DISCLAIMER: None of the characters belong to me. If they did, the second half on Season 9 would have closely resembled this story! Also, the title has been taken from the Neil Young song, "Harvest Moon," which can be found on his album, Harvest Moon.
CATEGORY: Carby Angst RATING: PG-13SPOILERS: This story takes place after No Strings Attached (mid-season 9). Some parts in the initial chapters may mirror events in A Boy Falling Out of the Sky.
SUMMARY: Abby receives "the other call," and Carter tries to support her, but finds himself being pushed further and further away.
CHAPTER ONE:
Welcome Back, Carter
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
-Lifehouse
As Carter looks out the taxi window, he notices that it has begun to lightly snow. The wind must also be picking up because the snowflakes are being blown around violently, dancing in circles as they rise and fall in the air. He pulls his coat tightly around his body, and he finds it hard to believe that just a few short hours ago he was in a tropical climate. He was waiting in the airport for one of his college friends to pick him up when he checked his messages. The message indicator read "0," but the caller i.d. showed that Abby had called four times. Had it been once, he would have thought she was just calling to see if he has arrived in Belize safely, or if he was lucky, to say that she missed him. But four calls, well, he knew that something was wrong. He closes his eyes as he remembers how fragile she had sounded on the phone, her voice cracking, and her desperate attempts to change the subject.
"Eric's plane disappeared. Went off radar or something…"
"Oh my God, did it crash?"
"They don't know. Have you been in the water yet?"
Abby had been so adamant about him not coming home, but he was just as determined to not listen to her. The cab pulls up next to the curb of her building and he pays the driver. After he has exited the cab, he inhales sharply as the cold air hits his lungs.
He looks up to the sky, searching for the moon. When he was a child, the moon had fascinated him. He always thought it was ironic that the one thing that lights up the sky at night actually produces no light of it's own; it simply reflects the light of the sun. Gamma had bought him a telescope for Christmas one year, and he remembers spending hours looking into the sky at night. He also remembers Gamma teaching him about the phases of the moon and how these phases are created by the angle in which we see the moon from the Earth. A full moon means that the lighted side of the moon is facing the Earth. A new moon means the lighted side of the moon is facing away from the Earth. This was always his least favorite phase because it appeared there was no moon at all. He continues to look at the sky, and between the swirling snowflakes he finds it.
It is a new moon.
He braces himself as he walks up the stairs to the apartment. He finds himself becoming nervous, although he doesn't know why. He supposes it is because he's not quite sure what state he'll find Abby in, and he's not confident he will be able to provide her with the comfort she needs. As he opens the apartment door and steps inside into the darkness, the first thing he notices is the scent of stale cigarette smoke.
"Abby," he quietly calls out.
He unzips his coat, and the next thing he notices is a half full bottle of tequila.
*shit*
He slowly walks to the bedroom and sees Abby lying on her side. The alarm is blaring, and as he reaches over to turn it off he realizes that she has drunk herself into a coma-like stupor. Part of him is filled with anger; how could she do this to herself? Another part of him is filled with guilt for not being there for her. But the largest part of him is filled with sorrow. Because he knows how desperate she must have felt, because he doesn't want her to have to deal with the loss of her brother, and because, once again, life has given her a raw deal.
The only thing he can do now is to lie down next to her and hold her close. He realizes she is not even aware of his presence, but he hopes that on some subconscious level he can help her to feel not so alone.
~
Carter is cleaning up the kitchen when he turns around to see Abby standing in the doorway. She looks terrible. He can only imagine how terrible she feels. He's been back for a few hours now and has had some time to digest the idea of how much she drank, and it is a struggle for him to remain nonjudgmental.
"When did you get back?"
"A few hours ago. You were still sleeping." He picks up the tequila bottle and screws the cap back on. He is wondering what her response will be, if she will try to downplay what happened here last night or try to make up excuses. She surprises him when she skips the subject altogether and instead asks,
"Did the phone ring?"
He shakes his head.
"I thought I heard the phone ring."
He proceeds to ask her if she can eat or if she wants some aspirin, but she ignores his attempts to get her to talk about the tequila. She surprises him for the second time when she tells him she is going to work.
"You're going to work?"
"Gotta keep busy."
He begins to forget about the alcohol as he realizes how close to the edge she really is. "Well let's go do something."
"I can't drop it now."
