A/N: Such a great song, and (I think) wonderful for Inuyasha. By the way, the numerous transitions between past and present tense and the lack of quotation marks are purposeful, for those of you who think I have bad grammar. R&R PLEASE?
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or Hero, by Mariah Carey.
He never knows that we all look up to him. He doesn't acknowledge the fact that we depend on him, need him. Inuyasha, Inuyasha we cry. And like clockwork, there he is.
His fire rat haori is like a warning to all the dark creatures. The ones that hide in the shadow and wait to attack when we are sleeping. He thinks we don't know, I don't know. The way his grim face looks eons old in the morning, and for once, you can believe that he is a 500-year-old hanyou. The way his clawed hands, for all the scrubbing in the world, cannot get rid of the specks of dried blood that still cover them.
He won't believe us. We tell him he is a hero.
There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away
He hurts. Inuyasha, who watches over us as we sleep. Inuyasha, the warrior, hurts in his heart. They learn to stay away from him when he is thinking. They learn, but I do not.
Instead, I keep him company. I know what he is thinking about. I know what he is crying about.
His mother, who has died.
His father, who has died.
His brother, who wishes he would die. The feelings are clearly reciprocated.
His love, who has been murdered and reborn. I am hurt too, by this. Kikyou was her name. She still calls for him, like he is a common whore. Hanyou, hanyou, her long white monsters call. The shinidamachuu. Soul are like the creatures he looks out for during his sleepless nights. The creatures he kills.
And still, he follows them into the trees. Where do they take him? I want to know all their secrets. I wish he would trust me like he does Kikyou. I wish he would follow me like he does Kikyou.
I wish he would love me like he does Kikyou.
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know how can survive
I fell once, climbing out of the Bone-Eater's well. Once, his arms were there to catch me. Clumsy wench, he chided, like a mother hen to a chick. I nodded gratefully.
I fell twice, tripping over the path we were on. I was tired, so tired, dead on my feet. Twice, his arms were there to catch me. Can't you do anything right?, he sighed, like an older brother to a younger sibling. I bowed my head respectfully.
A million times I fall, waiting for him to catch me. Nine-hundred-ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred ninety-nine times his arms are waiting. Ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred ninety-nine times he scolds me like a friend, like a relative, like a stranger.
Not once does he berate me like a lover.
Last night, I fell, on my way to a hot spring. The rocks were sharp and the hill was steep. The blood trickles down my leg, burning and clawing at my knee. I lie face-down.
There were no arms.
There was no hanyou.
I was alone.
But I wasn't, because then I felt a bear youkai only a few feet away. I was too tired again, from crying, from my aching heart, from my reaching arms.
I wasn't too tired to cry Inuyasha softly into the wind. I would never be too tired.
And so I waited for imminent death. Inuyasha, is this how you felt? Inuyasha, I thought we...
And suddenly there was a flash of red. I blinked and silvery, moonlight hair appeared. I blinked again, and the bear youkai is felled with a huge roar. My savior's arms are around me once again. He came.
Is this how you hold her, Inuyasha?
For once, I don't care. This moment belongs to me. In an act of greediness, I decide that I will never share it.
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
I try to thank him. Keh, he says. It's become a daily routine for me now.
I smile at his simple acknowledgment. And it is then that I realize how deep in I am. So deep, so deep that when my eyes close, I can taste him. Deeper, even, than his bright gold eyes, liquid metal, I am in even deeper than those. So deep that I am buried in my own pit of self-pity. So deep the devil could reach me now.
But it will never be me. I am second. Maybe even third, or fourth.
My only reason is to find and hunt, not even to kill.
That is how it always goes.
It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
I like it when he talks about himself. His family, who have all mostly died. I wish he would put his head in my lap more often, so I could comb his hair and stroke his baby-smooth face. When I go back to my time, I am more observant of everyone. Hojo has a hint of a mustache on his upper lip and a bit of stubble on his chiseled jaw. He closed in to kiss me on a date once.
I closed the door in his face.
Even my brother, little Souta, so young and sweet, has the faintest wisps of soft fuzz around his mouth. He is older now, and more mature. I know he starts thinking about girls, and relationships, and he questions mine and Inuyasha's. I tell him nothing.
I wish Souta would go back to the chubby, idolizing child he once was. When there was still an unspoken line between boy and girl.
Inuyasha's skin is smoother than the skipping stones I used to find to throw into the ocean to see how far they would go.
My mother smelled like you, he says. I can't believe I didn't notice it earlier. This little fact, a tiny tidbit of information I can store in my heart to treasure forever when he ends up with her, makes me giddy inside. It feels so right, just lying here with a sky above us, bright and blue and forever. Inuyasha, whose mother has died, his head is in my lap. His locks are running through my fingers. We are leaning against a tree. For a moment, I almost believe.
It is over then. He sits up and watches me closely. I smile at him, ignoring the stab of sorrow in my heart. I know that he doesn't believe. Not yet.
It's a beautiful day, Inuyasha, I say. I turn my face up to the sky, even though I know he can smell my tears.
Oi! What's wrong, wench? he is asking me.
It's okay, Inuyasha. I'm happy. These are happy tears. These are good luck tears. These are your tears. I will cry for you.
