Inspiration from: Game Night- Season 1, Ep.15; Wait For It- Season 3, Ep.1 ; Subway Wars- Season 6, Ep.4 ; Unpause -Season 9, Ep. 1

Barney Stinson, Greg, Robin Scherbatsky, Ted Moseby, Marshall Eriksen, Lily Aldren, and AltruCell WOW belong to the HIMYM writing team.

Christopher Howard ,Claire, and Stanley belong to me.

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Fall 2000

"Stinson. My office. Now." Mr. Howard's voice was sharp and staccato over the intercom.

Barney inhaled. Stay zen, man, he told himself, though he felt his heart racing.

Working in an office isn't for me. This thought crossed his mind for the umpteenth time that day, and it wasn't even lunchtime yet.

It felt like a century as Barney made his way across the hall, from his cramped office in the east wing to his boss's more spacious room six doors down.

"Go for Christopher. Yes. Yes. He is totally incompetent. I told you last week we should fire him. Yes. Ask Claire to shred his file immediately…I don't care how…right now…did I make myself clear?"

Barney gulped, and nervously adjusted his tie. It started feeling scratchy, and Barney suspected that if he were to remove it, his shirt collar would be soaked like a used washcloth.

Mr. Howard replaced the receiver. "Stinson," he barked.

"Yes, Mr. Howard?" Barney choked.

"Can you tell me what you did with the Exeter Vs. Long Island files?"

"Which?"

"The correct answer is 'shred them', Stinson. What is our one rule around here?"

"Dress to impress?" Barney asked, meekly.

"Other one rule."

"Sign everything?"

Mr. Howard sighed. "Shred everything, Stinson. Here at AltruCell WOW, we always deal with confidential, classified information. If anybody gets hold of these documents, there will be serious repercussions. Serious. Do you understand?"

"Sorry Mr. Howard, Sir."

"You have to focus, Stinson. No more daydreaming, understand? Yes, I see that look on your face. There is no place for that here at AltruCell WOW. Can't happen again, or you'll be on the chopping block. Speaking of, that should be Claire and Stanley now. You may go." He waved his hand towards the door, gesturing at his secretary and the bumbling middle-aged man standing at the doorway.

Barney was really happy he was not Stanley right now.

"Stinson!" the gruff voice barked at him as he left Mr. Howard's office. Barney exhaled sharply. He could feel his hands form knuckles that turned white. It was Greg. Greg, the monster. Greg, who stole the love of his life and shattered his tender young heart into a million pieces. Barney had to keep his composure around him until the day that he was going to exact his revenge for stealing his girlfriend.

"Listen man. You are still just kid, but kids don't belong at AltruCell. You are swimming with the sharks, and you won't survive if you act like a- a guppy. So, here's the deal: I will show you how to live."

"Show me how to live?"

"Yes, how to live. And, in exchange, I have a very important- very secret- set of documents I need you to sign. No questions asked. Do we have a deal?"

Learning how to live from Greg sounded repugnant to Barney, but he also figured that learning how to blend-in would ensure that he could keep his job at AltruCell long enough to execute his revenge plan.

"Awesome," Barney choked.

"Lesson #1, Stinson: Fake it till you make it. If you say anything often enough, people will believe you."

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Fall 2007

Robin finally washed out the braids she got while in Argentina. With Gael out of the picture, she realized that Barney was right. She really did feel more like herself.

It was just her and Barney at their booth in MacLaren's now, almost time for last call.

"Hey Robin, smell me" he said suddenly.
"Excuse me?"

"Smell me. I smell incredible."

She leaned forward and inhaled.

Nothing.

There wasn't a bad smell or anything, not like Gael, who she realized, once they broke up, smelled sour. But there wasn't really an incredible smell either. Nothing.

"New cologne?" she offered tentatively. She knew this was not the reaction he was expecting.

"Please." Really? She can't smell the awesome pouring from me?

He couldn't show her that he felt hurt by her response. He was surprised. This was not the usual reaction he was used to. Normally, 'I smell incredible' was greeting with 'Yes, yes you do.' Even Ted, Marshall, and Lily indulged him. Robin wasn't going to.

This was unsettling.