He knows what she is doing. Trying to maintain her routine so she won't have to believe that anything has changed and that everything is fine. He also knows that it won't work, and he's pretty sure she realizes this too. "I'll call in for you."
She angrily tries to push past him towards the bathroom. "I'm going to work!"
He grabs her arms and looks her in the eye. "Hey!"
She slowly collapses into his chest, and he wraps his arms around her. She feels so small against him. "They're going to find him."
He knows there is a good chance this is not true, but at this point he is desperate for something to erase the vacant, hopeless look in her eyes. He pulls her even closer and he hears her whisper into his chest,
"Thank you for coming back."
~
He has finally convinced Abby to let him call into work. She's sitting on the couch, staring out the window. He is finishing cleaning the kitchen and occasionally glances over at her, but she never shifts positions, and the expression on her face remains the same. He finishes sweeping, and after he puts away the broom, he sits down next to her.
"Do you want me to try to make some phone calls?"
She shakes her head and speaks in monotone. "There isn't anyone to call. They're doing everything they can. It's a big lake."
He sighs. He's not sure what to do. On the one hand, he want to tell her everything will be okay, but he also knows that, chances are, everything is not. He opens his mouth to say something three times before he settles on simply holding her hand and staring out the window with her.
"John?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm scared."
"Me too."
He scoots closer to her on the couch and lets go of her hand and wraps his arm around her. Abby rests her head on his shoulder and is about to say something when a loud knock on the door breaks the silence.
"Abby! Open the door! It's Mom!"
Abby's eyes grow wide and she desperately shakes her head no.
"Carter, I can't deal with this right now. It's too much. Please."
Maggie continues to pound on the door, the noise blasting through the apartment.
"I don't think she's going anywhere Abby. But," –he squeezes her thigh- "I'm not either."
Abby closes her eyes, and he walks over to the door. The instant he opens it Maggie bursts through.
"Abby! Thank god. We have to find Eric!"
~
He is thoroughly exhausted. He has spent the past four hours playing mediator between Abby and her mother. Maggie was frantic, begging Abby to travel to Ohio to talk to the FAA. Abby was defiant, refusing to go anywhere. Maggie accused Abby of not caring, and Abby accused Maggie of not being able to accept the truth. It ended with Abby hiding in the bedroom and Maggie pleading with Carter to "talk some sense into her." Carter tried to explain that right now Abby just needed some time to process everything, but Maggie did not want to accept that answer. She stormed out because she just "had to do something," and now Carter is left standing in the kitchen, wondering how things could have changed so dramatically in the past 24 hours.
He approaches the bedroom door and gently knocks to announce his presence.
"Abby? You okay?"
He gets no response, and he walks in to find her lying on the bed in the same position he found her in that morning, but he knows she is not asleep. He sits down on the end of the bed and rests his hand on her calf.
"Maggie left. Said she was going to try to get you both bus tickets to Cleveland."
This gets her attention and she slowly sits up. Her face is tear stained, and he doesn't think he has ever seen her look so drained.
"Why did this have to happen? Eric didn't deserve any of this." She is struggling to hold back the tears, and it is breaking his heart.
"I don't know Abby. I really don't know. But we're going to get through this. I promise."
Abby slowly shakes her head. "I don't know…"
He places both hands on the sides of her face and turns her head so that she is looking directly into his eyes. When he speaks it is slowly and deliberately, as if he is using everything in his being to convince her that his words are true.
"We will get through this. I promise."
Abby bites her bottom lip and closes her eyes. When she opens them, tears fall out of her eyes and travel down her cheeks. He catches them with his fingertips and then pulls her close to him. They lay down on the bed, and she clutches his shirt as he continues to hold her tightly. Her sobs grow, and then eventually subside. Her breathing steadies and he feels her body relax into his own. He knows that she has temporarily drifted off to sleep. He allows himself to do the same; both of their bodies are exhausted. His last coherent thought is that he hopes Maggie will be quiet when she returns; he wants Abby to get as much sleep as possible.
Unfortunately, it will not be Maggie that wakes them up. Instead, it will be the cold, harsh ring of the phone.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm baaaaaack! Thank you to everyone who sent such encouraging reviews for my last story. I was really only planning on writing that one, but everyone was so kind that it motivated me to continue writing.
Warning: This story will be angst-filled. I'm not going to give away the entire story, but I will say that it should be worth it in the end.
And of course, PLEASE REVIEW! I LOVE feedback!