I don't say anything, and reach for his hand. It fits snugly around mine. Maybe if I hold long enough, he will understand.
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear
Our warrior, my warrior, her warrior, looks so hollow sometimes. These times even I cannot follow him. He moves through the trees like water through a cupped hand. Do you act like this when you were with her, Inuyasha? Once more it all goes back to her.
I wish I could tell him that I'm here. Miroku, the purple-clad monk is here. Sango- my friend and group confidante- is here. Even my almost-son, the fox demon Shippo is here for you.
I am here for you.
Hell, even Kikyou is here for you. You have love, Inuyasha. Don't pretend to act like you don't.
Most days I am feeling sorry for you. Today I am not. The heated red steam is flowing through my veins, anger pulsing.
Why won't you see us here, Inuyasha? I almost call you stupid, crazy, ignorant.
But as fast the anger rises, it fades. Because you were betrayed. Because you were confused. And no one, no one, no one, not even you, my strong, brave, wonderful hero, should be called crazy when all they want is someone there to hold and love and someone to hold and love them unconditionally.
I wonder if you know I could be that person. I don't think you do. But for now, all you can do is unconsciously scoot farther away, towards the shadow, when I sit nearer to you. And all I can do is stay, and be yours for as long as she doesn't appear.
It pleases me to even be your leftovers, Inuyasha. Because leftovers were once a meal. And an undescribable pleasure rises inside me as I imagine being your number one, if only for a night, if only for a week.
If only for a lifetime.
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
She does not call for you today. We can all see your face crumble as you sit, waiting. Your eyes search through the forest for a sign of her or her silvery dragon ghosts. They don't miss a thing.
Except for the crumbling of my own heart.
I wish you would learn to love. I will give all my strength to you, Inuyasha. I have already given you my heart, given you my tears, given you my soul. Take my strength, take it all, I whisper when we are alone by the tree of God, the Goshinboku. I am drunk, drunk on love, drunk on pain. Maybe these will be my last words.
What are you talking about? you hiss. I have more power in a pinky finger than you. The beautiful golden eyes like spun silk on mine. I wish they would be only and forever on mine.
Take my strength, my sweet, strong warrior, I finally find the courage to say. I know you need it.
Once again, I take your hand. Once more, I hope you will understand. And maybe you do, because your angry, darkened amber eyes, the eyes that they have learned to stay away from, have lightened back to sunflower-yellow.
You open your mouth and I close it. No words, my love.
Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away
The man who once haunted our dreams is gone. The baboon pelt, the poison miasma, the glinting red eyes of the devil. He falls in the rain, and we dance, cry, scream, run in the cleansing rain that washes away our past.
He even holds me tight, and I dream that his own past is erased. We laugh together, tilting our heads back so water can fall into our open, waiting mouths.
Hallelujah, we sing to the mist and water, to the Kami, to each other and ourselves.
Kikyou's shinidamachuu arrive and the water seems to avoid them, slithering over an invisible barrier and never touching them. They fly past, around, overhead. I can feel his hesitation and I tell him that it's alright, I don't mind for once. A bold-faced lie, but I know that a hero needs a heroine.
And it is foolish of me to ever imagine that I could be the one beside him. Lost in my thoughts, I almost do not notice that his arms are still here.
For once he has not followed. I unclench my muscles.
My heart burns. Nothing can stop my love now. It burns through the raging fires of hell, melts its way through the surrounding frosty blocks of ice, and reaches my eyes, my heart, my head. Maybe he sees, because he is holding me tighter again. If he ever lets go, I know I will die.
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way
He loved her once. A long time ago.
Now she is gone. Dead by his hand.
His hand, which I am holding tightly.
His hand, whose fingers are tracing shapes onto my own.
My fingers, which are shaking tightly because of my sobs.
My sobs, because I am once again crying for the aggravating, egotistical moron who cannot.
The aggravating, egotistical moron I love. The moron who has just told me he loves me back. He loves me now.
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
Our marriage was everything I had ever hoped for, everything I had ever dreamed about time and time and time again. Only a simple white kimono to cover me, soft waves around my face.
He was everything I had ever hoped for, everything I had ever dreamed about time and time again. He was only wearing his haori, per my request. Who wants to see the mighty dog demon warrior Inuyasha stuffed into a suit? Not me.
I would rather see him as I first saw him, see him as I did when he saved me, caught me, held me. So many memories, I told him, So many in this beautiful cloak of fire.
Sango and Miroku are the last to leave our new house. The villagers helped build it for their protector. It is fittingly nestled in the Forest of Inuyasha, only feet away from the God tree, the tree we sometimes see as our father.
This is actually happening, I say. This is really happening.
We are really happening, he tells me. I am in his lap now, hugging him, almost but not quite crying, except this time my almost-tears are not for him. They are for me.
Do you know that you're my hero, Inuyasha?
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you
Kagome, he tells me, you are wrong there. So wrong. If anyone needed the saving, it was me.
And we sit there, bone tired, silent, and so in love.
Even a hero needs a hero, he whispers into the crook of my neck, and finally, I can feel hot wet tears trickling down our skin. Finally, Inuyasha's dam has broken. You saved me from myself.
I wish I could tell you how much I love you, Inuyasha. But I think you already know.
That a hero lies in you