A/N: I do not own The Outsiders movie/book/characters/settings. Ruo is, however my original character. Please R&R! :)

I lay on the old mattress, staring at the open window, seeing nothing, feeling no breeze. My mind was in another dimension at the moment. Thoughts of taboo. Romance… and Dally. He was there in my head too… as to why, I couldn't place the reason. Soft music played from my stereo and I felt an emptiness I had never noticed. I wanted someone to come and save me from falling, I wanted his arms around me, his scent mingling with mine. But that was just a fantasy, a dream, rather.

The evening air swirled the fallen leaves. Someone knocked on my door, a somewhat demanding knock. I didn't move. It was probably Steve or Two-Bit coming to bother me. Despite what I thought, or what I was forcing myself to think, I knew deep down, that it was someone else. My door creaked open and Dally walked in, looking at me oddly.

My heart skipped a beat or two and my stomach tightened. I focused my gaze somewhere past him, outside? Yes, outside. Again, the feeling of being alone and empty came. For some reason, I just wanted, almost needed, to hold onto the boy in my room and never let go. If it had been someone else, anyone else like Soda or Johnny, I would have remained indifferent.

"I uh… hey… I just wanted to… uhm… apo... lo… say sorry for my uh… for what I said before. It… well, it wasn't right." He scratched the back of his neck nervously, waiting for my reply.

Right then, I wanted to go fucking ape-shit on his sorry ass, but I kept my cool, something I had trouble doing around Dally… even though I wanted to… FORGET IT. "Darry tell you to come up? Or do you expect me to believe you came here out of your own accord…?"

He blinked, either hurt or just caught off guard, "Out of… my own accord, as you put it."

"Bullshit." I nearly spat the words at him, and I felt sort of bad for him, dealing with my anger… even though he had caused it.

Dally came closer and grabbed my hand, clenched tight over a small piece of metal. I wasn't a cutter or anything, the metal hardly penetrated my skin, but it helped me keep my anger under control. His skin was warm and soft. I dropped the metal thing onto the floor and tore away from his grip, not wanting to see the look of disgrace and utter disgust on his face.

What happened next, I would rather like to keep to myself, deep in the back of my mind. I felt the mattress sink and there was a sudden heat next to me. Arms around me, pulling me close. My face was probably as red as fresh blood, but it was dark… I was safe.

"It's ok… it'll all be fine tomorrow." He whispered, running a hand through my hair, pulling it out of my face, now stained with tears. "Turn around, Ruo…"

I anticipated a rude, perhaps sexual comment, but I faced him anyway. Dally smiled at me, and I buried my face in my hands, ashamed that I had treated him so badly. A soft sigh issued from his lips and he stood, ready to leave. I could have sworn he had muttered "sorry", or something close to it.

No, please… I choked back a sob and let him go.

When the door shut and all was quiet – Dally had gone, Pony was asleep and so was Soda, and Darry was showering – I screamed. It sounded like I had just been stabbed. Stupid me… shooting myself in the foot yet again. I could have him. I should have him. Still screaming, tears streaming down my cheeks, I retrieved the metal blade I had dropped and started hacking. Blood spurted from uneven gouges in my skin. My arms turned red and the blood seeped into the off-white sheets. Still, I kept ruining. I had to hurt something, to bleed out.

"FUCK!" I shouted. "FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!" I was furious, ravenous. The blade struck me again and again… I struck myself again and again, no longer caring about the fucking sheets. I threw myself against the window; the glass shattered beneath me and I raked my fingers through the shards. I then whirled around, fell to me knees beside the dresser. With shaking, barely feeling hands, I grasped the sides of the wooden thing and bashed my forehead against it. I felt the wet warmth trickle down my face.

The door splintered. Darry rushed in and grabbed the back of my shirt. He tore me away from the dresser, knocking me back hard. I lay face-up in a pool of drying blood and glass shards. My arms… I couldn't feel them. I couldn't feel a thing. Darry was leaning over me. I couldn't even turn my neck. I reached out with the part of my arm I could feel and brushed my hand against his face. "I c-can't feel anything," I whispered, feeling an odd smile cross my face. "I can't feel ANYTHING!" My hysteria burst forth in a shrill, screaming laugh that turned Darry's skin to gooseflesh.

"P-Ponyboy! Go get some gauze… just…" He swallowed, "just… get out of the house! Go get some first aid and … HURRY!"

"What the hell's goin' on Darry, I—" Two-Bit stopped in the doorway, staring in horror at me. "…I heard screaming…" he said in a small voice.

"Get the others! Go! Get help! I can't fuckin' lift her by myself!"

Two-Bit shuddered and ran out into the night.

My mind began to whir and all other noises were shut out as I drifted off into oblivion. I saw Dallas Winston and I saw those people the gang refers to as "Socs". I saw myself fighting for the first time in years. I saw myself murdering what made me, me. I saw my heart harden and my hands… they worked.

When my mind came back to the present, I was in a bed and my arms were bandaged crappily. I hurt all over and my arms stung.

"Ruo… Oh my god…" Darry was beside me. "You're awake… We thought you were comatose."

"No," I muttered hoarsely. "Not coma… tose… or… dead. Hurt."

"I know, I know." Darry patted my arm.

"Yo! When're you gonna be back on your feet, love?" Two-Bit plopped down next to Darry and ruffled my hair.

"You asshole, you're gonna hurt her!" A new voice erupted from the doorway. Dally grabbed Two-Bit and dragged him away from me. "Get out! Both of you!"

Reluctantly, Darry followed Two-Bit out the door.

"Oh god…" Dally fell to his knees beside the bed.

"Dally… Hi."

"Ruo… You… you went crazy."

"Did I?"

"You… Your blood is still all over Darry's guest room…"

"Sucks."

Silence. Dally stared down at his hands and bit his lip.

"Dallas."

He looked up at me, tears building in his troubled brown eyes.

"Why are you here?"

"You're… Ruo, I love you."

"Ha… what?! You, of all… people…" I sighed, out of breath. "Stay here then… prove it… p-prove it to me…"

We leaned in, staring at each other, our eyes never leaving the others'. And, for the first time, I felt at peace when Dallas Winston gently kissed my lips. I sighed as he stroked my cheek gently, put my hand over his. Dally deepened our kiss and carefully began a dance between our tongues. He tasted strong and safe, and I wanted nothing more than for this moment to last.

But, as all good things do, our romantic moment came to an end when Dally pulled away, laid me down and sat beside me, stroking my hair. "Ruo," he whispered, "you can't keep doing this to yourself. You're gonna die."

The anger and numbing rage returned. I shifted onto my side, away from the person who loved me. With a serious conviction, I snapped, "so be it." Now I just had to carry it out.