ya?"
'End... My suffering...' the evil spirit said before screaming in fright again.
EVIL SPIRITS CAN SUFFER TOO!?
I KNOW NOT WHAT TO SAY ABOUT THIS SITUATION.
Deadpool shrugs his shoulders. "You know what'll happen next, Reader." he pulls out his gun, puts the muzzle against his temple, and blows out his brain.
Thirty minutes later, Deadpool wakes up in the middle of a crime scene, making everyone present either be shocked or lose their minds.
"Aww... Shit. It still hurts whenever I do that. Though, I got some quality time with Death." said Deadpool, never minding the shocked crowd and police before spotting the aghast priests. "Oh, hey, compadres! You don't mind telling me what happened here?"
Some of the priests started praising God for the miracle of bringing the dead back to life, the others are still shocked. "H-How did you live?"
"Healing factor. Long story how I got it. Just answer my question, Padre."
"You just killed yourself!"
"No shit, Sherlock. It's how to kill the evil spirit, right? And the spirit just asked me to end its suffering. So that's what I did. No biggie. Anyway..." Deadpool stands up and started to walk away. "Nice meeting you folks. Need to find food 'cos I'm starving... Hmm, what shall I eat?"
OOH! I KNOW! I KNOW!
I KNOW WHAT THE ANSWER IS.
"BURRITOS!"