Disclaimer: I own only Tempest
Tempest was just sitting in the castle library reading when it happened. Q – that annoying super-being that tormented Picard and his crew – appeared before him and grinned.
"I'm going to send you into a dimension where nothing but evil cyborgs and zombies exist!" he said. "Have fun!"
Tempest calmly closed his book, walked up to Q and used all of his strength to introduce the idiotic little man to his own personal crater – six floors down.
"No." With that, Tempest went back to his reading.
Q wasn't one to give up, and simply clicked his fingers and sent Tempest into insert drum roll here….
The Dimension of Evil Cyborgs, Zombies and other Nasties!
Tempest blinked at the name of the dimension and groaned. "Why me?" he asked before simply sitting down on a chair that just happened to be there and starting to read again.
"Die fleshy!"
"What the?" Tempest looked up in time to have some idiotic cyborg slam an iron pole over his head. "OW!! YOU STUPID CYBORG! THAT HURT!"
After cussing for a good five minutes, Tempest grabbed the now-dented pole and slammed it over the cyborg's head with enough force to break the pole and force the machine off-line. Then, he went back to his reading.
Naturally something else had to disrupt his reading.
"RRRRRAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!!"
"Oh now what?!" Tempest said, looking up at the horde of flesh-eating zombies that were surrounding him. Why me?
He casually put his book down, drew a huge double-sided broad sword and proceeded to slice the zombies to many, many tiny pieces.
Then he went back to his reading.
Three guesses what happened next.
Yup, the cyborg came back online and attacked Tempest.
"LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!!" Tempest screamed as he flattened the cyborg's skull with a hard blow of his fists. Dammit, I'm never gonna be able to finish this book!
He marked the page he was on and put his book away before looking around. Wonderful, a desert wasteland.
He started to walk across the desert, hoping to find some kind of life (the kind that wouldn't try and kill him – 'try' being the operative word) – and a nice, peaceful place to finish his book.
He had just passed over his third sand dune when a huge sandworm erupted out of the ground and tried to eat him.
"ACK!!"
Tempest jumped over the sandworm's mouth and ran like hell until he reached some rocks. "SANDWORMS?!?!?"
Tempest grumbled and sat down on the rocks, glaring at the sand with such intensity that he half-expected the dunes to turn into glass. After glaring at the desert for another hour, Tempest stood up and started marching across the desert again – after reaching into a subspace portal and pulling out a rocket launcher, that is. Lets see those sandworms try and eat me now!
He walked all day and finally found the end of the desert. At the end of the desert there was a small town full of werewolves, but Tempest didn't care and simply went to the nearest hotel, booked a room and went to sleep.
*-*-*-*-*
Tempest woke up the next day and had the sudden urge to shoot somebody with his rocket launcher, so he leaned out of his window and fired it at the kid in the orange hood that looked suspiciously like Kenny.
"Oh my god! They killed Kenny!"
"You—"
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Tempest blasted those kids too. Then he went into town and bought a map and looked at it before deciding to just walk to the next town. So after buying supplies for his trip, Tempest walked to the town's exit.
Just to stop and stare at the jungle that stood there. Behind him was the desert, and in front of him was a deep, dark jungle. Grumbling, he tossed his rocket launcher over his shoulder and took out his sword again, not seeing the werewolf pick up his discarded weapon and promptly blowing himself up when he pressed the self-destruct button at the back of the weapon.
I hate that Q.
*-*-*-*
After hacking his way through the jungle – and fending off a horde of cannibals – Tempest found a large (not to mention ancient) temple and figured that whatever was inside couldn't be as insane as the stuff he had encountered already in this bizarre dimension and went inside.
BOOOOOM!
"Huh?"
BOOOOOOOOOOM!!
"What the hell?"
"DIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!"
"HOLY SHIT!"
Tempest dodged the rocket launcher-wielding mummy and sliced it in half with his sword. A mummy with a ROCKET LAUNCHER?!!
Tempest decided to leave the temple before he encountered any giant snakes.
He just had to think about that…
"ACK!"
Tempest leapt out of the way of the giant cobra that attacked him and cut it into many, many pieces with his sword before running out of the temple as fast as he could.
"I really don't like this dimension…"
Tempest finally made it out of the jungle and walked right into a massive city that resembled Raccoon City – there were zombies all over the place and a huge monster with a rocket launcher charging him.
I'm having a bad day…
After dodging the rocket that the Nemesis sent his way, Tempest just got pissed.
He raised his hands and grinned at the group of monsters that were coming at him. "Darkest night, reddest blood, deepest void! I call upon thee, oh powerful Lord of Nightmares! Grant thy awesome power in my hands! Grant me the power to vanquish our foes!! OMEGA SLAVE!!!"
He cackled as he blew the monsters (and the city) to bits with the mighty spell of mass destruction.
Then, he calmly walked through the rubble and found a door with the word 'Exit' marked in red above it.
Finally!
He opened the door and walked out of the bizarre dimension and right back into his library.
"Ah! So you made it out alive!"
Tempest beat Q into the ground with a salad fork and then tossed him to his personal army of Barney the Dinosaur Robotic Dolls.
Then, he finally finished reading his book
The End ^_^