What the !*$% is going on?

By Sinful Starlet

Disclaimer: once more for the record - not mine, never will be, yadda yadda yadda!

Rating: who knows?! R - probably!

Summary: My version of how Dawg Day Afternoon should really have gone for all you Max/Alec shippers out there! Oh yeah - and just for originality - Max goes into heat!

Author's note: Okay, taking a break from my epic story for a while - although it's not going to be anywhere near as epic as "Sensual Healing" by fergus80 (which if you haven't read already - go do, it's fab!). This is just a relatively short M/A shipper rewrite of DDA with the "Max goes into heat" thing added - I'm not saying it's startlingly original - just wanted to add my 2 cents! They're going to be a pretty short 2 cents too! I also fixed the whole 'Annie dying' thing. Sorry to any purists but that really pissed me off!

And the title comes from the story itself - I used that expression WAY too many times!!

Oh yeah and one more thing - can someone explain to me how the cast of DA seems to manage to acquire cell phones that work underground?! My stupid phone's always losing network! Go figure! *SS*

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What the !*$% is going on?

By Sinful Starlet

Introduction

Max swore under her breath as the bag of groceries fell to the ground. Even someone with Manticore reflexes couldn't have caught that bag - not while they were trying to support her bike at the same time. She finally got the bike stood up again and chained it up and then went to retrieve the food. A few things looked a little mashed, but she figured there was no serious harm done so she just picked them all up again and made her way inside. She had this really weird feeling as she walked into the house, though she had no idea what it was, so she just shook it off and put it down to Monday morning angst.

She found the two of them standing in front of the easel again - probably admiring Joshua #297 Max smiled to herself, but the tone didn't exactly seem too cheerful. "Hey big fella", she called to Joshua with a smile, managing for the time being to completely ignore the other guy, even when he made some crack about him being "medium fella!" She didn't have to fight very hard to suppress the urge to laugh. There was something about that boy that just always got her worked up the wrong way. At first she thought it was because he looked like Ben, but she wasn't so sure now.

She handed the bag of food over to Joshua, and again idiot boy was all over it before Joshua even got a look in. She smacked his arm, a little more than playfully, making him turn around to face her. "Max come on!", he said in protest, "I'm stuck here right?" She rolled her eyes as he went off on some guy trip about being an "innocent man, framed for the murder committed by his clone". Yeah that was a laugh, Alec - innocent? There were a lot of words she would use to describe him - many of them that he wished she wouldn't use - but innocent was certainly not one of them.

She sighed and just handed him the documents, trying to think of anything to get things moving a little quicker. She explained about the passport and birth certificate and he did actually say thank you, but looked less than thrilled when he found out that he owed her $2500! She practically laughed then, as the expression on his face just dropped completely. "Come on", she said, a little more cheerfully, even offering him a smile, "go get dressed - 2500 is a lot of deliveries!" He went then, grumbling under his breath the whole way, leaving Max to talk to Joshua.

She rolled her eyes, he could hardly be mad at her for making him go to work. The problem was that he was still Normal's golden boy - he could stroll into Jam Pony six hours late and Normal would probably still wish him a good morning. It was really starting to get on her nerves. It was practically 8:45 and the boy was still wearing basically just pyjamas. She had been up and about since 7:00 that morning, going for a ride and getting Joshua's grocery shopping.

She just shook her head, it was pointless getting into another argument with him - but thinking about it, she wasn't really mad at all. She hadn't been able to be mad with him since that night. In fact she had actually had to suppress a smile as he looked pleased to see her. She came to her senses then though - 'where the hell did all that come from?', she thought. What did she care if Alec was pleased to see her or not? She didn't want to go down that road right now, so she just turned back to Joshua and his painting. She smiled as she saw that he was painting another picture of Annie. She was really happy that the two of them had found each other.

Of course, Annie had freaked a little when she found out what Joshua really looked like, after he had tried to pass Alec off as himself - that had certainly taken a lot of explaining! But once that was all done - they managed to salvage a pretty decent friendship, and she was glad that he had found that. She was glad someone had at least. Things were so complicated with her and Logan right now - and that was before she even tried to figure where Asha and Alec fitted into their whole relationship mess.

They talked for a little while, but then Max noticed the time, and realised (very reluctantly) that they were going to have to leave for work if they were going to get there at least remotely on time. Alec still hadn't materialised from his room, so after checking with Joshua which room that was, she set out to look for him. Feeling some bizarre sense of modesty at the last minute she knocked on the door. She knocked again, a little louder the second time, and finally got a response as he told her to come in.

At first she couldn't see him, but she got a chance to take a look at his room instead. It wasn't exactly what she had expected, but then things about him rarely were. The room had been bare the first time they had come there (Max remembered) but now he had managed to bring in a mattress and some blankets for a bed, and even a few other items of furniture, including a bedside table with a copy of some old book, which she found (as she looked closer) to be The Lord of the Rings.

She frowned a little at that - it didn't really seem like an 'Alec' kind of book, but then he was full of contradictions. The moment was broken though, as the man himself finally emerged. A closet door swung shut and he walked back into the main part of the room, fastening the last button on his black cargo pants. He so far hadn't managed to find a shirt, and from the look of his hair, had only just managed to get out of the shower.

"What are we late already?", he asked, oblivious to the whole range of emotions flowing across Max's face at that moment. She didn't reply, so he just carried on regardless, "Never mind", he said, opening the closet again and attempting to sort through the untidy heap of clothes that he'd just thrown inside. A sudden flash of inspiration hit him and he called out to Max, who was still out of his line of sight. "Hey Max is there a grey hooded shirt on that chair next to you?"

It took Max a few seconds before she even registered the question, but she did at last realise that he had asked her something, and quickly got herself back together. "Hold on", she said as she attempted, rather disapprovingly, to sort through the huge pile of clothes on this tiny chair which looked about ready to collapse under its weight. "Yep", she said, triumphantly holding up what she guessed to be the right thing, as he came back out to take it from her.

"And yeah - we are late", she managed to say, just covering up the catch in her throat as he pulled the shirt on over his head. "Hey I may not be punctual", Alec joked, knowing this was going to wind her up, "but I got it where it counts Max!" Max groaned inwardly - did he really have to say that right now? She did eventually manage a reply though, forcing those thoughts to the back of her mind.

"Yeah that's what they all say - now come on Casanova", she went on, "and maybe Normal won't think about firing me again this week!" He laughed at that, grabbing some socks and boots on his way out and heading for the door. She followed a little more slowly, trying to get her head together. 'What the hell was going on?', she thought, 'This was Alec'! Awkward, irritating, totally confusing, pain in the ass and surprisingly well-built Alec! 'Wait a second', she thought again, 'Surprisingly well built? Where the hell did that come from?'

She looked up as she called goodbye to Joshua and walked out into the hallway, really wishing she'd been a few seconds later. Alec was bending over to lace up his boots, presenting a certain part of his anatomy rather obviously to her, but thankfully he didn't choose to make any comment, just gave her that annoyingly sexy smirk of his as he stood up again. 'Oh God, now I'm checking out his ass?!', she questioned herself, getting more and more concerned, 'What the hell is wrong with me this morning?'

AN. Hee hee! Well that was the first part! Hope I got you interested 'cause there's a lot more to come! *SS*